Why do people get married? Nowadays there are a huge number of humorous shows on TV and on the Internet, and almost all of them are saturated with people’s dissatisfaction with the fact that they are married - especially often this comes from men. So why then do people get married?
And on what basis do people choose each other? Why am I so drawn to that poor student who can’t give me anything, but I feel nothing but contempt for this wealthy businessman? Is it true that opposites attract? Does the image of my father somehow influence the choice of a spouse?
In this article we will try to highlight the answers to these rather important questions from a psychological point of view.
What is marriage anyway? There are a huge variety of definitions, but we will not delve into scientific thoughts that allow us to distinguish marriage from matrimony, etc., so we will define it as follows: “Marriage is an officially certified state of the family.”
Why don't people want to get married in general?
Why do they get married when they are almost 50 years old: reasons
Get married after 50
The reasons why a girl should get married when she is young are quite understandable. It's a different matter when you're almost 50 years old. People are simply sometimes unable to understand why at this age women strive to enter into an official marriage. In fact, there is nothing wrong with ladies wanting love at any age. Only the reasons in this case change somewhat. Let’s discuss them now.
- Fear of being alone . When a woman gets divorced after many years of marriage, it is difficult for her to get used to living alone. Meeting with friends, of course, improves the situation a little, but the melancholy still does not go away. But there are so many years of life ahead! Psychologists believe that in this case you need to look for a younger or mature partner who values home peace. Today there are many good examples of late marriages and even those who do it for the first time. However, in the latter case, deep feelings take place.
- Death of the first husband . When you lose someone who has always been there, it is difficult, especially for those whose marriage was successful. They themselves begin to idealize the deceased, and treat others with distrust. Although, it also happens differently when, having lost her husband, a widow tries to close the void and almost immediately enters into a new relationship. In this case, you need to be more careful, because swindlers and gigolos are just looking for such ladies.
- New sensations. Whatever one may say, over the years family life often becomes routine and lacks variety. When a wife lacks romance, she looks for it on the side, among young men. And this is not the only reason. Sometimes it really happens that the feelings are mutual and this flows into a strong marriage. And it also happens that people live together for a long time without love and then meet their person.
- Financial stability . Of course, solving your problems at the expense of others is not the best option, but women often do this. Attracting a wealthy man can be difficult, because you have to constantly work on yourself. However, it is important to be careful and understand all the consequences, because a woman in a “golden cage” will not be able to fly freely.
- A way to escape from problems . Many women are looking for a husband to save themselves from problems, or rather to hide from them. In fact, in order to start living in a new way, you first need to solve the whole past. Sometimes work with a psychologist is required. It’s quite difficult to even find the strength to do this, but it needs to be done.
Often, all relatives and friends dissuade you from getting married at this age, because it is funny and indecent. It happens that children are against it, believing that the mother will stop paying attention and helping after the wedding. In addition, partners are often considered scammers. However, the decision is up to you. It doesn't matter what others say. Judge by your own desires.
Michael
49 years old, teacher
Have you seen the film “Courier”? This is roughly about my acquaintance with my first wife. Her parents were dissatisfied with me to such an extent that immediately after graduation they pushed the topic of a wedding in order to somehow ennoble our relationship. The bride wanted to quickly become an adult and dress. I wanted them to leave me alone. Consensus! Of course, the wedding became a demonstration performance of the mother-in-law and father-in-law - people “with opportunities”. I felt like a loser, but I guess I was, since my wedding was at the expense of the bride’s parents.
Now my son lives in London, married to a Chinese woman. While discussing the wedding, they wondered whose family would be more offended. The girl has terribly traditional parents: the fact that her son-in-law is white is enough for them. As a result, the guys quietly signed their names during the lunch break - and they did the right thing. The ex-wife is still upset that the children “didn’t have a holiday.”
Reasons why you shouldn't get married: list
Why you shouldn’t get married
Of course, everyone is interested in knowing why a girl should get married, but there are many situations when this is not worth doing at all. Of course, it can be hard to resist an attractive man with whom passion has flared up, but you don’t see all of him now. For you, he is simply ideal - handsome, interesting, you can give birth to healthy children. But do you have anything else in the relationship - care, for example? Are you talking heart to heart? Maybe he doesn't share your preferences? Anyway, a couple of years have passed, and he is no longer so attractive. So, all these issues must be resolved. So, when should you not get married?
- They tell you that it's time . If you walk down the aisle simply because age is running out, then nothing good will come of it. Don't listen to others and look for your person. You will definitely meet him. But living with someone you don’t love is not the best option.
- Fear of loneliness. You may be surprised, but you can be single in a marriage. Your husband clearly cannot solve your internal problems. We can only take care of our happiness ourselves. So, if you try to become self-sufficient, you will definitely not be lonely even without a husband. And by the way, when you interest yourself, others around you will also be interested.
- Everyone likes him. A common problem is when girls fall in love with a man because everyone likes him. Just don’t listen to other people’s opinions, because when you get to know them completely, you may not like their shortcomings. Perhaps he really is cheerful, interesting and sociable, but he may turn out to be irresponsible.
- To spite the ex. If you have had an unsuccessful relationship, then there is no need to rush to immediately look for another person and show what treasure your ex missed. This way you definitely won’t have a strong family. Moreover, your ex is unlikely to appreciate your efforts.
- Run away from parents . When a woman finally wants to leave her parental home, she can get married for this reason, even if she does not love the man. But is it worth it? Maybe just start earning more and rent an apartment?
- Good sex. Of course, at the beginning of a relationship, sex decides a lot. However, what will you do when sex fades into the background and intimate life is no longer so important? You will immediately notice that you haven’t even learned to negotiate and don’t even hear each other.
- I feel sorry for the man . If you think that your future spouse will be lost without you, then think about whether it’s worth getting involved in such a relationship at all. Well, think for yourself, are you ready to shoulder all his problems and at the same time solve your own?
Dmitry Bykov in an interview with the Wedding Expert portal
“Civil marriage is a strange concept: in essence, any non-church marriage is civil, and the stamp, in my opinion, does not play a special role. A wedding is a decisive step, there is a completely different measure of responsibility. And a long-term family life, I think, does not require any registration. Depp and Paradis were an almost ideal family, they lived long and well - and, as far as I remember, were never married. I don’t think that the family will change so fundamentally in the future. It is the most enduring institution in human history. As John Wyndham wrote in Chocky, “It takes two to make one.”
@victoriatornegren
Read the entire interview here
Even more useful information about preparing for a wedding and wedding trends can be found in our guides.
Why get married if all men cheat?
Wedding
Some are of the opinion - why should a girl get married if all men cheat? In fact, not everyone changes. You shouldn't be afraid of this. Indeed, infidelity can occur in marriage, but then it is important to think about why you need such a person? Perhaps strong love keeps you near him, but still, you shouldn’t tolerate it. Besides, until you are married, you cannot be sure that he will cheat on you. Perhaps it will show up sooner. But if you yourself already know about this and enter into an official relationship, then there is no point in claiming that the man is bad. After all, you knew what you were getting into.
Wedding for a cause
In modern secular culture, marriage is a social contract, a kind of act of trust between partners. Often this is just a legal formality and is needed “for business”: from child custody to obtaining citizenship or tax benefits. No matter how sad some may be, it must be recognized that romance is giving way to property law and prenuptial agreements. Against the background of such a change in attitude towards the essence and meaning of marriage, the process of registering it in Russia looks like a wild anachronism: no matter how hard you try to reduce the ceremony to a dry notarial procedure, you will not be able to get away from the registrar with a bouffant, who, like twenty years ago, will push a mournful speech about “the meeting of two loving hearts.”
Why get married: forum
The question of why a girl should get married is discussed on many forums. There are those who are categorically against marriage. They think that this is nonsense, and there are no normal men. Others, on the contrary, argue that marriage is very important, at least so as not to live alone. And in general, if a woman is not married, then she has failed. In fact, in this case the choice is always yours. You shouldn't be led by public opinion.
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A girl's readiness to be married
If previously a girl tried to get married faster, now there are no restrictions: at what age should a girl have married status and why is this necessary? It is best to discuss such an important issue with your friends, because happiness is possible even without a marriage certificate.
Previously, when a girl was ready for marriage, a doll was made as an amulet for a successful marriage, she was dressed brightly and colorfully. Particular attention was paid to the neck; it was quite long and was dressed in different collars, which symbolize the qualities of the future husband. The finished doll was put on the window to look for a suitable guy.
Desires are our everything
I don’t know if you have encountered your girlfriends, common-law wives, or heard from your lady friends that it’s time to formalize the relationship at the official level. I came across it. Why do women have a stronger desire to create a social unit than us men? Here's an idea for you to think about and discuss in the comments: while we boys are playing war games and climbing construction sites, girls are already playing daughter-mother, preparing toy dinners and taking care of baby dolls, feeding them from a bottle and putting them to bed. And one more thing, but close to the first: go to any children's store, what do we see? Tanks, cars, pistols and swords are on one side of the counter, and on the other there are entire doll families with houses, furniture, kitchen utensils and so on. Why is that? See you in the comments.
Let's return to our sheep.
