Betrayal by your husband: is it worth forgiving, how to survive? Psychologist's advice

In this article we will tell you:

Women's mistakes leading to male betrayal
It’s better to survive your husband’s betrayal or get a divorce
3 options for how to survive your husband’s betrayal if you decide to forgive
3 steps on how to survive your husband's betrayal
How to behave so that you don’t have to worry about your husband’s betrayal

How to survive your husband’s betrayal or is it better to get a divorce right away? This question torments many women whose hearts have been broken by their spouses with their infidelity. As a rule, girls begin to blame the man for everything, forgetting that they do not seek good from good.

If your husband cheated on you, then it’s your fault too. In order not to have to think about how to forget betrayal, it is better not to make mistakes in the relationship in the first place. However, if the betrayal has already taken place, then you need to firmly understand whether you are ready to forgive her and why it is worth doing it.

Post-traumatic mental disorder

On the Holmes and Ray stress scale, betrayal is equivalent to the death of one of the spouses. It is precisely these emotions that overwhelm a deceived woman. Before she regains the ability to think clearly and make informed decisions, she must go through five stages of accepting the situation:

Shock. At this stage, it seems to the woman that everything that happened to her is someone’s ridiculous fiction, and even direct evidence of betrayal cannot make her believe in her husband’s betrayal.
Deal. At this stage, women make the most mistakes. They begin to take many mutually exclusive actions in the hope of returning everything “to the way it was before.”
Aggression. The anger caused by her husband's betrayal must inevitably have its way out. At this moment, noisy scandals begin with breaking dishes and mutual accusations. It was during this period that a deceived woman communicates with all her actions: “You betrayed me and it hurts me!”
Sadness. This stage is characterized by long and painful memories of a happy past before the appearance of a rival. The woman becomes inert, looks at photographs for a long time and reacts painfully to her friends’ stories about her marital happiness.
Reconciliation. The woman comes to terms with the situation, and the first thoughts begin to occur to her about whether she should forgive her husband’s betrayal. She begins to weigh the pros and cons, trying to somehow plan her future life. It is at this stage that you can begin negotiations with your husband and try to establish a life together.

What to do if your husband betrays you after many years of marriage

Most women perceive divorce as a tragedy and loss of meaning in life. Often, only in a hospital bed does a woman begin to realize that life does not end with the departure of her husband, there are people who need her, and there is still a chance to find happiness in her personal life.

But it is difficult for a woman who has been deceived at least once to become happy even in her second marriage. The sad experience she went through remains with her forever in the form of fear that another man will do the same. Another “eternal problem” is the relationship between the new husband and the child from his first marriage, which does not always go well.

The question of how to survive the betrayal of a husband at 40 years old and later is especially relevant, because we are talking about the breakdown of a family that has existed for many years. During this time, the woman has become accustomed to perceiving herself only as part of this family, and suddenly she is left alone. It is almost impossible to survive such a breakup without consequences, even if you seek help from a good psychologist.

But even in adulthood, a man can decide to cheat, followed by divorce. And even after 30 years of marriage, it is possible to survive the betrayal of your husband. Most likely, you will have to go through several stages of experiencing a breakup:

Disbelief of what happened

At first it will be difficult to even believe that this happened to you and that your many years of happy marriage ended in betrayal. At first, there will be a strong hope that the man will realize his mistake and return. This period is especially difficult for women who already have adult children living their own lives: they feel loneliness most acutely.

Loss of interest in life

When a woman finally realizes the reality of the situation, she can fall into real depression. To survive this time, she will need the help and support of loved ones. During this period, it is very important to keep yourself busy with something to take your mind off thoughts of betrayal. Communication with people, new hobbies, sports - all this gives us new strength and helps us move on. If a woman finds the strength not to isolate herself, but, on the contrary, to open up to everything new, then the next stage will soon begin.

Increasing attention to yourself

In family life, people have many much more important problems than their own. Work, life, children - all this takes energy. The wife and mother remain, but the woman disappears. A great way to survive betrayal is to remember that you are a woman, beautiful and attractive. Start listening to your desires, fulfilling them and seeing something in life other than responsibilities.

The desire to start living again

It is much more difficult to survive the betrayal of a husband at 50 than at 30. If at 30 a woman still hopes for a happy future, then at 50 she feels like an old woman with nothing to do. But over time, the pain fades away, and life goes on.

But when a woman has experienced pain and takes the first steps towards her new life, very often a departed husband appears on the threshold, who suddenly realized that he was wrong. For some couples, this moment becomes a turning point and they begin their relationship again, but in a different way. But some ladies still prefer to find new love or even find happiness in a free life.

How long does PTSD last?

Professional psychologists advise not to make radical decisions until you have gone through all five stages. For each woman they last for a different period of time. It depends on the age, upbringing and social status of the lady. On average, the path from “shock” to “reconciliation” takes about three months, which is best spent away from your unfaithful husband. Extra quarrels and scandals will only worsen the already difficult state of affairs. You should not approach major changes in life guided by grievances and emotions.

Start earning money.

Having small children or poor health can delay the return to financial wealth, but these days there are many opportunities to work from home, part-time. Charities and social services can help in difficult times. Don't be shy about asking for help, they are created for this. The philosophical principle “this too shall pass” works just perfectly here. Time will pass, efforts will be made and everything will work out.

As for distrust, this is a practical skill that is very necessary in modern society. It is useful to learn to read all the papers for signature and understand the legislation. Check documents from employees, ask for confirmation of statements and proposals too. Pedantry instilled in practice in these matters will help both the woman and her loved ones more than once.

Love and betrayal: a woman's view

Psychologically, it is very difficult for a woman to understand the reason for betrayal, and she plunges into the abyss of soul-searching in search of the culprit. In this process, she may make many mistakes that will significantly affect her self-esteem and future life. So, what happens to a woman who knows about her husband’s betrayal:

A woman with irresistible force strives to get at least one glimpse of her rival. This should not be done under any pretext. Visualizing a rival will only aggravate the state of depression and melancholy in which the deceived wife is immersed. Think about it, if your rival turns out to be younger, more beautiful and more successful, what kind of blow will this cause to your pride? Psychologists note that the image of a rival is practically imprinted in a woman’s consciousness, and she begins to cultivate shortcomings (explicit or imaginary), causing pity for herself on the part of her husband and friends. To get out of this state, she will need many months of careful work on herself. Most likely, you will need the help of a professional psychoanalyst.
The woman blames herself for everything that happened. Most often, this reaction occurs in women with a victim mentality. The deceived wife strives to correct the situation and become several times better than her rival. She extinguishes the anger caused by betrayal and activates the functions of mother, mistress and mistress, bringing them to almost perfection. Unfortunately, this path cannot help a woman survive her husband’s betrayal, and after a while she comes to the stage of aggression. In particularly difficult cases, suppressing anger can lead a deceived woman to the clinic of neuroses; quite often neuroses provoke the appearance of other diseases, such as ulcers and cancer.
Overly emotional people throw out all their pain on a man. They see only him as the culprit for the betrayal that happened and in every possible way remind him of what happened. Unfortunately, a woman is not able to think rationally at such moments, and with her behavior she pushes her husband away. After some time, when emotions subside, the woman may understand that the family is already lost and the man has made the final decision by choosing a rival.

It is worth noting that any reaction of a woman to her husband’s betrayal is a normal and natural attempt to survive the situation. The main thing is that the woman allows herself to throw out negative emotions and approaches the solution of the problem with a sober head. If for six months she cannot cope with her emotions and her husband’s betrayal still causes her uncontrollable anger, she needs to contact a specialist who will help her approach the stage of “reconciliation” with the betrayal that happened.

Why cheating is like a disease

Firstly, betrayal, like illness, has certain prerequisites associated with an incorrect lifestyle. Disease can be caused by poor nutrition, drinking alcohol, smoking - in a word, everything that pollutes the body. And what leads to betrayal is what pollutes relationships: resentment, quarrels, disrespect, unwillingness to listen to each other and compromise.

Secondly, both illness and betrayal take away a person’s strength, both moral and physical. It is simply impossible to survive your husband’s betrayal without consequences. If we understand a strong, loving relationship as a healthy state of a person’s life, then the loss of this relationship leads to enormous stress, both for the deceived spouse and for the deceived.

Thirdly, both betrayal and illness can be perceived as some kind of signal. The body gets sick if it is not properly cared for, just as relationships change for the worse if the husband and wife do not devote enough time and attention to them. Even thoughts of betraying your loved one are an alarm bell that draws your attention to the fact that not everything is in order in the family. Here you shouldn’t place the blame on one person: neither on the cheater, nor on the partner who allegedly pushed him to this. It all comes down to the fact that if a husband or wife has a desire to start another relationship, this means that a lot of unresolved problems have accumulated in the couple. Fourthly, betrayal, like a serious illness, can be overcome and you can move on with your life, but these events will in any case affect a person’s fate. It’s good if once a person has been infected with some virus, he is no longer susceptible to it, since the body has developed a specific immunity. The same can happen with betrayal: having experienced it once, the psyche adapts to such shocks.

The main question is whether it is worth bringing the situation to the point where the husband exchanges his wife for an unfamiliar woman who will supposedly become a consolation for him? After all, all the “positive” moments associated with a new, vibrant relationship pale in comparison to how difficult it will be for both parties to survive the betrayal when it becomes obvious.

Why is he cheating?

A clear understanding of the mechanism of male infidelity plays a big role in solving the problem of betrayal. For a woman, love and betrayal are absolutely incompatible things. A loving wife will always remain faithful to her man and accept him with all his shortcomings. The male psyche is structured differently, and various factors can serve as the cause of betrayal.

Rejection syndrome. Very often, men experience manifestations of maternal dislike in early childhood. The mother is constantly dissatisfied with her son, does not pay attention to him, and leaves him alone for a long time. This behavior is characterized by a kind of “swing” - today I love my son and allow him everything, but tomorrow I push him away and leave him alone. Such maternal love has a huge impact on the child’s psyche. A man who grows up in such conditions will almost certainly cheat on his woman. He quickly becomes disillusioned with the fair sex and, after his first crush passes, he immediately goes in search of a new lover. If, at the moment of falling in love, a man managed to marry the woman he liked, then, most likely, he will begin to cheat on her within two to three months.
The man is a “narcissist.” Men of this psychological type are more prone to cheating than others. The narcissist perceives only his own feelings, desires and needs. He is not able to sacrifice his interests for the sake of his partner. Such men are very sensitive to compliments addressed to them and are almost always ready to prove their masculine worth. At the same time, the wife is not perceived by the “narcissistic” man as an independent person who has certain rights in marriage.
Middle age crisis. Most often, the betrayal of a husband who has reached middle age and felt the onset of a crisis is isolated. A man believes that he has achieved little in his life or, on the contrary, has spent his whole life achieving the well-being of his family without realizing his own desires and dreams. Most often, the spouse becomes to blame for this lack of fulfillment. A man thinks that another woman would make his life more colorful and interesting.
Accumulation of disagreements. The most common reason for male infidelity is a mountain of accumulated disagreements and contradictions. Most often, this happens when, throughout their lives, spouses have not been able to solve some of their problems, hushing them up or considering them frivolous. At a certain moment, this “abscess” opens and the man finds understanding in the arms of a colleague or casual acquaintance.

After analyzing the situation that caused the man to betray her, the woman can begin to find a way out of this difficult conflict. Most often there are only two ways:

acceptance of the situation and continuation of life together (if a man cheats due to his character, then be prepared for a repetition of the situation, but a single betrayal provoked by problems in the family will most likely never happen again);
preparation of documents for divorce.

Whatever the reason for the betrayal, before you say “You betrayed me!” and make a fateful decision, you need to consider the problem from several sides.

Requests for help Write your story I hesitated to write here for quite a long time. It seems that I don’t have such serious reasons as incurable serious illnesses, lack of home and food. And yet, I feel like life is leaving me drop by drop, I couldn’t win, I didn’t have enough strength. And my story is simple: I could not survive the divorce and betrayal of my husband, with whom I lived for 20 years. He has a new love (12 years younger), a wedding, the birth of a daughter, cloudless happiness. I have a job without holidays and weekends, two sons, and an awareness of complete hopelessness and desperation. I'm waiting with all my strength for the summer, when my eldest son returns from the army, I'm afraid I won't make it. The only thing that somehow holds me back is the fear that my youngest son will end up with my husband’s new family, with his young wife. The son still doesn’t know why his father left the family, that he got married and had a child. The ex-husband himself doesn’t speak, but I don’t know how to say it, I can’t even imagine how my son will stand it, because he loves his father very much. I understand that this is a matter of the near future, because my ex-husband lives next to us, and our son will see them with a stroller one way or another. This is how I have been living for three years now. I tried everything to overcome this situation, took several courses at the “correspondence school of love,” but it doesn’t get any easier, the mental pain doesn’t dull. Sometimes I run into my ex-husband on the street or in a store, glowing with happiness. And each such meeting causes acute mental pain. I often ask myself the question, why am I given this situation? I ask and don’t find an answer... I have always been a faithful wife, family and children came first for me, I took care of my husband, helped everyone I could. She never betrayed or deceived anyone, she always tried to support and comfort those who were in trouble. Obviously, I could not find a foothold in this life to survive my little tragedy. And I'm tired of waiting for things to get better someday...

Ophelia, age: 42 / 04/01/2017

Responses:

My dear dear, of course it hurts you a lot, you can’t throw 20 years out of your life. But you have 2 wonderful sons! You are a very rich woman! This is true, because your sons will give you grandchildren - and even more happiness. Letting go and forgiving is probably the hardest thing. I wish you to let go of that pain and forgive your ex-husband for the pain he brought to you. Take care of yourself and your health, your children really need you. And this is the main thing!

Julia, age: 32 / 04/01/2017

Ophelia, I was also in this situation, so I understand you and really want to support and help. Surviving betrayal is very difficult, but still possible. I, too, was stuck, to be honest, in suffering. psychologists say that it usually takes a woman a year or two to accept the situation and be ready for a new life. I probably worked on this situation for 5 years, with psychologists, priests, and independent studies. for so long because I had a childhood trauma of rejection, they didn’t teach me to believe in myself. As I learned, my ex-husband went into the past, where he belonged for a long time. Today I live and rejoice. I consider myself a lucky person that I had to live through such a traumatic childhood, the betrayal of my father and then my husband, I became deeper, wiser, kinder, more compassionate, more humane. I was in unbearable pain, I was tormented by panic attacks, I wanted it all to end, I didn’t live, but just like you, I climbed, for the sake of my son, he should know that a person can overcome anything. What does your ex-husband’s family have that you don’t? Has a baby been born? Thank God you have 2 sons. Do you think that where your ex-husband is, happiness is there? Happiness is where you are, Ophelia.

Elena, age: 46 / 04/01/2017

Good afternoon. Trials and tribulations have come into your life. Personally, I also encountered this, and not so long ago. The only way out is God. If you come to church, take the path of repentance, you will understand everything, etc. Believe me, you will become the happiest. This has been done for centuries and by many people. God will wash away everything unnecessary and give you something new, more valuable and reliable. That pearl that everyone is looking for, and when they find it, they calm down and don’t look for anything else. Treat this problem as if God has knocked on your door and is calling you to Himself, to give you peace and something more valuable to your soul. For your own good and with care for you. The choice is yours, we are all free people. I wish you well, I’m in a similar situation myself, I’m also trying to get out of all this, and I understand it well. God help you!

Evgeniy, age: 27 / 04/01/2017

Dear Ophelia, I also often wonder: what can become a fulcrum? For example, I’m 36, no husband, no children, no stable job. I see that everyone is still alone with themselves, and even children are not such a support. For you, this is apparently a loved one, but you have not yet experienced betrayal and this fact excludes the emergence of a new person. Your wound is not healing because you see your ex-husband regularly. Out of sight, out of mind. I know women who changed countries just to avoid being in the same city and it helped! Yes, at least you can move to another area of the city. Life is fleeting and it would be a shame to lose it because of a man. Every year of your life is a feeling of the ground under your children’s feet, a feeling of well-being and security that is with us as long as our mother is alive. Change the scenery and starting a different life will become easier.

Anna, age: 36 / 04/02/2017

Dear girl, I can call you that, I’m 60. I understand you. I was in this skin myself. 25 years of marriage, 2 sons. Husband's betrayal. 10 years have passed. Only now I realized that after the divorce I found myself. That everything was not as he said, that I was stupid, pathetic, incompetent. I got the opportunity to move on with my life, help my mother and sons. I lived these years with dignity, without humiliating myself in front of him. But it seemed impossible to forgive, so much dirt and humiliation was poured on my head. Now I don't remember him. Is it true. Be patient, honey. Live and make your children happy, don’t hurt them.

Olga, age: 59 / 04/02/2017

Hello. Make acquaintances with interesting people. Go to the site ABC of Fidelity, there are diaries there, find friends there, this is an Orthodox dating service. Start a new life. I know a woman from there with 2 sons, she also had a divorce several years ago. But the person is very religious and active, interesting and charges others with positivity. Do not despair. By the way, a happy face does not mean a happy heart. And the burden of sin lies on every person (the greater the sin, the greater the burden). Spiritual law, however. Sinners are tormented by their sins, the Bible tells us. Everyone suffers from what they have done. So cleanse yourself of your personal sins and it will become easier for you. Take care of yourself, think about yourself, dear. By the way, your name is great. So mysterious and spiritual. God help you, dear Ophelia

Inna, age: 26 / 04/02/2017

I thank everyone who responded to my request. Unfortunately, I have no one to share my experiences with. Therefore, the support of strangers turned out to be incredibly important and necessary for me. Of course, I am making a huge effort to get out of the swamp in which I have been for more than two years. At first, I was full of optimism to survive and forget this event, like a bad dream. But everything turned out to be much more complicated than I could have imagined. In fact, it is very difficult to come to terms with the idea that the closest and dearest person turned out to be a traitor, that I and my sons were neglected, deprived of their father’s support and assistance in raising them. The youngest son has begun a difficult transitional age; now he especially needs male influence. I understand that I cannot replace his father. I remember when the children were little, a man came up to us in the park and said how lucky your husband is, he has two sons. Many people dream of such happiness. Two sons - that's so cool! This is the pride of the father, continuation of the family, joint hikes, fishing, football, help in all matters, and much more. But no, they are no longer needed... It’s very sad to realize that nothing has changed for the better in two years. I used to think that running away from problems was wrong, you need to be brave and face them. Apparently, in my case, it’s really better to seriously think about moving. And I never forget about God; my every day begins with prayer. But strength and hope left me, unfortunately. Thanks to everyone who supported me! I wish you happiness, peace and prosperity.

Ophelia, age: 42 / 04/02/2017

My mother also went through a divorce; my parents were married for almost 30 years. This is certainly stressful for a woman, but you must pull yourself together for the sake of your sons. Think about it, if you are gone, who will take care of your boys? After the divorce, my mother, on the contrary, spread her wings. She has a job she loves, and she devotes all her free time to me and my sister. Her life is in us and she also lives for us. Try not to see divorce as a tragedy. You have a chance to build your personal life again, you have two healthy sons, who, I am sure, love you very much. You are wondering why this situation has been given to you, but try to think in a different direction: “What can I learn from this situation?” Live for yourself, live for your children. Men should not be the center of your Universe, but you yourself, and you also have children. Well, he left and left. Good riddance to him, let him build his life, and you build yours. You are only 42 years old, your whole life is ahead of you. Don't despair, dear Ophelia! God help you!

Diana, age: 23 / 04/02/2017

Dear Ophelia, let me advise you to watch one program: Gaft’s meeting with his son at Malakhov’s. There, the woman who was once abandoned by Gaft has such a worthy position - it’s simply beyond praise and worthy of respect, she looked in admiration. Try to reconsider your situation and your sons a little. Understand, it was not you who lost after your husband left, it was he who deprived himself of the joy of seeing your sons grow up, he stole part of his life from himself, maybe someday he will understand this. And you, you can be happy that you have each other, let your home be warm and cozy, where you want to return to warm up. All the best to you, tune in for the best!

Anna, age: 36 / 04/03/2017

Ophelia, I, like many others here, believe that it is better for you to move so as not to meet with your ex again. You are now seriously wounded by betrayal, why finish yourself off? You know how at the front a wounded soldier, even the bravest one, is always taken from the front line to the hospital, to the rear, so that he can heal, rest, get stronger and go back into battle. Give yourself time to come to your senses, experience it, comprehend it, and after a while, meetings with your ex will be much easier for you. Now, when I see my ex-husband, I experience a strange feeling, like I’ve lived with a man for 20 years, and he’s a complete stranger, and there’s nothing to say other than “hello, goodbye.” And how could I, in fact, allow a complete stranger, with dubious moral values, to rule, judge and have mercy in my life, to rule my life? I, just like you, suffered from “not needed, neglected”, how to live on? He is not the Lord God; our ex-husband’s neglect does not make us less valuable and worthy. You are a wonderful woman with wonderful sons, the betrayal of your husband does not make you or your children worse. His betrayal speaks about him, not about you. You write that your son needs a male upbringing. Surround him with respected men, find a priest who will find an approach to your teenager, a coach in the sports section, a teacher. You also have an eldest son, who can also help his brother grow into a real man. Maybe you will meet a man. There are many options. The light did not fall like a wedge on the ex-husband, who distanced himself from his sons. Switch your attention, as much as you can, to something good, beautiful, kind. Emotions and thoughts have covered you, dragged you into the abyss of despair, and you return yourself to reality,” here I am, alive, healthy, young, standing in front of the entrance to my house. What am I thinking? About your ex's happiness? Do I need this? No, don't. What do I need? Is it useful? But it’s good for me to please myself, for example, walk 3 laps around the house and listen to the birds singing/play with the neighbor’s puppy..” go and look at the world, this is real life, and not the horror you had to go through. You have already passed this, this is the past, and you are in the present. The darkest night is before the dawn. It will definitely get better soon.

Elena, age: 46 / 04/03/2017

Dear Ophelia, I understand you very much. I myself was (and now still doesn’t let go) in the same situation. I experienced a double betrayal by bm (I forgave the first time). Now he is cohabiting with another lady (of course, much younger), a child will be born soon. And I really wanted a second baby (I have a daughter). All these stories are so banal: betrayal for the sake of a young fool. Ours is quite a classic: we married beggars, loved each other, then “rose up” and became a “challenging prize” from the “all-understanding and loving” fairies. It’s just that the time now is completely immoral, the family is collapsing, people are turning a blind eye to everything. Disgusting. There are a lot of women with similar stories now. But this does not mean that you should not live. You have to live. For the sake of God, children, parents, myself. They correctly wrote to you that a man is not the center of the universe. The center is the Lord. And He is the one who helps you survive any grief. The sacraments of the Church and repentance resurrect, I know from myself. Well, to cheer you up, I’ll say that I recently got married again) But this is a completely different story, confirming that everything is possible) God help you!

Alevtina, age: 40 / 04/03/2017

Ophelia, thank God that you start every day with prayer! After several years of church life, I realized that you need to turn to God when a terrible painful state or mood comes over you, at this very moment you need to ask Him for help. Of course, this does not cancel morning and evening prayers, this is a little different. Try it, and you will feel His closeness, it will bring you closer to Him... when a person dear to my heart left me, I prayed: Lord, bless him. I repeated this to myself many times when it was especially difficult, and after a few days it became easier for me. I understand that it is much more difficult for you because you have lived half your life together, because you see each other, but still try to pray like this. Prayer does not, of course, cancel out active external activity, and I agree that it would be good for you to move, it would speed up the process of your recovery. Don’t despair, you are not alone, you have children, and most importantly, the Lord is always there. Read the Gospel more often, it is very comforting and penetrates into your very heart. Don't forget about Sunday services and participation in the Sacraments. Every Sunday is a little Easter, and very soon the calendar one. I would also advise you to do some handicraft, it also calms you down and distracts you from unnecessary thoughts. All the best to you! Hold on!

Masha, age: 27 / 04/03/2017

Ophelia, I want to help you, support you, but I can’t find the words. Try to move away from this situation. Forbid yourself to not think about it for at least a day, and then another day. Because you still won’t find the answers why he did this. You have children - this is the most important thing. You have a job. Maybe fate has something good in store for you ahead. You are only 42 years old. Live some time for yourself and your children, do what you have always dreamed of, but did not have time due to being busy. Just do it sincerely for yourself, without looking at your husband. For such a warm and kind person as you seem from the letter, everything will definitely work out.

Anna, age: 33 / 04/03/2017

Why kill yourself, my husband also left after twenty-three years of marriage. We have a student daughter and three children under our care. We love him very much and everyone suffers in their own way. Most of all, of course, I. But I decided to let him go and wish him happiness. I pray for him. I probably won’t live long, I’m seriously ill. But we haven’t decided what to do with the children yet. I want to survive for the sake of the children, but this is only possible for God. Let your will be done!

Mira, age: 59 / 12/24/2017

Previous request Next request Return to the beginning of the section

print version

News of betrayal

Before deciding to divorce, it is worth analyzing how the news of the betrayal came to the family. Of course, it is necessary to begin such an analysis after all emotions have subsided, and only if the woman has come close to the moment of making a decision. There are a great many ways to find out about betrayal, but two of them clearly indicate that a man does not want to ruin his family and break off relations with his wife:

Deliberately ostentatious evidence of treason. In some cases, men deliberately do everything to get caught by their other half. They leave pages on social networks open, put a phone with intimate correspondence or a receipt from a store in a visible place. All these actions have only one goal - to show the spouse that her urgent intervention and changes in the family are required.
Conversation with a rival. Many women learn about their husband’s betrayal from their rival herself. She can call or come to a meeting to tell the details of her whirlwind romance. You should not show your emotions and immediately break off relations with your husband. Most often, this is exactly the reaction that the opponent hopes for. As practice shows, she is driven to such an act by the fruitless expectation of decisive action on the part of her lover. A man refuses to leave his family and continues his relationship with his wife, so the decision to open his eyes to betrayal becomes the only way to provoke his wife to divorce her unfaithful husband.

If you found out about cheating in any of the above ways, then you have every chance to save the marriage and start all over again.

What to do with children

If there are children in the family, they are the main victims of betrayal. If a couple married by mutual consent, no one asked the children if they wanted to be born. They cannot influence the current situation, but the problems of adults have a severe impact on their mental and physical health.

They are scared, disoriented in life, their world is truly destroyed, their foundations are overthrown. If a woman is unable to deal with their problems herself for some time, relatives and friends will help, but this period needs to be shortened as much as possible. The mother is all that is left of the familiar, the unshakable. They should not see violent changes for the worse - drunkenness, hysterics. Self-confidence, the ability to solve problems, to protect - this is what needs to be demonstrated, and in any case you will have to find the strength to do it. Because these are children.

On the other hand, an explanation of the changed situation is necessary. To ignore is to put in them double standards, an inability to perceive life realistically. Assuring that everything is fine is lying. It is correct to briefly, without details, personal conclusions and unnecessary emotions, state the current situation. They will intuitively and calmly understand and help mom get through this difficult time. Together – strength, family, support, love. Is it worth living with him further?

Preparing for an important conversation

A conversation with an unfaithful husband requires maximum preparation and stress on the nervous system from a woman. Keep in mind that during the conversation there may be some pitfalls that you need to be prepared for:

cheating on a husband is not always a betrayal (many men do not consider physical betrayal a compelling reason to destroy a family);
denial of guilt (quite often men instinctively shift responsibility for what happened onto the shoulders of their wives and mistresses);
refusal of a serious heart-to-heart conversation.

Remember that an outburst of negative emotions will have a detrimental effect on communication with your husband; try not only to express your grievances, but also to hear his explanations. Don't try to play any role, it will not lead to a good result. Talk about your hurt, pain, disappointment, but do it calmly and as detached as possible. Don't be afraid to ask your husband questions and hear the answers. Perhaps this conversation will clarify many points in your family that you did not even notice before. Ideally, an honest and open conversation should tell you how to live after your husband's betrayal.

The beginning of the recovery from the crisis

If a heart-to-heart conversation took place and you still decided to save your relationship, then be prepared for long and difficult work. First of all, listen to your feelings. What would you like? How do you dream of building your life? What needs to be changed? How to forget your husband's betrayal and start all over again? Most likely, you will not find answers to these questions right away. And, believe me, you will never find it alone. You need to be in close contact with your husband, voicing all your emotions and desires. Many couples who successfully survived this stage noted that they had never before been as close to each other as after the betrayal. For most of them, the appearance of a mistress became an incentive for serious and positive changes in family life.

How to get rid of your rival?

Usually, after accepting the situation and deciding to save the family, the woman expects that the situation with her rival will resolve itself. But, unfortunately, the homewrecker does not disappear anywhere, and the woman finds herself in a new circle of grievances and claims. Many wives give an ultimatum and every day remind their husband of his nobility and his guilt before the family. This situation brings the couple to a new round of conflict, which often leads to separation of the spouses. How to behave in this situation? How to trust your husband after betrayal? How to make sure that your rival disappears from your life forever? Carefully observe your husband's behavior; most often he will compare two women in order to make a final decision. You shouldn’t be perfect and fearfully wait for a new day. Take care of yourself and stop worrying about your husband cheating on you. A woman who often leaves the house, takes care of her appearance and leaves free time for some activity that develops her personality, always arouses the interest of a man. Feel free to leave your children with your husband and ask him to spend time with them. The more time your man devotes to his family, the more negativity he will receive from his rival. As a result, the decision to save the family will seem to him the most faithful and the only correct one. Of course, trust in your husband will not be restored in a few days or even months. But here, visiting a family psychologist, reading special books or buying audio lectures can help you. You will be surprised how many women have faced this problem. Each answered the question of how to trust her husband after betrayal, and found her own ways to forgive her husband.

Relationship with another woman

The most common case, according to the female half of humanity, and the most controversial, in fact. After all, in fact, you need to distinguish stupidity from a plan, and attempts to give yourself pleasure from the desire to cause pain. Men often have sex with other women because:

they simply want to assert themselves, to prove that they are still good, young, healthy, and in general studs of any kind;
it is a shame to show your weaknesses in the family, and in difficult moments, stress is relieved elsewhere;
sexual variety replaces drinking or drugs during regular stress and helps you forget about problems;
they want to conduct a sexual experiment, to which the wife does not agree;
an opportunity arose, the mistress was asking strongly not to throw away the property;
out of drunkenness or for a bet.

At the same time, they love their spouses, cannot imagine life without their family, and sincerely repent (especially if they are caught). In a good way, this is the case when it is unpleasant, but not fatal. A reason to express grievances, air your sand, get more attention, and at the same time think carefully about whether you should correct something in your behavior; psychology can help here. And if you just can’t forgive at all, then think about what causes such categoricalness. Usually these are deep personal traumas of a woman that a good specialist should work with.

Such a relationship becomes a betrayal if money is taken out of the family, the husband disappears for days without knowing where, and lies about fishing or business trips do not work. The woman is insulted, humiliated, and the children are not taken care of. And after that, they collect the best things, carrying a banner in front: “I’m leaving for a better life from the dull grayness.”

It is important to realize here that betrayal is a fait accompli. How to forget your husband's betrayal? He is a thing of the past. We definitely need to get rid of such a past. New housing, work, hobbies, sports, music, dancing, drawing. Charity helps a lot. Nothing heals a person faster than helping another. In such troubles, you can discover many new talents in yourself and use them for the benefit of career growth, family well-being and other pleasures.

How to survive your husband's betrayal: advice from a psychologist

Summarizing all of the above, we can say with confidence that cheating is not the end of a relationship. According to statistics, many families become even closer and stronger after surviving betrayal. To save your family and find yourself again, psychologists advise you to carefully listen to the following recommendations:

be calm and self-confident, men cannot stand tears and violent hysterics;
analyze your spouse’s motives that pushed him to cheat;
your main weapon in the fight against your rival is humor; such a woman always remains above competition;
throw out all your negativity, but only when your spouse is not around;
forgive your husband, even if you decide to break up with him, the ability to forgive will ease your soul and make you stronger;
know how to bear responsibility for the decision made (if you are keeping the family together, then exclude accusations against your spouse);
ask your husband for help in overcoming grievances (a man always strives to be a knight and will do everything possible to regain your trust in him);
improve as a woman (every day strive to be better than yourself yesterday);
learn to actively listen to your interlocutor (don’t just nod and agree with your husband, but really perceive his problems and troubles).

Be above the situation, and then betrayal will not become the element that in an instant will completely destroy the family you have carefully built.

Conclusion

Dear readers, I have given you proven tips on how to survive a divorce from your husband. I want to warn you: everything I wrote about needs to be done for yourself, and not in order to return your departed husband. Well, if you still decide to try to restore the relationship, then do it competently, as professional psychologists advise.

And remember, no matter how bitter and difficult it may be for you now, this painful period will pass sooner or later. Many women have experienced betrayal and divorce and live quite happily and calmly without a husband or are building a family with another person.

You too will survive a divorce, but how quickly and with what consequences depends largely on you. Whether you find a new husband or not, everything is in God’s hands!

Find your path to happiness, don't look back. It is possible that when you find her, your spouse will decide to return. At this point you will have to decide whether you need it - for example, I no longer need it.

PS Dear readers, I described my thoughts and feelings after divorcing my husband. If this topic is close and familiar to you, leave comments and share your stories. Let's help each other!