Scientists have found that when we feel love, joy, fear and other emotions, certain substances and hormones are produced in the body. The influence of hormones is especially obvious when observing animals. It is not known for certain how much a person depends on the chemical reactions of the body.
AiF.ru figured out what substances, according to scientists, make up the “formula of love.”
Crush: phenylethylamine*
This chemical is located in the core of the brain - the amygdala. It promotes the expression of emotions such as sympathy and love attraction.
According to the psychochemical hypothesis of researcher Michael Liebowitz), phenylethylamine is produced in the brain the moment a person meets someone he likes. At the same time, we are overcome by emotions and excitement, the cause of which is precisely phenylethylamine. Note that this theory has not yet been fully confirmed by scientists.
Phenylethylamine is present in chocolate, sweets, and diet drinks. However, the substance is very quickly destroyed and broken down even at the initial stage of digestion. For the state of love, it is phenylethylamine that is secreted by the brain itself, that is, endogenous.
The sequence of formation of love affection
Complex formulations, understandable only to professional neuroscientists, will tell the average person little about how exactly we fall in love. Therefore, if we translate this process into everyday language, it will look like this. A person sees an attractive object, the brain receives a signal that this is a suitable partner, and releases a portion of phenylethylamine into the blood. Thanks to this, a person begins to experience a feeling of love in the romantic sense of the word. Then the hormones suppress the work of those parts of the brain that are responsible for a critical attitude towards other people and towards the object of love in particular. A person’s threshold of anxiety and sense of danger are reduced, the world seems beautiful and benevolent due to the fact that unmotivated trust appears. The result is a special chemistry and a feeling of unity that partners share if the feeling of love is reciprocated.
Likes: pheromones
In 1959, entomologists Peter Carlson and Martin Lusher proposed to call pheromones (from the Greek phero - carry and hormao - excite) substances that an animal releases into the environment and which cause certain behavioral reactions in another animal of the same species.
In animals, the power of pheromones is very strong, in particular, it is pheromones that allow males and females to find each other and engage in sexual contact.
Androsterone (or androstenone) is a male sex hormone derived from the hormone testosterone*. It is found in urine and sweat. The smell of this hormone attracts women in the middle of their cycle, but not the rest of the time. Men always find the smell of this hormone repulsive. Scientists believe that this androsterone increases sexual attractiveness and helps attract the opposite sex.
Copulins are hormones similar to androstenone, but only in women. This substance attracts men.
Humans, unlike animals, control their feelings and behavior, so the power of hormones over us is not so strong. Research confirms that participants did not experience romantic feelings or sexual arousal when they inhaled these substances. However, many people continue to believe in the magical properties of pheromones, and the production of perfumes with pheromones has been put into production.
LifeWhat happens to the brain when you fall in love
How attachment is formed and what makes us obsessive
Oxytocin and vasopressin increase the release of dopamine.
The nucleus accumbens and ventral tegmentum of the midbrain are parts of the dopamine “reward” or “reward” system. There are at least five receptors for dopamine in the brain, but two are involved in the formation of relationships in the same voles - the first type receptor and the second. Brenden Ginrich and colleagues from Emory University in Atlanta showed that if the type 2 receptor is activated, voles will form a pair instantly, even before mating. If this receptor is blocked, then steam will not be produced. And if you selectively activate only the first type of receptor, the amount of which in the brain usually increases after pairing, monogamous voles will never associate with the opposite sex. This is probably why rodents do not pay attention to all representatives of the opposite sex, with the exception of their beloved, and sometimes even behave aggressively towards other females.
The rest of the love hormones have been studied much less well, although this does not make them any less interesting. For example, the level of serotonin decreases in the brain when it is in love. The same thing happens with some mental disorders: depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (or obsessive-compulsive disorder) and anxiety disorder. Some scientists believe that this may explain the obsessive and obsessive behavior of lovers who constantly think about their beloved. However, when the relationship is already established, the level of serotonin returns to normal.
Why is love blind
Falling in love is much more complex in humans than in voles. With the advent of brain imaging techniques, scientists have been able to study differences in the brain function of couples in love and single people. In one of the most famous works on this topic, the British scientist Semir Zeki showed lovers photographs of their chosen ones and unknown people. It was possible to find out that when a lover is shown the object of his adoration, the activity of the middle part of the insula, the anterior part of the cingulate cortex, the hippocampus, the nucleus accumbens, and the midbrain tegmentum increases.
As with voles, almost all of these parts of the brain are associated with the experience of pleasure and the feeling of “reward.” Additionally, Semir Zeki's original study compared lovers and mothers. It turned out that in terms of brain activity, romantic relationships and maternal feelings are very close. Similar areas are activated, with the exception of the hypothalamus, which was not activated in mothers. It is the hypothalamus that is associated with the sexual arousal that lovers experience when looking at their beloved.
In the same study, the activity of some parts of the brain in lovers was lower than in the control group. According to the authors, a decrease in amygdala activity is associated with a decrease in anxiety in lovers and a sense of trust. The prefrontal cortex controls almost everything that can be controlled in our behavior. Its deactivation may well be responsible for the fact that lovers see the world around them with rose-colored glasses and do not quite correctly evaluate their beloved, thinking about him better than he really is.
Mood: serotonin*
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter - one of the substances that is a chemical transmitter of impulses between nerve cells in the human brain.
This substance increases muscle tone and increases physical activity. Serotonin improves mood, and its deficiency causes depression.
Serotonin production is promoted by carbohydrate foods such as bread, bananas, chocolate, table sugar or fructose. This indirectly confirms the prevailing assertion in society that people with a sweet tooth, as well as overweight people, are kinder than thin people.
Love symptoms
Symptoms are spoken of in cases where we are talking about painful conditions. Therefore, there will undoubtedly be people who find it offensive to compare falling in love with an illness. But from a chemical and physiological point of view this is exactly the case. WHO added falling in love to the list of health disorders back in 2008. So what will indicate falling in love from a practical point of view? Of those parameters that can be measured, the level of adrenaline that is more than 10 times higher than normal attracts attention. By the way, this amount is three times higher than the level of adrenaline during myocardial infarction. Other manifestations include insomnia, obsessive thoughts about the object of love, increased heart rate, headaches, fluctuations in blood pressure, and stress.
When does a person fall in love?6
The prevailing opinion in society is that teenagers most often fall in love. From CBOS research, however, it follows that people between the ages of 25 and 34 are most likely to fall in love. Maybe young people believe that real love is still ahead of them.
Older people are also less likely to acknowledge intense feelings, perhaps because they are focused on other problems in life, such as health problems, loss of a partner or job. However, it should be emphasized that older people, under the influence of ongoing hormonal changes (menopause and andropause), often also make quick decisions about entering into a new relationship, emphasizing that they have “nothing to lose” and time is passing inexorably.
When love is born
To understand and understand that you really love a person very much, you need to be patient. True feelings appear after a long period of time. The transformation of affection into true love occurs gradually. Hot passion does not always turn into feelings, and this is not scary. Many people can experience love only once in their life, while others never know it.
It is impossible to say exactly at what point infatuation will degenerate into love. For this to happen, partners need to get to know each other. Having made sure that your beloved person is reliable, your life goals coincide, we can say that a true feeling has arisen. As a rule, this happens after 2-3 years. You should talk about love no earlier than a year after the formation of a couple.
We have considered all possible aspects regarding how to understand whether you really love a person or whether this is attachment. Before deciding to enter into a serious relationship, you need to listen to your inner voice. This is the only way to find out the exact answer to this question and get rid of doubts.
Tips for lovers: how to turn falling in love into true love
Falling in love is just one of the stages in the development of true love. To develop into a serious feeling, it must go through four more stages: addiction, grinding in, patience and intimacy. Unfortunately, most relationships end at the addiction stage. Once the heady effects of hormones wear off and sexual desire subsides, harsh reality sets in.
It turns out that nothing connected people at all except animal passion. And now that it’s over, we have to admit that the relationship has no future. To prevent this from happening, you need to know a few important rules. The following tips will help you strengthen your feelings as a couple and take them to the next level.
Get to know each other
Lovers can silently look at each other and hug for hours. Being close to your loved one already brings happiness. But if you want your love to develop into something more, you must actively communicate with your partner.
Be interested in his life, talk about yours, share your thoughts and experiences with each other. If you have no interest in him as a person, then this is a bad sign. This means you fell in love not with a real person, but with his image in your head.
Look for joint activities
Try to integrate as deeply as possible into each other's lives. Look for common ground. Strive to become immersed in your partner’s hobbies, and to interest him in yours. You can also try something new together.
When the passion subsides, common hobbies will remain that bind you. It doesn’t matter what it will be - sports, art, reading literature, games... The main thing is that you both feel comfortable and interested in doing this together.
Control your libido
At the very beginning of a relationship, lovers may not get out of bed. They are ready to have sex day and night, forgetting about everything in the world. In such a situation, satiety sets in very quickly. Attraction does not have time to mature, and sexual intercourse brings less and less pleasure each time.
Therefore, you should not squeeze all the juices out of your libido. Consciously restrain it, allowing your desire to become strong and deep. This way you will be able to maintain passion in your relationship for much longer.
Try to be helpful
The more investments you make, the stronger your partner’s affection for you will grow. Investments do not have to be material. Any help you give will be appreciated. He will understand that in a relationship you are ready not only to take, but also to give.
Don't wait for your partner to ask for help. Be attentive to his problems and needs. Also, don’t forget to please him just like that for no reason. Do it sincerely and free of charge.
Don't relax
At the very beginning of a relationship, people try to make a good impression on each other. Girls put on a lot of make-up before every date and put on their best outfits. Men tidy up their facial hair and begin to pay more attention to hygiene. But over time, they can relax and stop looking after themselves so scrupulously.
If the difference between the ideal and the real image turns out to be too great, the partner may experience disappointment. Therefore, try to always take care of your appearance. This does not mean that you need to spend 3 hours a day putting on a makeover. But you can’t relax completely either: wear dirty clothes, holey socks, walk around with dirty hair.
If you have problems with neatness, then at first at least pretend to be a neat and clean person so as not to scare your partner away. And work hard on yourself! Otherwise, you can’t count on a happy relationship. Unless with a slob just like you.
Create a single circle of communication
If you are in the mood for a serious relationship, introduce your partner to your friends and relatives. If he also wants to introduce you to his inner circle, try to make a good impression.
Spend time with people, not just alone. This will help you unite and add variety to your usual leisure time.
Don't focus on relationships
Many people make the same common mistake when getting into relationships. They direct all their attention to the object of their love, and abandon their usual life. Compared to the bright emotions that their partner gives them, everything else seems boring and gray. You have to work very hard to return your focus to your current affairs.
If you feel that your partner has overshadowed your entire life, urgently pull yourself together and get distracted. Otherwise, very soon he will begin to back away from you. What good and interesting things can you bring to a person’s life if your only interest is him?
Never give up on your business and hobbies. Don't try to spend all your free time together, even if your partner doesn't mind. It will be good for both of you to miss each other sometimes.
The main enemies of falling in love are boredom and satiety. Try not to overfeed the person with yourself and do not try to “swallow” him whole.
Demonstrate the seriousness of your intentions
If you are sure that you would like to connect your life with this particular person, let him know this. This is especially true for men. Traditionally, the active initiative for rapprochement belongs to them. The guy usually invites the girl to start living together and then start a family.
Therefore, men, actively demonstrate to the lady the seriousness of your intentions. Unless, of course, you are sure that she is the one. While you wait, the girl of your dreams may be taken away from under your nose by a more decisive and reliable gentleman. Offer to live together, actively get involved in her life.
Girls, this rule applies to you too. Only you must act more subtly. Tell your man more often how good you feel with him and how much he means to you. Take care of him, surround him with warmth and comfort.
Of course, for relationships to develop and feelings to strengthen, both partners must work on them. But you cannot act for another person, so focus on your own steps. Follow all the tips listed, be sincere and open.
Even if the relationship doesn't work out, you will be sure that you did everything possible to develop it. And you can move on with your life with peace of mind. Chances are your next love story will be more successful.
How to distinguish love from affection?
1. When sympathy arises between people, it usually leads to the creation of a relationship. They may not necessarily be love. For example, just friendship. If sympathy is enough to start a romantic relationship, a new couple will be created.
2. Sympathy will definitely develop into a strong feeling if people have common topics for conversation, mutual interests and aspirations. If 2 people want to build a harmonious relationship, nothing can stop them.
3. But it happens that something interferes with the building of love, constant quarrels, scandals and nervous tension occur. You need to look for the reasons for what is happening within yourself. The question involuntarily pops up in your head: “How do you know if you love a person?” Were the feelings real or was it attachment?
4. If you cannot be near your chosen one, you are constantly nervous about trifles, this means that you have no desire to build a life together. Most relationships are destroyed precisely on everyday grounds.
Why and for what do they love?
Sometimes they love in spite of everything, common sense, the slander of relatives, they just love and that’s it, quietly and tenderly, often saying to themselves, “well, how mine he is, this dear and beloved person.” And at the same time your heart skips a beat with happiness!
I remember how one of my friends said that “I even like his hoarse voice when he plays and sings with a guitar”... it’s definitely about love!
One of the men, oh, click, here it is, mine! But this does not always happen, because love is a calm, good feeling and it does not come immediately. With love, the amplitude of vibrations is practically absent, there is simply “everything on top” and EVERYTHING!
Test: loves or no longer loves
If the question arises: how to understand whether a guy loves you or not, you can take a special test compiled by psychologists. The number of points will help you determine what your significant other’s attitude towards you is.
For each positive answer you must add 1 point, for a negative answer - 0. The answer to the question: how to understand that a guy does not love you, the test will definitely show.
Rate each statement (“yes” or “no”):
- your betrothed always finds time to meet with you;
- always asks how your day was;
- when you are sick, he takes care of you;
- constantly wishes you “good night” and “good morning”;
- introduced you to friends and parents;
- you have excellent sexual relationships;
- gets excited when meeting you;
- prefers your company in all his free time;
- tries to please you in everything;
- constantly talks about his feelings.
How to understand that a guy doesn't love you anymore? If you get from 5 to 10 points, you don’t have to worry, the person is not indifferent to you and has passionate feelings. A lower number of points indicates dislike.
How long does falling in love last?
Based on experiments in which people of different sexes and ages took part, it can be determined with a high degree of probability that the duration of the entire cycle of reactions characteristic of falling in love almost always falls within a period of 3.5 to 4 years. This is also confirmed by the statistics of divorces, most of which occur before a couple has crossed the five-year mark of family life.
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Actions characteristic of love
Love can be confused with passion or strong sympathy. But there are actions that distinguish it from other human emotions. How to understand that a person really loves you:
- He keeps his word. Empty chatter does not fit in with love. If you are really dear to a person, then he will be afraid to lose you without keeping his promise. Check on your chosen one or your chosen one, ask them to come to the appointed place at an extremely inconvenient time. Or order yourself as a gift something that is very difficult to find in the city. If the conditions are met, then most likely they love you.
- He will always come to the rescue. How to understand that a friend or girlfriend is in love with you? Both women and men are ready to do a lot for the sake of their love. A person who is loved will never be left alone in trouble. Think back to recent difficult situations in your life. The one who was with you at this moment undoubtedly experiences deep affection.
- He appreciates your advantages and does not notice your shortcomings. Love implies complete acceptance of a person with all his pros and cons. Any disputes and proof of your rightness at first are completely inappropriate. After all, being in love, we usually only admire the intelligence and intelligence of the chosen one.
- He supports your aspirations and develops with you. Usually, if a loved one moves forward, reaches new heights in any field, then we ourselves are bursting with pride. Therefore, pay attention to whether your chosen one or chosen one rejoices at your successes? Is it also evolving to meet all the criteria of a good party? If the answer is yes, then there is definitely love.
Actions are very important in distinguishing love from simple flirting or sexual attraction. A person who doesn't take you seriously is unlikely to do anything important for you.
How to distinguish love from addiction and attraction
Psychologists believe that the hallmark of true love is primarily the desire for constancy, while attraction can be felt towards several people at once
A lover truly has only one person of the opposite sex to whom he devotes all his attention
Addiction is characterized by a pathological desire for possession and boundless jealousy. The addict does not recognize the free will of the object of adoration and experiences extreme pain if his desire is not satisfied immediately and fully.
Attraction is often dominated by the desire for physical intimacy. High spiritual values inherent in true love, such as sacrifice, self-denial, the desire to create a family, attraction are not inherent or are in their infancy.
A certain test for true love is temporary separation, for example, if one of the couple has to leave for a while. The French thinker La Rochefoucauld compared separation to the wind: it blows out a candle, but fans the fire. Temporary attraction, when you don’t see a person for a certain period, will go out like a candle. A real feeling helps a couple survive the period of separation, and after a long-awaited meeting, love flares up with renewed vigor.
Signs to Rely on with Caution
1. The time you spent with your partner is the best of the day. Depends on how things go with the rest. It’s good if you are happy with your life and your partner only makes it even better. It’s bad if you don’t like everything, and communication with him is only outlet. It's time to get on with your life.
2. You put your partner's interests above everything else. It’s good if you really care about his desires and needs and pay attention to them without destroying yourself. It's bad if you sacrifice your needs or evaluate yourself only by your ability to make your partner happy.
Nonverbal gestures of lovers
How can you tell if a guy is in love with you? How to notice a girl's sincere affection? If you are careful, you can find the answer to this exciting question by assessing nonverbal gestures. Which indicates a serious feeling:
- Tracking reactions. If we are in love, then we subconsciously want to understand our potential soulmate: to study their personality and reaction to what is happening. If you notice that in a company a representative of the opposite sex regularly glances at you after someone’s joke or big news, then he probably feels something serious about you.
- An attempt to touch. This gesture should be considered in conjunction with other manifestations of love, since alone it can only speak of sexual attraction. A person in love often does not control his impulses to touch, stroke, or hurt the owner or mistress of his heart. Fleetingly and furtively, after a while more and more insistently, he will pat you on the shoulder, hug you, remove specks and push you.
- Smile. A person who is truly in love will hardly be able to hold back a smile when you appear. Please note that real emotions are accompanied by wrinkles around the eyes. They don't appear with a fake smile.
Nonverbal gestures will not always help you find the answer to an exciting question about the love of a particular person. Firstly, many people successfully control themselves, and secondly, if you love yourself, then it’s easy to see what is not there.
On what basis do we choose the object of our love?
As a rule, this is a combination of physiological and psychological factors. But at the very first stage, the chemistry of love comes into play again. In the nose of every person there is a gland that secretes pheromones: copulin in women and androstenol in men. There is also a special vomeronasal organ, or Jacobson's fossa, which is designed to perceive pheromones. But we choose the person whose genetic code is most different from ours. This is extremely important information, because the combination of unrelated genes produces healthier offspring, which has been confirmed by numerous studies in this area.
What to do if you don't like each other anymore
Falling in love flares up quickly, like a match, and love develops in small steps and only grows every day. However, she leaves using the same method. It is impossible to stop loving a person in one day. Passion, attraction, and then emotions gradually disappear. But even if there is a strong resentment, it will not be possible to stop loving or ignore thoughts about your soul mate.
Personality develops throughout life, during which its hobbies and worldviews change. This causes misunderstandings and leads to separation. You can alternately accept heightened emotions, their decline, periods of happiness and disagreement. However, if the relationship does not bring satisfaction, as in the first months, you need to talk with your chosen one, and do not be afraid to be sincere. Perhaps he has not been in love for a long time, but does not want to take responsibility for breaking the union. Don't delay - dislike breeds disrespect and loss of interest. This is hardly a short-term disorder and it makes sense to experience each new crisis again. It is better to let each other go, look at your shortcomings and find your true happiness.
Patronage
The feeling of a patron resembles the relationship of a parent providing care and protection. A strong union is possible when the patron's partner is weaker and more dependent on him. There is often a large difference in age or social status between such partners. By showing care, the patron satisfies his vanity, he likes to be strong, in charge, this allows him to show condescension and contempt for his partner: “Where would you be if not me?”
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In intimate relationships, problems often arise for one or both partners. But they do not perceive sexual relations as the basis of family relationships. If a dependent partner “grows out” of such a relationship, he strives to break the union, and the patron experiences anger - after all, he raised him “from rags to riches”, but he was not appreciated.
