- September 21, 2018
- Psychology of relationships
- Ahi Svetlana
Each of us has friends. Most of them are good, sympathetic people, but at times there is a feeling that they are strangers to us. At such moments, you think about your surroundings: who are they - friends or just comrades? People say: you can open your soul to a friend, but to a friend you can only open the doors of your home. But in reality everything is much more complicated. Let's figure out the difference between each other and a friend.
Friend
Many friends are identified with loved ones who are always ready to help in difficult times. However, this alone is not enough. A true friend must have special qualities that are not manifested in relationships with other people. Psychologists offer basic criteria that help identify true friends among many acquaintances. So what is a friend?
1. This is a devoted and reliable person who knows how to keep secrets and does not spread rumors and gossip behind your back.
2. There is no falsehood in a relationship with him; Honesty and trust are the key points of friendship.
3. This is a person who is ready to listen and knows how to forgive.
4. He shows respect and knows how to empathize.
5. This is a person who knows how to show care and provide support when it is needed.
What do friendships give?
Loneliness among people can cause depression and other mental disorders. Therefore, the main value of friendship lies in live contact: visual and physical. Scientists have proven that hugs provoke the production of happiness hormones.
Also, friendships have other positive aspects:
- the feeling “I’m not alone” gives a person confidence, support, inner strength and eases fears. When you know that there is someone behind you who will support you, understand you in any situation, listen and give advice, will not judge or betray you, your attitude in life becomes more positive and your steps become more decisive;
- “a person needs a person” in order to express himself and understand who he is. It is in relationships that we demonstrate our various personal qualities: kindness, compassion, envy, jealousy, responsiveness and others. In contact with others we learn to be better ;
- having a pleasant time, receiving positive emotions and impressions make us happier;
- from a psychological point of view, friendship is a “testing ground” on which a person realizes his basic needs - to be good, needed, valuable, significant, to belong to someone, to love someone and to be loved.
How does friendship happen?
Usually, no special circumstances are required for this; everything happens spontaneously. Often the emergence of friendly relations is facilitated by a common team. The question “who is a friend” does not arise until the moment “x”, when a person must show the qualities of a friend. That's when friendships are tested for strength.
Most friends appear during school and student years. This is the time when we exist in an environment conducive to the emergence of friendships. Here it is not so difficult to comply with the conditions conducive to the formation of strong friendships. Namely:
1. Proximity.
2. Meetings of a regular nature.
3. The opportunity to relax in front of another person, try to trust him.
Therefore, many have friends from school and university days, friendship with whom has stood the test of time. Some of them successfully fell into the “best friends” category. In school and college life, we don't make much effort to make friends. Everything happens by itself. But when the school years end, real friendships become harder to build. Adults occupy certain places in life, and they do not have so much free time to spend on another person. That’s when the question arises: “What is the difference between a friend and a friend?” How do you understand who you can rely on and who you should be careful with in personal matters?
How is friendship different from love?
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Sometimes friendship is compared to love, but these are two completely different types of affection. Love is an unconditional feeling that can be felt towards children, parents or other relatives. It can be romantic or platonic. At the same time, it changes perception, preventing us from considering the shortcomings of a loved one. An interesting feature of love is that loving people are not always honest with their loved ones.
With friendship, things are completely different - it is not “blind”. Even the strongest friendship will not force us to look at each other through rose-colored glasses. We see his shortcomings and mistakes , and point them out to him if we deem it necessary. Directness and honesty are the main criteria of true friendship. If we are afraid to offend a loved one with an unpleasant truth, then we cannot lie to a friend. In addition, we do not strive to idealize our friends. The main thing is that you can rely on this person.
Quarrels between friends happen less often than between loving people, and most contradictions can be resolved fairly quickly. Typically, people who have long-standing friendly relations know well what topics they may have disagreements on, and avoid them in conversation, preferring to discuss more interesting things and events. A true friend is afraid of distances and long separations. Friends living in different cities can see each other once a year and have a great time together.
Buddy
These people surround us every day. We have fun with them, talk about various topics, invite them to visit and visit them ourselves. But unlike a friend, a friend doesn’t owe us anything. He is not ready to help or support in difficult times. And there is not always a desire to ask him for anything. Somewhere on a subconscious level we feel that this is “not our person”, so we cannot trust him with our innermost, personal things. And we are ready to ask a friend for support, understanding, sympathy, and participation. We can say that a friend has certain responsibilities: he owes us, and we owe him.
What qualities characterize a person as a good friend?
10 main qualities of a true friend
- Be Helpful If you help others, they begin to feel comfortable around you and receive a positive charge. ...
- Empathize...
- Spend enough time...
- Keep secrets...
- Maintain an emotional connection...
- Be positive...
- To be honest …
- Be able to forgive
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The main thing is not to make mistakes
How to figure out who is a friend and who is a friend? You need to know the distinctive features of each.
Buddy:
1. This person is more than an ordinary acquaintance, but less than a close friend. In a relationship with him, the necessary amount of trust and intimacy is not present.
2. I want to spend free time with him, talk about various topics.
3. My friend and I have many common interests; even our life goals often intersect.
4. But we do not risk entrusting the secret to him: there is always a doubt that our secret will not be told to others.
5. When there is a silent pause in a conversation with him, you feel discomfort - you start saying anything to break this silence.
6. You often want to take a break from such a person.
7. You can turn to him for help, but you don’t want to.
Friendship appears to us as something sublime, unearthly. What is the difference between a friend and a friend? Basic moments:
1. A friend is like a brother or sister to us. There is always a feeling that he is “one of our own.”
2. First of all, he wants to tell about what happened or tell him about his future plans.
3. It’s nice to be silent with him without feeling awkward.
4. The peculiarities of his character do not irritate us; We behave naturally with him.
Everyone knows that true friendship stands the test of time. If after a while we feel the need for another person, we understand that he values us and loves us, then we are dealing with friendship. This is the difference between a friend and a friend.
What is friendship and who are called friends
In serious explanatory dictionaries, friendship is defined as a close relationship based on affection, mutual trust, sincerity and common interests. Many psychologists believe that friendship is not possible without love, because the relationship between best friends resembles the relationship of a loving couple, if you exclude romance and. It can also be said that true friends communicate almost like brothers and sisters in a good family, and in a relationship, the friend’s personality is more important to them, and not the benefits that can be obtained from communication. Based on this definition of friendship, we can say with confidence that few people can really have 100 or at least 10 real friends - it is quite difficult to trust, love, share interests and hobbies, and be actively involved in the lives of so many people at once. Therefore, most people have 1-2-3 close friends, and the rest of the environment is divided into friends and just acquaintances. And this is normal, because if almost everyone with whom you can have coffee after work can be called a friend, then this is not enough for friendship.
Male and female friendship
Psychology experts say: a man and a woman can be friends. But such relationships are rare. A man often pretends to be a woman's friend, but in reality has other intentions.
Having found out who a buddy and a friend are, what is the difference between these concepts, we will figure out whether real female friendship is possible. Psychologists say yes. But it has its own characteristics. There are situations when friendship between women is impossible. Little girls and adult married women with a stable family situation can truly be friends with each other.
Friends are needed; they can tell a lot about us. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying: “tell me who your friend is, and I’ll tell you who you are.”
Holiday
Friendship served as the reason for creating a holiday on an international scale. Friends Day serves as an excellent occasion to remind loved ones of their importance in our lives. Of course, the date is unofficial, and few people know about it, but perhaps the situation will soon change for the better.
Friends Day is celebrated on June 9th. Don't forget to congratulate your close comrades on this day. Even if the celebration is unofficial for now, it is a reason to please each other once again.
Now you know who a friend is and how to distinguish him from the whole mass of acquaintances. Just remember that you can’t have too many friends, or rather, there are, but whether they are all real is the question. It is very difficult to go through life alone, so it is important that comrades are present in it. They will always support and help you if necessary. If you have a person who has all of the above qualities, he is your best friend and is not communicating with you for his own benefit. Appreciate him and treasure him.
Key Features of Friendship
Friendship is a close relationship between people that involves complete trust, sincerity and honesty, as well as a strong emotional connection and affection.
The key feature of friendship is mutual understanding.
They say that friends understand each other perfectly . And indeed it is. Sometimes a nod or a subtle gesture is enough for your friend to immediately understand what you are trying to tell him. The presence of such nuances, invisible to others, but very informative for friends, is one of the components of close friendship.
True friendship involves a high level of emotional connection between people . Friends feel each other’s moods, can share joys and sorrows, are able to truly sympathize and support in difficult times, and selflessly help when the need arises. Friendship necessarily involves complete mutual openness, devotion, trust and readiness to help at any moment.
In the dictionary of Synonyms 3
(buddy, girlfriend), well-wisher, buddy, benefactor, confidante, brother-in-arms, brother, comrade. A close friend, sincere, bosom, intimate, sincere, unchanging, old. Friends and buddies. Friends before the first fight. We are friends, I am friendly with him, I maintain a friendship. Wed. to be friends" title='to be friends, to be friends synonyms, synonyms for to be friends, dictionary of Russian synonyms'>to be friends. It’s as if the devil tied them with a string (jokingly, about friendship).. Wed. . See comrade be friends...
What should you not share with friends and girlfriends?
StockSnap / Pixabay
In fact, there is no clear answer to this question - a lot depends on what the characteristics of your friendship are. It is important to understand that under certain circumstances, anything you say to your girlfriend or boyfriend can be used against you. These circumstances follow directly from the four principles of close friendship that we have considered. That is, in a situation where something happens to you that could shake your friendship, your friend may “suddenly” appear. That is, in general terms, a friendship can suffer significantly when:
- Your social status changes
- You discover that your ideas about an important subject do not correspond to your friend’s ideas (remember Pavlik Morozov, and this happens more often with friends)
- You find more important people than your girlfriend or boyfriend
- Your interests change
All this happens because, being closely connected, friends tend to experience changes with you as something personal. And, it is absolutely certain that if your business has gone uphill, then some of them will be sincerely happy for you, but some will feel slighted and harbor a grudge against you.
How to learn to ask - 8 tips
On the other hand, we cannot be afraid of everything all the time. This means that we will still tell our friends something personal. And this can be to our detriment. The only thing that can be said with rather high uncertainty is that you shouldn’t tell your friends about your skeletons in your closets or anything too personal or intimate. As for the rest, it depends on the circumstances. Do not forget that your friends are not your vassals, bound by an oath of allegiance. These are ordinary people who, under certain circumstances, may not choose you.
Typically, the list of unwanted topics looks like this:
Do not criticize your family and friends in front of your friends. At least don't criticize too much. There is no need to say what a “wonderful” person your husband is. It is better, of course, not to discuss them at all, limiting ourselves to general information. The same applies to your sex life if you are in a relationship.
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You should not talk about your shameful acts that you have ever committed. If it's still important to you, then they're past the statute of limitations. This is a topic for discussion with a specialist.
Don't brag about your successes in career growth or finances. Of course, you can talk about this, but try to use general phrases without being specific. shades are of great importance. There is no need to brag and look down. It will look like public humiliation of a less fortunate friend. And this is not what will strengthen friendship.
Self-oppression - no one deserves this but us?
- about the author
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Andrey Petrakov
This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment
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Ways to find close friends
Close friends are usually made while studying at school, college or university. This relationship needs to be maintained. But if you haven’t found anyone dear during this time, then the following ways to make acquaintances may be suitable. You should:
- attend thematic events, exhibitions and clubs;
- learn to actively communicate and be the first to engage in dialogue when the opportunity arises;
- participate more actively in dialogues on some forum or in a social network group;
- communicate more often with colleagues to find out if there might be a closest friend among them;
- organize friendships with neighbors in your apartment, house, or dacha, if the age difference is not critical;
- force yourself to go for walks or out into the world;
- go on a trip - it’s best to go on a bus tour or cruise, where there are more reasons to communicate;
- meet friends, acquaintances, relatives.
Having met an interesting interlocutor, you should demonstrate your readiness to continue communication. It is unacceptable to impose. If there is a feeling that the interest is mutual, it is appropriate to leave a business card, phone number or ask to be added as a “friend” on social networks.
You can’t disappear from sight of the person you like for a long time. A few days after meeting you, you should remind yourself with a call, SMS, or message on the Internet. After a while, you should initiate a joint trip somewhere. IN
In Vasmer Max's dictionary
I I., see friend. II II., b. n. friend, pl. friends (from the other Russian collection of friends, along with the names of many friends - Sobolevsky, RFV 22, 303), Ukrainian. friend, senior slav. droug φίλος (Klots., Supr.), Bulgarian. friend, Serbohorvian friend, Slovenian drȗg, Czech, Slavic druh, Old Polish drug. Related Lit. draũgas “companion, comrade”, Litv. dràugs, Old Prussian draugiwaldūnen wines n. “co-heir”, other isl. draugr (poet.) "husband" (Holthausen, Awn. Wb. 39), Goth. driugan στρατεύειν, English. dréogan “to accomplish, to achieve”, Goth. gadraúhts στρατιώτης, d.-v.-s. trucht “squad of warriors, retinue”, d.-v.-n. truhtîn “military leader, prince”, lit. sudrugti "to join"; see Bernecker 1, 230 et seq.; Trautman, Apr. Sprd. 322 et seq.; BSW 59; Thorpe 214; M. – E. 3, 492; Frenkel, BSpr. 109. This does not directly include (contrary to Translation 1, 198) lat. drungus “squad”, Middle Greek. δροῦγγος “detachment” from Old Irish. drong “crowd, squad”; see Walde - Hofm. 1, 374 et seq. •• (See also Trubachev, Term. Kinship, p. 172. – T.)
In the Dictionary of Synonyms
(girlfriend), buddy, well-wisher, (good) friend, confidant, sworn brother, brother, ally, comrade, friend, sidekick, sidekick; amateur; friends-buddies, who is with whom (friends, is friendly, is on friendly terms), as if the devil tied someone with a string; do not spill water, friend, beloved, corefan, kentyara, classmate, lada, lads, friend-buddy, dear, friend, loved one, dear, champion, zealot, follower, root, bosom friend, sitny friend, co-worker, boyfriend, comrade , dear, beloved, lace, friend, beloved, kunak, flak, benefactor, bosom, brother, semi-friend, brother, unravelable, old man, welcome, follower, old man, sweetheart, kent, supporter, friend
