Advice from a psychologist on how to let a man go so that he comes back: behave correctly after a breakup and break the emotional connection with your ex

Hello, dear readers! Today we will discuss one of the fundamental, complex issues of relationships in a couple. We will talk about a painful breakup, when the feelings are too strong to simply forget and put an end to. Let's try to understand how to let a man go so that he comes back; the advice of a psychologist, by the way, will help better than the hackneyed Internet algorithm of throwing things away and crying for a week. Let's find advantages where it seemed they couldn't exist, let's finally learn to love ourselves, and not live for someone else.

What not to do

Traditionally, it’s worth starting with a clause about what you shouldn’t do immediately after a breakup, so that you don’t regret it for the rest of your life. The one whose partner was everything in his life is left alone with himself, with feelings, or rather with aching pain, which, it seems, cannot be overshadowed by anything. Constant thoughts about a partner, an expression of one’s own worthlessness, uselessness, make one weak, vulnerable, and uninteresting. In this state, not the best ideas usually come to mind:

• suffering, begging for a return are obviously disastrous options - in the first days the ex feels a surge of freedom, independence, and cannot be overcome by pity;
• running to a bar for adventure means cutting off the possibility of renewing communication;
• locking yourself at home, burning photographs in order to survive the first stage of “liberation” - there is a danger that ordinary grief will develop into protracted depression;
• building a new love - without dealing with the past, you will only be able to drag the burden of worries into the future and torment yourself and the new guy;
• overeating and alcohol - you obviously cannot get happiness by destroying yourself.

So what is next?..

There will be a lot of “goodies” after you truly let your man go. Firstly, your appetite will improve, you will have a passion for life, an interest in people and new things. Secondly, your eyes will sparkle and your sexual energy will return. Accordingly, men's interest in you will increase significantly. And thirdly, sensing that the flow of energy on your part has stopped, your loved one will soon appear again. Perhaps he will even immediately offer to start all over again.

It’s up to you to decide whether to dive headfirst into an old, painful relationship, or not to rush, or maybe build it in a new way. But remember that the most important value is not someone else, but you, your personal comfort and peace of mind.

This is the School of Gravity. We are here to make you happy and loved! See you at the online meeting >>>

What does it mean to let go

It’s worth deciding, letting go does not mean forgetting. Letting go means giving freedom to your partner, and most importantly, freeing yourself from projecting your internal dependence onto him. One esoteric Talmud describes an interesting method of how to mentally let go of a person or visualize liberation:

“...You need to close your eyes and imagine how tight ropes stretch from the heart and lower abdomen to the departed partner. They pulsate, pumping out vital energy, giving him confidence that he is better than he is and deserves more. Then, mentally, large golden scissors are taken and the ropes are cut..."

Some may find the practice funny, but it has a completely scientific basis from the point of view of psychology. So, usually the one who is less dependent, the one who allowed love, announces separation in a couple. Exaggeratedly, such a partner believes that if such an attachment has developed, then He is really better than others and deserves more, but while there is no more, he can stay in this relationship. After a breakup, this confidence is fueled by pitiful messages and the unhappy appearance of the jilted party. Only by cutting off this supply can you stop feeding Him with the illusions of your own superiority, and force Him to plunge into a reality where no one needs Him.

Swap places

No wonder they say that as soon as you forget a man, he will immediately return. This is not just an old wives' saying. Anyone who wants to achieve love, the return of the past, must understand that partners must equally be dependent on each other. If one side is too overwhelmed with attention, then it will give back the same amount of care less. Therefore, as much as you want to be accepted, loved, appreciated, learn to appreciate, love, accept yourself. Stop trying to catch up, convince them of love, give them the opportunity to feel how things could be different.

At this moment the fun begins. When someone who is confident in his exclusivity does not find the usual support, his self-image begins to crumble. In this case, the crisis cannot be avoided; perhaps the man will come back with claims and conflicts. After all, if one side becomes independent and confident, the other feels discomfort. At this moment, you should not destroy your built-up understanding of yourself, or succumb to instilling feelings of guilt. He must experience an internal conflict, and then realize how wrong his assessment of what was happening was.

Motivation and first steps

I think the first part of the blog article has already made you move in the right direction, all that remains is to understand how to practically let go of the man you love, especially if he is not with you. According to media psychologist Labkovsky, this is an incorrectly posed question. It doesn't matter if you've been dumped or you, the action comes from the head. That is, the union physically ended, but the body was not prepared, so it breaks, it protests. Parting with a loved one is like depriving a drug addict of his dose. Therefore, you need to think not about how to forget Him, but how to overcome internal problems, sort out your head, and stop seeing a “dose” in another person.

At the same time, the psychologist notes that even the return of a loved one will not bring happiness, like a drug addict, and it will be both bad and good at the same time. As long as there is no self-love, there is no equal union, the partner will be a means of venting irritation with a hint of understanding that at any moment everything can end again. So you need not to cry over joint photographs, but to focus all your efforts on restoring your internal balance. Immediately after separation you must:

• analyze mistakes, rethink, ideally learn to meditate;
• prioritize yourself, your own feelings and emotions;
• spend your free time working on yourself;
• As a bonus, you can do something you’ve always only dreamed of.

The main reasons for a husband leaving the family

Not every woman is ready to lose her happiness or build a new relationship; many want her husband to return to her.

But in order to restore the family, you must first understand why her chosen one left. There are several reasons:

• routine;
• money problems;
• uninteresting sex;
• mismatch of temperaments;
• lack of mental balance;
• a wife who has given up on herself;
• wife - “man in a skirt”;
• relationship on the side.

When a woman finds out why her husband left her, she will understand what actions will make him return very quickly and at the same time also repent of his leaving. To correct the situation in the family, you need to use any of many methods.

He came back and then he left

The so-called vicious circle, when a man, in principle, does not want a relationship, he then disappears, but again wants to return everything. Moreover, his return usually occurs on a grand scale, with promises of eternal love, apologies on his knees, and flowers. And leaving can be either enchanting with a scandal, or quiet, without explanation. There can be several manifestations of such “love”:

1. Abusive relationships. A man gets high by inflicting pain; he needs a surge of emotions, which he feeds on like a vampire. In such a union there will be no chubby babies, no lavish wedding, just a repetition of pain and momentary joy. You need to not just let such a person go, but hope that he never returns. And it will disappear only when it does not find a response and recharge.
2. "Spare." In addition to inveterate abusers, there are also practical guys who leave an alternate airfield after breaking up. He met a new passion, but at the same time he is in no hurry to leave with all his socks. He can periodically write, call, and maybe drop by for the night. It is necessary to realize that love does not happen temporarily or on weekends. There is no need to wait for him to make up his mind, this is humiliating, he needs to be let go and forgotten.
3. Owner. Another specimen who, even after a breakup, needs to know that there is no replacement for him. He does not love, does not care, but at the same time he is jealous, scandalous, literally strangling with total control. This kind of behavior should not be confused with love, it has nothing in common. Even if at first such treatment may be flattering, over time you will want to howl at night from the lack of personal space.

Situations when you need to return your departed husband

Having lived for many years in love and happiness, wives do not just worry if their husband abandoned them and are looking for a way to restore the relationship. If a family is destroyed, it is usually, first of all, worse for the wife. Most often, she has small children in her arms, a difficult financial situation, and she needs moral and material support. Therefore, a woman left alone has two options - to seek consolation on the side or to return the love of her departed husband. But if a woman believes that she cannot live without a spouse, then first she must make sure that her desire is real.

Basically, they try to restore the family in the following cases:

• the spouses have children who need the care of their father;
• the wife is afraid that no one will need her anymore and will be left alone;
• a woman is unable to earn money for herself and her children;
• relatives reacted negatively to the situation;
• the wife does not understand what is happening.

When a separation creates inconvenience for your wife and children, it is better to find a way to restore your relationship with the man you love. You can take advice from psychologists on how to do this.

It is worth noting that if a woman really does not want to return her husband, then these reasons cannot be considered convincing. The husband left her, but did not leave the children, and their relationship is unlikely to change if the wife does not interfere with their communication. And the fear of loneliness is most often not a reason to return a person if he cheated, offended his wife, or otherwise made her life uncomfortable.

Advice from men

All words are good in theory, so it’s more objective to take advice from real men. If the desire to renew the union is too great and there is no doubt that without it life will not be bright, then you should resort to behavioral rules and start your game upon the return of your loved one. So, what does the stronger sex advise:

• Look after yourself. A person of any gender longs to see a beautiful and neat appearance in front of him. If, after spending time together, manicure and gym were forgotten, it’s time to catch up. Even if he meets by chance, he sees the one he fell in love with at the first meeting.
• Confidence. Let's return to the discussion. If a woman loves herself, those around her love her. The gait, the look, the tone of voice, everything should scream that this is a self-sufficient and self-confident person.
• Common interests. Does he like chess? Go ahead to the game courses. Snowboard? It's time to go to the ski slopes. World of Tanks? It's probably enough to just stop hating this game.
• Self-development. At a general party, he must again understand that this is a developed personality, and not an armchair critic of TV series. Start reading, learning a new language, or learning the intricacies of cooking. The main thing is interest.
• No contact or surveillance. No calls or browsing social networks. No control. Also, don’t fill your feed with staged photos of a happy life. It’s better, on the contrary, to go online less often, let him get bored and perplexed.
• Patience. The wait could take months; don't rush his decision to return.

Results

In conclusion of everything written, it is important to understand one thing, even when in a couple and even more so after a breakup, you need to learn to let go of your loved one so that he feels dependent on emotional nourishment and returns in search of it. You cannot achieve a person through pity or threats. He may be nearby, but only physically and only until he finds an opportunity to escape. Respect yourself, accept without reserve, love, and then you won’t have to return anyone, since unnecessary people will leave, and you will be surrounded by those who deserve to be around.

Let's support in the comments those who are just learning to love themselves and not depend on others. Tell your story of love and the return of your loved one.

Recommendations from psychology: how to get your beloved man back if he doesn’t even want to communicate?

In psychology’s recommendations on how to get your beloved man back after a breakup, experts emphasize that it is much easier to resume a relationship only if the separated couple continues to communicate. If the husband refuses to meet, there is no hope for a quick return or easy paths to reunification. The reason is usually hidden in the serious misconduct of the wife - the mental wound inflicted is so painful that the husband completely crossed her out of his life and does not even want to see her.

You should not bother the departed man - such attempts will end in failure. It is recommended to start small - to gain support from the closest people who maintain relationships with your spouse (comrades, relatives). If they notice a woman’s sincere repentance and her desire to make peace, they will certainly help. Another advantage of such a step towards reconciliation is that from close friends who do not refuse to help, you can find out which levers are best to press in order to play on the feelings of your beloved man, what secret keys can return his favor.

Psychologists do not recommend discounting the help of relatives and friends in the return of a departed spouse. Regular stories about how an abandoned woman gets bored, yearns, and finds no place for herself after a breakup will certainly find an echo in a man’s soul. You should arm yourself with a considerable amount of patience and not expect that your husband will return immediately - he needs time to sort out his feelings and believe that his wife is really ready to change radically for the sake of their future together.