Sometimes you have to part with people. It is extremely rare that this happens by mutual consent and for objective reasons. Usually everything goes well, nothing foreshadows trouble, and then you find out that they are cheating on you, that they have stopped loving you, or that they have simply become bored with you. It may seem to you that these problems can be solved, because you love her so much. But she is adamant - you break up, your ex has a new wonderful life (especially if she went not into emptiness, but to someone), and you collect the remnants of male pride in the corners of all the bars in the capital. Attempts to drown melancholy in a glass are almost always unsuccessful. Therefore, we propose to act completely differently.
Tell her everything
This is not a clause about you having to return everything and make peace. You are probably seething with anger, frustration, misunderstanding, your head is bursting with questions “how? Why? for what?". If you keep them to yourself, you will never be able to put an end to the relationship. Arrange a meeting, call, write in instant messenger or, in the end, a letter to tell your ex-girlfriend everything you think about her and the current situation. If she hurt you or hurt your feelings, don't try to be nice in hopes of getting it back. It's better to give free rein to your emotions. Apologize only if there is really a reason.
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How to manage memories?
Context is the most important factor for anyone who wants to learn how to manage their memories. After all, with its help you can consolidate a memory. The wider and brighter the context, the more strongly we remember the event.
Let's go back to the memory of a hot day at the beach. It is advisable that you remember details, settings, emotions and feelings. Then the context will be formed.
If you remember the easy flow of river water, the warm sand of the coast, the hot asphalt of the path next to your umbrella and the creamy taste of ice cream, the memory of this day will remain very vivid and full for many years. The broader the context, the more varied the experience. This is what we recall when we remember a hot day spent in childhood.
So if we know how to use context to create a memory, can we find a way to erase our memories?
Stop all contact with her
You've talked, you've said what you think, and now, if your goal is to truly get over your ex, it's time to cut all ties with her. This doesn't mean you should, like a teenager, block her on all social networks and unfriend her. Just stop looking through all her stories and posts, tormenting your head with potential comments that you won’t leave, manically looking for opportunities to sneak a glimpse of her, driving “by chance” past the girl’s house, texting her friends to find out everything about her affairs. If the temptation to follow your ex-girlfriend at least on social networks is too great, remove yourself from them altogether. A little digital detox won’t hurt anyone, especially in such a situation. To communicate with those who did not break your heart, messengers will remain.
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How to forget your best friend? Proven advice + Advice from a psychologist
05/16/2020 Admin
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Friendship is a rather complex phenomenon by its nature, so it is not always possible to understand its features. Forgetting your best friend is more difficult if your friendship with her has lasted long enough. Not only a girl, but also a guy can have a best friend, no matter how controversial the statement is that friendship between a man and a woman cannot exist. A friend understands everything, supports, and can give good advice. Due to banal misunderstandings and less-than-ideal human character, even such strong relationships can collapse.
- Understand that both are to blame!
- All people grow and change
- Remember that time heals!
- Understand that the friendship is over!
- Cut off all contact with your ex-friend
- Find something to do that will distract you
- Make yourself happy
- Communicate more with other friends, do not close yourself off from society
- Find new friends
- Conclusions:
Understand that both are to blame!
If it so happens that you have broken off relations with your best friend, then you should accept the fact that both parties are to blame for such a set of circumstances. Perhaps you were too rude, unfair or stubborn somewhere. All this may also apply to a friend who was the best until recently. The conflict can develop so strongly that a person simply does not want to restore friendly relations, because the resentment can be quite strong. You can be friends for a year, two years, ten years - this is not a guarantee that one day the friendship will not be destroyed forever. It happens.
All people grow and change
People tend to progress and develop; as we grow and then age, our life views, priorities and values change. Perhaps your best friend stopped understanding you because you began to see the same things differently. This is a normal phenomenon, but once you understand the essence of this nuance, it will be much easier to forget the person who was your best friend. You just need to come to terms with this set of circumstances and continue to mind your own business. The advice is simple - don’t get hung up on people who don’t value your friendship.
Remember that time heals!
Love and friendship are what every person would like, and many have such an opportunity. If you deliberately broke off contact with your best friend, and are currently experiencing mental suffering, then just try to distract yourself. This is a common phenomenon that thousands of people experience in their lives. You shouldn’t make a significant tragedy out of this, because you should look to the future, where you can find new friends. You will notice how you feel better over time. There is no need to exhaust yourself, as a new friend may turn out to be better than the old two. Look at life positively.
Best friends fight
Understand that the friendship is over!
A common problem for many people is that they are not ready to admit the end of a relationship, trying to save it to the last. This has a direct bearing on friendship between people. If a conflict occurs, after which communication ceases on the initiative of one of the parties, resign yourself. This is a normal phenomenon, you cannot be friends with everyone in this world. People are all different, each of us has our own views on life. After some time, you realize that you shouldn’t have wasted time sorting things out. If the friendship has already ended, then there is no need to renew it. She will never be as strong as before.
Cut off all contact with your ex-friend
When a serious quarrel occurs between friends, for some time they do not want to communicate with each other and intersect. You need to be able to let go of a person and start a new life. Over time, a desire arises to take an interest in the affairs of your former best friend, to find out how things are going at work and in your personal life. If this desire arises, you should control yourself. Remember, if you once decide to stop communicating, then you should stick to your own opinion. Cut off all contacts, forget the person and completely throw him out of your head. If you are not ready to do this, then you feel guilty. In this case, it makes sense to start a dialogue, apologize and improve relations.
Communicating with a person who betrayed you or offended you in some way is disrespect for yourself.
It is for this reason that it is advisable to break off the relationship once and for all. Soon you will be able to notice that interesting people are appearing around you, with whom it is easy to communicate, they are sincere and open. It is friendship with them that will make you a truly happy person. If you constantly return to those who once treated you poorly, then you will not have to count on any favors from fate. Be prepared that you will find yourself in this situation more than once.
Cut off contact with your ex-girlfriend
Find something to do that will distract you
When you feel sad, you need to occupy yourself with something. Think about your hobby. While you were worried, you stopped showing interest in life. Spending time like this is unacceptable, because for each of us it is limited. If you haven't been seriously interested in anything, then it's time to discover a hobby. For example, you might be interested in fishing. It is accompanied by outdoor recreation, field survival skills and much more. If you are a more active person, you can buy a bicycle and go explore the surroundings of your area, region and the entire region. Computer games, the choice of which is now simply huge, will also help you forget your ex-girlfriend.
Make yourself happy
Do not forget that you are a full-fledged person who has every right to be happy. Treat yourself to your favorite dishes, go on a trip, meet friends you haven’t seen for a long time. You'll be surprised how many things make you feel good. Communicating with other people will be extremely useful, as this will allow you to quickly resolve the issue of a failed friendship, forgetting about it forever. Try to maintain your good mood and not be distracted by emotional sadness. This is the only way to fully overcome it and get rid of suffering.
Communicate more with other friends, do not close yourself off from society
You can be friends with different people, but not everyone can establish such close relationships in a short time. After the sad experience of friendship with a representative of the fair sex, it is unacceptable to withdraw into yourself. Some people tend to be self-critical of themselves, they look for shortcomings in themselves, and blame themselves for all problems. If you act this way, you will only achieve a persistent state of depression. Expand your social circle daily, find like-minded people and continue to develop.
Find new friends
You can want a lot from life, but friends should not be a luxury. A lonely person cannot be happy. It is for this reason that you meet new people, spend more time on social networks and do not hesitate to write to the person you like or are interested in.
Conclusions:
A girlfriend or best friend will be a significant person for every person, but sometimes even the strongest relationships collapse. You need to approach this with the understanding that you are not the only one in the world who suffers from this injustice in life.
Psychologist's advice: Don't isolate yourself, spend more time on hobbies and expand your social circle. If you decide to end your friendship, then break off the relationship once and for life, without allowing you to be offended again. Letting go of a person is not as difficult as it seems at first glance. Over time, you will be able to see this for yourself!
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Talk about a breakup
We, of course, live in a patriarchal society where masculine males do not suffer. And you don’t want to tell your friends that you’re hurt, sad and lonely, and what if they answer: “What are you talking about! You're a man! We hope you have understanding friends who don't subscribe to stereotypes about boys who don't cry. But if suddenly you still cannot overcome the barrier, go to a psychoanalyst. This is the very case when it is needed without regard to the presence of any diagnosis. Any emotional shock affects your psyche. And trying to ignore it, hush it up and wait until everything settles down and is forgotten will only make things worse for you. If you broke up because a girl cheated on you or cheated on you, this is a serious blow to your trust in other people, which will affect future relationships. Talk about feelings, thoughts, how you have changed, and this will help you get over the breakup easier and better understand for yourself what happened and how to prevent it from happening again.
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How to let go of a person and learn to live without him
How to let go of a person without whom you cannot imagine existence? This is a very complex and painful process from a psychological point of view. If the separation process is irreversible, you should pull yourself together and accept this situation.
Moreover, the faster this can be done, the better it will be for everyone. A sober look at the problem will allow you to avoid unnecessary negative meetings and conversations, withdrawal into yourself and a nervous breakdown.
It’s difficult to accept the fact that it’s over and now you two don’t exist. But this is the only way out of the situation. Try to convince yourself of this and decide how you will live in the new reality.
If you part on good terms, you can avoid insults, unnecessary insults and disappointments. If you try to hold on by force, threats, unimaginable tricks or blackmail, nothing good will come of it.
Happiness will not happen even if the relationship lasts for some time. Many threaten their partners with suicide, invent or fake pregnancies, and blackmail them with their careers, money, and position in society. The partner can reconcile and return, but as practice shows, this is insincere and will not last long.
He will be there, but he will quietly hate you, the current situation, and himself for not finding the strength to leave. The illusion that everything is fine again will not last long. Therefore, you should let go of someone who wants to leave calmly and on time. It's not easy, but it's better.
Don't rush into a new relationship
When someone's house burns down, no one immediately starts building a new one in its place. The area is completely cleared, the foundation is restored, the ground around is strengthened, because it also suffers from fire, a new plan for the building is thought out to make it more resistant to fires and safer, and then they just build it. You are an even more complex and vulnerable structure than some burnt out shack. A new girlfriend will not help you forget your ex, because you cannot build anything on the ashes. You will inevitably compare this relationship with your previous ones, say something about the breakup or about your ex (and this will really irritate your current girlfriend), you will have problems with trust and emotional background. Most likely, another break awaits you, which will finally destroy your faith in yourself and humanity.
Life is not without losses
Every person sooner or later loses loved ones. It hurts, it’s difficult, but after this you can find the strength to live on. But how can you forget the person you love? Is it possible to get him out of my head forever? Yes, but why do it if you can just keep a fond memory of him?
Don’t keep negative thoughts in your head, communicate more often with loved ones and look for as many positive moments in life as possible. Even if you can’t do it quickly, don’t be discouraged, time is the great doctor.
You yourself create a picture of the world, so let it be bright and filled with love for yourself and others.
Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase
Work on yourself
Instead of starting a new relationship, take care of yourself. It is easiest to survive stress and cope with experiences and emotions when you simply do not have time for them. Buy a gym membership, start learning foreign languages, go on a trip with friends, finally get a promotion, find singing/drawing/public speaking courses. It makes no difference what exactly you do in your free time, but just don’t lie on the couch with a bottle of beer, beating yourself up. Develop and become cooler, let your ex bite your elbows, not you.
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“I can’t forget a person”: what does it mean?
I can’t forget a person... What does this mean? This first of all means that thoughts involuntarily return to someone, an image stands before your eyes, a voice appears in an empty apartment.
This means that the hand is constantly reaching for the phone, and the hope of seeing a missed call or message never leaves day or night...
Why is this happening? In most cases, it is difficult to forget a person for whom you had strong feelings. If it was mutual and happy, it is really difficult to get the person out of your memory. Moreover, it can be difficult in any case: whether you just broke up or the person passed away.
In the first case, there is a glimmer of hope for some time that everything will return and the relationship will resume. In the second, the bitterness of loss is accompanied by hopelessness associated with the fact that the person will never be seen again.
It often happens that it is not possible to forget a person even when there is a new relationship.
There is a constant internal struggle with oneself, comparing the current man with the previous one, and worrying about this. This is difficult to deal with, but you have to try. After all, completed relationships are unlikely to form a happy future.
Spend more time with your family
After a breakup, especially if the relationship was quite long and serious, you will miss love, attention and care. It's time to remember that no one will ever love you more than your mother. Buy a bouquet (we hope you do this all the time) and go visit. Better yet, invite your family to the theater or host them a dinner at your home. When we start dating someone, a new “family” comes to the fore. This is a normal and natural course of life, but partings remind us that “an old friend is better than two new ones.” And no one will support you the way your family will do it. And, immersed in family problems (probably some repairs are needed somewhere, your younger brother or nephew needs help at school, your mother’s car broke down, and the list goes on), you simply won’t have time to suffer.
How to end a texting friendship
If your girlfriend is aggressive and you are overly sentimental, you should not meet in person. These phrases will help you end your relationship without unnecessary drama:
- I want to focus on my emotional comfort and regain my self-confidence. Our friendship prevents me from doing this, and I think that we need to end communication.
- I wish you all the best and hope you accept my choice. This decision was not easy for me, but I see no other choice.
- You were a close person to me, but I no longer have warm feelings for you. It's time to go our separate ways, thank you for everything.
Change something in your life
This is the most radical advice that works great. You can find a new job - preferably a more creative one, which will distract you from sad thoughts, which involves meeting people so that your social circle changes. Or move to another city, and every restaurant, traffic light, asphalt slab and bench in the park will not remind you of bright days with your ex. Get a dog - it, of course, will not replace your girlfriend, but it will never deceive, betray or abandon you. And while you save wires, slippers and bags from the puppy, your worries will fade into the background. Buy or rent a new apartment. Change your car. Let this painful breakup motivate you to change your life and become cooler, and not condemn you to suffering and alcoholism.
Ways to survive betrayal
First you need to change the image of the betrayed person with the help of psychotechnics. Options are possible! Choose whichever one you like best.
For example, imagine the name of a former friend or lover written in chalk on a school board. There is a wet rag nearby... Tell yourself: “When I’m ready, I’ll take a rag and wash this board clean...”. You can imagine the name of a person you hate written on a piece of paper. You used the paper for its intended purpose, and you no longer need it. Where should it be thrown? This is where you mentally (or actually) throw it away. Or you can create this image: the fragments of your favorite (or not so favorite) cup are lying on the floor, on one of them the name of your former friend is engraved. Of course, it’s a pity that this cup broke... But, on the other hand, you must admit that if you really, really valued it, it wouldn’t break: you would just catch it in flight. And now its place is in the trash can. What can you do? Cups tend to break...
Or you can create this image: the fragments of your favorite (or not so favorite) cup are lying on the floor, on one of them the name of your former friend is engraved. Of course, it’s a pity that this cup broke... But, on the other hand, you must admit that if you really, really valued it, it wouldn’t break: you would just catch it in flight. And now its place is in the trash can. What can you do? Cups tend to break...
I wonder, for what amount would you agree not to date this or that person again? Probably, even for $500 they would have agreed to interrupt a not very necessary acquaintance (“He makes me neither cold nor hot”). You wouldn’t break up with a loved one, no matter how much money (“How will I live without him?”). And for someone, perhaps, they themselves would pay a little extra (“Just to never see her (him) again!”). This is the measure of human relations! As they say, money is not people, it will not be superfluous.
