Our life is designed in such a way that we are constantly in contact with the fact that we are being lied to. Why does this happen and why is it dangerous? Lies have become an integral attribute of modern man. A person constantly notices lies around him and catches someone in a lie. What is a lie anyway? According to the dictionary: a lie is a statement that is obviously not true and expressed in this form consciously.
Wherever there is life, there is danger. Ralph Waldo Emerson
People lie for different reasons. Some lie “for the good,” trying to protect a loved one from something bad or unpleasant. Others lie out of selfishness, for their own benefit. But whatever the reason, a lie always remains a lie.
Fact is a white lie
Perhaps the safest lie of all, since it is mainly used with good intentions and for the sake of others, and not for one’s own benefit. It is used so as not to hurt other people's feelings as much as it could be when speaking the whole truth to their faces.
Also, such lies can be used to save loved ones. Vivid examples of this can often be found in literature, for example “The Captain’s Daughter” by A.S. Pushkin.
In case you are not familiar with this work, it is worth saying that the hero passed off one person as another in order to save the life of his beloved. You can find quite a lot of similar examples in art, because it seems romantic.
Creative lies
It is also a relatively harmless type of lie, since it rarely harms anyone and does not carry malicious intent. It is used to attract attention and emotional coloring of a story. A person can tell how he witnessed some interesting and exciting incident, although in reality such a thing did not happen.
As mentioned above, there will be no great harm from such a lie, but you shouldn’t get carried away with it either, because it can become a habit, and sooner or later those around you will find out that you are systematically deceiving them, and you will be branded a windbag.
Diffidence
She always accompanies any liar. Why a person lies is not difficult to understand. He lacks the courage to express himself as clearly and directly in communication as his heart desires. If a person constantly lies, then he should understand the reasons for what is happening and talk frankly with himself. As a rule, behind the deliberate concealment of individual circumstances of life lies the intention to find happiness and become a complete person. Only the path to achieve it was chosen completely wrong. You cannot find friends if you are a cold and selfish person who thinks only about himself.
Insecure people often provoke others to quarrel and publicly notice their weaknesses and shortcomings. In fact, by doing so they emphasize their own weakness and signify their inability to find inner harmony in the soul. If such behavior is assigned to an individual, then she risks being left completely alone for a long time. Big lies lead to inevitable isolation. Who enjoys communicating with someone who constantly puts others down, ridicules and gossips?
Blatant or shameless lies
But this type of lie can no longer be called harmless. Blatant lies are the most serious and vile type of lies that exist.
It can include slander, in order to avoid punishment, or for the sake of worsening relations between other people, making false promises for the sake of obtaining one’s own benefit, in general, any lie aimed at harming another person, or one’s own benefit at the expense of others.
When people shamelessly lie, they deal a crushing blow to their karma, and the Universe will not leave them unpunished. I am glad that only a visibly rotten person can consciously decide to commit such a lie, and such people, as one would like to believe, are still in the minority.
How can you tell if a person is lying?
There are several characteristic signs that allow you to determine that your interlocutor is telling a lie. Firstly, he carefully hides his eyes from you. There is an unpleasant moment in a conversation when it seems as if he doesn’t hear you or doesn’t understand you. Secondly, the person starts fiddling with some piece of clothing to hide his excitement. He can endlessly straighten his hair or glance at his watch as if he is late for something. Thirdly, a liar always gives himself away by touching his own nose during a conversation. Why is he doing this? This is where the unconscious comes into play.
Thus, a lie leads to the breakdown of all existing relationships and does not allow a person to live happily.
Is lying dangerous for a liar?
It would seem that if you don’t blatantly lie to other people to harm them, then in principle you don’t have to worry, because no one will be worse off from a small harmless lie. Technically this is true. But there are several reasons why even deception for the greater good can play a very cruel joke on you and your loved ones.
And these reasons explain why and how lying is dangerous for a person. A lie, even the most harmless one, does not cease to be a lie. When people lie, it’s like they’re making a lump of plasticine, adding another piece with each new lie. Gradually, this lump grows, overshadowing the mind and logic of the liar, forcing him to resort to deception more and more often, even in cases where it would seem to be not necessary at all.
Moral boundaries are also expanding, and if a person began with a creative lie, then sooner or later, under the influence of emotions, he may resort to shameless lies. And after the first time, the second time will be easier. Fact #6 - Lying is dangerous for a liar.
The illusion of truth: how the art of deception and lies helps us survive
People lie. Lies permeate every aspect of our lives - from advertising and politics to medicine and education. Is society to blame for this? Or is our brain naturally tuned to distort information? Where is the line between self-deception and optimism? And in what situations is untruth more valuable than truth? Drawing on scientific research, crime reports, and anecdotes, science journalists Shankar Vedantam and Bill Mesler explain how to benefit from misconceptions and stop thinking other people are crazy because of their strange views. And why the truth is not always what it seems. In Russian, their book “The Illusion of Truth. Why does our brain want to deceive itself and others?” published in November by Individuum.
One of the main criticisms of President Donald Trump from both Democrats and Republicans was that he did not filter his speech. If it occurred to him that Mexicans crossing the border were raping women, he said so. Of course, you can call this behavior “frankness.” Communicating with Donald always made it clear what was on his mind; he made his thoughts abundantly clear in a stream of tweets, insults and empty rants. For years, Americans have dreamed of a president who behaved the same way in public as he did behind the scenes. Throughout Trump's tenure, however, most Democrats and many Republicans have dreamed of putting a filter between his brain and his mouth. They wanted him to shut up and not say what he undoubtedly believed to be the truth.
Evolution has made humans social creatures, so it is not surprising that we tend to adjust our own views in order to fit in and get along with other people.
Most politicians are good at lying. They change their views according to the needs of the electorate. Experiments show that they are not the only ones who do this. If you give people different facts to choose from and ask them to share with an audience, they will choose the information that is more likely to align with their listeners' existing beliefs. Social psychologist E. Tory Higgins has discovered that there is a special trick to this cycle of deception and self-deception, in which speakers try to please the audience and the audience appreciates speakers whose views coincide with their own. Once speakers choose a fact they want to tell their audience, they begin to feel like they actually believe it. Higgins calls this “tailoring to the audience.” Politicians don’t just tell us what we want to hear; by saying the right words, they come to the conclusion that they themselves have always believed in them. It has been suggested that this tendency to believe our own lies, which in turn helps us lie even more effectively, is an evolutionary precursor to human self-deception. (An organism capable of deception gains an advantage over its competitors.) Psychological factors that “synchronize” a politician with his audience work best when there is a strong connection between them. Does this contradict common sense? Certainly. But does it make sense in terms of achieving social and emotional goals? Undoubtedly. Evolution has made humans social creatures, so it is not surprising that we tend to adjust our own views in order to fit in and get along with other people.
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People who are most adept at such sophisticated forms of deception often endear themselves to and even give the impression of being sincere interlocutors. Consider how Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton were perceived during their presidential tenures and campaigns. Those around them felt special and appreciated. Each of us knows someone like Reagan and Clinton. It seems like they are interested in our opinion. They radiate empathy and make us feel at ease. We positively characterize such people as having high emotional intelligence. Considering how often we talk about the importance of truth, it is strange that we do not have kind words for people who simply say what they think. The term for those who do not lie enough when the rules of socialization require it does not yet exist. But we immediately recognize such people when we encounter them. At first glance, they appear cold-blooded or cruel.
In recent years, researchers have demonstrated in practice what most of us intuitively understood: pleasantries and small talk are essential to the functioning of teams and companies. Rudeness in a work environment can affect our thoughts and actions. In one experiment, volunteers were asked to come into a laboratory and were greeted by a “professor” who informed them that the experiment had been moved to another location. He politely directed some to another office. To others he said:
“Don’t know how to read? There is a sign on the door that says that the experiment has been moved [to another room]. They didn't bother to look at the door, did they? Instead, you prefer to disturb me and ask for directions. It's obvious that I'm busy. I’m not a secretary here, but a professor, I have something to do.” Those who were bullied performed worse at solving anagrams in the next part of the experiment and showed less creativity when they were asked to come up with as many uses for the brick as possible. They were also less likely to help others. Nearly three-quarters of the volunteers who were spoken to politely helped another person pick up fallen books without being asked. Of those who were spoken to rudely, less than a quarter offered such help on their own initiative.
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Once, when I was a cub reporter at a newspaper, the editor gathered all the young journalists and shared his wisdom with us: “No one has ever been fired for poor performance. People get fired for being assholes." This is not entirely true. I have seen people lose their jobs due to incompetence. But there is an important truth hidden in this advice. Humans are social creatures, and our brain systems actively teach us social conventions. Communication is essential for survival. If you insult other people's feelings in a rude manner and undermine their dignity, you will be overwhelmed by a wave of public indignation and the fact that you were telling the truth or had good reasons for doing so will no longer help.
Politeness in the human community is similar to the rules of behavior that govern other species of animals.
That's why we teach our children to say "please" and "thank you" even when they can get what they want without being polite. We teach them to be kind and generous, even when they don't feel like it. We make children smile when guests come, even if they cannot stand these guests. We understand, intuitively and reflexively, that a certain amount of lies is the inevitable price of a ticket to society. In turn, we expect similar deception from others.
Over millions of years, our brain has learned that survival is not easy and no one needs extra enemies. Politeness in the human community is similar to the rules of behavior that govern other species of animals. If you've ever seen millions of starlings act in concert, each bird flying wing-to-wing with its mate, and a sudden order to change course echoes silently throughout the flock, then you understand how important social coordination has been throughout our long evolution.
If you really want to understand how much lying can help you navigate the social world, just try living without it for a few days. Most likely, you won't succeed unless you are a strikingly antisocial or simply cruel person. Psychologist Bella de Paulo from the University of California at Santa Barbara came to this conclusion in 1996. “Initially, I wanted to look for nonverbal cues that indicate deception,” says de Paulo. “But as I continued my research and looked at the publications, I was amazed that the most basic questions about deception still weren’t answered, such as how often we lie.”
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DePaulo conducted a “diary study” in which subjects were asked to write down the lies they told throughout the day. She found that most people reported one lie per day. Subsequent studies show that de Paulo's results were extremely underestimated. Most people didn't consider the petty social lies—polite lies—that Harvey Sachs explored. In one of his recent studies, Robert Feldman filmed the conversations of complete strangers meeting for the first time. Participants admitted to lying approximately three times for every ten minutes of conversation, and some lied as many as twelve times. Although De Paulo's findings were modest and, as time became clear, underestimated, they were initially met with skepticism and distrust. It's unpleasant to realize that you are constantly lying. Many of her students stated outright that they never lie. For them, De Paulo had a simple answer: try to hold out without lying for as long as you can. Most were unable to avoid lying for more than a few days. “No one has ever been able to complete this task,” she says. The students were discovering what de Paulo already knew: “Trying to tell the whole truth all the time is not so good, and, perhaps, simply impossible.”
One of the main problems that DePaulo's students faced was that the lies they had never even thought about were actually much more common than the heinous lies they were hearing:
“Often we lie because we don’t want to hurt other people or we want to accommodate what they want to think, what they want to feel,” she says. “It’s an act of kindness towards those we care about.” It's not that we don't value honesty, it's that we value something else more. It could be the other person’s feelings or your affection for them.”
Therefore, it should not surprise us that we most often deceive those closest to us - the people we care about. As de Paulo says, “These caring, kind-hearted lies are like gifts we give to the people we care about.”
If rational thinking tells us to “tell the truth regardless of the consequences,” then more ancient algorithms in the brain whisper: “Better get along with other people and take care of this connection.” The two systems speak different languages: one speaks straightforward, the other speaks subconscious. One appeals to logic, the other to expediency. One is deeply concerned about the truth. The other cares about the consequences.
What is the illusion of the deceiver?
When a person performs this or that action frequently and systematically, it is stitched into his brain, influencing his perception. This phenomenon can often be observed in alcoholics, drug addicts, thieves, and, in principle, in any people who systematically engage in any unpleasant activity.
Fact No. 7 - a pathological liar begins to suspect everyone around him of lying. This threatens to deteriorate interpersonal relationships with loved ones and distort the perception of the world as a whole.
Fear of judgment
When a friend or relative deceives you, not in all cases you will be able to notice it and take the necessary measures to neutralize this phenomenon. The first question that arises is: “Why does a person lie?” He must be very afraid that by telling the truth, he will show himself not at his best, demonstrating weakness and uncertainty. For many so-called strong people, this is like death. The fear of condemnation sits deep in their subconscious and often guides all conscious actions. Such a person is unlikely to allow himself anything extra, even if she really wants it.
If a person gets used to deceiving in society in order to make the right impression, then gradually his action becomes automatic. And now the person lies simply because it is more convenient than telling the truth. Tell me, why bother explaining something to your interlocutor when you can use the usual form of communication and demonstrate your imaginary worth?
Why don't liars' dreams come true?
Being in a state of a pathological liar, a person cannot clearly and clearly see his future goal. This is explained by the fact that for the subconscious it does not matter whether it is a lie or truth, it perceives everything equally and takes it at face value.
As a result, consciousness and subconsciousness come into conflict and it becomes impossible to achieve harmony, and therefore the clear fulfillment of one’s desire. Fact #8: It’s harder for deceivers to achieve their good goals.
If you tell a lie, will your karma get worse?
Lies, especially blatant ones, have a serious impact on human karma. Vedic culture considers lying, along with foul language, as a form of negative speech karma.
The influence of such things is manifested by the fact that a person’s consciousness is shrouded in a veil of ignorance, hiding the true essence of things and presenting various phenomena in a false light. A liar is immersed in a world of illusions, staying in which will not lead to anything good.
As a rule, people who lie systematically do so unconsciously and have little control over the process itself. This is explained by the presence of a parasitic subpersonality on the aura. It is this that makes a person lie again and again, clouding the mind and replacing true thoughts with false ones.
Fact No. 9 - deception affects karma. If the term subpersonality is unfamiliar to you, you can read the article on the relevant topic on our website here. You can identify and get rid of such a parasite by undergoing photo diagnostics and using techniques from the online esotericism course.
Lying causes and consequences - why do people lie to each other? I fully answered this question. You need to get rid of this undoubtedly bad habit, the sooner the better. Good luck in your development! And don’t let people who lie get in your way.
