Betrayal by a man: reasons, how to survive and whether to forgive

Betrayal by a man is a terrible test for a loving woman. Such a life turn always appears unexpectedly. Therefore, it is necessary to correctly assess the situation and make the right decision without giving in to emotions. Not every representative of the fairer sex can be strong at this moment; in such a situation, it is necessary to use reserve moral and physical strength in order to get out of the situation with dignity and not make mistakes.

Identifying the traitor

Betrayal by men has become commonplace, which has provoked a collapse of moral values. Unfortunately, modern society is dominated by immorality and pseudo-freedom, which allows people to ignore family rules and behave as they please. The result is a huge amount of tears, broken hearts and bitter disappointments.

No one can imagine that minor quarrels and misunderstandings can lead to betrayal and separation; unexpectedness and suddenness make the pain even stronger. This is little consolation for women, but it should still be said that this situation is quite common. It must be treated philosophically, no matter how cynical advice it may seem. There is no need to panic, but you need to understand that the relationship will never be the same again. Trust and carelessness will become a thing of the past, and the memories will forever remain with a loving woman.

What do we mean by the words “treason” and “betrayal”

Each person understands betrayal in his own way. And in families where it has already occurred, spouses can give completely diametrically opposed definitions. Usually the one who is accused of betrayal calls his actions innocent flirting and does not see anything reprehensible in them. At the same time, the partner who was deceived finds a huge number of arguments that this is precisely a question of betrayal.

In essence, betrayal is the expenditure of any family resources on someone who is not a member of this family. These resources include not only the body, but also feelings, time, and money. And even though betrayal is traditionally associated with sex, simply tender feelings, and even dreams about another person, are also included in the concept of “betrayal.”

There are a number of reasons why it is difficult for a wife to survive her husband’s infidelity and betrayal. In addition to intimate relationships on the side, it also includes:

• waste of the family budget on the needs of his mistress;
• conversations about the girl to whom the husband is attracted;
• romantic communication, dating, flirting.

In a word, if one of the partners spends time and money on a stranger, or gives him his care, attention and love, while the spouse knows nothing about it, this in most cases can be called cheating. And it is precisely betrayal, which is so difficult to forgive and survive, that very often becomes the reason for the separation of lovers.

Selfishness, disrespect for a spouse, inability to establish relationships and subsequent “trips to the left” are a real scourge of modern society. And there is no magic remedy that would insure a family against betrayal. Only the spouses themselves, if they want to live a long and happy life together, can make sure that nothing like this happens to them.

Why men cheat:

Who does a man cheat with?

Many people are inclined to argue that this is not love, since a man allows himself to look in the direction of another woman. If he truly had feelings, such a situation would be impossible. Experts categorically disagree with this, since anything can happen in life, and not every guy is able to resist temptations. There are many reasons:

• Cheating with someone you know. According to statistics, 60% of infidelity occurs with work colleagues. People spend a lot of time together and become very close.
• Traitors do not plan to betray. A man may simply flirt or feel sympathy for a woman and not think about getting closer. This happens unexpectedly, while their marriage still remains a priority for men. 52% of guys think so.
• Sexual dissatisfaction provokes betrayal. This is a very common phenomenon in which a man takes from the side what his wife cannot provide. However, he is not going to part with her.
• Polygamy is a myth. The common misconception that men are polygamous allows guys to lead a promiscuous lifestyle. Scientists have proven that in the process of evolution, a man has a need to pass on his genes where he has the opportunity to personally control the development of his offspring.
• Low self-esteem. Statistics have established that 57% of people assert themselves and increase their self-esteem through cheating.
• Internet. A huge number of betrayals appeared as a result of communication on social networks.

Bring to poverty

Sometimes quite wealthy women literally find themselves on the street. There are men who only know how to earn money this way. Some types of fraud are punishable by criminal charges, others are due to a man’s lack of shame and conscience. But the result is the same - enormous stress from discovered injustice, shaken trust in the whole world and a lack of funds for living in the wallet.

You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself and cry to everyone you know. Only a business approach, since we are talking about material things. The female psyche is the most flexible material in the world, and nature is practical by nature, psychology does not deceive. The time has come to remember this, and if you have no desire to become a business lady, you can play her role temporarily. Just like in the theater, only convincingly, with inspiration and carefully studying the materials.

Necessary:

1. File a complaint with the relevant authorities if fraud has occurred;
2. Get advice from a lawyer about whether it is possible to return the property or part of it in this situation;
3. Conduct an audit of property and income, optimize expenses;
4. Carefully analyze your abilities, identify those on which you can make money now, plan actions on more promising opportunities that require time or financial investments.

Recognizing the situation

Many women try to turn a blind eye to the betrayal of their beloved man. They try to deceive themselves and pretend that nothing happened. In this state, the girl feels unbearable pain, suffers from memories and completes in her mind everything that happened between her husband and her rival. Sooner or later, patience will end - another reaction will appear. This may be panic, anger, confusion, etc. All this is absolutely normal, since it is a response to a traumatic experience. If you continue to deceive yourself, you can lead yourself to irreversible processes when serious diseases appear. Therefore, it is worth accepting and understanding the situation. When this happens, your soul will become much easier.

What not to do

Has your loved one learned of a serious offense? What should you not do in such a situation? Of course, there is no need to conflict, react to abuse, or make retaliatory accusations. You should not justify yourself, because this will only show your weakness. A new lie can send a deceived lover into a state of rage, so this too should be avoided.

And right now we propose to talk about how to regain a guy’s trust after a lie, maintain relationships and improve them.

Control over emotions

The betrayal of a loved one causes a storm of emotions and indignation. A woman begins to show her attitude to everything that happens in different ways, which were mentioned above. You can continue to push yourself and bring your body to the point of exhaustion, but it doesn’t make it any easier. It is worth remembering that everyone is alive and well, nothing irrevocable or deadly has happened. Psychologists recommend pulling yourself together as quickly as possible and not allowing yourself to abuse your body and soul. It is better to think about how to live further and what to do to resolve the situation. If you don’t have the strength to cope on your own, you need to seek help from specialists.

How long does PTSD last?

Professional psychologists advise not to make radical decisions until you have gone through all five stages. For each woman they last for a different period of time. It depends on the age, upbringing and social status of the lady. On average, the path from “shock” to “reconciliation” takes about three months, which is best spent away from your unfaithful husband. Extra quarrels and scandals will only worsen the already difficult state of affairs. You should not approach major changes in life guided by grievances and emotions.

Shared fault

To understand how to survive the betrayal of a beloved man, you need to objectively assess the situation. Both partners are partly to blame for cheating, so you shouldn’t blame it on your husband or blame yourself. Perhaps the feelings cooled down a little, there was no peace of mind, there were still some misunderstandings. In any case, you need to draw the right conclusions for yourself so as not to repeat past mistakes in the future. This experience will be useful both for relationships with your husband (in the event of a truce) and for communication with your future partner.

The beginning of the recovery from the crisis

If a heart-to-heart conversation took place and you still decided to save your relationship, then be prepared for long and difficult work. First of all, listen to your feelings. What would you like? How do you dream of building your life? What needs to be changed? How to forget your husband's betrayal and start all over again? Most likely, you will not find answers to these questions right away. And, believe me, you will never find it alone. You need to be in close contact with your husband, voicing all your emotions and desires. Many couples who successfully survived this stage noted that they had never before been as close to each other as after the betrayal. For most of them, the appearance of a mistress became an incentive for serious and positive changes in family life.

Restoring trust

In the practice of specialists, there are many stories of betrayal by men. And many of them ended in a truce between the spouses. The only problem is rebuilding trust. A whole life could be spent on this. The partner must prove not with words, but with actions that you can rely on him. If a man made a mistake and a woman sincerely believes in it, there is no need to remember old grievances and live with constant reproaches. If a girl doesn’t have the strength to forget everything, there’s no need to waste time rebuilding the relationship. Sooner or later, after much torment, the partners will still separate forever.

The process of dealing with grief due to betrayal includes 5 stages

1. Stage of denial and shock. A person simply cannot believe what happened, especially if the betrayal is unexpected. Reaction: emotional excitement, or vice versa, emotional coldness, inhibition.
2. The stage of aggression, the experience of resentment, anger. Often aggression and anger are directed at the person who cheated, who left, who “abandoned”, or left their loved ones.
3. Stage of guilt. The person blames himself for what happened, his “bad behavior.” A person may also experience remorse for treating the person who cheated poorly and paying little attention to him.
4. Stage of depression. Depression, apathy, irritability, decreased social activity - all these are manifestations of depression. Life can lose all meaning; a person tends to “drown out” his pain with alcohol and other “antidepressants.”
5. Acceptance stage. No matter how hard a person experiences betrayal, acceptance of the loss gradually sets in. This stage is characterized by the restoration of the usual course of life, once again falling into its groove. Life acquires purpose and meaning.

How to heal from injuries and get back to life

Many women don't know how to trust men after betrayal. There is no need to rush to make hasty conclusions; everything should happen on time. You need to give yourself the maximum amount of time to recuperate. “Rehabilitation” measures include:

• Self-care. You need to eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, and rest.
• Protection from further disappointments. If this is a business partner, it is urgent to check all documents and accounts. In case of adultery, it is necessary to take precautions against sexually transmitted diseases.
• Recourse. You need to tell your loved ones about what happened, seek advice and ask for help. Do not allow this situation to affect relationships with other decent people.
• Revival and hope. The betrayal situation became a turning point in my life. It is crises that sometimes allow us to rethink relationships and move to a new level. Therefore, it is worth taking advantage of this moment and starting life on a new page.

Leave in a difficult moment

Some people are pathologically afraid of responsibility, either their own or one that needs to be shared. To avoid it, they are ready to rush to the ends of the earth.

Men are people too, and this is the most vile kind of betrayal:

• How many cases have there been when women were held criminally liable, and after half a year or a year they returned to nowhere, found themselves without family, children, housing, reputation;
• young mothers stay with small children, and the man runs away because children are expensive, noisy, and troublesome.
• after losing a good job, social status, or popularity, women were abandoned and went to younger, more successful, wealthy people;
• during the illness of a close relative living together, when the psychological situation in the house becomes difficult, they leave (to another woman, to work in another city or country);
• They leave their wife if she has a difficult diagnosis.

In this case, all that remains is to rejoice, no matter how creepy it may sound at first glance. Did the father abandon the children? Thank God, they will not see a bad example in front of them and will grow up to be decent people. Left him with his sick mother? So obviously I couldn’t help in any way. And now you don’t have to worry about it, you can focus on the main thing. And if you look around, you will find a more worthy replacement. Even if you have a couple of months left to live, and strangers will help you with this, you should be glad that your last days are spent with worthy people.

There is no need to regret the past or consider the years wasted. There was something good and bright about them. And the rest are lessons that have already been learned.

Forgiveness

To understand whether to forgive a man’s betrayal, you need to look at the facts. You should not end the relationship if the following situations arise:

• if a man stumbles once, nothing like this has been noticed before;
• if the partner repents and sincerely asks for forgiveness;
• if the spouse is trying his best to hide the fact of infidelity and values ​​his family;
• if sexual life stopped and the woman did nothing to restore it;
• if a woman is ready to forgive everything, and it doesn’t matter to her how many betrayals she still has to endure.

Parting

If cheating is just another unacceptable act, then it is not love. A woman should draw conclusions and decide to break up if a man behaves as follows:

• if betrayals occur systematically;
• the husband is satisfied with everything, he believes that nothing happened;
• if the relationship has completely devalued from the spouse’s point of view, he has ceased to respect and care about his reputation in the eyes of his wife;
• The husband’s betrayal turned out to be not only physical, he has serious feelings for his rival, in this case, separation is a matter of time, since the marriage is doomed.

Creating coalitions against a partner

Relationships are a matter of two. Joy for two, happiness for two, and problems for two too. It's like a mechanism with two gears. What happens if a foreign object gets between two gears? The mechanism breaks down. It’s the same with relationships: when a third person appears who interferes in the relationship between two people, the relationship collapses. That is why the creation of coalitions and “friendship against” can be so dangerous, so they can be considered a separate type of unobvious betrayal.

Most often, one of the partners creates a coalition with his mother against the second partner. In this situation, the mother-in-law or mother-in-law serves as “additional fighting power” aimed at proving the rightness of her son/daughter in a number of family disagreements. But the members of such coalitions do not take into account one thing: each joint “attack” on the second partner causes the withering of intimacy between spouses and gradually leads to the destruction of the relationship.

Advice from psychologists

Betrayal by a man is a consequence of mistakes made in family life. In order not to repeat them or to quickly calm down from a blow, you should listen to the following advice from experienced specialists:

• A woman's idea of ​​a man does not always correspond to his character.
• If a girl perceives a guy as a friend and housewife, we can assume that he has a different role assigned to him elsewhere.
• When getting married, you cannot expect that a girl will acquire a partner for life.
• The life of every person is his personal matter. It is not a fact that the husband will consider cheating a mistake. Perhaps marriage will seem wrong to him.
• You should not try to deal with your rival, expose her unseemly act, or spread unnecessary gossip. This humiliates the wife’s sense of dignity and lowers her in the eyes of others.
• Having made peace with your husband, you should not reproach him and return him to the old days. He may regret his decision to stay.
• There is no need to try to urgently find a replacement partner after cheating. This will not bring relief, but will only add pain and disappointment.

After a man's betrayal (no matter the outcome of this situation), it is worth remaining friends. You must be able to forgive and move on or part with dignity. At first this seems absurd, because it is difficult to maintain a good relationship with the person who has offended you. But life shows that this is the only correct and useful solution for both partners. After all, life is long, who knows what surprises it may bring in the future.

What to do when you've been betrayed

Betrayed by a beloved man

First of all, try to recover from this story as soon as possible. Realize that since something like this happened, then this man is clearly not the one sent to you by fate, but a kind of test for you. Don't close yourself off from friends and family and become depressed. By withdrawing into yourself, you are left alone with the betrayal that has occurred, and besides it, there will be almost nothing else in your life for a certain period. Don’t allow this to happen - erase the offender from your life, and fill your time with new hobbies and meetings that will gradually displace this story from the list of important events. This will not be easy to do - you will have neither the desire nor the mood to lead an active lifestyle, but in this case you need to force yourself. Understand that this is the only way you can help yourself get rid of your unpleasant past.

When the traitor is your own husband

Once upon a time, this person offered you his hand and heart, and you gave your consent, confident that you would go through your entire life path with him, hand in hand. Of course, it is very painful to find out in the end that your beloved has decided to betray you, but in this case you should not act out of hand, especially if children are growing up in your family.

Talk to your husband and try to understand what prompted him to do this. If you see that your spouse sincerely repents, and you understand that, despite everything, you still have feelings for him, then find the strength within yourself to give your family a chance. Devote the evening to talking about why this happened, determine how you can live with it further, and try not to return to this conversation in the future to maintain a favorable atmosphere in the house.

If you understand that you will never be able to forgive, or your husband does not express much regret about his actions, then perhaps you should think about divorce. After all, a good family life, with such options, will probably no longer work out.

Betrayal by your best friend

The betrayal of a friend can sometimes hurt no less than the betrayal of a relative or husband. If your friend is real, then you probably trusted him with your personal secrets, supported him more than once in difficult life situations and consulted on many issues. Now it will be difficult for you to imagine your life without this person, but it is important to realize that if this happens, then the friendship is no longer there, and it’s time for you to go your separate ways.

An exception can only be in the case when a friend or girlfriend was forced to take this step, not of their own free will, or made a ridiculous mistake. In general, you need to give the person a chance to explain themselves, and if you understand that the betrayal could have been avoided, then pause your communication so that everyone can rethink what happened. After months, you yourself will be able to understand whether you want to return your friend to your life.