Being in a relationship for many years, it is difficult to evaluate your true feelings. We get used to our other half, to living together and cannot understand whether we really want it all or are going with the flow, for no apparent reason. Everyone tends to doubt something, including the choice of their companion. But for women who are already married and begin to think about their feelings for a man, it is even more difficult for them to analyze them. To understand whether love for your husband has passed or not, we suggest that you first understand yourself.
How to understand that love has passed?
I don't know if I love my husband?
Falling in love and intense feelings go away, relationships between partners change, and conflicts begin to arise more often.
In such a situation, it is difficult to understand whether there is still love between you or whether you are together simply out of habit .
If you want to figure it out, try asking yourself a few questions:
- Are you happy? If you close your attention to some little things, put aside conflicts and listen to yourself, then how will you answer this question? Not when you move to a bigger apartment/your husband changes jobs/you have a child, but right here and now are you happy?
- Are you ready to work on your relationship? It is no secret that a happy marriage is the work of partners on themselves and on their relationships. Do you want to make efforts to get out of a crisis situation? And why haven't you started doing this yet?
- Is there something about your partner that you don't accept in a relationship? He may be drinking too much, not working, or even hitting you. It happens that this is revealed only after several years of marriage. If you categorically don’t like it, then why tolerate it?
- Why did you start dating and get married? Maybe there just wasn’t a suitable couple nearby, and then things somehow got complicated? Or did your relatives constantly pester you? Or are you terribly afraid of loneliness?
- If your partner asks you to break up, how will you feel? Just be honest with yourself. Will you be unhappy? Are you upset? Or will you feel relieved?
Be sure to answer these questions sincerely. Don't lie to yourself. And then you will understand whether you really have fallen out of love with your spouse or whether you are just going through a crisis phase in your relationship that needs to be worked on.
I don't love my husband. What to do? Find out from the video:
In what cases is a psychologist needed to save a marriage?
You should start sounding the alarm when the spouses cause very strong irritation to each other and can no longer be in the same space. They are irritated by everything - smells, sounds, no matter what one says to the other. Here you need to understand the root cause, why is this so annoying? Most of the complaints in marital relationships stem from childhood - unspoken complaints against parents result in complaints against the spouse. As a rule, the main motive for getting married for such a person is a longing for intimacy, a longing for love, it seems to him that he is lonely, and he wants to fill his gaping emptiness with another person. When getting married, people with such internal needs initially experience euphoria from a new relationship, indulge themselves with illusions and hopes, make plans - we’ll make repairs, buy a car, give birth to a child, and life will get better. But it is not getting better, because initially the internal request to your partner to save you from loneliness was impossible, since a person can fill his emptiness only with his inner world. And when suddenly one of the spouses realizes that, despite the harmony of plans, he is still unhappy and nothing makes him happy, he becomes terribly disappointed in this relationship and shifts the blame from himself to the other. In such a situation, in order to understand yourself, you should seek help from a specialist whom you could trust to resolve your problems.
What are the reasons for the fading of feelings in marriage?
The crush passed, the romance ended and ordinary life began .
A man no longer strives to surprise and conquer a woman, because she is already his.
And the woman does not have enough attention, but she has a lot of worries around the house, and she herself forgets to charm her man.
Gradually, the spouses begin to spend time together less often, are less interested in each other , and practically do not communicate. The relationship is cooling, the gap between them is growing wider.
Perhaps the man just wants to protect his chosen one from his problems. And a woman encounters indifference or misunderstanding when she herself begins to talk about something.
The main reason for the fading of feelings is the lack of dialogue between spouses and the reluctance to work on the relationship.
Don't expect things to work out on their own . If you ignore the problem, sooner or later a serious conflict will arise. It is better to immediately discuss emerging problems and misunderstandings.
Complete lack of mutual understanding
Loving people try to make concessions to each other. If this statement does not apply to your couple, think about your relationship. How to understand that love for your husband has passed? Mutual understanding is a quality indicator. If it is not there, it means that the partners no longer want to be together. After all, misunderstandings do not appear immediately as soon as a couple is formed. At first, both partners try to understand their other half as best as possible. Then one or both of them get used to the fact that they are together and “relax”, realizing that there is no need to sacrifice anything for the sake of their beloved.
When feelings fade away or disappear altogether, neither of the couple is ready to make concessions if it is unprofitable for him. Remember that a loving person will always try to find a solution and respect the opinion of the other, and not do everything his own way, not paying attention to the opinion of his partner.
Psychology of such relationships
It often happens that for some reason a family is either formed without love, or is forced to continue to exist without it.
Psychologists distinguish two types of such relationships:
- old feelings turned into alienation and indifference. You can often observe mutual reproaches, resentments and showdowns. Everyone is for themselves and lives their own lives. Perhaps there is even a rude attitude or betrayal. Spouses are not comfortable in each other's company;
- the feeling of love left the couple, but grew into respect and mutual understanding. They do not have strong feelings for each other, but they can continue to live together, being interested in each other and communicating. The partners are still comfortable with each other.
How not to fall in love with your boss? Advice from psychologists will help you!
I don't want my man! Reasons and what to do about it? Psychotherapy:
The path from “I love” to “I don’t like”
At the very beginning of this path (“I don’t like a loving husband”) the wife began to feel some kind of vague discomfort .
As a rule, this discomfort comes after the wedding has been celebrated. And often, after the birth of a child and the purchase of a home. That is, when there is already a stamp in the passport, everyone knows that this man is yours. And life is good.
But at the same time, cats scratch at my soul. This happens because while life together was settling down, the wife kept her true needs, desires, opinions and boundaries to herself. She was compliant.
Because it seemed to her that she needed to be comfortable, compliant, so that a man would agree to stay with you forever.
But time passed. Your own desires and your own essence are torn out. And then the wife begins to, as they say, “blow her brains out” to her husband and explain what doesn’t suit her, what she wants instead.
But husbands are often deaf and blind to the removal of the brain . They don’t like him, immediately feel bad, guilty and leave such a conversation .
Thus, the wife accumulates resentment because she is not heard or understood. This resentment has an unpleasant property - it accumulates, and does not disappear with the passing of the next PMS, as the man thinks.
At some point, the ultimate disappointment occurs. Such a “point of no return”. Which is experienced by a woman as an understanding that “her husband has become disgusting.” His caresses became unpleasant. It began to seem that he was very bad at dealing with s**t. “Forgot how to do it or something...” she is perplexed. Also, it became unpleasant how he eats, yawns, laughs, his jokes are also disgusting. In general, love leaves.....
Married without love from the point of view of psychologists
Sometimes it happens that a marital union is created without any feeling of love at all .
For example, a girl became pregnant unplanned or put pressure on her husband. Or the man proposed, and the girl agreed out of fear of loneliness.
It also happens that a girl simply sees a profitable future , because her fiancé does not suffer from poverty. Or a young man proposes because everyone around him says it ’s time to settle down.
From a psychological point of view, marriage not for love, but because “it’s time” or “necessary” usually leads to disappointment.
Without mutual feelings, it is difficult to conduct a dialogue with a partner, sort out relationships and deal with everyday life.
Girls often think that their husband is not going anywhere and that they can turn him around as they please .
Young people feel a loss of freedom; such relationships depress them. Therefore, life together is spent in constant oppression until one of the spouses decides to leave.
Marriage of convenience
