After parting with a loved one, a vacuum appears inside a woman; this state can be described and described in different ways, but it is nothing more than resentment and disappointment.
The reasons for a breakup can be very different, and the man is not always to blame; often both did not stop in time and did not understand the problems that arose around their couple. It is insincerity and silence about one’s real feelings that leads to serious and painful breaks in relationships.
In this article:
Who experiences a breakup the hardest 7 ways to get over a breakup and move on How to replenish your internal resources
You just have to want...
- Let's face it. There is no ideal love or ideal people. The happiness in couples you see around you is the result of hard work. Happiness is a “castle” that is built brick by brick, year after year. And if your castle falls apart, it means you chose the wrong partner to build it. Accept and realize the fact that this story is over and the time has come for a new stage in your life. While you console yourself with illusions and vain hopes that “maybe everything can still be returned...”, your mental wounds will bleed. You yourself must make the point. How do you understand that love has already passed and the relationship is over?
- Emotions are normal. Crying into a pillow or into a friend’s shoulder, doing small stupid things, breaking dishes that you bought together is normal. Give vent to your emotions, don't keep them to yourself. But it’s better to “release the genie” for your own benefit. Venting your emotions should help you, but should not harm others. Find the most effective way for yourself and painless for others to throw out accumulated feelings: target shooting, the gym (especially recommended), a vocal studio, dancing - you never know how to relieve stress. Choose the one that is closest to you and give yourself completely to it.
- You are a self-sufficient woman. Which does not depend on events and people. Who loves life and knows how to live it beautifully. Which does not ask for anything, does not run after anyone, does not hold anyone. They are running after you and trying to hold you back. Don't they try? So this is not your destiny. And yours will suddenly appear on the doorstep with a bouquet of flowers, but you won’t wait for her obediently at the window, because you need to be happy today. And there is still so much to be done in this life that let your fate catch up with you.
- We change everything! Love, as a strong feeling, according to medical facts, “releases” after a month. If you don’t feed it and don’t add new wood to its fire. If you have the courage and wisdom to put an end to the relationship, then all the “wood” needs to be removed. Start general cleaning with your head and home. And then - as needed. Change your lifestyle and image, rearrange your home, take new routes to work, make new friends, etc. Doesn’t help? Change your place of residence. It only seems that feelings - they live independently of you, but in reality they depend only on you. Remember - it is important to make a point. And then just remove from life everything that can turn your dot into an ellipsis.
- And someone is now much worse off than you. And perhaps this someone really needs your help. Take custody of him. It doesn’t matter who it is - a terminally ill child, an old man left alone by his children, a puppy thrown out into the cold by someone, or your neighbor who is barely making ends meet to feed her child. When we begin to feel someone else's pain, our own goes into oblivion. And in order to understand what the soul should really ache about, and what is empty and meaningless in life, you need to get out of your shell, in which it is so cozy and pleasant to feel sorry for yourself, and look around.
And treat everything with humor. It not only helps to live, but also often saves in situations when it seems that the “end of the world” has come. Smile. This life was given to you so that you can enjoy it every day. Despondency goes to the stove.
And remember the main thing - a person can survive everything that befalls him. Fate sends us only those trials that we can handle - no more and no less.
Consider your situation as a test of your strength .
Main danger
How old are you? Do you want to live longer and younger, full of energy in your body? You need to learn how to quickly change your thinking from negative to positive. Negative thoughts pump all the juices out of us and the stronger the negativity, the faster we become empty. I used to envy people who were not susceptible to negativity, I considered this a genetic feature of a person.
But delving into myself, I realized that negative thoughts are just our life experience, the environment taught us to think this way. Parents, relatives, the media, we absorbed all this since childhood. It’s good that there are tools to clear your negative emotions forever and acquire positive emotional states in their place, which will bring happiness and love into your life.
Exercise
Sit more comfortably or lie down on the bed, the main thing is not to fall asleep, relax all parts of the body in turn, just thinking about them and imagining how they relax from your attention. Relax your head, face, tongue. You should be completely relaxed, like a bag, but your head collected and clear.
Read more: How to start enjoying life?
Start imagining the man you are thinking about, just imagine, let your thoughts themselves lead you wherever they want, they will show everything that is important to know. Just watch what is happening like on TV, don’t make any efforts to direct the process, there’s no point.
Speak deep into yourself - “I take full responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.” Strengthen your thought process, start thinking harder, eat it like my sister did with strawberries to the point of nausea, as described above. And I repeat once again, the more you think, the less you want.
Repeat this exercise as much as possible, if you are not a lazy person, then 2-3 days will be enough to extinguish the emotions in your heart and find peace and comfort in your soul.
How to stop loving your ex if he is married, if you see him every day - etc.?
How can you stop loving him if you have to see him every day at work? Or accidentally meet him every morning because he lives in an apartment (house) across the street?
Or…
But what difference does it make if you have already put an end to it? No!
It's like quitting smoking: until you want to quit, you will constantly be drawn to a cigarette, and neither patches, nor smart books, nor seeds will help. You can quit only if you really want it - immediately and forever. Without leaving even a tiny hope for yourself that “then, one day, well, if only a little, well, you never know, but anything can happen...”.
Or be like children. When a child is afraid to pull out a baby tooth, he asks his dad (or mom) to do it quickly, so that he won’t be afraid for a long time, and so that the pain will go away instantly, as if it never happened, “sniff” - and it’s done. Just tie the tooth by a string to the door and pull the door sharply. Everyone did this when they were kids. The child always shields himself from pain. And quickly forgets about sorrows. And he puts his “I” above everything else. Not because he is an egoist, but because the child lives in today, and not in yesterday or tomorrow. And he just enjoys life, the wind, the sun, a new toy, mom and dad, a delicious dinner. He has no time to be sad, to cry over photographs, to remember, to torment his heart with all sorts of nonsense.
Learn to be a child. Work on yourself!
How to get rid of unrequited love and start living - practical instructions
Signs of love addiction
It is much harder to forget a guy if you are not just in love, but dependent on a young man. This condition can be compared to a disease for which no medicine can help. It is urgent to take active action if:
- there are no other interests except the object of sympathy, the whole life revolves around the beloved;
- there is a constant and irresistible desire to control every action of a man, while violating all boundaries;
- All you do is try to please the guy and fulfill the slightest whim;
- ready to tolerate any treatment, including disrespect, mockery, ridicule;
- ready to forgive absolutely everything, even such terrible things as betrayal, assault, humiliation;
- dependence on the mood of the partner is visible;
- there is constant uncertainty in the partner, fear that he will leave, doubt about the correctness of the relationship, despair.
If you recognize yourself in at least one point, then you need to get the man you like out of your head as soon as possible, and psychotherapy will help with this. It is not necessary to seek help from a psychologist, although this would be a good option. You can figure it out on your own. First, you need to realize that such love is destructive for both and will not lead to a strong, happy family. Next, you need to harmonize your state of mind, push the young man aside and see the world around you.
READ What to do if a guy decides to return after a breakup
The final step is to understand why the relationship has reached this level. Very often the problem begins in childhood. Until you sort out your past mistakes, you will not be able to build a happy future.
Psychotherapy is the only cure for love addiction!
Circle 3
We explode and throw the phone aside.
We swear and close the browser window, trying to maintain deathly silence online, while in real life plates are flying into the wall, and cigarette butts are being extinguished on the asphalt. Turning ourselves inside out, we diligently distract ourselves for a full 15 minutes, sincerely convincing ourselves that we can withstand more time.
Carly Rae and her hit “Call me maybe” annoyed many people much more than waiting for a new message. The girls from the Pussycat Dolls fled long ago, but before that they came to an agreement by singing “I don’t need a man”
Better wait for the call
The inhabitants of Mars are primarily work-oriented. As already noted, men perceive a date as an interview with an employer. Any person who has gone through a similar procedure at least once knows that there is nothing more stupid in the world than calling the HR department the next day after the interview and asking if they are ready to hire you. A wise person will wait for a call from a company employee who will tell him what decision has been made. Anyone who shows anxiety is the first to lose the chance of getting a good job.
A man unconsciously tries to hide his anxiety because he feels that the one who shows weakness is in a less advantageous position.
A man unconsciously tries to hide his feelings so that no one notices how worried he is and how passionately he wants to get something. The inhabitants of Mars pride themselves on their ability to maintain self-control and independence. This helps them cope with difficulties at work, but in relationships with women this method does nothing but harm. When a man finally decides to call a woman, he can hear her irritated voice on the phone. At this moment, it seems to him that the woman did not like the date. After this, their relationship may end.
Gather a women's council
If you have the opportunity to share your thoughts with your friends, do it, grab some wine and just talk about this topic, it’s very useful to speak out and share with others in order to take the burden off your shoulders and find peace in your soul.
But it happens that it is better not to talk about your thoughts, a mirror will help here, speak it all out in the mirror, turning to yourself. And then I remembered another useful exercise that will help you. Read below
Exercise No. 2
Take your phone and write down all the thoughts you think about a person, completely free of expression and in detail. Then watch the video, then watch it again and again until you get bored and let go of all the words you said on camera.
You can do the same with a voice recorder, record your speech and listen and listen to it until you get completely tired and feel nauseous.
The exercise is useful for looking at yourself from the outside, bringing all thoughts and emotions to the surface. When you listen to your thoughts from a recording, you will think that a completely different person is speaking and you will begin to perceive in a completely different way.
Exercise No. 3
Say out loud everything you see. You walk down the street and whisper to yourself all the thoughts that are in your head. Pour the full stream of consciousness outward, this will stop all your internal dialogue, and you will be able to take a sober look at the whole situation as a whole.
Read more: How to find a purpose in life?
From the outside, of course, it looks strange, but try to do it secretly so that no one sees you. This is how I stopped my internal conversation when I was afraid to approach girls on the street.
Why do you need it?
There is an old proven method: take a sheet of paper and write in a column the positive and negative qualities of a man. Describe everything honestly, how a judge at a meeting cannot decide according to his heart, he needs evidence and proof, so you too be honest with yourself.
What happens is that if there are more minuses, then everything is obvious and your psyche will soon decide to give up thoughts about a man and go over to the side of “Good”, doing everything good for you.
If there are more advantages, then try to think, do other people have all these qualities? Is it possible to meet an even better person with the same characteristics? I understand perfectly well that you cannot order your heart, but you can re-realize all this and make a decision in favor of your emotional peace.
Circle 1
The worst thing is to see that the subscriber is available. Social networks and the “Online” status were invented by sadists. We were hooked on this badge like heroin addicts. If you take this flour from us, you may well end up in trouble.
So, the subscriber is there.
But for some reason, the treasured message is stuck at the writing stage, and you try not to breathe and open the “Dialogues” tab several times.
The SMS signal turned from a short flutter into a loud battle for 5 minutes.
After all, the very thought of missing a cherished message terrifies us.
Meditating Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Harper's Bazaar “If you are going to wait for something, then in the right outfit” - the mantra from Harper's Bazaar
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