16 Signs of a Truly Close Relationship

Emotional level of intimacy

What is emotional intimacy? When in your relationship there is always room for mutual understanding, respect and acceptance. The strongest marriages rest on these “three pillars.” Unfortunately, over the years, a strong connection can weaken. The reason for this is various tests. Be it the birth of a child, financial crises, long separation.

Those who initially did not show empathy towards each other do not cope with difficulties. They shift the blame onto their spouse, argue, and swear. Instead of directing energy to creation, they destroy everything good that was.

The emotional connection between a man and a woman grows stronger when both are ready for dialogue. When they calmly sit down and solve problems that have arisen.

Cast aside your fears

This is an important decision that can help not only men, but also women. While the latter may most often be embarrassed by their body, others overly fixate their attention on their own potency. Due to the fact that men are overly focused on their sexual strengths, psychological problems can arise. Anxiety and uncertainty are the path to hectic movements, lack of rhythm and rapid sexual intercourse. The end of sex is perceived as freedom and an opportunity to return to calm. This approach makes the process boring, ineffective and even unattractive. Erection problems and the inability to give a woman full pleasure are the results of being in fear, which urgently needs to be gotten rid of.

Minuses

The desire to have an open relationship is often not true, especially among men. In a relationship without commitment, the male sex may experience jealousy, as a sense of ownership arises. Women can also feel discomfort, which causes conflicts between partners. The disadvantages of independent relationships are:

The pride of one of the partners, which can cause jealousy towards other people.
If a woman dreams of starting a family, then such a relationship will not allow her to achieve what she wants.
An open relationship can end at any time.
Partners have the right to date several people in front of their significant other.
Sexually transmitted diseases are possible, since your partner has sexual intercourse not only with you.
Condemnation from loved ones.
You cannot trust your partner and hope for help in any matter.
For a woman in an open relationship, there is a threat of becoming a single mother.
If you develop serious feelings for your partner, you will not be able to create a marriage.
In an open relationship, you can fall in love with your partner, but a strong relationship will not work out, since the opposite sex does not count on them.
People become further apart, common interests disappear.

Learn authenticity

Intimacy requires authenticity. The Internet and social media are disconnecting not because we are glued to our phones at dinner, but because they encourage inauthenticity. We can edit, apply filters and show others only the best moments of our lives. We create a facade of our lives that may or may not reflect reality honestly. This is how we destroy the possibility of intimacy.

People who are more authentic on social media report positive experiences. Those who use social media to actually stay connected with others do not report as high levels of anxiety and depression as other users. People fake it on social media to get likes because they confuse attention with intimacy. It is not the same.

Focus on giving rather than receiving

Intimate relationships require time, honesty, shared experiences, and openness. Intimacy is not about trying to earn approval or compliments, to create admiration or envy, to be liked or to feel superior.

Most people believe that intimacy is something you can earn if you're "good enough." Although in fact, intimacy is something that arises when we strive for it enough. If healing means returning to wholeness, then healing from trauma means remembering that we can trust others, ourselves and life. Return to a simple, calm life, accepting what is, and not trying to control how our life looks from the outside.

This means not expecting others to make the first move or make efforts to maintain the relationship. This means trying again, being vulnerable, supporting others, initiating conversations, and being actively involved in our communities, families, and friends.

Spiritual level of intimacy

This is the highest level of relationship. If you have achieved it, it means that all other stages have been completed successfully. You feel good sexually, you subtly feel your partner’s desires. Listen with interest to what your lover says, support him in all matters. And you are not afraid that your idyll will be disrupted by any difficulties, because you know that you can always rely on your companion. Just like he is on you.

Figuratively speaking, it's like being married to a friend. You are sure that you can trust him as you trust yourself. The basis of such relationships is devotion. On your part, the chosen one feels care and gratitude. You feed him with your energy, and he is ready to try for you. In this case, the spiritual connection between a man and a woman is so strong that it seems as if the possibilities of each partner are limitless.

Do you want to reach this level of relationship? I hasten to please you - this is quite real. Yes, you have to try and show your best qualities. How to do this competently, without resorting to any manipulation? I talk about this at the course “The Art of Female Flirting,” organized by the Pavel Rakov Training Center. In the meantime, you can start with the brief recommendations that I give in the “Love and Sex” section.

Girls, share your experience. Have you managed to build a relationship that is ideal on all levels?

What meaning of relationships between a man and a woman have I understood in 30 years?

In my first relationship at the age of 14, for me the essence and meaning of the relationship was to gain the first experience of a relationship. This seemed interesting to me. I know that many girls at that age fall in love for the first time and fantasize about the future. For the first relationship, this meaning was quite normal. But my next relationship already took on a different meaning...

My mother and grandmother always gave me examples of my classmates who got married early. And at some point I stopped thinking about my desires and began to strive to create relationships in order to please my family. This was wrong. Although there are examples in which everything is fine in such relationships.

Then I spat because I didn’t love him and decided to live for myself. I only needed a man to support me, to help me live. I finally felt like a woman. But the man didn’t like it and we broke up.

I was overcome by fear and began to fear that the years would pass and I would remain an old maid. It was fear that was the meaning of creating new relationships.

And in the end, after years of mistakes, I realized that there is no point in a happy relationship. And you don't need to look for it.

Because in all cases, the relationship ended as soon as I solved the internal psychological problem. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit my fears and selfish aspirations. And I think this is a problem that destroys relationships. They help to conceive, but not to maintain.

Just think about what I was worried about:

Mom says that I’m not like everyone else, without a boyfriend;
she was afraid of being lonely and remaining an old maid;
considered herself unnecessary, undesirable;
I saw all my dreams through the embodiment of the man next to me;
considered a man as a tool for achieving a better life;
personal comfort was determined by the presence of a man nearby.

These are the meanings and psychology I put into my relationship with a man. But this is far from love...

It took me 15 years of mistakes to get to love. The state of love was born only after deep inner work and gaining one’s own independence. This is the psychology of relationships.

Signs of intimacy in a relationship

In fact, each couple has its own criteria for complete relationship. For some, declarations of love are enough. Some are glad that they have financial support from their spouse. And still others generally live by the principle “what happened is what I fell in love with.” However, psychologists identify several clear signs that can help you understand how close you are to your partner:

Personal boundaries. You see these very boundaries well and do not invade each other’s personal space. In a normal relationship, partners do not become one. They still have their own goals and interests. In addition, you react calmly if your lover inadvertently interferes with your freedom. For example, you confidently explain that at the moment it is important for you to be alone. And he understands you. This is an emotional connection.
Trust in a couple. Your loved one does not seek to control you, just like you do not control him. Neither you nor he has any desire to anger, offend, or tease. Even if something like this happens, you are able to admit guilt and learn from your behavior. However, remember that trust does not arise instantly. It develops gradually due to the fact that you talk with your chosen one, try to listen to him, and he to you. When you are not shy to share your experiences. This is how an emotional connection with a man is cemented.
Reciprocity and support. If each spouse pulls the blanket on himself, then such a relationship is doomed to failure. In a harmonious union, people care about each other and want to make their partner happy. You are truly interested in the development of your spouse. But at the same time, you do not give all of yourself without reserve and exchange life-giving energy. And this is already an indicator of strong spiritual relationships.
Tolerance for shortcomings. You do not idealize a man, you do not demand that he pull a star from the sky. You calmly accept your loved one for who he is. But the trouble with many spouses is that they are not ready to look for common ground. Only insults and manipulation are used: “You are like this/like this...”. Reluctance to put up with the shortcomings of another speaks of immaturity of feelings. Perhaps passion once flared up between you, and it seemed to you that physical attraction was enough for a relationship. But the passion subsided, and you were left alone with the “cockroaches” of your chosen one.

If the above signs are close to you, I can congratulate you. Most likely, you are on the right track. Next, I propose to understand in more detail the existing levels of intimacy between a man and a woman.

Sex is not work

Sometimes for partners in sex, only the result is important - their own satisfaction and the satisfaction of their partner. The desire for this can be perceived as work activity that requires the achievement of a fictitious indicator. Under these conditions, a man cannot simply have fun, relax and completely surrender to the process. His thoughts are focused on one thing - how to show and prove what he is capable of. He needs to satisfy his partner. Only after this will he consider himself a hero and sex as successful. This attitude does not bring satisfaction, but, on the contrary, neuroticizes the man and scares away the woman. Because of such tension, the other half begins to get irritated, look for flaws in themselves, or think that the partner is not suitable for her.

Relationships between loved ones

Relationships between women and men are of the following types:

Development. Partners enjoy spending time together. They support each other and spend time together. But relationships are only one, enjoyable part of life. People have interests, friends, jobs, are constantly developing and making plans.
Full mutual understanding. Lovers are immersed in romance, enjoy communication and want to be close to them all the time. Other interests, friends and relatives remain in the background.
Calculation. People come together because of direct benefits - money, social status, the need to care for children. The union brings comfort to both if the partners know how to negotiate and clearly define the conditions in advance. Otherwise, only one person will enjoy the relationship.
Experiment. Partners experience tender feelings and want to be together, but one constantly remakes the other for himself. The desire for maximum convenience often leads to quarrels. Relationships cease to be close and trusting.
Tightness. The affair has long ceased to bear pleasure; the partners constantly quarrel, break up and return. But they stay together because of painful attachment and fear of loneliness.

A truly close connection between two people arises with complete trust, the desire to meet people halfway and wisely sacrifice interests for the sake of a common future.