How to leave your lover: the main reasons for breaking up, advice from a psychologist

October 16, 2019
Psychology of relationships
Marusya the Cat

Some women are interested in how to leave their lover if there are no more prospects for continuing the relationship. This situation may arise for various reasons, but the goal of such a separation is to move away from this relationship with minimal losses for both yourself and your almost ex-partner. Experienced psychologists are ready to help you understand this issue and give useful advice.

Reasons for breaking up a relationship with a married man

Parting always carries a tinge of sadness, especially if this process concerns a relationship with a beloved man. But sometimes this connection is so exhausting that there is no other choice but to take this step. The solution to the question of how to leave your lover largely depends on the reasons why this idea arose. There can be a huge number of situations, but the main and most common reasons are the following:

The woman was simply tired of waiting for a strictly limited time for her. The lover spends all holidays and weekends with his family, and the girl gets only insignificant hours of communication between finishing work and returning home. In rare cases, you have the opportunity to go on a short vacation together, which is carefully disguised as a “business trip.”
The girl understands that her lover will never leave his family, even if he has been promising her this for several years (sometimes even dozens).
The woman decided to leave her lover because she could not introduce him to her friends and relatives. She was simply tired of the constant secrecy, which did not allow her to introduce the man to her loved ones and hold joint events, for example, with him and his family (or with him and friends).
The representative of the fair sex is completely unsure of her chosen one. She believes that a man who cheats on his wife so easily could do the same to her. Therefore, she does not want to connect her life with such an unreliable person, whose behavior lacks moral principles.

Is cheating at 40 or 50 a delayed teenage rebellion?

Priya was born into an Indian immigrant family of modest means.
For her, the question is “What do I want?” has always been inextricably linked to the question “What do they want from me?” She never went to parties, got drunk, or stayed out late. She smoked her first joint at twenty-two. After graduating from medical school, she married the right guy and even invited her parents to live with them, and then bought them an inexpensive apartment. At forty-seven years old, she faces a serious question: “Will they love me if I’m not perfect?” Sometimes a little voice sounds in her head, asking how those who are not so “good” live. Are they lonely? Do they have more freedom? Do they have fun more often?

Priya's betrayal is not a symptom or a pathology. This is a crisis of personality, an internal restructuring of her ideas about herself. At meetings with her, we talked about duty and desire, maturity and youth. Her teenage daughters enjoyed freedom like she had never known. Priya supported them, but at the same time envied them. On the eve of her fiftieth birthday, she fell into her own deferred teenage rebellion.

My role was to help her understand her own actions. Obviously, her romance could not develop into the love of her life (although sometimes this happens). It was an affair that was destined to end sooner or later—preferably without destroying her marriage in the process.

Reasons for leaving a lover for a married woman

In life, situations often arise when not only men, but also women cheat. And when this relationship becomes painful, the girl begins to think through a plan on how to leave her lover, avoiding negative consequences. The decision to break up may come as a result of the following reasons:

The woman is tired of deceiving her husband, her conscience haunts her, and her interest in another man is not great enough to value him.
The lover is also a married man, so the lady does not see any prospects for living together.
The woman made her choice in favor of her husband because she had the opportunity to compare these two men.
The fair sex is afraid of condemnation from children and relatives.
The main role is played by the material factor, when a woman is completely financially dependent on her husband.

What needs to be done before taking decisive action

Psychologists warn that the path to freedom will be difficult and thorny. The later a woman decides to leave her married lover forever, the more difficult it is to do so. Doubts play against improving your life, so you need to prepare in advance for a serious conversation. It is useful to think through the monologue, select compelling arguments and choose tactics. Love for the traitor should be replaced with self-respect and repeated daily as a mantra: “I can leave, I no longer need this relationship.”

You can answer calls less often, increasing the distance. It is important to listen to yourself when there is a missed call icon on your smartphone screen. If there is no former awe or joyful excitement, then it’s time to decide on the next step. Intimate relationships will also have to be minimized and then stopped altogether. The explanation should be simple: “I don’t want to.” There is no need to come up with excuses about menstrual periods or annoying migraines. A woman is not a rubber doll who is ready for sex on demand.

Usually at this stage they stop looking for a way to break off a long-term relationship, since he takes the initiative into his own hands and leaves.

Psychological preparation

Some representatives of the fair sex do not want to endure an uncertain relationship for a long time with a man who already has a family, so they prefer to leave a married man. The stories of these women are different: for some it works out easily, since the lover also has doubts about further communication. Others have to suffer for a long time, because the man categorically does not agree with the prospect of losing the joy of communication with two loving women.

If a woman has finally decided to break up, psychologists recommend preparing mentally for this. To do this, it is necessary to soberly and objectively analyze the situation that has developed. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated (this is exactly what is happening in your relationship now, even if you consider this connection to be your initiative). Surely you were hoping to build a serious relationship, but you were simply deceived. And if your plans included only physical relaxation, variety in routine life, or a thirst for extreme sports, consider that you have already gotten what you wanted.

The role of temperament during a breakup

Finally, we suggest reading interesting advice from psychologists. They relate to four types of human temperaments. How does each of them react to the news of farewell and what should they do to protect themselves and their loved one from trouble?

So, here we go:

Choleric. Impulsive, active, hot-tempered. Accustomed to achieving what he wants through his favorite paths, he reacts painfully to refusals. If a lady said that she wants to break up, the answer can be unpredictable (even physical force). Therefore, think through your actions so that the initiative comes from the man. Also, don't go overboard with the "bitch" method. And it’s better not to intersect with such a person at all.
Melancholic. A neurasthenic person, extremely vulnerable. Can create a lot of problems with unexpected antics. Prepare such a person for farewell gradually - each time say that you are tormented by a feeling of guilt about your spouse, remember the children, and so on.
Sanguine. The person is cheerful and stable. With such a person, a sincere conversation is enough. Usually, a sanguine person understands at a glance and leaves his mistress without any problems.
Phlegmatic person. You can escape from a married lover with a phlegmatic character “in English.” He will not demand explanations, and will take the news of the breakup as a given.

Ways to come to terms with dramatic changes

Solving the question of how to leave your beloved married man will not cause pain if you approach it philosophically. Experienced experts recommend finding the right time, taking your favorite pose, surrounding yourself with the surroundings to your liking and thinking about the following:

Imagine yourself in the place of your lover's wife. Try to experience at least a little the feelings that she experiences (if you are already in love, this will not be difficult for you to do).
Think about who exactly made a man the way you could love him. Surely he was less successful, looked different, etc. At the moment you are “using” the results of someone else’s work. But each person definitely has personal ambitions, so think about it, do you like to “choose” something that is made to someone else’s taste? Try to imagine this as clearly as possible, and you will understand that you can leave your married lover without much regret.
Think about the fact that you are a “backup option” for your lover, just a toy for entertainment. After all, he cannot allow himself to be who he really is in front of you. Think about how you dress up when you go to a celebration, and then imagine that these events happen every day. Don't you want to put on a soft robe and just relax for a while without makeup or an elaborate hairstyle? Your man feels the same when he relaxes not with you, but next to his wife.
What will happen when you lose your former attractiveness (time is inexorable)? Do you have a guarantee that your lover will not run away from you at the speed of light? How will you feel when next to you is an elderly person with a lot of illnesses and a lot of problems (children or joint property acquired with his first wife)?

If you carefully analyze this situation, and then remember these questions more often, your interest in your lover will gradually fade away. It will become much easier for you to break this useless connection.

How to survive a breakup without harming yourself?

You can break up completely painlessly only when your feelings for the person have disappeared. Since this case is rare, you need to look for a way out of existing circumstances. How to survive a breakup without harming yourself:

Accept the fact that happened. Now you are not together, and it is stupid to bury yourself in worries. Try to lead an active lifestyle so that depression does not overtake you.
Throw away all reminders of the man. Stop sniffing your ex's T-shirt and looking at the teddy bear you got two years ago. Throw away or hide memorabilia. You're not a masochist, are you?
Go shopping. Now no one will drone on in your ear as you make your fifth lap around your favorite shopping center. Spend half your salary on shopping - buy what you have long dreamed of.
Sleep. In sleep, not only the body rests, but also the restless nervous system. The easiest way to get over a breakup is to get enough sleep regularly. If you experience insomnia, take a short walk in the evening and breathe in some fresh air, and also eliminate coffee and strong tea from your diet in the afternoon.
Complain to your friends. Who else can help in a difficult situation, if not the ambulance of every woman - her friend? Over a glass of wine, tell them the problem in detail and vigorously discuss everything that has boiled over.

Such techniques are the best way to help you painlessly part with your loved one. But if nothing works, you should seek professional advice.

Finding flaws

If you still don't know how to leave a relationship with a married man because you still care about him, continue to find reasons to leave. Put aside romance and rose-colored glasses, try to approach the issue as objectively as possible. Pay attention to his shortcomings, believe me, they are necessarily present in every person. Remember how he eats, dresses, behaves during a quarrel or when he doesn’t like something. Or maybe he already considers you his wife and makes you account for every step? Do you agree to continue to endure this, or do you prefer to remain independent? Time is running out, and you have to put up with the way of life that is dictated to you by a person who is still a stranger to you. Think about it and draw the right conclusions.

What to think about before a breakup

No matter how difficult the relationship between you and a man is, it will be difficult to leave. Especially if you have been dating for a long time and have managed to become attached to each other.

Leaving is always difficult, especially if there are feelings.

To get in the mood for breaking up with your married lover and feel less crap, think about this:

Statistics say that a man does not leave his family for his mistress. This means that all these years that you will spend on relationships will lead to nothing. There will be no family of one’s own, no legitimate children, no joint travel, no comfortable old age together. Over time, the relationship will end - as soon as you lose your beauty or he gets tired of breaking up, and you will be thrown to the sidelines of life. And the older you get, the more difficult it is to find a worthy man.
Even if he leaves the family, life with a traitor awaits you. He has already crossed the line, so betrayal does not seem to be something forbidden to him. Most likely you will find yourself in the place of your ex-wife - infidelity, lies, delays at work and loss of money from the family budget. Do you want this kind of future for yourself?
Think about what your man’s children will be like if he has them. How to explain to a child that his dad no longer loves his mother and is leaving for another woman? If you decide to destroy the family, you can cause deep childhood trauma and affect the children's future relationship with their father. And few of the grown-up children maintain family relationships with their traitorous fathers.
A man does not value you and does not love you. If he didn’t break up with his wife during the first few months of your romance, then he’s happy with everything. With strong feelings, neither children, nor obligations to his wife, nor problems with divorce would have held him back. This means he's just using you as an outlet, but doesn't feel anything serious about you.
Prepare your breakup speech in advance. Don't make it too stretched, but don't cut it from the shoulder either. Explain to the man that you are a woman and you need a normal family, normal relationships. And he is the head of the family, his relatives count on him and love him as a husband and father. You are simply not in the right place, and this novel does not have a happy ending.
Make a plan for your next steps. Perhaps you have a man in mind with whom you would like to start a serious relationship, or maybe you want to plunge headlong into your career. You can go traveling and have a holiday romance to get your ex out of your head.

Never ask a man to remain friends after a breakup. If you continue to communicate, it will hurt both of you even more. Your task is to start a new life, and not to cling with all your might to the past.

Prerequisites for separation

A relationship with a married man is, whatever one may say, a waste of precious time. Many men are already in no hurry to tie the knot with a woman, and if a wife, children, division of property, shared loans, etc. stand in the way of happiness, then the divorce can drag on for many years. In the end, such a man will not leave his wife anywhere, and your young years will fly by in vain.

But there are several more reasons why you need to say goodbye to your lover as soon as possible:

Rudeness and insults;
Loss of trust;
Lying about your relationship with your wife;
Different worldviews and life goals;
Psychological and physical violence;
Male addictions, addictions;
Boredom in relationships;
No future together.

Here are the main prerequisites that can play a decisive role in separation. Depending on the specific situation, there may be many more prerequisites.

Children from a previous marriage

Sometimes the memory of his children can help you leave the married man you love. The point is not that they are annoying (although this can happen), it’s about the upcoming communication. Even in the most ideal scenario, you will have to completely rebuild your life to make room for children. The father will want to help them financially (which will significantly reduce your budget) and see them constantly (there is a risk of returning to his ex-wife). You will have to constantly pass the exam to become a “good stepmother”, who is forced to please her lover’s offspring in everything. And if you don’t have a relationship with them, it’s unknown which side your man will be on. You will be alone again, but at the same time a large number of people, led by your chosen one, will already be opposed to you.

Behavior after a breakup

The fan had the opportunity to leave the family and create a new life, but he did not. You need to stop justifying it and not look back at the past months or years. It is necessary to completely erase your lover from your life - photos, gifts, even bed linen are sent to the trash. Pictures, messages, and his phone number are deleted from the smartphone, and it’s better to forget about social networks for a while.

Nothing should remind you of your former boyfriend. Psychologists recommend switching to areas of life for which you never have a free minute.

Pay attention to yourself

It is useful to join a fitness club or swimming pool. Physical activity relieves you of heavy thoughts and leaves you with less free time. You can go shopping, buy a new outfit or a beautiful accessory, visit a spa, get a fashionable haircut or completely change your image. Psychologists recommend pampering yourself with treats more often, but not eating sweets for emotional problems.

Thinking through a beautiful plan for a breakup, you can simultaneously look for a hobby for the free period. Cutting and sewing courses, knitting, embroidery, photography, drawing - among the many offers it is easy to find something for yourself. Creative activities help direct energy in a promising direction. Psychologists advise remembering what you once wanted to do and using the “rehabilitation period” to your advantage.

Go on a trip

After a breakup, a sudden change of environment will be beneficial. Vacationing in another city or country minimizes a chance meeting with a former beau. It is not necessary to go to a foreign resort; you can relax with relatives in the village. New experiences and a great mood will help you forget about problems for a while, calm down and dream about the future.

READ

How to make a married man fall in love with you: a detailed guide from an insidious seductress

Throw yourself into work

Relationships with a lover usually take up a lot of resources, so your career is relegated to the background. It's time to start moving up the career ladder, loading yourself up with work to capacity. Management will note the employee’s zeal, and a bonus could be a salary increase, a bonus, or a high position. Communication with colleagues and good work capacity will not leave the opportunity to be sad and yearning.

Avoid contact with your ex-lover

Even if a “accidentally” arranged meeting is not planned, fate may encounter a rejected gentleman. It is advisable to change your usual routes, temporarily leave the city or change your apartment. SIM card, accounts on social networks - all this changes in a matter of minutes. If the lover turned out to be persistent and started a real pursuit, then you can live with a friend or parents.

Drive away heavy thoughts

After a breakup, fantasies paint pictures of a happy future that will not happen due to the woman’s fault. Nice ladies tend to reproach themselves for the fact that their lover never left the family. You can’t shift problems from a sore head to a healthy one. Affairs rarely develop into family life if one of the partners is already married.

Heavy thoughts prevent you from concentrating on what is happening and deprive you of happy prospects.

Hold off on looking for a new relationship

“From the frying pan into the fire” - upset mistresses try to put this saying into practice after breaking up with their married man. A woman rushes in search of a new relationship, making dubious acquaintances and flirting recklessly. Emotionally and psychologically, the girl is not yet ready to create a strong union. She will inevitably compare the next gentleman with the former, and often not for the better. You need to understand the reasons for the difficult connection and find yourself so as not to repeat your own mistakes.

Chat with friends

Meetings with female friends and long-time friends will have a beneficial effect - they will definitely support and listen. It’s better to speak out your emotions rather than keep them to yourself, languishing in melancholy. In most cases, a secret relationship interferes with normal communication with friends, from whom you have to hide your married gentleman. You can arrange a bright photo shoot, go on a picnic, go to a movie premiere or to a cafe.

Talk

Before leaving the married man you love, you need to prepare yourself mentally (this was discussed above). Then they should act in the following way: do it quickly and sharply. Don't let yourself or him doubt your decision. First of all, think about your upcoming constructive conversation. There should be no place for tears, aggression, insults, reproaches or conditions like: “If you had spent more time with me (left your wife, etc.), I would have stayed with you.” The conversation should be calm, concise and uncompromising. Don't give yourself a single chance to hesitate, you have already decided everything. It may be cruel to the lover, but he does not deserve to be treated differently. This person has wasted a significant part of your life without giving you the opportunity to live it fully.

Content

Crazy thoughts
Sexual adventure
Emotional involvement
What to do after

Hello dear readers. Today I would like to talk about married women who have affairs on the side. Why does this even happen, what types of relationships are there, where such relationships lead and how to tell your lover that we are breaking up. Love triangles never brought anyone any good. It can hurt all three. The question is: will you remain human in this situation?

Parting without problems

After this conversation, you will understand how to leave your beloved married lover in such a way as to end the relationship forever. During the conversation, it will definitely become clear how he feels about this. If you do everything correctly (find the most suitable place, control your intonation, speak tactfully and loyally), then the issue will be resolved. Your young man will understand everything and agree to the proposal. If he cannot immediately realize how serious this is, you need to provide for this so as not to return to this topic again. Change your phone number, your Internet address, and, if possible, your place of work and residence (at least for the first time). In a word, do everything to avoid meeting him. And if you have to meet, do not contact him under any pretext, there should not even be friendly relations.

When is the best time to say goodbye?

An informed decision is born after one or two weeks of reflection. There is no right or wrong moment. However, it is better not to do this on the eve of the holidays or against the backdrop of an important event (someone's death, illness of a loved one, career changes), as this will double the negative impact and worries. Suitable time of day is morning, first half of the day. At this moment, a person looks at everything with open eyes and a strong mind.

Problematic breakup

Sometimes the question arises of how to leave a relationship with a married man when he categorically resists it. If you understand that you shouldn’t hope for a quick and easy departure (you are bound by certain financial obligations, the man has the ability to pursue you, has a bad character or simply can harm you), you need to act slowly but systematically. Psychologists recommend:

Constantly return to the topic of his divorce and legitimizing your relationship, and do this persistently demanding a specific answer (set deadlines).
Demand more money. Complain that you need to update your wardrobe, renovate your apartment, or buy a new car. I categorically disagree with his arguments regarding the lack of finances.
Demonstrate lack of mood, apathy, poor health. Frequently cry and throw tantrums.
Voice your desire to have a child with him, and immediately. Tell us about your gender preferences, choose names. Make sure the man understands the seriousness of your intentions.

If you do all this, the question of how to leave a married lover will automatically disappear. There is no such man in nature who could instantly fulfill these requests. Moreover, he has already become accustomed to doing nothing during the period of your relationship. The lover will probably prefer to leave on his own, and that’s all you need.

How to get out of a relationship in difficult situations?

It is not always easy to destroy an alliance that has outlived its usefulness. There are various factors that influence breakup behavior. How to painlessly part with a loved one, if not everything is so simple?

Leaving a married man

Typically, a relationship with someone's husband is like a fairy tale. Flowers, courtship and wild sex are their integral attributes. But time passes, and it becomes clear that the man is not going to leave his wife at all, but simply decided to have some fun on the side. He still feeds you with promises or meaningfully remains silent in response to reasonable questions about a future together.

It's time to change this uncertain situation in life so that you don't end up with nothing. The prospects for a relationship with a married man are disappointing. The entire novel is built on deception, because his wife most likely does not suspect anything. Reconsider the decision and use these tips on how to break up with a married person you love:

Accept the situation. Reduce the number of meetings with your partner to weaken the attachment. Let everything end not abruptly, but gradually, which will make the separation less painful.
Think through the conversation. Better yet, write down the speech and then re-read it several times. This will make it easier to build a farewell dialogue live. An exciting moment will affect composure, and a little preparation and rehearsal is the basis for a quality revelation.
Follow your line. If your partner resists the decision, don't give up. Mention his family in conversation; if there are children, focus on them. Don't change your position, you know better what to do next.
Avoid dating after a breakup. Until enough time has passed, it is better not to intersect with your ex-man. The wound in my heart is still fresh, and there is no need to stir it up with possible dates.
Think about a bright future. Being in a relationship with a married man limits you. You can’t build a real family, you can’t have children, and simple romantic walks in crowded places are simply impossible. Understand that you will definitely meet a guy who is loving and faithful.

Breaking up with a lover

If you find yourself in a situation exactly the opposite and want to break off a vicious relationship with your lover for the sake of your family, then there is an optimal solution here too. It is commendable that, having succumbed to weakness, you pulled yourself together and realized your total mistake.

How to break up with your lover? If the hobby was fleeting, then breaking such an alliance is not difficult. But in life, not everything is so simple, and sometimes partners develop strong attachments. Often it is you who prevent yourself from breaking ties with a man and returning to your family by coming up with a thousand excuses. Living on two fronts will not lead to happiness and prosperity. The issue needs to be resolved right away. If you chose family instead of an unsubstantiated hobby, start acting today. How to break up with your lover if there are feelings between you:

Find flaws in the object of passion. And don’t say that your lover consists only of merits, otherwise you wouldn’t think that you should start a relationship with him. Visualize the minuses you found and soon you yourself will feel a chill towards the man.
Let the meetings become less and less frequent. If you are unable to voice your choice and want additional time to think, then the best way in this situation is to minimize communication. This way you will start spending more time with your family and will understand whether you miss your partner. Having become unaccustomed to your lover, you will begin to perceive him more coldly.
Have a fight with him. A major quarrel will help you get away from a serious conversation. Find a reason for conflict (like any woman, you have this skill perfectly) and stop communicating. He is unlikely to call and stalk, since he has the status of a lover. So the separation will happen by itself.
Tell the man your decision. There is no need for unnecessary words and emotions. Just short and clear: “We need to break up.” Most likely he won't mind. A relationship with someone else's wife is walking on a razor's edge. How to understand that a man also wants to break up? By his easy agreement and fake frustration. If you see exactly this reaction, then there was nothing to lose. Calm down and return to your family.

How to break up with your loved one

Love is a forgiving feeling, but there is a limit to everything. Anything happens in life, and sometimes you have to make a tough but fair decision to leave the one you love with all your heart. Treason, betrayal, and vices cause the severance of a romantic relationship with a person, even if he is dear.

How to properly break up with the man you love:

Weigh the pros and cons. In order not to regret later about the wrong choice, it is necessary to analyze the situation very carefully. No one but you can make a decision, so take responsibility for breaking up with your loved one.
Give free rein to your emotions. During a breakup, you will need to pull yourself together and become calm. This is difficult to do if tears treacherously well up in your eyes. Therefore, cry into your pillow, talk to your friends or mother so that they can support you in difficult times.
Choose a time and place to talk. It is better to show respect to your partner and not blindside him with a letter of resignation in the middle of the working day or during his trip to his parents. It is better to wait for the optimal moment when the man has time to recover. Friday evening after work or Saturday morning is ideal.
Find words for a farewell dialogue. You shouldn’t start everything with mutual reproaches. Voice the decision gently but persistently and listen if the man has something to say. Be prepared for a negative reaction, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated.

You will need mental strength to break up. Don’t be afraid that you won’t cope – time heals. Contact a psychologist or take a course of sedatives if you really can’t bear it. But the reserve of the human body is unrealistically large, so believe in your strength.

How to part with a scoundrel?

Some men use girls for their own purposes without experiencing romantic feelings. Such scoundrels may covet a high position in the society of their chosen one, her connections, money, or they simply want to receive regular sex and emotions, but do not really love the woman. If you realize that you have fallen into the network of such a person, then the only right decision will be to get out of them and take a deep breath.

How to break up with a man who is blatantly using you:

Cultivate resentment. After all, you deserve better treatment, why endure moral bullying? Think about how a man treats you badly. Then parting will become much easier. There is no need to come up with excuses for your lover - you must see the situation soberly.
Tell him everything that’s boiling over. Just in this case, you shouldn’t hold back your emotions. Maybe the man’s conscience will not awaken, but you will throw out the accumulated negative energy. And you will feel relieved, since the last word will remain with you.
Take revenge if your soul asks. A woman is scary when she's angry. When you can’t part on good terms, act as your heart tells you. Come up with a dirty trick that will be remembered for a long time and will help teach your former gentleman a lesson.

Don't be burdened with hopeless relationships. After breaking up with a man who is using you, you will feel as if a stone has been lifted from your soul, preventing you from living.

Breakup with husband

Women who have left for a lover may also feel differently. If we are talking about a situation in which your ex-husband behaved extremely badly, then this is the most favorable of all outcomes. Every woman has the right to happiness, and no one is obliged to suffer with an unloved or unworthy man. If your ex-spouse is against it (which happens very often) and there are children in your family, you need to find the most suitable compromise for everyone. You should not neglect the feelings of other people for the sake of your personal happiness. You need to try to tactfully convey your position to each family member and solve all the problems that have arisen in connection with the changes.

How to break up if he still has feelings for you

Typically, this question arises from the initiator of a divorce or termination of communication. Regardless of whether it is a lover or a legal spouse, or perhaps a temporary lover for whom you yourself did not have any special feelings, you still need to gently prepare your other half for the conversation, and not immediately begin decisive action.

The main problem for the initiator is the lack of understanding of the other party. No, don’t expect a loving guy to say “Yes, everything is fine, I think so too,” he will talk about the amazing time we spent together, try to win you back.

The main rule is that there is no doubt. It is necessary to decide everything for yourself in advance and finally and then not retreat back. The second recommendation is don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault that you didn’t succeed in developing an ideal relationship, and you don’t have to suffer and be burdened by communicating with an unloved person.

The main reasons that delay the breakup are:

Compassion and pity - strong love cannot be built on these feelings.
Guilt.
Fear for your own future. Many people think that having lost this partner, she will not find another suitable one, which is completely wrong.

All these impulses and thoughts must be overcome.

Breakup of a married woman with her lover

If a woman left her lover on her own, it means that she had enough strength to cope with this problem on her own. She probably had the opportunity to compare the two men and make the final choice. The reason for leaving could be the lack of prospects with a new young man (he was satisfied with a relationship in which he did not need to officially register the marriage). Perhaps the children became an obstacle to the emergence of a new union (the lover was indifferent to them or did not accept them).

In any case, psychologists recommend looking at your husband in a new way in this situation. After your return (it doesn’t matter whether he knows about your connection or not), you need to try to do everything so that the family reaches a new level. It’s not in vain that you paid attention to another man; this indicates that there were problems in your relationship. Diversify your leisure time, change the environment (globally or locally), communicate more, remember your feelings during your first dates and try to renew them.

How beautiful and dignified it is to part with the man you love

In this case it will not be painless. The loved one, even if he tries to accept the situation with consent, will unconsciously open the wound. Any meeting or mention of yourself can cause pain. But there are several ways that will help reduce the negative consequences.

If you are the initiator

The reason may be coldness on the part of the man. If you feel the first signs of a breakup, keep your pride and take this step. For this:

Be frank when talking, but restrain your emotions - don’t throw yourself around with tears, but don’t slap them in the face screaming about allowed youth.
Don't give in to persuasion. If you decide to leave, don't give up.
Do not give the opportunity to interpret the words differently - be extremely precise in your wording.
You should not go to the last meetings, arrange farewell parties, they will just become another.

And if he is the initiator

In this case, you just need to maintain your own dignity and inner peace. For this:

Find the motive. It is worth understanding why the breakup occurred. If the reason is you, this is a reason for introspection and change.
Identify its shortcomings and list them.
Give yourself time to cry - a day, three, a week, no more. When the term expires, cross him out of your life.
Tell a friend, a diary, or a professional about grief - sign up for my consultation.
Focus on yourself - on your career, appearance and sports, hobbies, new learning.
Perceive the past positively, remember the beautiful with joy that it happened, and not with bitterness that it has passed.

Recovery Tips

When the separation has already occurred, the following question may arise: how to leave your beloved married man or lover (in the case of a married woman) with the least loss for your well-being? After all, the breakup of a long-term relationship is usually very painful and often ends not only in severe depression, but also in the emergence or intensification of chronic diseases. To prevent this from happening, it is recommended to take the following steps:

Share your experiences with loved ones. If there are none or you do not want to advertise your condition, describe all your feelings and sensations on paper, and then burn it.
Seek help from specialists.
Change your wardrobe, pick up a new look, try to become different, completely refresh yourself.
Change your place of residence at least temporarily.
If it is not possible to move to other conditions, make repairs (cosmetic ones are enough).
Don't be alone, go to crowded places, don't ignore new acquaintances (not necessarily with men).
If you are married, try to discover (or simply remember) positive qualities in your husband.
Find yourself a new hobby.

Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly

Only you can decide how best to get out of this situation:

The quick method is extremely radical and painful for the parties to the relationship, but allows you to resolve the situation without additional loss of time. Alternatively, you should turn off your phone, block the man’s number, move to another area or stay with relatives in a neighboring city, and go for permanent residence abroad, if possible. Distance creates a serious obstacle to continuing the relationship and will open up opportunities to find a potential spouse. At one moment, all connections that existed between people are cut off, without explanations or meetings.
Some women cannot cope with feelings and emotions. They break down under the weight of their emotions and meet again with their ex-partner. For such women, a slow method is preferable, in which a radical rupture does not occur. Since the distance from the object of love occurs gradually step by step.

If you're left alone

Ding-ding, reminder once again: he was not free from the beginning! If he was not going to leave his family, then the denouement had to begin sometime. What ways can you think of to forget this man?

It will also be useful: How to find a lover

Drastic changes

There is one tricky way you can try to deceive yourself. Do you remember the movie “50 First Dates”? There, the main character forgot every previous day, living only for today. She had her own habits, starting early in the morning.

You need the same thing - just remove from yourself the time in which you lived, loving your married man. To get started, do this:

You cannot change your place of residence, but you can move the furniture in this apartment. This is necessary so that the old environment does not remind you of the visits of your ex-boyfriend, if the meetings took place at your home.
At least change the curtains to a more cheerful color if you can't re-stick the wallpaper. Orange, yellow and green shades lift your spirits and help cope with depression. A small thing, but very important.
The reflection in the mirror should also give off some other image, different from today’s. Yes, everything is banal and simple - change your hairstyle, hair color, clothing style. This is not for beauty, but for dramatic changes.

Now change your habits, starting in the morning:

Are you used to drinking tea and sandwiches for breakfast? Drink cocoa with croissants.
Do you like girly melodramas? They are of no use now, watch comedies.
Do you usually go to bed with your head facing west? Shift to the east.

Changes must occur in your life that contradict your usual way of life, even in small things. It is from this day that your fight against depression will begin.

Don't think it will be easy right away. But you just need to focus on that unusual day for you, which will become a habit. It will be easier later. But this is the first step towards liberation.

Breakup and the psychology of men

How to get over a breakup with a friend? Representatives of the stronger sex rarely need advice from a psychologist. This is because they prefer to deal with their problems on their own.

Sometimes it may seem that women experience a breakup much more intensely. But that's not true! It’s just common for men to hide their emotions, experiences and feelings.

The psychology of family relationships only proves the fact that it is indeed sometimes more difficult for men than for women to survive the pain and loss of a loved one.

Most men tend to look happy after a breakup. They immerse themselves in parties, lead an active lifestyle, and flirt with various girls. But this situation does not always reflect the true picture of feelings. Some men, with the help of such a pastime, try to get rid of melancholy and drown out the pain of parting with their ex-lover. But away from everyone, he can again look through photographs of his ex-girlfriend and hope for the restoration of relations.

How to get over a breakup with a girl? Counseling from a psychologist is especially necessary when men begin to lose self-confidence. Such stress can seriously affect the health of a representative of the stronger half of humanity. Therefore, if you have been feeling depressed and disappointed in women for a long time, you should consult a psychologist.

To many girls, men seem insensitive people. But they, like women, tend to count on a future marriage, common children and all the joys of living together at the beginning of a relationship. Therefore, as soon as a relationship collapses, they worry no less than women.

Useful advice from psychologists

Most men react quite strongly to a breakup. There are very useful tips from a psychologist that will help everyone cope with shock:

New hobbies - do not lose yourself under any circumstances. Each guy is an individual with his own preferences and hobbies.
Do not look for those to blame - in any quarrel there are always two people to blame. Therefore, there is no point in looking for a reason in the behavior of only one person.
Small joys - an interesting film or book, a delicious exotic dish - will undoubtedly bring pleasure and distract from problems.
No communication with your ex - and no searching for information about her. Forgive and forget.
Accept the fact that the relationship is no longer there and move on with your life. It's not as difficult as it might seem at first.

Breaking up a relationship is a difficult test for a man’s psyche, especially if the initiator is a girl. But this is not the end. Life is just beginning. The main thing is to analyze the mistakes and make efforts to not repeat them again.

Emotional Lover

It is much more difficult if the mistress feels love or infatuation for her partner, it is likely that subconsciously or even consciously she already imagined herself in the role of a legal wife and believed in a happy future together. Naturally, she will not calmly accept conversations about separation, she will begin to scream, cry, and make trouble.

Here it is important to find an approach, reassure, explain, otherwise you can run into real problems. After all, an offended woman is capable of attacking her beloved with fists in anger, or she can show up to her wife and talk about infidelity. This is definitely not necessary!

Only sex

If the affair was started for only one purpose - to satisfy the intimate needs of the partners, then parting may be easier, because feelings remained unaffected, and finding a new lover is not so difficult.

Often it is enough to explain why you need to separate. For example, a married man decided to separate and resume relations with his legal wife. In a conversation, it is worth using arguments and tricks, because if the affair lasted more than one week, then he had time to better get to know the girl’s character and style of communication with her.

Who is guilty?

It must be remembered that the blame for the breakup and the relationship itself lies with both lovers. After all, even if the reason for the betrayal is significant, for example, the legal wife refuses sex, then the decision to “go to the left” is made by the married man himself, no one forces or coerces him.

Therefore, you should not blame a woman for all problems in the family; her fault is a maximum of 50%. And is it worth stooping to discussing the topic of “who is right and who is wrong” if a breakup is inevitable anyway? We need to remain civilized, adequate people and try to part ways gracefully.