On the one hand, you can envy the fate of mistresses, on the other hand, you can sympathize with them, and you don’t even have to deal with why they like married men . The question is why she extended her hands to a stranger. Yes, women are no less owners than men and invest all their tenderness and desire into the arrangement of the family hearth. What about passion? Over the years, it fades slightly under the pressure of everyday problems. This is where she appears, bright, well-groomed, attractive. In some cases, a man cannot resist. But then the mistress gets caught in the net, and then the gentleman does not intend to let her go. The reasons are different and each case needs to be dealt with separately.
If the reason is sexual craving and jealousy
One of the reasons may be passionate sex, which in the marital bed has become boring and monotonous.
It is a mistress with rich sexual experience that attracts a man. Having tried all possible positions in bed with a sophisticated lover, the husband becomes like a zombie, he is practically in her power.
And the house is full, and the children are a joy, and the wife is a wonderful housewife, but the desire for passionate and unbridled sex does not give the opportunity to be a good family man. Moreover, a married man turns into a real Othello:
- he becomes furious just at the thought that someone other than him can take possession of his passion’s body: the young lady is free and has every right to sleep with whomever she wants;
- he tries to keep all his sweetheart’s movements under control, because he understands how attractive she looks to the men around her;
- he smothers his mistress with jealousy and scares away possible candidates for her hand and heart, thereby heating up the atmosphere in his relationship with her.
If he had the opportunity, he would imprison his passion in a tower, and he would live well with his family. But there is no such possibility, so only total control can save him.
Can such a person just leave the object of desire alone? Undoubtedly, if she unexpectedly pacifies her temperament, she will stop taking such careful care of herself and begin to complain of a headache. In this case, he will no longer be attracted to her, since he faces such problems at home. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
If he is driven by selfishness
For the most part, men are polygamous creatures. Today, men are afraid of illegitimate children, but this does not stop them from having affairs on the side. But at the same time, representatives of the stronger sex believe that women pregnant by him should belong only to him. As a rule, such an owner makes the sweetheart completely depend on her. Eg:
- She is his subordinate at work. Afraid of being left without a livelihood and losing her beloved man, such a young lady agrees to all his conditions;
- the mistress is on his financial support. Is it bad to be a kept woman, not to work and at the same time not to deny yourself anything?
- For a lover, a man is the only chance to love and be loved.
As soon as any rival lays claim to the egoist’s property, he will immediately begin to control how his passion reacts. If she responds to the advances, she will immediately lose all the “goodies”.
What should a passion do: wait or take the initiative into your own hands?
How does the male half relate to this type? What to do if he seems to love you, but makes you doubt him?
First, understand the palette of feelings. If there is love or strong affection between you, then it is worth saving the relationship. But you definitely need to find out whether the chosen one himself needs them? Or will they continue on the initiative of the partner? Sound arguments, as well as your intuition, will help suggest the right answer.
There are thousands of examples when a couple went through a similar stage and finally reunited - the partner made a choice in favor of a new beloved.
Of course, we cannot do without sad (for mistresses) statistics. Often a one-sided initiative does not lead to anything good - the couple breaks up, he returns to the family or finds a new hobby. Therefore, when making a decision, weigh everything. First of all, gather your thoughts and ask yourself how you feel for this person - are you confusing love with wounded pride or wounded pride? Or maybe it’s just an addiction and you need to heal yourself, and then make claims against someone else? Draw conclusions based on honest answers to these questions.
Some psychologists also advise finding out what psychological benefits you get from such communication. If there are reasons and if they are compelling enough, then a woman simply needs to realize this with a sound mind. After realizing, she may decide to stay with the person, only the experience will no longer be so painful.
Also, love relationships are compared to a chess game - first one moves, then the other. The rules are set before the game. The one who started first leads the party. So, when a relationship is initiated by the stronger half, the woman often agrees, as a result of which she then suffers. When an attempt is made to change the rules and establish your own, this turns out to be impossible - it is unprofitable for the man.
Advice: If you are unable to change the rules, approach the situation radically - change your partner. But first, think about what would be less painful for you: staying or quitting. When in doubt, take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your novel, and then make a decision.
If your mistress is an “alternate airfield”
It often happens that a married gentleman begins an affair on the side precisely at the moment when his marriage began to crack at the seams. He is not yet sure whether he wants a divorce, since he does not want to rush to part with his legal wife, but his feelings for his new lover are in full swing.
Of course he will have to choose. But it all depends on which of the two women wants to be with this man more:
- the wife suddenly changes her behavior. A disheveled hysterical woman will turn into a caring princess, forcing her husband to look at her with different eyes;
- the homewrecker will prove that she is better. At home there are constantly scandals, dirt, cold dinner, but with her it’s warm, cozy and dizzying sex.
Surprisingly, sometimes it happens that it is not the prodigal husband, but the rivals themselves who have to choose who he will stay with . He does not see this war for his heart until the very end. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
Is there a chance to save the family after betrayal?
This question can only be answered by the person himself who has faced betrayal. Every case is different, and there are no clear instructions here. In practice, it is easier to restore relationships for couples where there was only physical infidelity. And the partner did not have time to develop emotional attachment to another woman.
Correspondence on social networks and SMS lead to fantasies, which over time transform into feelings. If, in addition to sex, a man and his mistress had close communication, then saving the marriage becomes much more difficult.
A competent psychologist and your own self-control will help save your family. Once you have decided to forgive, do not remind your partner of the betrayal every time you quarrel. Forgiveness must come deeply from the heart, and not just in words. Otherwise, old grievances will turn into endless scandals. And the man will again start looking for another woman.
Marriages where love and respect are central are more likely to experience infidelity. But it is important to make decisions on your own, and not ask for advice from friends or relatives.
Elena and Yuri have been married for more than 15 years. But the woman constantly criticizes and humiliates her partner. As a result, he cheated on his wife with her best friend. Although Elena was hurt, she decided to talk openly. The husband said that he was not comfortable in the relationship because he did not feel respected. But he asked for forgiveness and offered to try again. The wife forgave and began to show respect. So Elena and Yuri saved their marriage.
If your mistress is your second family
Even today among the stronger sex there are polygamists. For them, the stamp in the passport has no meaning, although in fact a second family exists . As a rule, the mistress knows about the presence of a legitimate family, since it is impossible to hide it. However, this does not stop her from giving birth to his children and waiting for him to come to visit her.
Of course, he will not leave any of the women , because he is a “decent” man. In this situation, we can say that the man has a conscience. But while loving one woman, he greatly offends another. Modern society will not understand if a man gathers his women under one roof, and his legal wife is unlikely to be happy with this state of affairs. Therefore, he can live for two families for a very long time. And while everyone is happy with everything, the man will not let his mistress go.
Why doesn't a married man let his mistress go?
The period of courtship for the stronger sex is comparable to tracking prey. He achieved that his beloved woman is now on his territory and has officially become his wife. It would seem that the goal has been achieved, but something is missing. Maybe drive or novelty? He is not going to leave his wife, but he is also unable to give up his temporary girlfriend. It turns out to be a “dog in the manger”. And the mistress falls into her own trap. By attracting a married man as a temporary option while searching for a permanent partner, she herself becomes an “alternate airfield”, which the gentleman uses infrequently, but does not allow another to land. The situation is complex; to resolve it, you will have to look for hidden reasons. There are several of the most common, almost classic ones.
Sexual craving
One of the comedians compared women to alcoholic drinks. How to refuse variety when there is a whole bar in front of your eyes? This is not promiscuity, we are not talking about one-time contacts, but about choosing something new, trying to feel the trembling in your hands and the impatience of a meeting again. Family life has become established, predictable, and familiar. And this is one of the reasons why married men meet - they want to feel like a conqueror of unknown territories again. With a mistress the sensations are completely different than with a wife. She is passionate, experienced, courageous. She is not constrained by boundaries and easily goes for experiments in bed. She doesn’t have a headache and the milk hasn’t run out on the stove.
Or maybe it's just plain laziness? After all, the wife is also a woman and was desirable, but everyday life covered all the thrills with a gray veil. A man is too lazy to try and awaken a spark of passion in his wife by talking frankly, comparing aspirations and desires. But with a mistress everything is simple, she will try her best to keep the man. But then let him not complain when he no longer lets her go, since he is used to only taking, becoming like a male.
Married men: selfishness and jealousy
An interesting option when a man strives for total control of passion. He jealously monitors her movements and reactions to other men. In this case, the mistress is completely dependent. On the one hand, everything is great, you don’t have to work and enjoy all the benefits without putting any effort into it.
On the other hand, at the slightest suspicion of sympathy for another male representative, she instantly loses all the “goodies”, but remains dependent and has no right to her own opinion. Most often, such relationships are established between a boss and a subordinate. A man enjoys his status and the ability to control. He doesn't really hold on, but he won't let go either.
Fallback option
In any family, disagreements happen. It is on this wave that a mistress often appears. The man is dissatisfied with the current situation, but does not want to make efforts to correct it. It’s easier for him to find another woman who will also agree to cook dinner and iron his shirts. In essence, nothing changes, another island of comfort is formed.
Interesting: often the mistress of the “backup option” even looks a little like his wife.
They do not require financial support from a man, simply accepting him as a welcome guest. It will be difficult to leave such a mistress, she doesn’t ask for anything, she’s comfortable, calm and agrees to everything in advance. But it will be difficult for her to build her life, since the man will hold on to her until the last, driving away suitors for fear of losing the comfort offered.
If a wife changes her behavior and tries to attract her husband back to the home, he faces a difficult choice. He feels comfortable in both houses. Sometimes the gentleman doesn’t even try to understand the situation and make a decision. Two women have to accept it, figuring out who will get such “happiness”.
Second family
The most difficult option. The man really has two families, children often grow up in both, and he practically makes no distinction between them either financially or emotionally. It happens that a wife is unable to give birth to a child, but her mistress successfully becomes pregnant. But the gentleman does not want to leave any. Both know about each other's existence, but take it for granted. In essence, this is polygamy, but if the parties were able to reach an amicable agreement, then this form has the right to exist. But the mistress needs to take into account that it is unlikely that anyone will let her go now.
Married men and pity
When a man’s character is calm and non-conflicting, he gets tired of his authoritarian wife. She doesn't give him a chance to feel like a man. Therefore, as soon as a woman meets, openly demonstrating her weakness and willingness to submit to a stronger one, the gentleman immediately rushes to the rescue, feeling like a real knight, shielding the lady from everyday adversity. The union is beneficial for both and does not pose a threat to the family. In this case, the confidence that she will be lost without him does not allow him to leave his mistress.
If he feels sorry for his mistress
Why doesn't a married lover let his mistress go? Amazingly, even among cheaters there are men who are not alien to pity. As a rule, they are quiet henpecked people, and their mistresses, unlike an authoritarian wife, are very quiet and flexible.
Their union is beneficial for both of them - he receives a safe haven from his beloved, and in return gives her love and affection. For him, the sweetheart is a little defenseless girl who will be lost without him. Next to her he feels like a real man. In addition, he feels pity for her and therefore does not want to leave her, because she will disappear without his help.
Bottom line
Every woman wants to be loved. However, hopes and desires often play a cruel joke. Men take advantage of the fact that women are willing to endure and wait. Meanwhile, they meet with many young ladies to whom they only promise, but do not fulfill anything.
leave his wife, he can change his mind at any moment. You did not live together, did not share everyday life and did not bother each other with quarrels and showdowns. In addition, a married lover, puzzled by the choice, will mentally compare you with his wife. Do you need it? Is it really your fate, your destiny, that is a married man and his tail in the form of children and an ex-wife?
If he is proud of his mistress
Another reason why a husband cannot leave his mistress is the pride he feels from owning such a sexy beauty. Everyone around her admires her, and men follow her with lustful glances .
As a rule, this situation is common for wealthy men who generously shower their sweetheart with gifts, but at the same time keep their spouse on a short leash. Usually the wife knows that the other half is moving to the left, but she cannot do anything, since money plays a decisive role. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
How long can a husband have a mistress?
As a rule, men continue to have affairs on the side until:
- he will not grow old;
- the children will not grow up, and the wife will stop tolerating the spree and will throw him out the door;
- the spouse will not learn to provide for herself and will not divorce;
- the wife will not find a lover and will not go to him;
- There will not be a homewrecker who will surpass his legal wife, so that a man will decide to legitimize his relationship with her.
Men are naturally designed in such a way that they do not want to lose their woman under any circumstances . Even if this is fraught with loss of reputation and financial well-being. This happens because the instinct of procreation is much stronger than the instinct of self-preservation. Therefore, having a long-term relationship with two young ladies at once, the husband ceases to behave like a man, but becomes simply a male who does not obey the voice of reason.
From this we can draw a simple conclusion: there is no point in waiting for a married man to voluntarily abandon a woman who herself does not want to abandon him.
Indeed, why should a homewrecker refuse a person who helps her financially, arranges hot passionate nights, helps her climb the career ladder, solves her material, domestic and everyday problems, increases her self-esteem by being with her, pays for rented housing, etc. d.?
