Ask anyone (children or adults) and I'm pretty sure everyone will agree that respect is important. The problem comes when you start asking, what does this mean? So a lot of people really don't get it right.
A good example of respect is a parent who feels that he should not use the words please or thank you with his children. In fact, there are many such parents. But, despite this, everyone says, “I am a parent! We show respect to other people through our manners.” Likewise, lack of manners shows disrespect. It doesn’t matter who you are, showing it or not showing it, it doesn’t matter for age or relationships.
Try to dress well
If possible, dress better than the person you're talking to. Experiments conducted in different social groups and different situations have shown that people tend to be embarrassed by those who are better dressed than them. For example, if you know that the person you're talking to usually wears a sweater and jeans, dress in a suit. Moreover, the point is not in the cost of clothing, but in its “status”. A business suit or evening dress is always rated higher than, say, a sports-style outfit. If it is important to you that the person is embarrassed, follow this rule.
Speak in an even tone
Many people are convinced that if they raise their voice, it will immediately instill awe in the other person. But more often than not, people who start shouting only cause irritation and annoyance in their counterparts, and not fear or respect at all.
The greatest fears are caused by those who, even in situations where it would seem that a breakdown is inevitable, maintain a restrained tone. And if they speak a semitone lower, then everyone already knows: this is a bad sign and you can expect anything from the boss.
Learn to speak almost in a whisper even in a stressful situation - and you will inspire horror in those around you. But, of course, this should not be the babble of a self-doubting person. You must be confident in yourself and demonstrate this to your interlocutor.
Avoid the problem for a while
Anxiety and even the first signs of panic indicate that it is time for you to temporarily move away from the problem you are struggling with. When you fixate on one problem, it is almost impossible to see a solution.
It is better to allow yourself to be distracted, think about something else, take a walk or chat with someone. When you approach the problem another time, rested and with a fresh head, the solution will be found much faster than under the waves of rolling panic.
How do you cope with feelings of anxiety and fear? Have these states ever benefited you?
Ask the person to talk about themselves
Firstly, as you know, most people like to talk about themselves. Secondly, we tell people we trust about ourselves. Thirdly, the one who talks about himself becomes vulnerable, since you can then use the information he presents for your own purposes. It is not for nothing that during an interview the recruiter listens more to the candidate for the vacancy, and he speaks and answers questions.
But even if this is not a job interview, but, say, a meeting with a potential business partner, it doesn’t hurt to ask him questions that will provoke him to talk about himself. Moreover, these may not necessarily be issues related to your joint affairs. They can also be about personal things. For example, where is your interlocutor from, does he have a family, what does he like to eat, what kind of music does he prefer, etc.
Try to turn things around in such a way that the person cannot avoid the questions or it would be inconvenient for him to do so. If the interlocutor is interested in having a good relationship with you, he is unlikely to answer: “It’s none of your business.” This means that, willy-nilly, he will have to give the desired information about himself. And this will immediately put you in an advantageous position.
Respect or fear?
Respect is respect! It feeds itself. How can parents demand respect, but at the same time refuse to do the same for those they care about most? What exactly do they hope to teach their children?
These parents do not create a respectful attitude within their family. That is, they rely on the “fear of the parent” to create a feeling of strength. This kind of “respect” exists, but is it really what it is? After all, it turns out that in this way, we simply force ourselves to be respected.
The world is like a mirror or why people don't appreciate me
This same confusion with fear and respect is heightened during adolescence. Actually this is wrong. They often rely on social ranking to decide who deserves respect. Unfortunately, fear is a method that is often used as a means to gain and maintain a place at the top of the high school chain.
Gang members often talk strictly about bringing respect to others. Again, they confuse respect and fear. Threats make you respect! And forcing someone to respect you at gunpoint is not right.
Before you force respect, teach yourself to love
Ask uncomfortable questions
This is more appropriate in some everyday situations, rather than in business communication. Suppose there is some person with whom you do not want to maintain a relationship. But you just can’t get rid of it. You can sew off the Velcro in this way. Let's say you know his most vulnerable spot and you know that he is not very inclined to talk about this topic... Behave tactlessly. Ask: “Well, are you getting married soon?” (knowing that the lady has no prospect of marriage), “Aren’t you thinking about losing weight?” (if your friend has a constant problem associated with excess weight). You can ask questions about family, about earnings, about some events from the past of a given person, if you are sure that this is the very topic that is “taboo” for him. However, an awkward question is also suitable for those cases when you need to unsettle your counterpart and “expose himself” to you. Show that you know him better than he thinks.
Of course, you may think that some practices are very questionable from an ethical point of view. However, it happens that this is the only way we can force a person to show his true face. And, in the end, the winners are not judged!
What to do if everyone in the world is bullying you? Causes of bullying. Bullying
In this article I will tell you what to do if you are being bullied and will examine the issue of bullying, which has recently come up very often in various news and informational occasions.
What is bullying?
This is the aggressive pursuit of one or more team members by other people. The persecution is very meticulous, in addition, based on bullying, persecution and attempts to morally and/or physically suppress a person within a certain group.
What motivates those who bully other people in groups?
An amusing study conducted by Brazilian scientists showed that as many as 51.2% of all respondents cannot specifically describe why and why they bully other team members.
That is, more than half of those surveyed have no idea why they bully any particular person.
The rest of the percentages by which bullies choose their victims were divided among themselves:
1. Bullying due to appearance in general.
2. Bullying due to facial appearance.
3. Harassment (bullying) based on race/skin color.
4. Bullying due to sexual orientation.
5. Religious bullying.
6. Bullying due to region of origin.
Everything would be fine and understandable, but... why, after all, more than half of those surveyed have no idea about the reasons why they poison people?
Is it possible?
Yes, sometimes. When the choice of victim occurs not consciously, but subconsciously. I’ll explain how this is now.
What signs indicate that you are a target and a victim for bullying?
This will help you understand the answer to the question: “What to do if you are being bullied in a team.”
I hate victim blaming (blaming the victim for a crime committed against him). But the situation with bullying is somewhat different.
If you are being bullied, it means you are being recognized as a victim. It is in you, and not in any of your friends and acquaintances from the team. It is important that you understand that by changing your attitude towards yourself and changing your behavior, you can transform from a victim into a leader. We need to act carefully, but the situation needs to change.
If you can solve this problem with the help of law enforcement agencies, do not hesitate.
In developed countries, bullying is punished in every possible way by the law: employers prohibit their employees from discussing each other during working hours and require them to focus exclusively on the work process (which cannot be said about work in the countries of the former Soviet republics, where collectivism for many years stubbornly killed individuality and rights person's personal space).
And schools in such countries have strict rules, according to which a student who engages in bullying will be disqualified and sent to a special school for forced education and re-education. Moreover, with the possibility of restoration and return to study at a regular school, but only in case of positive changes in his character and the cessation of behavior in the style of “poisoning everyone you can.” Therefore, people there do not ask the question: “What to do if you are being bullied”: they just need to complain to the appropriate authority - and the state will do everything for them.
Since I have significant experience in countering bullying (bullying) and many years ago I myself was in the shoes of those people who are being bullied and turned the situation in my favor, I share with you the signs by which you are identified as a victim in the team :
1. The desire to serve everyone and please everyone.
Fans of bullying are terribly fond of people who are used to sitting in splits and trying to serve absolutely everyone with whom they deal.
You will not be able to avoid bullying until you fix two important concepts in your brain:
a) There are more than 7.6 billion people on earth. Do you really think that you can please ALL OF THEM?
b) All people are different. And until you decide on your views on life, you will continue to be tossed from side to side.
2. Weakness.
Yes, no matter how banal and cruel it may sound - the team feels weak, pliable, cowardly people who are not ready, if something happens, to stand up for themselves and respond to insults.
This does not justify collective bullying, but it also does not give you carte blanche for self-justification. In the end, no one has canceled natural selection - here it comes in handy.
Take care of yourself and your personal strength - thereby, you will show others that they cannot wipe their feet on you and that you will not forgive insults and bullying directed at you. Even if there are more people poisoning you. Much more than you. People feel weak and afraid - don’t give them the opportunity to wipe their feet on themselves.
3. Microfacial expressions and behavioral features that are intuitively read by the crowd as your desire “just not to be a victim” and a manifestation of fear of them.
People who are inherently cruel, designed for harsh manipulation, will use this with all their might until you take away this opportunity from them.
Will you be able to resist this?
If you work on yourself, and not just ask the question: “What to do if you are being bullied?” - it will work out. This is a matter of practice - I’m telling you because I once went through this myself. Now I will devour anyone for trying to violate my personal boundaries and rise at my expense. If I had been taught this as a child, I could have avoided a huge number of problems. In my case, I had to learn this on my own.
Whether you can do this yourself depends, first of all, on the situation and the degree of neglect of the moment.
Finally, I want to say that if you are a person with disabilities or your team consists of those who REALLY beat people to death/half to death (and you know for sure and have seen such cases yourself) - this is already the competence of law enforcement agencies. It is in such cases that it is not worth risking your life, even if you are physically strong and armed to the teeth.
Before you next time ask yourself the question: “What to do if you are being bullied in a team?”, ask yourself a better question: “What exactly can I do right now to become stronger and learn to fight back against these people?” Did you find out what exactly? Do it!
