Why do we suffer when relationships end?
Breaking up is a difficult journey for both partners. Some people are simply worried and cannot adjust to a new life, while others continue to love and suffer. Few people understand how to forget a love that ended, caused a lot of pain and disappointment, and drove them into depression.
Psychologists believe that only one side truly suffers. The second partner can easily accept the situation after a few days. When love lives in your heart, it is very difficult to just let a person go. This situation disrupts the quality of life, provokes depression, which is why people think about how to forget love, which was the whole meaning of life, and then suddenly ended.
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When breaking up, both partners feel bad. A person who quits often feels guilty for his actions. The one who has been abandoned will direct his energy to memories, tears, worries, disappointment, and resentment.
It is impossible to quickly forget the person you love, because this is how the psychology of relationships works. Some psychologists say that it takes time to accept the situation, others direct all the clients’ actions to forget a dearly loved person as quickly as possible, to stop flattering themselves with hopes that everything can change.
How does first love manifest itself?
When love bursts into a person's life, everything around him changes. An incredible desire to accomplish feats awakens in men, and a sea of affection and tenderness appears in women. A person in love begins to perceive the world around him more positively and brightly.
First love is so strong that because of it people stop hearing the voice of reason. They begin to be guided only by the call of their heart. The wonderful sensations associated with love have a number of features:
- The first love most often occurs at a young age, when the personality is not fully formed. In this case, strong feelings become a severe test for a person. The further development of his personality depends on the outcome of love.
- According to psychologists, first love is not always real. But because of the strong and unusual emotions that boys and girls face, the memory of this feeling remains for a lifetime.
- It’s bad if your first love turns out to be unrequited. Due to unfinished emotions, a person can yearn for many years and wait for reciprocity.
- Love in youth is usually short-lived. They fall in love with a person who, after 1-2 years, noticeably matures and becomes different.
It is not so important at what age bright feelings came to a person. You shouldn't hide from them. This experience must be accepted and lived through with dignity in order to build strong love relationships in the future.
Three important steps
Anyone can face the problem of separation, so you need to know how to forget your loved one while keeping your nervous system in order. Three simple steps will show you how to forget a dear and loved one quickly and painlessly:
- Understanding that the relationship is over. Even if it’s hard to believe, you need to force your subconscious to evaluate the situation and understand that your loved one is no longer in your life. It’s stupid to delve into yourself trying to find the reason for such a result.
- Raising self-esteem. Girls who find themselves abandoned consider themselves unattractive, boring, unkempt, and insolvent. A few weeks after the breakup, you should pull yourself together and think about increasing your self-esteem. There are many ways to do this - you can join a gym, go to dancing or English courses, learn to drive a car, etc.
- Maximum distance. Move away from your ex-partner, limit any communication, exclude meetings with him, forget about the places where you vacationed together. The longer people are at a distance, the faster their feelings will fade. Even if your ex-boyfriend tries to find out about your life, just ignore him.
These three rules will show you how to once and for all forget the person you love with all your heart, who hurt you by leaving. Psychologists recommend listening to every point. You need to avoid loneliness and try to communicate more with others, who will gradually fill the resulting void.
Advice from psychologists shows girls how to forget him and improve their well-being. Listen to them until you realize that you are ready to move on with your life.
Will a new relationship help?
When going to see a psychologist, girls often say: “I can’t forget the person I love and is important to me.” Experts will tell you how to get rid of resentment and look at the situation from the other side. Starting a new relationship when there is a wound in your heart is stupid. Psychologists do not approve of this method, but they also do not see anything deadly or immoral in it if a new hobby appears.
There is no clear answer to the question whether it is possible to start a new relationship immediately after the end of an old one. Here it is worth focusing on the state of the abandoned person and his desire to start building a life. According to statistics, 2-3 months after a breakup is the ideal time to start a new relationship.
In this case, the advice of a psychologist on how to quickly forget someone you still love can guide you towards a new relationship. But sometimes there are situations when these relationships further aggravate the condition of the abandoned person and destroy his desire to do anything for his own happiness.
First you need to understand the reasons for your breakup.
As old Philip Kirkorov said: “If you want to go, go, if you want to forget, forget.” In principle, his words sound reasonable, but only for those who really know what they want. However, apparently, you don’t quite understand whether you should go to her house and tearfully ask for a second chance, or give up on this idea and try to get over the breakup.
The solution to this dilemma can be found by analyzing the circumstances of your breakup, and the chronology of the relationship in general. In fact, the answers here lie on the surface, but not everyone is ready to honestly formulate them for themselves.
For example, not everyone is able to say to themselves:
“Yes, I was a toxic asshole who forbade my girlfriend to take an extra step, constantly monitored her correspondence on social networks, did not let her go out with her friends, and generally tried to make her my property, subduing her will and taking her soul. I need to reconsider my attitude towards girls.”
Sounds powerful, doesn't it? By the way, relationships where a man tries to turn his girlfriend into a weak-willed servant are a thing of the past. We live in the 21st century, and the union of two people should now be based on reciprocity, reciprocity, cooperation, love, respect and other important things.
And don’t even try to say now: “Ahh, and here they will impose their liberal values on me with an eye on the decaying West.” Liberal values have nothing to do with it, it’s common sense with an eye to normal relations.
So, returning to the circumstances of your breakup, I advise you to figure out why it all happened. To make this easier, I will give two embellished models of relationships, and you will try to understand which one describes yours better.
Procedure
Those who don’t know how to quickly forget a former loved one and dear person need to listen to the recommendations of psychologists. By following these tips, within a few weeks you will be able to feel the taste of life again.
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We remove everything that reminds us of our loved one
After the end of a relationship, many people think how they can quickly forget the person for whom they had the brightest and most sincere feelings. Psychological techniques will allow you to get past relationships out of your head and learn to live again.
Everyone should understand how to forget the person you love, but he is no longer with you. First you need to get rid of all the things you bought together. Throw away photographs, gifts, personal items, try to build your life on new values, update your wardrobe.
The hardest thing to do is get rid of shared things if you lived together. In this case, it will not be possible to completely throw everything out of the apartment, but you need to try to attach the slightest importance to the surrounding environment.
Memories will only increase the suffering of separation and give unrealistic hopes that you can still be together. This situation will be more painful for the person, especially when feelings are present.
If there are valuable things given to a former lover, you don’t have to get rid of them. Hide them in a distant drawer. When feelings cool down and you find new happiness, valuable gifts can be returned to their usual places. If there are no feelings, they will not cause negative emotions.
Stop dreaming and feeling sorry for yourself
Men and women after a breakup don’t know how to quickly forget the person you still love and want to spend all your time with. If your loved one has left, do not think about how to get him back. He made his choice, decided to move on in life without you. You must know how to forget the person you will never be with again. People change extremely rarely, and if fate separated them once, then it will do it again and again.
Making a list of your loved one's shortcomings
The list of shortcomings will show you how to forget the person you love madly and see every day because of work or children together.
When we fall in love, we always see a person only from the best side, without thinking at all that he has shortcomings. There are no ideal people, but this can only be understood after separation and disappointment.
Try to think about the bad moments in the relationship when you felt pain, cried, did not understand why the person was so cruel to you. Negative emotions will quickly allow you to draw a table of his shortcomings and show that the relationship was not ideal at all, and therefore is not worth tears and worries. This psychological technique allows you to form resentment in the subconscious of the abandoned person, which gradually suppresses all feelings.
Psychology sometimes gives merciless advice, but they show how to forget a loved one forever.
Where does change begin?
There are many examples of how a couple gets back together after a breakup and builds relationships on a new level. There are no fewer cases when those whom we cannot stop loving and forget today appear again years later - but we no longer feel anything for them. The reason for both situations is our condition.
What is psyche? Great desire for pleasure. The same pain is a kind of measure of the strength of potential happiness. It shows that we crave pleasure, but cannot yet receive it.
How to achieve it? Here again you will need system-vector knowledge. The entire volume of feelings can be filled by directing energy - the power of desire - into action. Most of all we want feelings, and we experience the strongest ones through the ultimate realization of our nature, that is, given properties.
Libido is not only sexual desire. This is an attraction to life, an active thirst to enjoy, which has its manifestations in different vectors. Knowing them, a person understands what kind of sublimation suits him, and enjoys being realized.
It is much easier for those who have already revealed their talents. Knowing the taste of fulfillment from self-realization, we involuntarily reach for pleasure and dive into the work of life. Self-realization has the same root as sexual pleasure.
Those who don't yet know their greatest talent will have to make a conscious effort. When we recognize our properties correctly, we become involved with lightning speed. Nature generously rewards for the realization of those who do what she created them for.
You can start filling vector desires already at the stage of leaving the relationship.
People with the skin vector grasp on the fly and highly value logic and cause-and-effect relationships. These are the greatest connoisseurs of usefulness and efficiency, who will immediately apply new knowledge. Meticulous people with an anal vector will find relief and pleasure in a leisurely, comprehensive analysis of the current situation in its entirety. Laying everything out on the shelves really is a source of good fortune for them.
Sensitive viewers and thoughtful sound-sounders will be filled with concentration: visual - on the feelings of other people, or auditory - on the meaning of what is happening between them. Surprisingly, but true: for those who are always self-absorbed in sound, focusing outside can bring pleasure comparable to an orgasm. Just like the audience - switching from their feelings to the feelings of often complete strangers.
Using natural properties for their intended purpose is a very rewarding endeavor. Every little joy obtained in this way strengthens the desire - and therefore the potential joy from one’s own actions. Realization is the best prevention of all addictions, including love ones: there are no painful voids left, which means there is no need to fill them with something or someone.
Through awareness and correct actions, the state changes. Your condition changes, your life changes.
Erasing bad memories
After a breakup, many experience difficult days in their lives, they don’t know how to forget forever the person they love and who has hurt their pride forever and never forgive. To do this, you need to start life from scratch.
A psychological technique helps erase difficult memories from memory. Just take a piece of paper and write on it all the goals that you need to achieve in the near future. Read them every day, try to achieve everything as quickly as possible. Such moments will quickly distract you from negative thoughts and allow you to tune into a new mood.
Desperate acts and suffering are not the way out of the situation. If you are active, purposeful, make new acquaintances, you will not notice how quickly life will change. New people will fill the void, heal the wounds in your heart, and help you radically change your thinking.
If you feel sorry for yourself and worry about what happened, you can destroy your health. Sometimes it’s difficult to come to the decision to do something on your own; this requires the support of friends, family, and colleagues. Try to diversify your life with new hobbies. A change of environment will allow you to relax and understand how to forget the person you still love very much.
READ How to painlessly part with a loved one: advice from a psychologist
Learning to enjoy the things we love again
To cope with a difficult situation, you need to know how to forget your loved one quickly and forever. Enjoying things and activities you love makes people happy. Help improve your mood:
- watching an interesting film;
- Cup of coffee;
- relaxing massage;
- taking a bath;
- wardrobe update;
- going to a beauty salon.
The psychology of people is very complex, so it is not always possible to forget the person you love and not think about him again. If you want to improve your life and feel positive energy, it’s not difficult to do.
Getting rid of the past through sports and dancing
When everything in life does not go according to plan, many people go off track, withdraw into themselves, and build destructive illusions. Human psychology sometimes answers many questions; it shows how to forget a lover and live without him.
Physical activity not only strengthens the body, but also improves mental health. If you are tired of problems, sign up for sports training. Activity quickly increases the tone of the body, improves mood, and creates positive emotions. If you study in a group, you can find new useful acquaintances, make friends.
2-3 workouts a week are enough to throw out negative emotions. Having noticed the first changes in ourselves, we begin to love ourselves even more, our self-esteem increases, which is necessary for men and women after a breakup.
Let's communicate for real
Only interesting communication shows how to forget your beloved loved one if you see him every day because of children or other circumstances. Communication with understanding people will always be pleasant, sincere, frank. They will provide support, allow you to forget the past, and will never abandon you in difficult times.
When you have the support of friends or family, any problems seem less scary.
Forgiving ourselves, making peace with the past
It is stupid to harbor a grudge and suffer painfully from what is happening. Forgive the traitor, let him go with a pure soul, start building your personal life from scratch.
Anger and scandals, even after parting with your loved one, will hinder your happiness. Such behavior only harms the future and does not allow you to break the previous connection. Free your soul, let your ex live his life. Psychologists recommend stopping thinking about him, forgetting both the bad and the good. A man who doesn't love you won't feel all your pain. That is why it is worth once to forgive and let go of your loved one.
Sometimes people themselves leave their lovers, having certain reasons. Here it is much more difficult to forgive yourself, because you constantly feel angry at yourself. To maintain mental health, you should try to find an excuse for your actions and behavior.
We come up with funny reasons for breaking up
A depressing mood after breaking up with a man who doesn’t love you disrupts girls’ quality of life. To get out of the situation without casualties, you need to independently set yourself up for the positive. Just come up with funny reasons for your breakup that will allow you to stop thinking about your ex.
Examples are as follows:
- I'm a good girl, and he likes bitches.
- We're too perfect to be together.
- Love has become boring, it's time to be alone.
Such strange methods do not always show how to quickly forget the person you still love, but sometimes they lift your spirits and make you think positively. You just have to wait for the time that really heals. No matter how people who have experienced separation and betrayal say, time allows you to be distracted by other things and start a happy life.
Reboot3
Rebooting helps not only during breakups, but also in everyday life. It helps to gain strength, new impressions, relax your soul and free your head from unnecessary painful thoughts.
The simplest and most effective reboot is a change of environment. You can start small - arrange a global rearrangement of the house - change the curtains, rearrange the furniture. Change the supermarket where you shop every day. Let the other store be further away; an extra walk won't hurt. You should also change your favorite coffee shop, which you always went to before work. Fortunately, there are a lot of them, and the coffee is very tasty everywhere.
Allow yourself to walk every evening, changing places - today a park, tomorrow another, then cycling (or skiing, skating, if it’s winter), then to the main square. Well, the global part is the travel. It is not necessary to go abroad, but if such an opportunity exists, you should not miss it. You can go for the weekend to another city or to the sea. Take a vacation and go to your grandmother in the village, breathe fresh air, relax and finally visit your beloved grandmother.
Love suffering: when will it end?
Constantly thinking about what to do in order to quickly forget a dearly loved and dear person, many assume that such suffering will be eternal.
It's not easy to wake up in the morning and realize that your life together is over. If you don’t want to return to life, and console yourself with hopes of his return, then it will be extremely difficult to survive the suffering. Experts provide their statistics on suffering after a breakup, which equates a year of relationship to a month of suffering. Of course, this formula is not 100% correct, but this is exactly what happens sometimes. It is important in the first months after the end of a relationship not to think about her or him, surround yourself with friends, relatives, and play sports.
Do you need help from magic?
If a person cannot forget his beloved for a long time, desperate thoughts come to his mind about turning to magicians for help. Such actions are considered unnecessary, because no force can help you experience unrequited love if you don’t want it.
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Magic is only self-hypnosis, which helps many. If you know that after visiting a magician your suffering will go away or decrease, then you can take a risk. The main thing is not to expect an instant effect. With the help of magical rituals, you can not only improve your condition, but also bring back your former lover.
The help of magic is chosen by the most desperate people, whom psychologists and other specialists cannot help. No one can make you truly fall in love, so magic is a temporary solution to the problem that will not allow you to experience happiness with your chosen one for the rest of your life.
Unleash your emotions 2
Whether there was a breakup quietly or with shouting and breaking of dishes, emotions always remain afterwards. Unspoken words, grievances, unshed tears. You shouldn’t keep it to yourself and accumulate nervous tension. We need to free ourselves. We remember the first point - to realize. And only a cold and sober head, free from feelings and emotions, can understand. So, you need to throw out these emotions.
Have a mini-party with friends and a bottle of whiskey or martini, go to a bar, a noisy nightclub, dance until your legs hurt and your head hurts. The “noisy” option is not suitable? This means you can lock yourself at home, scream as loud as you can until the walls crack, cry your heart out, turn on a sad movie and cry over it (if you need stimulation).
Break the watches and perfume she gave her, cut the shirts, belts, socks she bought. For girls it’s the same. There is no need to feel sorry (this is a good perfume, this is an expensive dress!). These are constant reminders. But they are not needed. You can buy a dress, socks and shirts - in general there are constant sales.
Allow yourself extreme activities, for example, skydiving. This method will kill two birds with one stone - it will help you throw out emotions and fill you with new impressions.
Advice from psychologists
To forget a loved one who left or betrayed, you need to take into account the advice of psychologists. They help achieve peace of mind.
The tips are as follows:
- Stop talking about your ex with your friends.
- Don't think about him, be distracted by various things.
- Find a hobby that will occupy all your free time.
- Eliminate any communication with your ex, even mentally.
- Try to remember only the bad things or forget about the past altogether.
- Engage in self-development.
- Don't think about loss because it is not the most important thing in your life.
- Don’t indulge yourself with illusions: if he left, he won’t come back.
- Forget about excuses, if your loved one treated you this way, he doesn’t deserve them.
The tips will tell you how to throw people who have betrayed you out of your life, and will also help you cope more easily with a breakup and not withdraw into yourself. Not a single lover who has experienced suffering, disappointment or pain has remained alone in this life. Fate will allow you to meet a destiny on the way that will not leave you.
Thank you heart that you know how to love so much
Any experience is development. Pain is the background for the knowledge of pleasure and a signal that we are doing something wrong or not doing what is necessary. Forgetting the bad means throwing yourself back, because forgetting does not bring correction. Having gone through pain and understood its causes, we not only free ourselves from it and acquire immunity, we become better, more perfect, and therefore happier, including in love.
Today, with peace of mind, I can call Andrew, Paul, and even David my friends. Not in some abstract sense, but in a completely concrete sense. We communicate, we are happy with each other, we are in each other’s lives. Enjoying an exhibition, supporting a release or a successful project, drinking a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, supporting and simply discussing events in the world - this is a reality that seemed impossible during the moments of a painful separation. I am happy about Andrew’s two children, David’s happy marriage, and Paul’s success. And I know for sure that this is mutual.
