In this article, psychologist Evgenia Dvoretskaya answers the question “How to hurt a man mentally?”
You may have to learn how to make someone feel guilty in order to make the person realize what they really did. Here's how to do it effectively.
Many people will tell you that it is wrong to try to make someone feel upset or guilty. Is it true? Not really, if you need the person to understand your feelings. The only way to do this is to figure out how to make someone feel guilty.
If a person doesn’t care and just enjoys life in this way, then he will still continue to do the same. He may hurt you again or hurt someone else. If you want him to know how hurt you were, show it.
Take time to make a plan
You can't walk up to someone and start screaming about how they hurt you. This almost never works and ends up making you look like a crazy person. And do you really think that a person will feel guilty when they shout about it in his face?
No. You should take some time to create a plan of action first. Sit down and think better about how to get this person's attention so that you can talk to them about important things. Once you know how you feel and what you want to say, you can move on to the next step.
Bad ways
It's very easy to hurt your ex-boyfriend. It is enough to take a shovel or an oar and hit him in the face when he leaves, for example, from the entrance. If he loses consciousness after this, you can relieve him of minor or major need. You can also persuade the Gopniks to give him a bottle of vodka or a bag of sunflower seeds so that they will push him.
You can seduce his friend and try to ruin their friendship. You can post indecent photos of a guy on the Internet, with a famous gay black man in a cap on the back. You can paint or smash his car. In general, there are quite a lot of ways to hurt and unpleasant a guy, both physically and mentally. But these methods not only do not bring peace of mind, but also very often spoil the reputation of the girl herself. Society very quickly develops an opinion of the avenger as a cheap woman, a prostitute and a hysterical woman. And the guy generally begins to despise such a girl.
When a guy dumps you, you need to mentally thank him. Because he provided a great way to change your life and become strong. There are two ways - either become strong, or remain a loser and an eternal loser. Such people will always be abandoned, disrespected and wiped off their feet.
Present your arguments
Just do it, but not aggressively. The person will already begin to feel guilty when you tell him about your pain. Nobody wants to admit that they upset someone. And so he will avoid you if you start making accusations.
Instead, make sure you are in a calm state and can talk about things in a civilized manner. Even if you're really angry deep down, try to appear pleasant and appropriate on the outside so that you can really hook the person before he gets defensive.
How to hurt a man mentally. How to hurt a guy
Pain can be both physical and mental. It is better to immediately abandon the first option, unless you attend the martial arts section. But representatives of the better half of humanity are still characterized by more sophisticated and insidious methods. A woman can simply quit, she can start an unflattering rumor, or even commit treason. The motives are different, but the goal is almost always the same - to make the scoundrel regret what he did, affect self-esteem, and humiliate him. Remember: words hurt the most. Your insightful and sarcastic tone will make him feel uncomfortable. And so, when he is completely confused and, in the language of boxers, “opened up”, you deliver the final, “knockout” blow: you deadly remind him of the most awkward, incidental or simply shameful incident in his male life. It works one hundred percent. But here it is useful to correctly calculate the “impact force”. If you still don’t want to lose him forever, you shouldn’t touch on the guy’s intimate sphere or humiliate him by listing the numerous advantages of your exes. This will already be a “low blow”.
Make the person feel involved in the situation
Often people don't feel guilty because they can't understand what their fault is. This misunderstanding arises because they believe that they have nothing to do with your pain. To fix this, you must talk to them in a way that they can understand.
Therefore, explain the situation in an accessible and understandable way. Analogies are great for this because you paint the same situation in a new light. This way it will be clearer to the person.
How to hurt a man if he offended you. How to hurt a guy
Based on the remaining traces of lipstick and hair in search queries, we guess that our site “Everything about Everything” is visited by girls, and why are we proud of it? When girls stop visiting men, it says a lot; you start to think about little pleasant things: visiting a urologist, looking at your passport to check your age during attacks of insanity, looking out the window to clarify “Is the rainbow flag developing or not”! Everything is fine with us, the ladies are not indifferent to us. Girls, this is an article for you, written exclusively by the male team of the site, a bit of trash and frenzy in a glamorous package.
Girls, do you realize that you are bitches? Don't let your eyes drop, twirl a blond lock of hair on your finger and smile sweetly. You dream of being considered a bitch, some go further and buy the book “Psychology of a Bitch”, “How to Become a Bitch”, “Me and My Mom Are Bitches”, “Become a Bitch in a Week”. We don’t know who writes these books, but since such literature appears on the shelves with constant regularity, like an eleventh-grader’s period, it means there is a demand, and the desire to go wild does not leave your pretty heads. Let us do something useful for your fragile inner world and teach you to leave guys.
You will say that you don’t need to be taught how to leave guys, having absorbed it with your mother’s milk, having acquired unique skills, you don’t need extra body movements to break up with your boyfriend. Starting from kindergarten, when “men in tights” cried because of your actions and actions, continuing to weave intrigues in elementary school and “handing over” the boys you liked to the teacher, you played your own game: you played with guys, discussed with friends, refused to make acquaintances, allowed the first kiss a month later, tormented her and then quit after playing too much.
Only after a while all your abandoned guys found girls for themselves, came to life again and returned to a full life, and you could only watch and bite your elbows. What is the problem? Why didn’t they try to get back to you, crawling on their knees and smearing snot all over their unshaven faces, and didn’t write the word “Sorry” in huge letters on the asphalt? You don’t need them back, you’re proud and won’t accept the thrown item back, but why did the guys continue to greet you, and some of them congratulated you a year later on your birthday or on New Year’s Eve? What did you do wrong that they had a positive impression of you and your photos on the hard drive!
You threw them wrong! She showed weakness at the last moment and said the standard:
-let's take a break from the relationship, I need to sort myself out
-I thought that we would be better off separately
-I can’t explain to you, but I’m better alone
-parents are against our relationship
-I am not worthy of you, you will find better
AND CANONIC!
Draw his attention to you
It's not always healthy to indulge in drama, but some people need it. Sometimes you literally have to go crazy to get the bully's attention. So put on a show. If you haven't been able to reach him any other way, this may be your only option.
As soon as you realize that you have his attention, slow down. Try to make sure he understands what you're getting at. Otherwise, he will simply get angry and refuse to listen to you.
Displacer 3. Depreciation
Imagine, I bought myself a new dress. I run to a close friend and brag. And she told me: “Well, it seemed like this happened to you... It would be better if you bought a coat instead of the old one...” Curtain. The pleasure of the purchase is ruined.
Or, for example, your husband is animatedly telling you about a friend’s new car. And you: “Why are you telling me about Volodka? Everything is clear with him - he has nowhere to put the money. You’d better take out the trash, you promised yesterday and didn’t do it.” We've arrived. Your husband understands that you don’t care about his daily affairs.
There is a high probability that he will soon go where they will listen to him. And not necessarily a blonde with a round butt. This could be an ordinary woman. Who just knows how to be attentive.
And what to do if you're bored of listening?
It is quite natural that your and your partner's interests differ. However, show
respect for the hobbies and affairs of a loved one. And if it’s completely unbearable... Are you sure that you live with the right person?
Talk about it logically
Don't talk about yourself all the time, discussing why you are hurt. Talk about what happened logically. Take yourself out of this equation. Show that someone has suffered in this situation, and it's not just you.
Some people think that a person is simply too sensitive and does not hurt as much as he says it does. Giving a logical explanation as to why you feel this way can help them understand that the problem is not your sensitivity.
Guilt is a very strong emotion, if a person feels it, of course.
Many people ignore guilt. They don't want to admit that they did something wrong. They simply don’t pay attention to it, they will even forget about it later if no one reminds them. But it is very important for people to feel this.
Because guilt can teach lessons. The more a person worries about this, the more he realizes what he has done. And those who ignore guilt often repeat the same mistakes, only each time their “pranks” manifest themselves in an uglier and more “toxic” way.
Accept that he doesn't care
You can't change everyone. Some people, no matter how hard you try, will never admit that they did wrong. They immediately become defensive and don't care who they hurt.
You can't expect anyone to feel guilty, always. After a while you will realize that they really don't care and will never admit their guilt. Live your life and don't allow yourself to bottle up your feelings.
This information will help you open the eyes of the offender and show how painful and unpleasant what he did is. This may not be easy for you, but if you want to stay close to this person, it's worth teaching him a lesson.
Who and why do we attract?
Do opposites attract? This is just a common cliché. And we usually stop agreeing with this idea when the connection between us and our partner lasts for a long time, says relationship coach Greg Michaelson. But at the beginning of communication, we may indeed be attracted to certain personality nuances that we do not discover in ourselves.
But at the same time, a confident person who perceives life as a road full of opportunities and discoveries is intuitively drawn to a fellow traveler in life. And vice versa - someone who is constrained by internal fears and limitations will sympathize with a person for whom predictability is important.
“We unconsciously read these settings as familiar and most comfortable,” says Michaelson. - When you meet, a man determines by his body language, by his gaze, how confident you are in yourself and whether you are able to enjoy life. He may not notice the imperfections of your figure. But he perfectly sees the dull gaze, hunched shoulders. This image, as the closest and most understandable, is often chosen by those who are ready to act out only their fears and complexes in a relationship.”
This is why self-doubt magnetically attracts those who are afraid of life and are often incapable of trusting, responsible relationships. Most likely, this is not the person you want to be around.
Buoyok 1. Humiliation
When the storm subsides and you make peace, everything will be forgotten. But...usually, in the heat of a quarrel, people hit the most painful places of a loved one, which they managed to recognize during the relationship. The offense is forgotten, but the residue remains. It's like a wormhole in an apple. And with each subsequent scandal, the worminess of the apple increases. You will end up with a bad apple. That is, relationships.
And how then to swear?
(Note that here I am defining an action, not a person. Even a good guy can do bastard things - I think this is no secret). If the quarrel goes in this direction, there is a greater chance that you will be heard. When you attack a person (even justifiably), there is a desire to defend yourself, but not to listen. And the last thing I want is to take your position and understand how you feel.
Revenge on your ex for betrayal
Girls are emotional and very vulnerable creatures. There are, of course, exceptions, I call them the “iron lady”, the kind of woman who doesn’t care about anything. I don't advise you to become like this. You should be confident in the presence of your man, who reliably protects you.
When faced with betrayal, the disappointment can be so strong that even the “iron lady” can flinch. Still, love can melt any heart.
At the moment when you are visited by thoughts of taking revenge, do not rush to administer your justice, initially get rid of the emotions that control you at the moment. Don't forget the popular saying:
"Revenge is a dish best served cold"
In most cases, when a girl takes revenge on emotions, she does a rash act, which she may later very much regret.
Buoyok 4. Silence (aka ignoring)
The destructive effect it produces is amazing. The equivalent is that you pack up your things for no reason and leave for a month, for example, in Mexico. Showing with all your appearance that it is your partner who is to blame for your escape. And he remains alone - in confusion and bewilderment. And after each such story, something falls away from the former closeness. Until there is nothing left of her at all.
What should I do if I don’t know how to talk about my feelings?
Communicate by any means: write letters, send SMS, draw messages with lipstick on the wall... and what not? The main thing is not to become isolated. This only makes things worse.
Love System
Almost certainly, sooner or later you will encounter situations where the behavior of a man/husband will cause you mental pain.
These could be specific actions. These could be words. It could be his inaction and passivity - anything.
Someone talks about their former family and their children from their first marriage with enviable frequency.
Someone constantly listens to their mother and ignores your requests and agreements.
Someone defends principles that are important to him in some area: raising children, managing free time, family budget, etc. There can be a lot of options, but the most important thing is that you live in suffering and don’t know how to get out of it.
This may be a constant feeling of being unimportant, useless and abandoned. The feeling that you are completely on the side here, and the true love between you seems to have evaporated.
And in this article I will give an algorithm for communicating your pain to a man, which will help you get out of this situation.
So:
1. Casually mention the problem.
The very first thing to do in this situation is to come in a little from afar. “Cast the bait”, the idea that you are suffering from some of his behavior.
More precisely, it is even better to say that a certain situation is the trigger for your suffering - this presentation format will be better perceived by the other side simply because it does not have an accusatory orientation.
2. Take a time out
The idea has been launched. Take a time out and live your normal life, collecting statistics.
The big obstacle here can be haste. If you just told a man about something important today, then it would be wrong to expect that by tomorrow lunch everything will have changed as if nothing had happened.
Therefore, take the time off here and collect objective statistics - whether nothing really changes at all, or whether there are still small positive changes.
3. Expand your feelings and thoughts more fully
If some time has passed, but nothing has changed, then move on to the next step.
Now it’s yours to convey to the man a more complete vision of the situation from that angle, from the point of view of how it looks specifically for you.
Still calm, balanced and kind (as in the first point of the algorithm), share with him your difficult feelings about the existing problem. Here you need to give much more details and reveal what is really in your soul.
4. Say that the situation is intolerable for you
In the process of a more complete story, be sure to say that the current situation not only causes you suffering, but is also (at least for now) unbearable, very difficult, that it really worsens your life and makes it much less happy than it could be be.
5. Add an important detail
It is important not to miss one essential detail. In addition to what you said in the previous paragraph, it is very important to convey to the man an idea that can radically change his reaction to your sincere confession.
What kind of thought is this?
It lies in the fact that when you say that a situation is unbearable for you, you are not just voicing your “claim” and pain, but also admitting your weakness in the face of this situation/problem/difficulty.
You tell the man that it’s probably not entirely correct that you experience such feelings, that such thoughts come to you, that you are generally bothered by this issue.
You say that you would like to accept this situation and treat it differently, but you feel that you lack the strength to do so.
You can say that your desire, for example, is somewhat selfish, and you yourself don’t really like it.
You can say that you are an ordinary imperfect person, and it is difficult for you, although you try... And so on.
By doing this, you show the man that you are an adequate person, that you understand everything, that you want to work on yourself, but it’s not working out yet.
6. Make a sincere request for help and support
And here you are already turning to a man for help.
Here it is better to directly ask the man to do / not do something. Ask him to ease your suffering if he can do so.
Say that you would be very grateful to him for this, because the efforts that you made without his help have not yet led to success.
Those. here you once again confirm the man’s understanding that you tried yourself, but have not yet succeeded.
And at the end of the request, it’s very good to say that you really hope that a lot can change in the future, and that’s why you really need his support and love now.
7. Describe what his love and support means to you.
Now is the time to tell your man what his support and love will mean to you, and how much better you will feel.
You can add that you would feel much happier if he did such and such (or did not do something).
You can say that you were very grateful to him if he could act in such and such a way.
Also, a very good option here would be to convey to the man the understanding that you would feel his love if he could listen to you.
8. Final touches
And as a finishing touch, you can add a small summary structure.
Say that if you want to build / are building a life together, then it is very important for you to be attentive and tolerant of each other’s imperfections. It is important that each of you comes to the aid of your partner in difficult situations and supports him.
That's the whole algorithm, use it!
Very often, such a conversation is enough to come to a solution acceptable to both parties. Sometimes not immediately, sometimes the solution will not be ideal, but very often this algorithm will help you out.
At the same time, of course, there have always been, are and will be situations when this approach does not work as expected.
If this algorithm does not work
1. This means that you cannot get out of this situation “just like that”
In other words, you cannot get out of it without gaining some experience that you need to live and internally accept. Why does this happen?
The fact is that the behavior of any person towards us has a specific purpose. And this goal is to help our soul become purer, fill it, if not with unconditional Love, then at least with something as close to this as possible. Something that approaches such Love.
2. Your partner may be aware that they are behaving inappropriately.
At the same time, a man can often realize that he is behaving incorrectly, unworthily, insufficiently noble, selfish, insufficiently caring, aggressive, distant, etc.
He may even be seriously upset because he is causing you pain and unpleasant experiences with his behavior.
However, this understanding still does not lead to the fact that you, as reasonable adults, can agree with him on everything. It seems that everyone understands everything, but it is still not possible to achieve a settlement of a complex issue.
3. Internal transformation is needed
If everything happens this way, then you need to remember that the task of a loved one is to help you undergo a genuine internal transformation, which is only possible at the emotional level.
Until you make your soul more perfect, something will constantly push a man to act towards you in a way that you do not like. Again and again - until you make the necessary changes in yourself.
Therefore, if the first option with the communication algorithm described above does not work, the only thing left is a deeper and more comprehensive approach, which you can use by studying my course on communicating with a man .
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