A person with a difficult character often suffers from the qualities that he developed during his life. He does not understand why people avoid him, and communication brings neither pleasure nor benefit. A complex character is manifested in sarcasm, conflict, envy and other traits. However, even such people, after working hard on themselves, will be able to achieve spiritual harmony.
Interaction of a complex personality with the world
It is not easy to deal with a person who has a difficult character. Such people often offend others and spoil their mood. They often begin to be avoided, since communication with them rarely brings joy. If you had to deal with such a person, the simplest solution is to enter into communication with him as little as possible. The main signs of a severe nature, signaling the need to reduce the number of contacts, are:
- Reluctance to listen to the interlocutor.
- A sense of rightness even in situations where there is no reason for it.
- Aggressiveness, conflict, quarrelsomeness.
- Tendency to criticize and find fault.
- Depressiveness, tendency to dramatize.
If it seems that only such people are around, this is a reason to think: perhaps personal problems are not characteristic of them, but of the person himself.
Asks serious questions
What do most ladies talk about? As a rule, we are talking about topics that only cause grins or are simply not interesting. The result is a situation where a man simply cannot find a reason to talk or he is not at all interested in communication. Therefore, if a woman knows how to ask serious questions, it is always interesting to be with her.
Irritability
Excessive irritability is one of the main signs of a difficult character. One person will behave calmly while in a traffic jam. Another will honk his horn furiously and curse everyone around him - both drivers and pedestrians. If something doesn’t happen according to plan - someone steps on someone’s foot, or a child gets a bad grade from school, it can turn into a real Apocalypse for such a person. Psychologists believe that irritability as an innate character trait is inherent in only 0.1% of the entire population. In other cases, this quality is a consequence of psychological problems acquired during life.
Responsibility
How do you relate to people who are sharply different from those around you? Negatively? What kind of person is a complex person? This is a person who goes against the grain and is not afraid to stand out. A person knows how to take responsibility for his words and actions and is not afraid of condemnation. Responsibility is a character trait that is inherent in strong individuals. Weak people do not know how to be responsible even for decisions they personally make. But strong individuals can always account for their behavior, as well as answer for the actions of their subordinates. Because of this character trait, many people do not like them, because they believe that they take on too much. For this reason, subordinates frankly do not like bosses and cannot understand their actions. And decisions made with full responsibility seem strange to people.
Pickiness
Often people with a difficult character believe that the truth is born in a dispute, but it still won’t be possible to live in peace with other people. On the one hand, constructive criticism helps you improve and is beneficial. But such people forget that it is not only what is said that is important, but also how this information is presented.
By the way, phrases like “He’s a complete idiot if he doesn’t understand that” or “Her hands don’t grow from there” are insults, not criticism. It is useful to remember this for people with a difficult character.
The reason for such pickiness is often the peculiarities of upbringing in early childhood. A child who has had to listen to criticism from his parents for any action gets used to this behavior. Often, in order to correct this character trait, one cannot do without long-term work with a psychotherapist.
Problems from childhood
Why do some children grow up to be good kids, while others grow up to be headstrong tomboys? It's all about education and permissiveness. Parents who forbid their child a lot, but do it in moderation, will raise a normal person. But is it so good to be normal? The fact is that people who did not have their own opinion in childhood and followed the eternal instructions of their parents will continue to adhere to this style of behavior in adulthood. Such persons are good subordinates. They meet deadlines and always act according to instructions.
Those individuals who are called complex are very self-willed. Their creativity and initiative were not limited in childhood, therefore, with age, they only strengthened the opinion that this world should be examined and any opinion can and should be doubted. Such people cause a lot of problems to others. They always have their own opinion, do not want to agree with anyone and are not afraid to openly quarrel. It is impossible to listen to their conscience, and sometimes it seems that it simply does not exist. But it should be understood that such people rarely go beyond the bounds of decency and rarely intentionally cause harm to others.
Sarcasticity
This trait of a difficult character is aimed at hurting other people, touching on their shortcomings. Moreover, this is always done in the most sophisticated expressions and often in front of everyone. Pleasant jokes can never ruin your mood. As for sarcasm, it causes only negative emotions. This phenomenon is a socially acceptable type of aggression. If a person cannot express to another everything that he thinks about him, that makes him a target for his sarcastic statements.
Often the reason for sarcasm is the desire to attract the attention of others. Psychologists have found that this trait is characteristic of people who come from large families. It also affects those in whose families parents and other adults were not ashamed to communicate with each other through ridicule.
To overcome the craving for acute slander, you need to think - why utter offensive words and what is their ultimate goal? After all, in order to attract the attention of society, there are many more positive ways. If the statement of a colleague or relative seems completely stupid and makes you want to tell a cruel joke, it is useful to ask your interlocutor a few clarifying questions instead. For example: “Why do you think so?”, “Do you think things could be different?” This will help you show yourself as a delicate and attentive person. This will allow the interlocutor to maintain a sense of self-esteem.
Competition
A person who is strong in spirit is never afraid of competition. On the contrary, he even craves her, because he thinks that she will make him stronger and better. A challenging person is not afraid to grow and compete with his peers. He believes that the intensity of passions will help to overcome the path faster. When a person leaves his comfort zone, he can make a revolution in his destiny much faster than if the person sat in his cozy cocoon and did not try to somehow change his life. The more competition, the better, as any complex person thinks. Many people do not understand this position in life, because they are afraid to lose, but the person is not afraid to act and take risks. Because of this desire for eternal disputes and bets, as well as for an eternal race, others do not always understand difficult people. They have to put up with a difficult character, and sometimes even indulge people who cannot be convinced of anything.
Tendency to dramatize events, anxiety, depression
These qualities of people with difficult characters spoil the lives of both themselves and those around them. After all, they also have to constantly listen to complaints and whining about how bad everything is. Your neighbors have an expensive car, your friend has a more beautiful wife, and your friend’s child managed to get into a prestigious university. The quality of life in the country is deteriorating, and wages are not growing; and the weather is kind of bad every day. These people think approximately this way, infecting those around them with their pessimism.
To get rid of the habit of seeing everything in a dark light, it is useful to work on yourself. You need to develop the habit of seeing things in more positive terms. Also, such a person needs to do everything in his power to make his life pleasant and comfortable, and bring joy.
Perfectionists
Difficult people try to do everything well. Sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity, but people do not notice it. They want everything to go according to their plan, and they do not intend to deviate from the intended path. Any deviation from the plan is considered a tragedy. Perfectionism does not allow a person to develop and makes him stagnate for a long time. Difficult people are willing to put up with it if it results in them doing a flawless job. They demand similar results from others. And at the same time, people get very upset when they find out that one of their acquaintances or subordinates is working carelessly.
Is life difficult for perfectionists? Very. They constantly criticize others, give advice to everyone and hear a lot of unflattering reviews about themselves. Is it possible to get used to such a reaction? Difficult. People cannot change themselves. It is difficult for them to understand why work can be done poorly. Normal people understand that the best is the enemy of the good. But difficult people do not realize this simple truth, and they have to put up with the incompetence, laziness and recklessness of those around them.
I have a difficult character: what should I do? General recommendations
Being a difficult person means dooming yourself to conflicts and loneliness. And the first step to overcome these difficulties is to realize your shortcomings. People with this personality structure often tend to notice only the disadvantages of those around them and not pay attention to their own. Even in a situation where others point out that they are wrong, they will continue to believe that they were misunderstood and want to offend.
Having a difficult character is not easy, because you need to learn to control yourself. In conflict situations, it is useful to muffle your own feelings for a while and take an interest in what others are saying about you now. You shouldn’t rush to be rude in response or make excuses: first, it’s better to impartially listen to other people’s criticism. This will allow you to understand what image they have in their head and how they perceive such behavior. If this image is negative, it should be changed.
Assertiveness
How do difficult people behave with others? Such people always have something to say, and they are not afraid to flaunt their candidacy. It should not be surprising that complex personalities often become the life of the party. Those people who have little interaction with an assertive person do not understand his shortcomings, since they are not noticeable. They can only be noticed in case of close contact with a person. A person will defend his opinion too stubbornly and will not consider it necessary to take into account the point of view of others. Even if a person understands that she is wrong, she is unlikely to immediately admit defeat. A person will defend his point of view to the last and only then, alone with himself, will he realize that he has committed a stupidity. People often commit such unreasonable actions. A person may think that she understands a question well, even if she spent 10 minutes studying it, and not half her life. It is impossible to argue with a person. But we must admit that over time he understands his mistakes and draws conclusions from them.
Manage emotions
But admitting your shortcomings is only the beginning of the fight against a difficult character. Often people get stuck halfway and invent all sorts of excuses for themselves. “Nothing can be done, because this is my character,” they say. Such an excuse becomes universal for them. They use it in any conflict situation or to justify their own weaknesses.
In reality, a difficult character is not a death sentence. It is formed throughout a person’s life. It depends only on the individual himself where he will direct his natural inclinations. For example, everyone knows that people with choleric temperament are often unrestrained and irritable. But even they are quite capable of controlling their own outbursts of aggression.
If anger makes you unable to think clearly, you should not try to express it as quickly as possible. On the contrary, you first need to reduce the intensity of emotions a little. To do this, it is useful to use relaxation techniques and deep breathing. Sports and fitness activities help get rid of excess adrenaline. Oriental martial arts are especially effective in this regard.
Sense of humor
A complex person is an individual who is not without self-irony. The person understands that her character is not sugar, but she comes to terms with it. Since complex individuals are mostly selfish, they do not understand why they need to change anything about themselves. But they are well aware of their imperfections and therefore try to joke about them. The truth doesn't hurt your eyes so much when you spice it up with humor. Any situation becomes easier if you laugh at it. Difficult people know this very well. They have a good sense of humor, and this is what helps them attract people. Charisma disarms others and forces them to obey the person who cleverly lured the victim into his network. Complex personalities do not need constant communication, but they do need people who will help carry out Napoleonic plans. Therefore, people often make new acquaintances, smile warmly at everyone they meet, and for the time being try to hide their character behind smiles and good jokes.
If your lover is a complex person
A man’s difficult character is a difficult test for every lady. At the beginning of a relationship, usually the shortcomings of the stronger sex do not appear as clearly as after the end of the candy-bouquet period. When a gentleman realizes that he no longer needs to court a girl in order to gain her favor, he gradually begins to show his true colors.
In any couple, people eventually begin to learn about each other's shortcomings. But ordinary relationships are characterized by the fact that these shortcomings, with due effort on the part of the man and woman, can be overcome and leveled out. For example, if a husband constantly throws socks around, this is not critical for family life. The wife can put the box in another corner of the room and invite her husband to play volleyball with the help of socks, trying to throw them exactly at the target.
But if the spouse is stubborn and has a difficult character, constantly provokes conflicts, God forbid, raises a hand against his wife - here you should seriously think about the advisability of continuing the relationship and the possible risks to health and life.
Pros of relationships with difficult girls2
The time has come to move to a closer level of relationship and the question arises for any guy: is it worth marrying her? When choosing a girlfriend in life, men are divided into two groups: they look for a simple one, and they deliberately look for a complex one. The first prefer to meet a girl with whom it is easy to come to an agreement; you can sail through life calmly and not worry about anything. The latter are looking for extreme sports, they don’t need a girl without pretensions, drive, someone who doesn’t know how to cut and just loves.
The girl’s complex character helps her not to sit exactly in one place, and she begins to move the man. This is an excellent partner for a creative union, a businessman, a guy with millionaire ambitions who is looking for a magic kick. Such a girl will be an excellent mover in the family. Only the man will have to accept that she is in charge, and she will set the tone in the relationship.
Other cases of severe people
The same applies to those cases when a male boss has a complex character. After all, constant interaction with such a person at work is no better than having to endure your husband’s antics at home. Therefore, those who want to maintain psychological balance are also recommended to minimize communication with those people who have a difficult character, no matter in what field of activity they have to deal with.
If the difficult person is a relative, the problem here requires a more detailed consideration. It may be necessary to undergo joint psychotherapy to find common ground and make communication softer. But one thing needs to be remembered: if a person himself does not want to take into account the interests of loved ones, then it is unlikely that he can be influenced by persuasion.
If the soul refuses to accept this person with his terrifying shortcomings, this is a signal that it is time to change his environment. Unfortunately, such people often have to be erased from life, since they themselves change extremely rarely.
Suspiciousness
The internal complex system of a person does not allow a difficult nature to trust others. Such people are very suspicious. They see a catch everywhere and in everything. They do not trust others, and therefore do not demand it from themselves. You can’t keep secrets with such people. They will not consider it necessary to withhold any information and will believe that if it was shared with them, it means that something was wanted from them. It is difficult to be friends with such people. A person perceives any good deed with hostility. She thinks that she will have to pay for any service, even a very small one.
Difficult people do not consider it necessary to help others and do not demand that they be helped. They achieve everything on their own and demand the same from others. They are not afraid that they will be judged or misunderstood. They are mentally prepared for this and will not even be offended by the person who insults them.
Male character
A man’s tough character speaks of his authoritarianism, adherence to principles, “preservation,” and inability to adapt to changing circumstances. Such a representative of the stronger sex does not make concessions, hears only his own opinion in everything, trusts no one, relies only on his own strength, it is impossible to convince him. Sometimes his tough character manifests itself much more to those around him: he demands unconditional submission to himself. A striking example of such a personality is Alex’s father from the film “Major Payne.” The demonstration of force in this case is expressed through assault. Unpleasant, of course, but bright.
The best version. Why you need to choose a girl with character
You piss me off more than is even possible in principle,
but I want to live every this annoying minute with you.
Chris Turk, Scrubs.
Men often look for a soft and flexible girl (and fall in love with a wild bitch and it’s not a fact that one was not disguised as the other), believing that it is precisely this tail wagging, endless mi-mi-mi, seasoned with borscht, that is the ticket to a happy family future .
But it’s not for nothing that there is one obscene, but very popular saying: it is better to have a hard chancre than a soft character. We don’t really agree with the form of presentation of this saying, but we agree with the meaning one hundred percent. For “complex character” is a sign of intelligence. Not the one with the slogan “I’m the smartest,” but the one that implies feelings, thoughts, reflection, understanding, and even correctly experienced emotions.
It’s much easier to become a loud bitch who manipulates others (well, that’s what she calls it, in reality she just yells all the time) or an affectionate “bitch” who cries and is silent. But we know at least four advantages of a “girl with character.” She has one drawback: she will irritate you unbearably. But, oddly enough, this will only be beneficial.
“Bitch” always has her own opinion too. Only now she defends him with the help of screams, scandals and breaking dishes. If you try to get to the bottom of the truth, you will receive a mountain of reproaches about your inadequacy. A girl who tries to seem “good” has no opinion at all. More precisely, it exists, but not about your honor. She will endure and suffer in silence. A sort of Chekhov’s Darling, who lives in the thoughts of her husband and calls it “working on relationships.”
A girl with character, if she doesn’t agree with you, will defend her opinion until victory, and will bring a lot of facts and arguments. And often she will be right.
Why is this annoying? She doesn't agree with you. She's arguing with you. She challenges your decisions. Still, it wouldn't be annoying.
A girl with character loves to use her brains and makes other people's brains move. She will not allow you to degrade and bury your talents in the ground.
Why is it good? This way you will learn to base your opinion, listen to another person and accept that everyone has the right to their own beliefs.
A girl with character will force herself to be respected. No, not like that: “you should respect me because I’m a woman.” And not with a gun pointed at your forehead, but with your actions. At the same time, she will respect you...
Why is this annoying? She will not belittle her abilities, so you can feel that she is somehow higher and better than you. And this is very unpleasant to understand about yourself. Well, she has corresponding requirements. You will also be respected for your actions, and “not because you are a man.”
Why is it good? Harmonious relationships cannot exist without respectful attitude of partners towards each other. This is how you will learn to build fulfilling relationships. And somewhere else you will have to “catch up” and even overtake. Spiritual growth is always good.
At women's courses, girls are often taught that a man needs to be motivated by gradually comparing him with a neighbor, with a colleague... Allegedly, this is how competition awakens in men. Therefore, so that you do not stop developing, the girls will constantly motivate you. This activity is fun and you won't be bored. Some will pout and demand a basket of snowdrops, another will fray all your nerves, a third will cut it worse than a Druzhba chainsaw.
A girl with character sometimes doesn’t even ask. She doesn’t pretend to be weak; if she can handle it, she will do it. And if he asks, then most often only once.
Why is this annoying? Because there is a feeling that they can cope without you. “Can’t something make me feel needed?”
Why is it good? Because here an amazing thing arises: you are not needed as a protector, a breadwinner, or a labor force. You are needed as a partner. Relationships take on completely different colors when partners don’t have to jump through hoops to spite records.
Complex girls are always busy with something. They have a lot of hobbies, their diary is full of appointments, trips, master classes at worst. She is terribly versatile, she knows a lot, and therefore she has a loose tongue.
Why is this annoying? Firstly, there is no peace and there is nothing to eat at home forever. Secondly, a “loose tongue” is not only knowledge and a sense of humor, but also sometimes a stomach ulcer from an outburst of sarcasm. Thirdly, sometimes you get the feeling that if you disappear from her life, she will simply write down a macramé class on the resulting empty line in her diary.
Why is it good? First of all, you will never be bored. And if it happens, she will always figure out something to do with you. And joint activities, strange ones, fights “who can joke with whom,” spontaneous trips to unexpected places will give you a lot of impressions and bring you closer together. Well, we’re keeping quiet about the fact that you’ll learn a bunch of new things.
Previously, many women believed that you couldn’t buy your husband beautiful clothes - they would take you away! Such women were considered smart and far-sighted. Now everything is not so literal, but we know a lot of examples when there was a real scandal in the family: “Why do you need to work more? If you take a new position, I won’t see you at home?! Do you have someone there?!!!” Guess how it ended? We know many examples of men who continue to dream about positions, about some hobbies, but some have already decided for them that enough is enough.
Complex girls are always busy with something. They have a lot of hobbies, their diary is full of appointments, trips, master classes at worst.
A girl with character loves to use her brains and makes other people's brains move. She will not allow you to degrade and bury your talents in the ground. If she sees potential in you, she will certainly give you a kick and send you to conquer new heights. She will yell at you: “Flap your wings or you will die!” And damn you will wave.
Why is this annoying? Why go to the stadium or to programming courses? Why take on extra responsibility at work if you have enough money? Actually, I want to lie on the sofa, instead of this “faster, higher, stronger”...
Why is it good? Because you become faster, taller and stronger. Remember how in “Alice in Wonderland”? “You have to run as fast as you can just to stay in place, and to get somewhere, you have to run at least twice as fast!” But the most interesting thing is that you decide for yourself when you have enough.
A girl with character is a challenge. Your pride, ambitions, picture of the world, patience. Communication with her forces you to overcome yourself. This is a difficult task, but those who cope with it will be rewarded. She will make you work on yourself every day, with her you will become the best version of yourself. Believe me, it won’t happen right away, but one day you will understand that she is perhaps the most beautiful thing that has happened to you in this life.
Want more?
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How to behave with people?
Don't know how to deal with difficult people? Psychologists' advice would be:
- Don't indulge the person. Remember, you are also an individual and deserve respect.
- Don't try to change a person; a person will change only when he wants to.
- Treat difficult people kindly. Remember that every complex person is a child disliked by his parents.
- You should not show the person that you are offended by him. Even if a person deeply offends you, try to restrain yourself. Otherwise, you will constantly endure attacks from the person.
Do you need to learn bitchiness?
There are many trainings where girls are taught the art of being a bitch. Perhaps bitchiness is necessary for a modern woman to find happiness?
Is bitchiness good or bad?
The modern concept of bitchiness is difficult to unequivocally attribute to positive or negative lines of behavior. The advantages of bitchiness include:
- The desire to look stylish and beautiful.
- Original thinking, thirst for freedom and independence.
- Purposefulness, success, ability to work.
- Self-respect and self-love.
These qualities help you achieve success, find your place in life and build a successful career.
Why bitches attract men: Pixabay
At the same time, a bitchy woman always elevates herself above those around her and looks at the world around her with disdain. She manipulates men using her sexuality. The main thing for her is to achieve what she wants, and the means and methods do not matter.
Bitchiness in a relationship is always manipulation, and the means to achieve the goal are coldness, humiliation and insult of the partner, blackmail, tears, hysterics and scandals. Such intensity of passion looks good on screen, but in real life it puts a man in a state of stress. The consumer position demonstrated by a bitch tires a partner, is morally exhausting, and negatively affects all areas of his life.
