How to behave in society: basic rules of etiquette for all occasions

• June 17, 2019
• Psychology of communication
• Fedorova Victoria

Some people have difficulty communicating. This doesn't apply to everyone. Some people can speak freely in front of a large audience, exchange jokes at a party, and instantly make new friends. Others find it quite difficult to carry on even a normal conversation. Many people are interested in how to behave with people. Thanks to simple exercises, you can learn to communicate and achieve positive results.

What are the difficulties in communication?

Difficulties in finding a common language in the process of communication occur in people for various reasons. Psychologists group them into four categories:

1. Inexplicable fear of speaking or communicating with loved ones.
2. Misunderstanding.
3. Disgust.
4. Lack of interest.

People ask how to start communicating with people. Misunderstanding is considered one of the biggest problems encountered in communication. In this case, the person is not able to start a normal conversation. He loses his logical chain of thoughts, which prevents him from having a constructive conversation. To continue communication, a person is required to make every effort. If the interlocutor has no desire to continue the conversation, then it is easier to interrupt it.

How should a person behave? There are well-known communication models. The conversation with the boss follows one pattern, with loved ones - according to another, with subordinates - differently. Sometimes these communication patterns get confused. As a result, relationships with both the manager and loved ones may deteriorate.

The next category includes fear of communication. In this case, it is due to a personal phobia. The cause of fear of communication is most often negative experience in the past or the lack thereof. A person is afraid of how his opponent will react to his speech.

Another reason is an aversion to communication. A person is able to find common topics with other people without experiencing any fear. Sometimes communication is blocked at the initial stage.

Sometimes there is disgust from a person's appearance. After all, many of us are greeted by our clothes. A person’s external image is repulsive, especially to those who do not take care of themselves. Bad breath, dirty hair - this is a description of the interlocutor with whom no one wants to communicate. People with a bad social reputation are also disgusted. They are characterized by harsh statements and rudeness.

And it’s not always easier to communicate with ordinary people. This largely depends on the individual characteristics of the person.

And the last category is lack of interest. Everything here should be in moderation. There should be enough interest to keep the conversation going, but not too much. It's off-putting. If there is insufficient interest, the conversation between the two parties is boring and insipid. Interest is one of the main reasons for communication. If it is absent, then the dialogue turns out boring. If it is not there, then the other criteria are unimportant.

Etiquette in any public place

When in public places, remember the following:

• If there is a need to stop in a stream of people, you should first step aside.
• Don't push people aside if you need to pass.
• If you accidentally hit someone or step on someone's foot, you should apologize.
• You need to carry your things - a bag, a briefcase, a skateboard, a musical instrument - in such a way as not to touch others.
• Garbage should be thrown into a trash can or taken with you to the nearest trash bin.
• It is worth refraining from prolonged hugs and kisses, even between close people, lovers or spouses.
• You should refrain from talking loudly, both on the phone and among yourself, if you are with a friend, spouse, or in a group.
• You need to refrain from discussing household chores and the nuances of your personal life.
• During communication, you should refrain from excessive gestures. Also, do not itch, rub your hands, or crack your knuckles.
• A man walks down the street to the left of a woman. The exception is the military, who perform a military salute (salute) with their right hand.
• Don't point your finger at people or objects.
• You need to constantly monitor your children so that they do not disturb others.

A separate block should highlight the rules of etiquette in general premises.

What is the most important thing in communication?

When psychologists are asked how to learn to communicate with people, they advise understanding the following. The main thing is to talk less and listen more. This is nothing new. After all, the ancients said: conversation is silver, but silence is golden.

To make communication interesting, it is important to draw information from it. An interesting conversation occurs when a new topic emerges from what the other person answered. The result is productive communication.

It is important for the interlocutor to not be withdrawn, but also not intrusive. It would be more correct in this situation to talk no longer than the interlocutor wants. Any communication either brings people closer together or creates distance between people. The line fluctuates during the conversation. And it is important not to shorten the distance when the interlocutor does not want it. This manifests itself in the following. The interlocutor should want to talk more with his opponent than he does with himself. This is the correct position. However, if two masters of communication meet, then they do not have such a gap.

This should be taken into account when talking to make it interesting and lasting.

Video: Features of speech etiquette

• Suppose you are invited to visit. There is no need to follow those rules that say “guests are always late.” It's not cultural. Moreover, such behavior is nothing more than disrespect for the owners of the house
• By the way, a cultured girl will not allow herself to be late for a business meeting, the theater, cinema, or even a meeting with her friend or work colleague
• When entering the house, be sure to greet all guests first. You should not check the rooms for cleanliness and run your eyes from one piece of furniture to another. Girls with good manners cannot afford such behavior
• While visiting, try not to talk on the phone. If someone calls you at this time, politely ask the guests to apologize and step aside. Explain to your interlocutor that you are currently visiting and as soon as you are free, you will certainly call him back

• Don’t look at your watch often – this can show your hosts that you are not interested in their place and are in a hurry to leave.

How to communicate with people correctly

In life, communication is an important component. In a family it is necessary to maintain warm and friendly relationships, in a team - for career growth. If you use these tips in your daily life, you can achieve success.

How to communicate more with people? Psychologists advise developing the skill as follows:

1. When speaking, the interlocutor must be addressed by name. This is more important for the individual than any compliments.
2. When communicating, you need to ask leading questions. In this case, the interlocutor should not be interrogated. It is best to ask in such a way that he can limit himself to monosyllabic answers: “yes” or “no.”
3. A slight provocation at the time of communication will not hurt. If you need to ask a certain question, then you can do it without worrying too much. The conversation should not touch on the following topics: politics, health, bad news, career growth, other people's mistakes. This helps improve the communication process.
4. It is best to talk to your interlocutor at his own pace and with similar intonations. One should not use artistic manners with a leader, and one should not behave with one’s beloved wife as if one were subordinates.
5. It is important to speak clearly, firmly and understandably. Popular science magazines and books can help here. In this case, special literature will not hurt.
6. It is necessary to carefully work with written speech. Psychologists are sure that there is a relationship between the ability to communicate orally and in writing. You can put this into practice. When communicating on social networks, you should not limit yourself only to emoticons. This is not the best way to learn to communicate.
7. When speaking, you can use facial expressions and gestures. However, measures are needed here too. You shouldn’t talk about your interesting journey with a straight face. But waving your arms too much is also not recommended.
8. It is best to maintain a conversation if you manage to get to the bottom of it during the process.

Psychologists say that self-confidence helps people communicate. You need to love yourself as you are.

People need to be trusted and open. You can do this until they show their worst side. For example, your housemate may not be quiet, but he is an excellent fitness expert. By communicating with him, you can get important advice on an issue of interest from his profession.

Basic Etiquette

The rules of cultural behavior are simple: culture of speech, which has a stylistic and grammatical orientation, well-groomed appearance, attentiveness towards the interlocutor, the ability to provide a service to those in need, and listen to the speaker. The norm of acquaintance and subsequent communication is conditional, therefore it has the nature of an unwritten agreement about what is generally accepted and what is not. Every cultured person should know and follow the rules of etiquette, understanding their necessity for society.

Good manners

A well-mannered person is immediately distinguished from the crowd. He is distinguished by knowledge of etiquette and a certain manner of behavior: voice intonation, expressions used in speech, gait, facial expressions, gestures. This is restraint, modesty, the ability to control emotions, actions, words. To correspond to the concept of a secular, educated person, you need to know and follow certain rules that are considered mandatory in a decent society:

• when greeting, the woman is the first to offer her hand to the man;
• men greet everyone without exception while standing;
• when introducing a guest to other people (during acquaintance), they call his name, surname, patronymic (during business communication - profession);
• visiting does not bring a bad mood, and if negative emotions are present, then the visit should be abandoned;
• Children should not be allowed to interfere in the conversation of adults, interrupt elders, or whisper in the ear;
• No comments are made to other people's children in the presence of their parents;
• When giving gifts to people, you should be tactful, taking into account gender, age, and profession.

Dressing skills

The rules of etiquette oblige you not only to know the correct manner of greeting acquaintances and strangers, to be able to maintain small talk and adhere to decorum in behavior, but also to wear clothes appropriate for the occasion. Nothing catches the eye like colorful things. Things that are inappropriate for a man include embroidered shirts, vulgar suits, and too bright ties. Business clothes should be moderately fashionable. In the morning you are allowed to wear a jacket, frock coat or suit jacket. The color should correspond to the season: light in summer, dark in winter.

The ability to dress tastefully is the first sign of a woman’s upbringing. The Encyclopedia of Etiquette contains a range of rules related to clothing, the observance of which distinguishes a real lady. Women's clothing should be appropriate to the nature of the work. An image that is acceptable in a model house will not be acceptable in a brokerage office. For a business lady, a too short skirt or a low-necked blouse will not suit a business lunch or conference. If the meeting is at a resort hotel or club, you need to take several outfits that will be suitable for different situations.

How to present yourself correctly

A few more generally accepted norms of etiquette:

• you need to walk with a straight posture, a tucked stomach and straight shoulders;
• communication norms regarding greetings include polite words, but they are not always correct, for example, “good afternoon” should not be said to a person with an upset face;
• even unfamiliar men should help ladies enter the premises by holding the front door;
• the word “please” should be used with any request;
• Before saying goodbye to your interlocutor, you should first prepare for this: “Unfortunately, it’s too late,” and then say words of gratitude or a compliment (if it’s a woman).

Don't be afraid to communicate

How should a person behave when communicating? There is a lot of advice on this matter. The main reason for fear of communication is fear. It is based on ignorance of what to expect from a conversation. This happens even before the dialogue begins. If a person is not confident in himself, then he presents everything in a negative way. As a result, constant fear forces you to avoid all communication with people.

Experience is also important for dialogue. If it is missing, then speaking skills are missing. The result is a vicious circle. To break it, you need to acquire communication skills. To do this, a person will have to leave his comfort zone and face his fears.

Psychologists suggest using several techniques to overcome fear:

1. Exercise 1: questions. A man gets on the bus and asks the conductor where he is going. You should also ask whether his route intersects with a specific street. There should be no fear in this situation. This is a standard question to which a person can receive a comprehensive answer. There are also no risks.
2. Exercise 2: calling the company. You need to take out the telephone directory and call a company. Find out the opening hours and product prices there. If you can’t cope with the dialogue, then you can hang up and say that you have the wrong number. By doing this every day, you can gain skill in this type of communication.
3. Exercise 3: In-store training. To do this, you need to call the seller and ask him to tell you about all the intricacies of the selected device. This could be a telephone, a microwave, etc. In addition to communication skills, one gets rid of fear when talking with strangers.
4. Exercise 4: Polls. To consolidate all the acquired skills, it is necessary to conduct a survey. Initially, they formulate a question that a person wants to ask the people around him. The first time it’s quite difficult, because people don’t like interference in their personal lives. But you shouldn't be afraid to ask. There's no shame in this.

Experts are asked how to behave with people. With the help of communication skills, anyone can discover important perspectives and opportunities, both personally and professionally.

If you want to appear attractive on a date, scare your partner

In 1974, psychologists Donald Dutton and Arthur Aron conducted a study. They led a group of men to two bridges. One was wooden and shaky, the second was concrete and strong. There were girls standing at the other end of the bridge. Psychologists asked the men to walk across one of the bridges. When the men got to the other side, the girls gave them their phone number and asked them to go on a date.

The men were told that this was the end of the experiment, but it was just beginning. The essence of the experiment was to find out how fear and the subsequent action in the form of a call are connected. It turned out that men who chose the shaky bridge called much more often. Subsequently, it turned out that this was due to the fear they experienced: the men’s pulse quickened, they sweated and the body produced adrenaline. But their subconscious believed that all these symptoms were caused by attraction to girls.

Therefore, it is better to arrange an unusual and possibly risky date. There is a good chance that this will make you seem more attractive.

Development of communication skills

Becoming a master in the ability to communicate with people will not happen in a day, or even in a month. But by mastering special exercises, you can increase your level of communication:

• Listen. If there is a fear of communication, then you need to learn to listen. There is a golden rule. You need to listen twice as much as you speak. And here there are some nuances. They listen not only with their ears, but with their whole body. This involves eyes, facial expressions and gestures. If there is a misunderstanding, the interlocutor is stopped and asked to clarify what he meant.
• Nonverbal conversation. In psychology there is a term - whole people. They gesture in time to their own words. At the same time, more attention is paid to body language than to the speech itself. The problem is being solved gradually. Initially, pay attention to the movement of the arms, then the legs, then to the facial expressions. When the problem is resolved, the person will receive its solution. As a result, he will acquire a tandem of body language and verbal communication.
• Statement of a question. This is important during a conversation. If the interlocutor talks about something and there are some incomprehensible moments, then they ask him again.

Mindfulness is the basis for any skill. Thanks to its development, a person ceases to control himself and is completely immersed in communication. He stops criticizing his interlocutor and begins to understand his feelings. Thanks to these exercises, you can learn how to have a casual conversation.

Don't let yourself be manipulated

Here are some techniques that are more common than others:

1. Reciprocal exchange technique. If you want to ask a person for something, then the chance that he will do it is much higher if you have done something for him before.
2. Two requests instead of one. Another technique that comes in handy if you want to ask for something. First you need to ask for more than you need.
3. Anchor technique. When you are told, “Most people donated X amount of money,” or “Most people work Y hours a week,” you are tied to those numbers. You will subconsciously not want to stand out, and you will be easier to manipulate.
4. Attractiveness. It is much more difficult to refuse a person who seems attractive to you. This can also be used.

How to start a conversation with strangers

Psychologists are often asked whether it is worth communicating with strangers. After all, most often a dialogue with them can develop into deep interaction. People find it strange that you can just talk to a stranger. There are a number of tips on how to do this simply and effortlessly:

1. Interest in other people. Every person is a unique personality. You need to understand that the interlocutor is more interested in communicating not with those who are smarter than him, but with those who listen to him and understand him. It is important to pay attention.
2. Smile. People who smile look much more attractive. By communicating with such people, you can get a good mood and positive emotions.
3. Given name. If you call a person by name, you can give him a compliment. This emphasizes people's individuality. Many of them get annoyed when their name is distorted or changed.
4. Listening skills. This is also important when communicating with strangers. After all, few people know how to listen to their interlocutor. Many people wait for a pause to express their own opinion and do not delve into the information that the person wanted to convey.

It is important to gain communication skills with strangers because it helps develop dialogue in other areas.

How to behave at the table

The main rule of table manners is to not chew with your mouth open. Talking is also undesirable, especially when chewing food. Before you put some of the common dish on your plate, you must first offer it to the rest of those present. You should not serve your own plate first, but give the opportunity to guests or older family members to do so. When setting the table, common cutlery is placed next to each dish. The soup must be served in special bowls from the person sitting to the right.

If the interlocutor is rude and harsh

When communicating with such people, an unpleasant aftertaste remains. Before starting a conversation, you need to assess the situation. Many of them complain that people don’t want to communicate with me.

Not responding to comments is the easiest way out of this situation. Usually the goal of rude people is to offend or offend their interlocutor. He must be deprived of this pleasure. You can change the topic or talk to another person.

Some tips for dealing with rude people:

• An impolite interlocutor is capable of imposing his point of view in an offensive manner. One should not succumb to provocations, and dialogue should be returned to constructiveness.
• If necessary, you can resort to sarcasm. This way you can let your interlocutor know about your speaking skills. You need to explain to your interlocutor that he is wrong and close the unpleasant topic.
• There is a category of people who constantly make sarcastic remarks when communicating. In this situation, sarcasm is a type of manipulation. We need to determine his motive. Perhaps in this way a person attracts attention to himself.

Behaving confidently in any situation is an important task for everyone. If the interlocutor is invulnerable, then it is difficult for a rude person to provoke him.

Open up

In a study by psychologists Nancy Collins and Lynn Miller, two groups of students took part. The first group was asked to split into pairs and get to know each other, asking standard questions: “Where do you work?”, “What is your name?”, “What films do you like?” The second group was given special tasks. For example, looking into each other's eyes for five minutes or asking unexpected questions like “When was the last time you cried?”

Although members of the second group felt awkward, they subsequently developed a stronger bond than the first group. This leads to advice: don’t be afraid to be unusual and surprise your interlocutor.

If the interlocutor is unpleasant

The world is not ideal, and not all people are kind and sympathetic. There are individuals who carry negativity in communication. You need to learn how to talk with this category of people. Psychologists have certain tips.

What helps people communicate? This includes the following:

1. You need to start with yourself.
2. You should be neutral.
3. Look for the good in an unpleasant person.
4. Distance yourself from an unpleasant person.
5. Openness and directness.

If you apply the above tips, life will seem much easier.

Girl has bad manners

First of all, let's look at what manners of behavior will never make a girl a real lady. So, bad manners.

• Increased curiosity in communication
• Gossip with friends
• Humiliation of the interlocutor's personality
• Snitching in a team
• meanness
• Vulgarity and rudeness
• Complacency

This is just a short list of those manners that you need to literally “erase” from your character. And this process must begin immediately.

Communication with the opposite sex

Sometimes a person screws himself up out of the blue, although many troubles and insults could have been avoided. Instead of enjoying communication with the people around you, various reasons are invented, and then resentment arises at the fiction.

When meeting the opposite sex, there is a basic rule - you can start a conversation about your hobbies.

In this situation, they don’t even always rely on a beautiful outfit or appearance. An attractive image creates an initial impression, but the inner world, hobbies, etc. are much more important. You shouldn't rely only on appearance.

At first, you may feel constrained when communicating with the opposite sex. This is fine. It’s just that many people do not have a clear algorithm for how to behave with strangers. An insecure person is afraid to take the first step forward, which is why representatives of both sexes develop complexes.

The purpose of dating for women is not marriage, and for men it is not sexual desires. You need to be prudent and not rush things. Perhaps both people have something in common. Prohibited topics include: former relationships, work, material wealth. You should just get to know each other.

Rules of business etiquette at work

A set of laws called etiquette exists not only in social life, but also in the business environment. This is a kind of passport to the world of business people and a standard of communication. It is customary to judge a person by his deeds, behavior and ability to build the right relationships in the business sphere.

Therefore, compliance with the rules of business etiquette at work plays a significant role. We can talk endlessly about this, but we will try to briefly describe to you the most important rules of etiquette:

1. Time is money. This means punctuality, respect for the interlocutor and his time. No person will enter into relationships with those who do not know how to plan their work day, sort out urgent and important matters and do not keep control over the course of all events

2. Competent speech and business writing style. Business speech should be structured and without lyrical digressions. It is unacceptable to use introductory words, filler words, repetitions and parodies in your speech - this is taboo. The same rule applies to business writing style.

3. Dress code. Neat hairstyle, business attire and properly selected jewelry

4. Order on your desktop means order in your head

5. Workplace for work. It is not permissible to waste working time on gossip, empty conversations and chatting on the phone

6. Be able to listen and hear. Business etiquette involves hearing your opponent, and not just listening to him

7. A healthy atmosphere within the team, the basis of which is respectful and equal relationships between colleagues, goodwill and timely assistance if necessary

8. Maintain telephone etiquette. Telephone conversations in modern society are capable of establishing relationships between competitors and conducting negotiations correctly and in a timely manner. Telephone communication during business hours is permitted only for business purposes. Personal telephone calls are only permitted if absolutely necessary.

How can a girl learn good manners? Rules of social life for a girl

In conclusion, let's list 20 rules of female etiquette.

1. Be always neat and tidy 2. Do not wear more than 13 jewelry, including bright buttons 3. Do not talk about money, health, politics and religion at the table 4. Do not go on a visit without calling 5. Do not dry your umbrella open in the office, at a party or in a restaurant 6. Do not use plastic bags from the supermarket as a bag 7. Do not place the bag on your lap or on your chair 8. A handbag is for ladies, not for men 9. Do not wear a hat and mittens indoors 10. B a man always enters the elevator first, and the one who stands closest to the door exits 11. Do not discuss people who are not present in the company 12. Address people over 12 years old as “you” 13. Before opening the door of the room, be sure to knock 14. Do not put your mobile phone on the table in a public place 15. Do not write an SMS message while talking with a real interlocutor 16. In a concert hall or cinema, walk facing those sitting 17. You cannot laugh loudly and announce publicly that you are on a diet 18. Observe speech etiquette 19. In a restaurant, whoever says the phrase “I invite you” counts in a restaurant 20. Be punctual and open to conversation

Main qualities

First, you need to figure out exactly what qualities characterize a well-mannered girl:

• Culture. You need to know and adhere to the norms of behavior in society.
• Modesty. This does not mean that you only need to look at the floor and speak in a whisper. A pleasant smile is much better than loud laughter and vulgar behavior.
• Moral. An internal core consisting of moral qualities and ethics.
• Simplicity. You shouldn’t boast about any merits, it irritates everyone.
• Emotionality. Oddly enough, it should successfully correlate with modesty. Showing sincere emotions always helps to win other people over.
• Delicacy. You should be tactful towards other people and not put them in an awkward position.

All these qualities adorn a girl and set her apart from others. Many people do not think about how to behave in society, however, it is very important.