According to the prevailing stereotype, girls expect the first step from men. However, with the advent of the Internet, everything changed. It’s no longer so difficult to take the very first step by writing a friendly message to the young man you like, rather than waiting for your fate with folded hands. Social networks have made dating easier, but the question of whether to write to a guy first still sparks heated debate.
The stereotype that a man should always write first is no longer as relevant as it used to be. It is believed that girls are more morally stable, so there is nothing terrible or shameful in a girl taking the initiative first. Guys, of course, evaluate with their eyes, but if you are not attracted to him by his appearance, then you should not worry. Men love brave and enterprising people, however, you should not be intrusive. You need to feel the edge. If you really like the guy, then don’t be shy. It's the 21st century, what if this is your prince on a white horse? Nowadays it is customary to say: “No one owes anyone anything.” It's all about desire. If you are a girl and are afraid to write to a guy first, then in vain. You shouldn't wait, you need to act. And, perhaps, behind such a brave act as writing to a guy first, lies your destiny.
Why is he silent?
The girl’s nervousness about the silence of the guy she likes is quite understandable. When the reason for the lack of communication is not reliably known, you can come up with anything you want. Let's think about what are the most common reasons for a guy's silence:
- He is very busy. Promising students do not crawl out of books and drawings, and active young people who are a little older are in a hurry to build a career at the beginning of their lives in order to later provide for themselves and their future family. Problems exist both in school and at work. Therefore, you should not rush to conclusions if your boyfriend has been silent for not too long a period of time. Remember what he said the day before. Maybe he has a session or finishing a project?
- He lost your phone number or accidentally deleted it. If you recently met and have not yet had time to memorize each other’s contact information, then anything could happen. Of course, it’s unpleasant if he really treated your number so carelessly, but you shouldn’t draw far-reaching conclusions from this situation.
- He got into trouble. We all have bad times in our lives. It happens that solving a problem takes a long time, and you don’t even have time to pick up the phone. It is quite possible that this is an option for your boyfriend, who will write as soon as he resolves the situation.
- He does not yet dare to take the initiative. You recently met, exchanged numbers, but for some reason the guy is silent. There is a possibility that he has not yet decided on his feelings or is not sure of your reciprocity. The young man's indecisiveness prevents him from writing first.
- He is waiting for your initiative. If a man has never been deprived of female attention, then he most likely will not write first. The guy will wait until you start bombarding him with messages and invitations to the next date. Whether you like spoiled representatives of the stronger sex is another question.
- He was offended. If you had an argument the day before, then the guy’s silence is completely justified. Give him the opportunity to cool down and think about the situation. If he immediately starts writing to you, then there is a high probability that the conflict will continue or worsen. So wait a little longer until you both forgive each other and miss each other.
- He found another one. Unfortunately, such disappointments happen in life. Men can sometimes be cruel and cowardly, so much so that they cannot even admit to cooling their feelings and prefer to ignore the lady. It seems like she herself should have guessed that she was exchanged for someone else. If you find out that this is exactly the state of affairs, then know: this man is not worthy of you.
Thus, there are enough reasons why a young man does not take initiative. But is it still worth texting a guy first? Is there a taboo for such an act on the part of a girl?
How to call a man without looking stupid
When a woman thinks whether to call or write to a man first, if he does not write himself, then the main problem is an awkward situation. The lady is afraid of seeming stupid, intrusive and saying something wrong. Practical psychology will come to the aid of indecisive ladies.
To avoid looking stupid when calling a guy, do this:
- Choose the right time to call. It is better to call from 18 to 21 pm or during your lunch break at work. There is no need to disturb a stranger at night or early in the morning.
- Consider the purpose of the call. This could be a compliment to your date or a question that you yourself just can’t find the answer to. For example, “Honey, I forgot the name of the movie you advised me to watch. Can you say it again?”
- Keep it short. Get your question answered and say goodbye. Inadvertently, you can say that you are waiting for his call at any time. If the guy is in the mood for communication, he himself will suggest not to hang up so quickly.
Guys love to help girls out of difficult situations. The ideal time for a call is to ask for help.
If you've only known each other recently
Often girls find themselves in a rather difficult situation. They meet a nice guy in a common company and don’t know whether they can write to him first. Their doubts are completely justified: they don’t want to look stupid or be rejected. After all, even if a man showed signs of attention, they can always be interpreted ambiguously. And anyway, what if he winked not at you, but at his girlfriend standing next to him? Or did the guy get a speck in his eye?
In fact, there is nothing reprehensible in such an act. Many couples were formed precisely thanks to the determination of the ladies. If you are embarrassed to show affection, there is a high chance of losing your happiness. An outburst of feelings in the form of initiative on your part will help clarify the situation, the outcome of which can result in three options:
- The man will be happy with the message, since he is also interested in you.
- He did not pay attention to you, but now he will consider your candidacy with curiosity.
- It will turn out that you are not his type, and vain hopes will stop tormenting your soul.
Of course, after the first meeting you can wait a couple of days. Suddenly the guy himself will initiate close communication. But if you wait for a long time for weather to come from the sea, then the man may never know about your sympathy. It’s better to take a risk once and not worry every day about “how to write to a guy first.” You just need to take it and decide to take a bold action. It is difficult to do without risk in love affairs, but often the gamble is worth the candle.
Woman's choice, man's choice: scientific experiment3
Sociologists and psychologists set up an experiment to find out how women and men decide to establish contact with a possible partner.
Women were the first to undergo the experiment. A small street cafe was rented; Two chairs were left at each table. One offered accommodation for men helping scientists with experiments. The other chair was left empty so that the woman, having made her choice, could take it.
Women participants were invited to the cafe one by one. Several men appeared before their eyes; they were all dressed differently, according to the degree of wealth they needed to portray for the experiment. The men also used different poses and facial expressions to give female participants the idea of how interested they were in dating.
Women had to choose the man they liked most, and then sit down at his table. From the moment the participant appeared in the cafe, cameras tracked her every eye movement. This helped to understand how honest the woman’s choice was: whether she ultimately joined the man who held her attention the longest.
The results of the experiment revealed that women are very brave. Despite differences in social status and the degree of interest demonstrated by men, women for the most part took a step towards those partners who seemed attractive to them.
But still, one of the popular reasons why girls don’t write first is the fear of being rejected. Read about the main reasons in detail further on the link.
Interestingly, the results for men were the exact opposite. They could look for a very long time at the most well-groomed and luxurious woman in the cafe, but they settled on someone with whom, in their opinion, they had a better chance: simpler girls and those who showed them affection with a smile.
Even though our culture views decisiveness as a traditional male trait, women are actually more courageous and open-minded—at least when it comes to relationships.
Women's initiative after the first date
The appointed meeting was over, you came home inspired and confident of reciprocal sympathy went to bed. But a day passes, then another, and the phone still shows no signs of life. You begin to get nervous and sad, once again checking your smartphone for SMS messages. Should you text the guy you like first after a date?
To answer this question, remember all the details of the last meeting. How did the young man behave? It was clear that he was shy, listened more than told, and sat staring at the floor? Most likely, he is really interested in continuing communication, but his timid nature does not allow him to express himself after the first date. The young man is afraid of being rejected, so he took a wait-and-see attitude. In this case, the right decision will be to write first to the guy you like. He will understand that he is not indifferent to you and will definitely show himself more decisively in the future.
If a man, on the contrary, showed with all his appearance how cool and sexy he was, said how many fans he had and how little time he had for them, hold off on taking the initiative. Such a “king” needs to be knocked down a little. Wait until the last minute and don’t write to him, otherwise you risk ending up on the list of fools in love that this Don Juan wants to deceive. When the guy realizes that you didn’t fall for the bait, he will single you out from the crowd and will probably begin to seek a second date on his own. Use feminine cunning; you can find justice for any man if you wish.
Is it possible to write first after a quarrel?
We are all human, and quarrels and misunderstandings in relationships are common occurrences. The ideal outcome is when both people do not want to drag out the quarrel and take steps towards reconciliation. But in real life this happens extremely rarely, and the coldness and ignorance in a couple persist for a long time. Emotionally, the participants in the conflict are divided into two camps:
- They want to make peace as soon as possible and forget the trouble.
- They cool down for a long time and hold a grudge, ponder every word and look for the reason for the disagreement.
If the first option is closer to you, then the question “should I write first or not” should not arise. Act according to the dictates of your heart; if the quarrel is trivial, then it can be forgiven. Why pull the cat by the tail when it’s so easy to end the game of silence and make peace? But make sure that the guy doesn’t become completely insolent. He, too, must recognize mistakes and apologize when his guilt is present.
When it is difficult for you to take initiative after mutual reproaches, do not force yourself. Patience and the ability to forgive will definitely come with age. Give yourself a chance to cool down. The anger will subside, you and your boyfriend will get bored and think about the behavior, and perhaps you will even be able to write to him first on VKontakte or in another messenger. Or the man will not be able to stand it and show up himself.
In almost any case, by writing first after a quarrel, you will show your nobility. A kind, unforgiving girl is such a rarity these days that a guy will simply have to carry you in his arms.
Ex: to write or not to write, that is the question
A break in a relationship is not always accompanied by a loss of feelings for an ex-boyfriend. Girls react violently to quarrels, often lashing out and breaking up with their boyfriends. Time passes, and my soul becomes so unbearably sad that I want to return everything back. Only the man is in no hurry to resume communication, and you are torn between the desire to write to him and to maintain the mark. Stop and once again really evaluate the situation that happened between you. How critical is a quarrel and is it possible to reanimate feelings? It’s better to proceed from this when deciding whether to write to the guy first or not.
If you definitely want to take the path of reconciliation and are aware of your personal mistakes, then writing to your ex-boyfriend is quite logical. Fate often presents us with surprises and certain signs. What if this conflict was just a test for your couple? The man will understand that you are really ready to change and have deep feelings for him.
There is no shame in taking initiative after a breakup if you really love the young man and want to build a strong union in the future. This way you will show that you are capable of forgiveness and humility. And these are, perhaps, the main qualities for a future homemaker. The main thing is not to start correspondence with mutual claims and insults. Try to call the guy for a constructive conversation, during which you will decide what awaits you in the future.
What will the guy think?
For a girl, an important point will be to feel the fine line between healthy initiative and imposing oneself. Adult men who have experience communicating with women usually feel quite confident on a date, remaining face-to-face with their crush or being in the same company.
They actively court, give compliments, calling or writing is not a problem for them.
Such people may take their time with the start of correspondence and subsequent communication, allowing the woman to “simmer in the juice” of her own thoughts, to “ripen.” It will take several days, a week until he decides that the time has come.
You should not completely take the initiative into your own hands. It is important for the stronger sex to feel like a hunter, to realize their superiority over competitors.
