In this article we will tell you:
- Types of bosses
- Boss behavior
- How to behave correctly
- 2 behaviors during a conversation
- 12 indirect methods of influence
- What not to do
- How to avoid conflicts with your boss
Good relationships with superiors are the key to successful career growth. There are many people who do not know how to communicate correctly with their boss. And how to put your boss in his place if the situation becomes unpleasant. When the boss does not restrain himself, he begins to publicly insult his subordinate and take advantage of his position.
Not everyone likes to hear reproaches in their direction and endure boorish attitude towards themselves. What to do in this situation? More on this below.
All types of bosses
Some people are born with the quality of a leader, while others have to learn this quality for many years. A competent leader must be confident, sociable, organized and stress-resistant.
If the work structure is collapsing and clashes regularly occur in the team, it is worth thinking about the professionalism of the boss. There may be a good prospect of taking his place.
Inept bosses not only stop the company's progress, but also destroy relationships within the team.
Below are all types of leaders:
- Creepy
- a middle-level manager whose mood depends on his superiors. Today he can praise an employee, and tomorrow he can insult him in front of the whole team.
- Dictator
— hardly anyone likes his authoritarian regime. He doesn’t want to hear criticism and suggestions, everything should be as he says. Often this type of boss cannot be pleased; he will always find something to complain about.
- slob
- does not know how to monitor the team and organize business meetings, events, monitor the progress of work, forgets about the deadlines for receiving a salary, etc. As a result, he lashes out at his employees and blames them for everything.
- Sadist
- uses his knowledge for negative purposes. He uses all the weaknesses of his subordinate to insult and humiliate him in public. Thus, he instills feelings of fear in others as well.
- Artist
- does not have leadership competence, so plays the role of a specialist. If he needs to show his power, he will begin to insult employees.
- Coward
- is afraid of any competition, therefore he deliberately destroys competitors by humiliating them.
- Father-mentor, mother-director
— professionally copes with the responsibilities of a leader, but can periodically lash out at his subordinates. The mood is restored quickly, so such behavior does not cause serious damage.
To choose the right answer to your boss, you need to determine its type and analyze the situation.
Big social problem
The phenomenon of a boss treating his subordinates, to put it mildly, not very politely, is quite widespread throughout the world. There is even a special term for such a situation in social psychology - “toxic leader.” Toxic means poisonous, and this is a very accurate definition: the boorish attitude of the authorities not only spoils the mood, but also poisons the entire body. As a result, various diseases arise that are the consequences of chronic stress and the accompanying constant overexcitation of the nervous system. If you regularly encounter rudeness from your boss, then the best way to solve this problem is to change jobs, since you won’t be able to re-educate your boss or force him to change his behavior.
Article on the topic The dark side of the boss. How to approach your boss
Unfortunately, changing jobs is not always possible - most often people are forced to put up with such a manager. In this case, the ancient wisdom applies: if we cannot change the situation, we must learn to accept it. Some rules will help you learn this.
What are the types of behavior?
An incompetent manager may behave in the following ways:
- rough form of expression of thoughts;
- ridicule and humiliation of subordinates;
- familiar behavior;
- flirting, obscene hints;
- sarcastic and ambiguous behavior, etc.
All this shows that the boss is extremely weak in the leadership position. Most incompetent bosses got into their positions through force or friendship with other bosses.
Only peace!
Dignity and self-control are your main weapons in a situation where your boss is rude, because if you respond in kind, you will not be better than him. Moreover, the boss can always fire you for insubordination, and most likely there will be no witnesses among your colleagues that he “started it first.”
But under no circumstances should you remain silent, otherwise you are simply encouraging him to continue in the same spirit. When starting a confrontation with your boss, you need to be potentially ready for dismissal (biased inspection of your work/transfer to a branch, etc.). On the other hand, you do not require something supernatural, but only a human and respectful attitude.
How to behave correctly
How to put your boss in his place using simple methods:
Calm.
You cannot get the better of your emotions and respond to rudeness with rudeness. This will not only make it easier for your boss to manipulate situations, but it can also cause you to feel bad about yourself over a long period of time.
Before the conversation, you should prepare and calm down. It is enough to close your eyes for a few minutes and breathe evenly, avoiding negative thoughts. Cool calm will help you avoid boorish behavior from your boss.
3 important steps
which every woman should go through
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I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.
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Take your gifts!
Politeness.
If your boss begins to behave irritably and disrespectfully, just ask him about the reason for this behavior. You need to talk as politely and calmly as possible.
You cannot show your insecurity, even if it is really present. As a result, the manager will see the person's strength of character and may begin to respect him. This behavior is characteristic of an “artist” or a “sadist.”
One-on-one conversation.
In the process of public insults, it is difficult to find out the true reason for the boss’s dissatisfaction. You need to choose a time to talk to him alone and ask about his dissatisfaction.
You can even take a piece of paper and a pen to write everything down. If one or more of the points are not true, you should ask about them again.
Such behavior is correct on the part of the employee. After all, in this way you can not only work on mistakes, but also put your boss in his place.
It is worth noting that during a private conversation you need to be as delicate as possible and not hurt the leader’s pride.
Otherwise, the situation may turn out like this:
Uncertain behavior and inability to correctly express thoughts will cause dissatisfaction and will become the reason for even harsher behavior of the boss.
If you go too far, you can completely cross the line of normal communication with your manager. Then there is a chance to lose your position.
Behavior during a conversation
Strength of character, calmness, competence and politeness are key to successfully ending a conversation with your boss. He must not be allowed to resort to insults and humiliation.
If his behavior becomes aggressive, it is enough to step away from the dialogue and imagine that nothing is heard. After the boss calms down, you can start talking.
Don't try to make excuses or interrupt. This strategy is obviously losing.
A few more words
People who bully often target people who are introverted or who are significantly different from others. They become easy targets because they are often alone, even among a crowd. An effective way to prevent bullying before it even starts is to connect with them and maintain a relationship where possible. This way they will have their own environment, which will create a kind of shield from aggressors.
Those who bully others are people just like everyone else. They just want to get more attention and recognition from their team. If they knew and could get it in other ways, then, undoubtedly, they would do so. Don't try to insult them back or even intimidate them. This will only help them get excited. Help them find a more positive way to interact with others. If possible, try to build trust with those who bullied so you can have a positive influence on their behavior.
Good luck!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Cohen-Bradford model of influence
- How to Deal with Annoying and Irritable People
- Bullying and mobbing: causes of attacks and forms of their manifestation
- What is tolerance and how to develop it
- Conversation Techniques
- How to restore mental health after harassment?
- Problematic relationships: harassment, abuse and bullying. What is it and what can you do about it?
- How to learn to say “no”
- Cyberbullying: what is it and how to protect yourself from it
- Causes of problematic relationships
Keywords:1Communications, 1Relationships
How to put your boss in his place during a dialogue:
Reception. Ignoring.
This method is suitable for such types of bosses as “creepy”, “mother-director” and “slob”. Often their aggressive behavior is explained by some reason. Their anger shows that they have weakness and fear.
For example, the increased responsibility and love for the team of the father-boss forces him to interrupt the idyll and use rudeness.
The slob feels fear after the failure of the established actions.
And the reptile lashes out at his subordinates after a reprimand from his superiors.
During periods of aggression, it is recommended to focus on the assigned tasks and not pay attention to what is happening.
Reception. Nonverbal influence.
For a dictator boss, verbal influence is useless. You can reach him only with gestures, facial expressions and emotions. By showing dissatisfaction in this way, conflict situations can be avoided. The method is suitable for those who value and worry about their position.
Remember
- Manipulation is a type of influence using special techniques. They are used in negotiations, disputes, sales, hiring and corporate communication.
- To resist a manipulator, you need to know manipulation techniques and ways to deal with them.
- We looked at six manipulation techniques: pseudo-gravity, reference to authority, claim to unrealism, flattery, false arguments, irony. In fact, there are many more of them. Remember these methods and use the proposed solutions to confront. Good luck!
What types of manipulation have you encountered and how did you resist them?
Share with our readers in the comments to the article! Author: Elizaveta Efremova
Indirect methods of influence
It is not always possible to resolve a conflict through ordinary conversation. Yes, competent speech plays an important role, but nonverbal techniques make it possible to get the upper hand over the situation.
To properly influence your boss, it is recommended:
Reception. Don't use a smile.
In a stressful situation, smiling is of no use and will only make the situation worse. Women often use a sweet smile in an attempt to assuage guilt before their boss. However, you should be serious and adequately assess the situation. A smile is especially dangerous with an “actor”, “sadist” or “dictator” boss.
Reception. Gaze control.
It is necessary to maintain eye contact, showing strength of character. If you can't look straight into the eyes, you can look at the nose. Under no circumstances should you lower your eyes. This is an indicator of weakness. Then the boss will understand that he has won and will begin to humiliate him even more harshly.
Reception. Gestures.
The nervous state is manifested in body movements. The boss will immediately notice nervous nodding of the head, shaking hands, nervous gestures, etc. All this shows fear and self-doubt.
Reception. Rack.
You should stand straight, without leaning on anything.
Reception. No crossbreeding.
You can’t cross your legs or arms in an attempt to block out negativity.
Reception. We are not getting better.
You should not try to straighten your hair, dry your clothes, etc.
Reception. We don't cover our faces.
Hands should not be on your face.
Reception. Nod.
A single nod is sufficient to express agreement.
Reception. Correct speech.
Use competent and clear speech.
Reception. Let's not hang out.
Answer the questions asked.
Reception. Cloth.
Appearance also plays an important role in the relationship between bosses and employees. A well-groomed business suit allows you to create distance. This practice is used in large organizations where all employees are required to wear business attire.
Rude boss - what to do and what not to do
- The classic way: imagine the screaming boss naked (or in any other funny situation).
- Don’t try to “re-educate” your boss, act solely situationally.
- Do your work in such a way that you cannot be reproached for anything, then you will treat the insults of this person with power as an unreasonable shock of air.
- Don’t try to start a revolution and turn the team against the boss; hardly anyone will support you.
- Don’t make excuses, it’s better to write an email to your boss with a list of answers to his complaints.
- Take sick leave or vacation at your own expense if you feel like you’re about to break down, this will give you time to think through your behavior strategy and put your frayed nerves in order.
The most drastic solution to the problem is to find a new job where you will be respected from day one and where you won’t have to listen to insults. But this is rather an escape from the problem, since in your life you may encounter more than one inadequate boss. It's best to have a well-thought-out strategy in case your boss is rude, so that his behavior doesn't spoil your enjoyment of the job you love.
Author - Ekaterina Maksimova, website www.sympaty.net - Beautiful and Successful. The article was checked by a special psychologist Olga Yurievna Gryzlova. More information about the site's authors Copying this article is prohibited!
What not to do?
In stressful situations, you should not behave as follows:
- Tolerate public insults from your boss.
Such behavior will not only lose the respect of your colleagues, but also your boss.
- Respond with aggression.
Copying the leader's behavior will only make the situation worse.
- Criticize your boss.
Nobody likes to listen to criticism when they are stressed. As a result, you can ruin your attitude towards yourself forever and prolong the conflict.
- Ask for forgiveness and blame yourself for everything.
Such tactics of behavior guarantee defeat in advance. You cannot humiliate and overstep yourself. This will only increase the boss's anger. You can admit guilt only in a truly committed mistake and only in private with your manager.
Value yourself
Let's say your boss is rude and insults not only you, but also your colleagues. But they ignore everything, laughing in the smoking room that the boss uses cases incorrectly and writes with errors. And you take everything purely personally, get upset, and lose your peace of mind for the whole day.
This situation means that your self-esteem is not okay. Many HR experts advise you to value yourself at work, and then – Sympaty.net guarantees – your boss’s negative tirades will bounce off you like peas off a wall.
And it is even possible that in his verbal flow you will be able to detect a rational grain, such as good advice or a solution to a problem.
Surely, in every company there is a person who, in response to a reprimand from his boss, replies that he cannot work in such conditions and begins to demand a salary increase and the right to come to the office by noon. Is he a professional? Can you present your services? Does he think he is good enough not to be left without a job? Observe people who seem to be “in armor” and learn from them.
To always believe in yourself, keep a diary of professional achievements and write down your every success there. As soon as the boss is rude, flip through the notes.
But, of course, whether to tolerate insults or not, and where the limit of this patience is, is up to you to decide. It’s good when there is someone to complain to if the boss is rude, for example, the HR department or the fair general director. In this case, you need to write a complaint in free form and obtain evidence of its receipt, for example, the signature of a secretary or a notification that the addressee has received a registered letter by mail.
How to avoid conflicts with your boss
In order not to deal with the boss’s anger, it is necessary to exclude possible conflicts with him in advance.
What is recommended to do:
Balance of interests.
Quarrels often arise as a result of misunderstandings between the boss and subordinates. The boss constantly snaps at his employees, and they respond with silence and endure. To avoid such an attitude towards yourself, you need to find common ground and find common benefits.
Understanding the boss.
It is necessary to analyze the actions, character and habits of the boss. This will allow you to predict his behavior in advance and avoid conflict situations.
Communication.
Proper communication with your boss will help calm the boss down. And will stand out from the rest of the employees. There is a high probability that the boss will begin to show respect for you and, perhaps, even seek advice.
Confidence.
Confidence and lack of fear must be shown in the first days of work. “Sadists” and “actors” try to avoid conflicts with such people. “Cowards” and “dictators” are completely afraid of self-confident people.
You can communicate comfortably and find balance with any boss. It is important to understand that he is also a person and has his own weaknesses. You just need to find them and use them for your own purposes.
The use of all methods for putting a boss in his place depends on the specific situation and the type of leader. Perhaps analyzing the boss will allow you to get the better of him in the future and take his place.
Is it necessary to respond to rudeness?
A common situation at a corporate meeting. You hear the phrase addressed to you: “You’re an idiot, you don’t understand anything about this, you’re nothing at all. How could you even say/do/think that!” Do you need to answer this, given that you are in a corporate field where your colleagues and perhaps even your superiors are present?
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There are several possible answers.
- Calmly remain silent with awareness of your strength
Let's remember the Japanese parable. One day, an old teacher and sword master was sitting and drinking tea, while his student was doing housework nearby. And suddenly a samurai burst into the house, who wanted to challenge the sword master to a duel, insulting him, but not attacking him first - in Japan there were quite strict rules prohibiting raising a sword against an equal if there was no formal reason for the fight. The samurai continued to say unpleasant words, and the sword master continued to drink tea. When the samurai exhausted his supply of curses and left, because there was no reason to draw his sword, the shocked student asked the teacher why he remained silent? To which the master replied: “Tell me, if a person comes to you and brings you a gift that you don’t need, and you don’t take it, who will have the gift?” The student answered: “To the one who gave.”
What is important in this rule is how you remain silent. Silence with an awareness of confidence and strength “sounds” and is perceived differently than silence resulting from weakness. Imagine that a small dog “no bigger than a thimble” runs up to you and starts barking at foot level. You probably won't pay attention to it and it won't affect your self-esteem.
But if you remain silent from the position of the weak, then you admit that the boor insulting you is your equal or older, because he has the right to insult you.
- Say the word "stop"
We all forget the beautiful phrase: “Stop talking to me like that” and its more polite version: “I ask you in front of everyone to stop talking to me in such a disrespectful tone.”
Boors attack only when they consider the battle to be won in advance
The problem with human relationships is that we are brought up more on movies than on standard life situations. Someone made an offensive comment, the hero gets up and delivers a spectacular blow from the side, the defeated offender falls, drops of blood scatter across the white walls, and the women freeze in delight. The most effective methods of struggle, oddly enough, are the simplest. You don’t need to learn humor, you don’t need to know martial arts, or have a black belt. Simply saying, “Stop it” is enough. As practice shows, the enemy fades away - any boors attack only when they consider the battle to be won in advance. If they continue to be rude to you, then you can put an end to it and finally finish off the offender: “I’m very sorry that you showed everyone that you are a *** (an extremely ill-mannered person).” That's it, the end of the game, because the person was asked politely in front of witnesses, and he turned out to be a rude person.
- Ask for help
The first thing you can do is ask for help. Come to your manager and ask him to stop the rudeness towards you, because he is your manager. We constantly decide for others and don’t ask for anything. But we forget that a person (in this case, your boss) will be pleased to show his strength and generosity, and this must be used to stop the corporate boor.
In addition, no one is obliged to think for you, to “read” your feelings and reactions. Your boss may not even notice that the situation is out of control, or may believe that this is the norm for you. Until a request for help is made, the problem remains in the realm of guesswork.
Third, testing your environment for crisis behavior is something any reasonable person should do in the background. If you are denied the help you need, this is a reason to think about whether you need such a boss and such a job. You can compare testing the environment to walking along a path through a swamp: if the stick with which you are testing the ground for the next step goes under water, it is clear that you should not step there. Likewise in the corporate world, you gain knowledge of who you can approach and with what questions. Knowing who you can rely on and who you can't is worth gold.
