Even with the most wonderful husband, at times you become angry, irritated, and don’t understand why he does something this way and not another way, while he doesn’t do other things at all. I would like to explain to him, but, oddly enough, the words of “truth” make few people happy, and tension appears in the relationship. How can you learn to manage your emotions, improve your relationship with your husband, without breaking yourself or pretending?
Today I want to share a three-step technique that helps me and many other women create a loving family life!
What to do if your husband yells at your child?
4. Talk about the future
Ask your husband how he would like his children to tell their friends and loved ones about him when they become adults? How does he want to be remembered? What kind of children to raise?
Ask:
- Who would you like to be for our children?
- What would you like your children to say about you when they grow up?
- What would you like to do for your family?
- What do you think about the rules that you inherited from your parents' family?
- What do you want to change and what do you want to keep and pass on?
It is known that a girl whose father yells at her has a high probability of choosing a rude and disrespectful man as her husband. And vice versa - a girl whose father was gentle towards her has every chance of meeting a person who will treat her with the same care.
The son of a cruel father will be just as cruel and rude towards his wife and children. A boy whose father, on the one hand, is attentive and caring, and on the other, knows how to set boundaries, grows up not only sensitive, but also self-confident.
Convey to your husband: his happiness in adulthood depends on how he raises his child.
5. Make your family's parenting motto "The child behaves when he can."
Most men find it difficult to tolerate strong childhood emotions: tears, screams, whining and tantrums. This is due to their upbringing, to the experience they had in dealing with their own strong emotions in childhood. Therefore, regularly and tirelessly repeat to your husband: the child is behaving this way now because he is experiencing strong emotions that he is not yet able to cope with, and not at all because he wants to enrage dad or belittle his authority. The child now needs your help - strong, reliable and loving parents.
There is a phrase: “Dogs bark, cats meow, and children cry.” Baby tears are just a part of parenting that has to be endured.
6. Increase your husband’s authority in the eyes of children, create a cult of dad
The cult of dad in the family is created by mom. Here are some ways:
- When your husband comes home from work, shout joyfully to the children: “Hurray, daddy has come!” Create a ritual of saying goodbye to your dad before he leaves for work, and a ritual of welcoming your dad back from work.
- Every time, tell your husband how happy the child is about what dad did.
- Emphasize how the child is looking forward to some kind of joint event, even a short trip that can only be made with dad (for example, to the store or to the car wash).
- tell your husband how you and your whole family were waiting for him from work - remembering him throughout the day, looking at photographs, preparing dinner together.
7. Don’t complain to your husband about your child.
Do not talk about your helplessness in matters of upbringing, because your husband’s reaction may be completely different from what you expect. In his desire to protect you, he may go too far in punishing the child.
8. Praise
Praise your husband more often for what he is doing, give positive feedback. To make praise useful and sound natural, voice specific actions, not qualities of your husband. This will show him what he does well, and it will help him become better and better. Here are some examples of expressing gratitude, admiration and praise:
- “You have very wise ideas about parenting!”
- “I admire how responsibly you approach the issue of the safety of our child!”
- “You have an amazing ability to make our son laugh! It’s so nice to watch you!”
- “You and your daughter always leave home on time for school. I couldn't do that. You are so great!”
Of course, these are just examples, and the most important thing is that the praise is sincere and real to you.
9. Respect your husband’s views on education and his right to them.
Start your question about education with the words: “Do you think: ………? And you have the right to do so. I know that you think so for a reason, these are your observations about life, this is your own family experience, you have the right to this. But I'm very worried about what this might lead to. I have a belief that this can lead to ……, because I have ……… examples from life, I read ……. books and because I just feel in my heart that it’s right.”
However, there are situations when it is too difficult and unclear how to cope on your own. The reasons may be different, but one thing is important: in the matter of upbringing, you and your husband cannot come to a common denominator, and the children suffer.
To help your husband open up as a father, I invite you to take the course “How to Help Your Husband Become the Best Dad in the World.” As the survey shows, more and more women are faced with the problem of an “absent” father, not knowing how they can help. However, returning an involved, caring dad to a child is more than possible with the help of my system, built on love - no manipulation, magic or esotericism, pure science!
This is a recorded course, you can take it at your convenience. But if you get down to business right away, then after a few weeks you won’t recognize your man! The course has already helped several hundred mothers - they acquired an assistant, protector and responsible parent in the person of their husband.
What's the secret?
- Simple yet effective tasks that you can incorporate into your daily routine. There is no need to set aside special time to complete them. Just communicate and do it!
- Short lessons + quick completion of tasks = time savings! I know how important it is for mothers.
- Your position towards your husband becomes less critical - his feeling of guilt and the desire to “fight off” you and your reproaches disappear. The situation in the family becomes warmer and safer.
- You help your husband become more involved, which means he develops his own interest in children and their upbringing. No more fighting because “dad is always at the computer.”
- Children quickly respond to changes in relationships: their joy from communicating with dad will motivate him to new successes!
To find out more about the course, follow the link:
My husband constantly yells and freaks out: the correct reaction to screams
- If constant quarrels have caused poor health or emotional stress for children who constantly watched their parents quarrel, it is likely that your relationship has become “toxic”. Trying to improve them with persuasion, threats or tears is pointless. A person cannot change unless he wants to.
- Many families turn to specialists for help to save their family. It can take years to mend relationships. If you are afraid to leave your husband because of financial dependence or attachment, be prepared to suffer for a long time. Only a small percentage of women who suffer from their husband's screams decide to file for divorce.
There are several reasons why wives decide to divorce if the husband constantly yells at his daughter, son, or herself:
- depression due to constant stress;
- lack of mental strength;
- health problems.
All these factors make it impossible to continue saving the marriage. Often, couples who have been married for more than 10-20 years file for divorce.
- Some women do not decide to divorce because they do not want to leave their children without a father. However, this may negatively affect the future of children. They will adopt the behavior of their father and mother, and will continue to follow this pattern when they have their own families.
- Think about preserving your children's sanity. Don't let them adopt this pattern of behavior in the family.
- If you decide to fight for the safety of your family, learn to support your spouse. If you can’t establish relationships on your own, turn to specialists. You may need a non-family relationship psychologist.
- Let your spouse first visit a specialist who will help him understand his personal problems.
You have to understand that this is not a healthy relationship.
Why did my husband become aggressive and irritable: possible reasons
Psychologists say that all the reasons that cause attacks of anger and aggression in men are conditionally classified into two types:
- psychological - most often, laid down at the genetic level. Under the influence of external factors, negative excitability increases;
- physiological - stress, fatigue, sleep problems, stress.
Let's look at common models of male aggression.
The husband was initially aggressive (hot-tempered, irritable, nervous, etc.)
Every person has a different character and temperament. The specific behavior and reaction to irritating factors are formed over the years. Parents' relationships with each other, childhood psychological trauma, poor relationships with classmates - all this gives rise to short temper and a tendency to aggressive behavior in society.
Irritability is an integral character trait, displacing tolerance, gentleness, and the ability to compassion. Aggression becomes a basic component of a man’s temperament. Outbursts of anger accompany him constantly, for no apparent reason. The provoking factor is almost impossible to identify.
