Everyone would like to stand their ground during a conversation, boldly express their thoughts and emotions, and resist the imposition of someone else’s opinion. Alas, the reality turns out to be less rosy.
If you sometimes feel like you have “Welcome!” written on your forehead, don’t despair. 6 tips from a psychologist will help correct the situation.
Get used to the idea
The thought of demanding something or arguing can be uncomfortable, especially if you are used to going with the flow and find it easier to remain silent than to speak up. But remember that standing up for your opinion is a positive habit. You don't have to get cocky or be a bitch for others to respect you.
According to Psychology Today, true self-confidence is going after what you want in a manner that is respectful to others. Stop viewing expressing your opinion as an act of aggression, and the idea of being more assertive will no longer seem scary.
Take help from the guide
If any employee violates labor discipline or incites the entire team to take any unreasonable actions, then it is advisable to seek help from the head of the company.
Such employees are often the instigators of groundless strikes and decreased productivity. As a result, all employees of the enterprise cannot receive a high salary due to a decrease in revenue from the company's work.
Demand and profit: is it worth opening a business for breeding aquarium shrimp?
Don’t refuse help: what else you can’t do if your employer fires you
How to get into computer science without experience: answering frequently asked questions
Be a little selfish
The habit of constantly sacrificing yourself and putting other people's interests above yours will ultimately lead to you starting to feel tired, dissatisfied, and accumulating resentment. Don’t expect those around you to suddenly see the light and definitely repay your kindness. We all look at the same things differently, so people may be nice to you but genuinely not notice your needs. Maintain healthy egoism within yourself. Learn to prioritize and take care of yourself, not just others.
Individual approach
When deciding to teach a child to fight back against bullies, it is first necessary to take into account his innate characteristics. There are brave, fighting people, and there are more timid, quiet ones. If in early childhood you try to make fighters out of quiet people, demanding that they definitely fight back, and expressing dissatisfaction with their cowardice, such children can be broken. Someone will completely wilt and shrink. And someone will suddenly become so uninhibited that they will hit everyone indiscriminately, and the parents themselves will not be happy, because in the kindergarten or at school they will begin to make complaints against them, and they will not be able to cope with their raging son. At least I know of many such cases.
Article on the topic Without fights? Teaching a child to be angry correctly
The advice to send a timid child to the wrestling section, unfortunately, does not suit everyone. In preschool, and sometimes even primary school age, for timid children this is often an excessive psychological burden. For example, with tics, enuresis or bronchial asthma of neurotic origin, taking such steps is quite risky: you can provoke a worsening of the disease.
Distinguish between what is worth fighting for and what is not.
Some moments are not worth spending energy on. If it's a fleeting situation where a random passerby is rude to you simply because he had a bad day, it's easier to let it go than to prove him wrong. But when we are talking about a loved one, colleague or relative with whom you will have to interact more than once, you should immediately explain your position to him in order to eliminate further conflicts.
Being able to stand up for yourself does not mean arguing with everyone about every issue. Learn to find a healthy balance between setting boundaries and not reacting to minor irritants.
Don't apologize when you ask for something
The plaintive “sorry” often replaces an address to the interlocutor or serves simply to connect words, but it has a specific meaning. You should not ask for forgiveness for expressing your opinion, request, or simply existing.
Talk about your problem and offer a solution - this way you will remain true to your boundaries and beliefs. By starting with an apology, you are deliberately putting yourself in a weak position. To stay polite, there are other wonderful words like “thank you” and “please.”
Increase your vocabulary
So, in order to learn how to respond beautifully and competently to rudeness, you must expand your vocabulary. After all, it is verbiage that will help you create a colorful, non-standard response to an insult.
How to do it? It's simple - read more fiction. It is she who helps to learn new words. Don’t be afraid to use a dictionary to find out the meaning of words you don’t understand, because this is the only way you will increase your active vocabulary.
In addition to the vocabulary, fiction sometimes provides vivid and lively examples of answers for various situations. Let's take, for example, the well-known Don Quixote. Look how sharply, beautifully and sonorously Sancho always answers. Stendhal, Chekhov, Dostoevsky and many, many others.
Learn to use body language correctly
If you have problems with confidence, you should work not only on your self-esteem, but also on your gestures. Pay attention to how you behave while talking with someone: do you slouch, fold your arms over your chest, or fuss. By correcting these mistakes, you can make the right impression on your interlocutor and feel stronger.
To project a confident image, psychotherapist Heidi McBain says to first work on feeling better about yourself. Get enough sleep, eat right, strengthen your mental health, look for positive stimuli in your surroundings. If you feel calm and good inside, it will definitely show up on the outside.
No to toxic people: books that will help you stand up for yourself
Still from the film “Her” (2016)
We have all found ourselves in an unpleasant situation at least once in our lives: we fell under the hot hand of our boss, quarreled with family members, or became victims of Internet trolling. Such stories can seriously demotivate even a strong-willed person, making him doubt himself and his abilities.
Our authors are ready to help those who have given up. We have selected several books dedicated to difficult life situations and ways to resolve them in your favor.
Don't yell at me! Igor Romanov
Conflict doesn't benefit anyone, but sometimes it's hard to avoid bitter situations. Moreover, squabbles with your interlocutor can cause self-doubt, mistakes in work and even serious psychological problems. And screaming develops constant anxiety, stress and even depression. How to deal with opponents who prefer to aggressively defend their positions?
-10% Don't yell at me! 8 ways to avoid psychological aggression Igor Romanov Hardcover 539 ₽ Add to cart Add to cart
Psychiatrist Igor Romanov
ready to teach you how to communicate with even the most unbearable people. His book Don't Yell at Me! dedicated to painless solutions to conflicts. The author offers his readers eight different effective techniques: study each of them and learn to fight back those who spoil your mood day after day. This way you will forget about anxiety disorders and the constant fear of making a mistake.
I don't owe a damn thing! Tommy Yaud
Do you feel indebted to others and worry that you are not meeting other people's expectations? A huge number of people face similar problems. Often, aggressive pressure from relatives, friends and colleagues undermines self-esteem and imposes fears. However, the more obligations you take on, the higher the chance of not fulfilling any of them and driving yourself into depression.
-10% I don't owe shit! Manifesto against remorse by Tommy Yaud Hardcover652 ₽ Add to cart Add to cart
In his book with the provocative title “I Don’t Have to!” German writer and screenwriter Tommy Jaud
suggests working through the panic fear of unfulfilled tasks. The author will help you let go of the situation and finally think about what exactly you want. Together with Yaud, you will learn to set priorities, say “no” and make the right choices without relying on outside opinions.
Send me a naked selfie. Carrie Goldberg, Janine Amber
“It’s my own fault” - how many times have girls and women of different ages, views and habits heard such words? Society, despite outward tolerance, is still ready to throw stones at anyone who finds herself in a difficult situation. Even if she just sent erotic photos or videos to another person, and he published them.
-10% I didn't want it that way. They trusted one person, but the entire Internet found out about it. Stories of fighting shaming and harassment Carrie Goldberg, Janine Amber Hardcover RUR 511 Add to cart Add to cart
So how can those whose candid photos end up on the Internet live, and their personal lives become public property? The book “Send Me a Naked Selfie” is dedicated to just such stories. Lawyer and internet revenge specialist Carrie Goldberg
I myself experienced all the horrors of bullying on social networks. And now she is ready to help other women. Her heroines are the most ordinary girls: Macy's ex-boyfriend sent her explicit photos to the whole class, Francesca was accused of pedophilia and prostitution, and Vanessa became an unwitting participant in an erotic video.
The stories told by the authors of the book will help readers not only survive negative experiences, but also cope with the imposed sense of guilt. Goldberg and Amber are sure that it is simply necessary to fight back against your offenders.
Set boundaries
Boundaries are needed not only to be able to stand up for yourself. They give other people an idea of how you expect to be treated. As clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow explains, personal boundaries are what actions you are not willing to accept or tolerate from other people.
Boundaries can change over time, but their formation is an ongoing process. We have already told you how to organize it in communication with friends, colleagues or a partner.
Avoid rude colleagues
In any team there are people who are the most unpleasant and evil. They often envy their colleagues, take credit for other people's achievements, slander and gossip. If this particular person causes unpleasant feelings, then it is advisable to communicate with him as little as possible.
During meetings, you need to choose a place that will be located away from the annoying colleague.
