Don't be offended: psychological techniques that will help put a boor in his place!

Don't be offended: psychological techniques that will help put a boor in his place!

(“General Psychology”).
Biblical legend says that rudeness originates from the third son of Noah - boor. One day the young man saw his father sleeping without clothes, and, instead of covering his nakedness, at the same hour he told his brothers about what he had seen. Such an act testified not only to disrespect for one’s parent, but also violated the customs of that time...

The retribution was cruel: one of the Ham’s sons, Canaan, was given into slavery. Is there nothing in common between this story and the rudeness of the saleswoman in the store? Unfortunately, this is not so, because rudeness in its essence is nothing more than a lack of respect not only for others, but also for oneself.

How to avoid conflict?

Try to understand the person who is rude to you. At first glance, it seems that this is very difficult. But if you find out about the reasons that pushed a person to stoop so low and insult another, this allows you at least not to take rudeness to heart. As the famous children's song says: “A dog only bites because of a dog’s life.” Remember, they are rude from a lack of self-respect and when they want to assert themselves.

Keep your distance. Often a witty answer comes to mind late - when the boor has already safely disappeared from sight. We agree that self-esteem very often suffers from this, but remember that when speaking rudely, a boor does not even think of entering into a dialogue with you. Also, don’t be afraid and under no circumstances show your fear to a rude person.

Act unexpectedly. Thus, if you want to accuse a boor of his inappropriate behavior, think about why you need this. Agree, it is extremely doubtful that an outsider will say a phrase like: “Thank you for paying attention to my rudeness and tactlessness. I promise you won’t see me act like this again.”

It’s best to try to gently but persistently explain that the boor has no right to treat you like that. For example: “I See that you are Dissatisfied with My Behavior (Act), Sorry.” You can also use a manipulative phrase: “Can I help you somehow? “Using these techniques, you will show your strength and at the same time will not stoop to tactlessness.

Phrases for avoiding conflict.

“On what basis are you asking me these questions? In this way you show that the aggressor has no right to interfere in your personal life. No matter how high his position may be, you point out the discrepancy between the real status of the rude man and the role he has chosen for himself.

"This statement? ", "Is this an indication? ", "Is this a question? Use such phrases if you feel that you have been touched to the quick, but you don’t understand what exactly you disagree with.

“What makes you tell me that? ", "What made you say (do) this to me? Using this technique, you show the aggressor that he has become a hostage of his own passions and emotions. By the way, it helps without fail.

“Don’t Raise Your Voice at Me,” “don’t speak to me in that tone,” “please don’t talk about me in the third person if I’m in the same room with you.” Put the offender in the place of the offender with phrases that can be imagined using hearing or vision. Only if you say something abstract, like: “I ask you to Stop Behaving Boorishly,” can the offender ignore this, because what he does not see or hear can be considered your subjective opinion .

“How can I correct the situation so that you no longer want to be rude to me? ", "Tell me, what should I do so that you won't be so rude to me? Remember that conflict arises where there is a lack of mutual understanding. Once you establish relationships, rudeness disappears by itself.

Unfortunately, these days, rudeness has become the norm, not the exception to the rule. Everywhere: in transport, in stores, at work and even in their own families, people are rude to each other, vent their anger, say unpleasant jokes or very offensive words.

Definition of insolent behavior

Insolence is an action or behavior that shows disrespect for a boss or co-worker and has the potential to be offensive. In work settings, insolence is most often viewed in the context of relationships between employee and supervisor rather than between coworkers.

For example:

• Significantly raising your voice to managers or colleagues.
• Refusal to comply with a reasonable request from a supervisor.
• Negative influence on the work of others.
• Sabotage of business relationships.

In addition, arrogance can be offensive behavior, boasting, challenging the status quo in a way that harms the organization.

It is worth understanding that impudence is not a professional disagreement or a personal conversation. This is a pattern of employee behavior that is most likely toxic and has a negative impact on the team.

How to avoid being offended

Method one: a closer look

It is necessary to abruptly interrupt the conversation, or quit what you are doing, and fix your gaze on the interlocutor. Whatever he does, you should remain silent for a while and look at him point-blank. This often confuses a person and he gets lost. This technique is often used by teachers to attract students' attention and make them treat themselves with respect.

Method two: expression of disgust

Add disgust to the stare. This will cause your interlocutor to become very confused and lose confidence. At such moments, a person usually tries to translate everything said earlier into a joke, but at the same time he learns a lesson and realizes that he cannot do this to you.

Method three: sense of humor

You can avoid being offended with the help of a sense of humor. Just laugh at your opponent if he said something offensive to you. Usually, ridicule in response to unpleasant words puts a person in his place. When using this strategy, you need to feel confident, and it doesn't matter what you say, as long as you have fun with it.

Method four: praise

To take control of the situation into your own hands and discourage your interlocutor, change the conversation to another topic - start talking about his positive qualities, praising him. Everyone is pleased to hear praise addressed to them, and at the same time the person begins to smile, involuntarily beginning to feel good towards you.

Depending on the situation and the degree of your erudition, you can choose one of the tactics, or use them all in turn. When your friends and acquaintances receive a “rebuff” from you several times, they will keep the distance you set when talking to you.

Don't be afraid to appear harsh or tough to someone. Is it really important for you to maintain a good relationship with someone who has a low opinion of you and allows you to be rude or disrespectful?

Big game element

Rudeness can also be an element of a big game within a team - the “human pack”. When a cheerful and toothy employee constantly fights for his status, his boss may ask: “He is very playful and greyhound. Can he claim my place? Such behavior always causes more fear than desire to admire. The boss will even be glad if the subordinate stumbles a little in this struggle. It is beneficial for him to deplete the moral resources of a potential rival. And he won't defend him for the same reason. He is guided by a very simple motive: for any corporate friction to truly affect the quality of work and the creation of added value, real bullying must flare up. Therefore, any boss is ready to allow insignificant “showdowns” and minor conflicts that do not lead to a decrease in labor productivity: it is beneficial for him if a greyhound employee “breaks his teeth” on someone: he cries, screams, hysterics. He will lose part of his moral and volitional core temporarily and will cease to be a competitor.

How to put a person in his place with words. Speech attack techniques: how to put arrogant people in their place

Our speech is rich in expressive means and provides many opportunities to put the insolent person in his place. It is not for nothing that people who are able to defeat an opponent with a word are said to have a sharp tongue. Here are some effective techniques.

1. Best defense is attack. In response to a rude remark or reproach, do not make excuses, but immediately express to your opponent your claim regarding his behavior, actions, and position. Moreover, do it in such a way that the interlocutor experiences a feeling of guilt, this will deprive him of the feeling of superiority.
2. Change black to white. Has your interlocutor expressed dissatisfaction with your behavior? Find positive aspects in your actions and voice them. This will cause confusion in the insolent person and give you a psychological advantage.
3. The “Weak!” effect. This is an effective psychological technique that works flawlessly. If a person is dissatisfied with your work, invite him to do it himself, do it better, show him how it should be done. As a rule, this proposal knocks down the critic's arrogance.
4. Ignoring. This is not entirely rhetorical, but an effective technique. Nothing infuriates insolent people more than contemptuous silence in response to their comments. Especially if the silence is accompanied by a condescending smile.

When using rhetorical techniques, try not to slip into the level of rudeness and insults. This is not only indecent and ineffective, but also proves that the other person’s statements seriously offended you. Do not please the insolent people with your irritation and resentment.

Why does a colleague behave inappropriately?

It is difficult to predict in advance how relationships with colleagues will develop. Even if this is an established, friendly team, a sarcastic or rude person may appear in it. Moreover, sometimes the behavior of well-known colleagues changes not for the better.

In the case of employment in a new organization, a newcomer is most often waiting for a pig in a poke.

Reasons for inappropriate behavior:

• complex character traits of a co-worker - inability to control oneself, irritability, arrogance, etc.;
• a colleague has a difficult life situation, which he admits or not. Constant thoughts about pressing problems lead to the fact that a person becomes uninterested in those around him or he lashes out at them;
• Delayed career growth is always perceived as painful. If other colleagues are promoted, but this person is passed over, this cannot but affect his behavior;
• disorders in human physical health. These may be diseases in which he experiences severe pain and cannot restrain himself;
• in some cases, mental illnesses lead to the fact that a familiar person ceases to control himself, his attacks are most often unconscious;

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• Sometimes the reason for rudeness is the opponent’s behavior, which is far from ideal. Before being rude in response, you should think about whether there were any provocations on your part.

How to avoid being offended?

How to avoid being offended by other people? How to position yourself correctly in society?? All these questions arise before every person throughout his life. Then, when he meets other people, builds relationships, joins a new team, and becomes the center of attention. In short, it is important to understand how not to be offended and gain respect.

Actually the answer is simple. Have you noticed how those people who are usually loved and respected in society treat themselves? With respect and love. They make it clear to others how they can and cannot be treated with them, they build personal boundaries and do not allow anyone to violate them. They are not afraid of what people will think of them, they are not afraid of condemnation. They behave in a friendly, sincere manner, but at the same time they know how to put a person in his place if someone decides to offend him.

Depending on your age, methods of how to avoid being offended may differ. For example, my dad, when he was still a schoolboy and got into a new class, immediately warned the guys that it was better not to offend or touch him, because the offender would be in trouble later. One of his classmates decided to test his words for sincerity and got into a fight. As a result, he was hit on the head with a heavy construction ruler and his skull was cut open. They called an ambulance, stopped the bleeding... There was noise! Thank God, everything worked out and now my father’s offender is my godfather. And then no one touched dad since then.

I'm not saying that everything needs to be resolved by force, it's just that different ages have their own methods. After all, now, at 50 years old, dad doesn’t cut anyone’s head with a ruler! He will simply put a person in his place so that he will then think ten times about whether he should be touched. The main thing is not how you will defend yourself. The question is, do you feel ready internally to immediately outline your boundaries to everyone? Do you feel confident? Or are you controlled by fear?

If a person is afraid, he shrinks inside, and at the same time declares his importance to the team, they will laugh in his face. Well, or behind your back, if we are talking about adulthood. It is important to have high self-esteem, be confident in yourself, and not be afraid of people. Only then will you be respected. Only then will you not allow yourself to be offended.

Even when it comes to relationships between a man and a woman, what matters is what you really think to yourself. This is what your partner will read, and not what you tell him. If you respect yourself, he will respect you too. If you accept yourself, he will accept you too. If you constantly criticize yourself, he will criticize you too. Well, if you do not consider yourself a worthy woman, then he will offend and insult you. Everything is in our head.

Therefore, to the question: “How not to be offended?”, I always answer the same thing. Love yourself, learn to value and respect yourself highly.

With love, Yulia Kravchenko

Who are toxic employees?

The term toxicity, as it applies to communication and people, is a relatively new concept. In 2021, it was named word of the year in the Oxford Dictionaries. There is no clear interpretation of the term, but usually only a list of character traits and behavior of people whom others call toxic is offered.

Toxicity is a synonym for “poisonousness,” therefore toxic people are those who can “poison” the atmosphere in a team or the mood of an interlocutor, without any special reason or purpose, but through their habitual behavior.

Also, toxic behavior may hide a subconscious desire to assert oneself and subjugate other people.

Toxicity is just a new buzzword wrapped around good old authoritarian behavior.
Authoritarianism is a social attitude or personality trait, characterized by the belief that in society there should be strict and unconditional loyalty to the ruler, unquestioning submission of people to authorities and authorities. Oleg Dolgitsky

psychologist

Phrases that put people in their place

You can insult with smart words more than with obscenities. Properly chosen phrases will hit the weakest points of a person’s personality, psyche, self-esteem, exposing negative qualities to show.

Morally humiliating a person is quite difficult. The interlocutor must have the ability to express thoughts eloquently.

Knowing the basic elements of psychology, it will not be difficult to find a flaw in a person, and reading books will help in choosing bright words.

Beautifully humiliate a person using phrases:

1. I would like to talk to a smart person in this situation, so move a little further away from me.
2. I really want to offend you with a word, but nature did it with deeds.
3. I see you are as simple as the corner of a house. Moreover, this angle is obtuse.
4. It’s difficult to talk to a person who cannot…….(for example, drink tea without smacking his lips), let alone start any business with him.
5. Where did such wonderful parents come from such a miracle as you?
6. To surprise me, all you have to do is say at least something smart this evening.
7. It's amazing how a person degrades using only words.
8. Young man, tone down your statements.

Speaking seriously and without swearing, it is easy to receive cruel, undeniable insults that drive you into a frenzy, to tears.

An intelligent expression is more effective when said in the presence of strangers of the opposite sex.

Let me criticize you

The world is changing and it may seem that today we live and work in a world of hypersensitive people who are ready to be mortally offended by any reasonable remark - the document was executed inappropriately or the application deadlines were not met.
Not all corporate disputes can be a manifestation of rudeness, because rudeness does not equal criticism. When an employee is told in a complicated way that he is not a professional, is this rudeness? Sometimes it may not even be counted as a slight insult. Every person has the right to an opinion, but not everyone has a sufficient supply of psycho-emotional energy and patience to express it politely (“let me criticize you”). And sometimes they can tell you straight up: “You are unprofessional” and be 100% right. If the remark that you hear can be defined as criticism, which has a factual basis, then it cannot be prohibited; your interlocutor has the right to do so. You can only ask to criticize in a more polite manner. With rudeness everything is much simpler. Before storming the premises, special forces use a flash-noise grenade. The task of the grenade is to unbalance all the sensory systems of the enemy located there: he must go blind, deaf and lost in space. And rudeness in the corporate space is the same grenade that does not hurt, but disorients.

How to put a boor in his place

What personally bothers me most is the formless rudeness. It is akin to an abomination in which to put in place a matter of honor and conscience. There are 7 glib phrases at your service.

When teenagers are rude, be careful how you respond.

Sometimes their frenzy exceeds all limits.

When someone is rude to you, put the freak in his place, assessing the level of risk and the danger of verbal rapprochement.

The best solution would be iron restraint, which an irrepressible and vulgar person will push against.

* When you get tired of being rude, sit down and catch your breath, otherwise your heart may not be able to stand it.

* No need to point me to the place. You rush at people like a pack of dogs that have been robbed of a gnawed bone.

* A boor is not you, but your distorted mouth, living a chaotic life.

* Am I the cow? Anything is possible. I'll hum now. And you’ve become so thin out of anger that I just want to show you the way to an oncologist.

* Woman, stop being rude, I’ll let you go ahead. Just be careful not to stumble the next time you find yourself in the same place.

* Your phrases do not bother me. Rudeness shortens years of life, so you don't have long to smoke the earth.

* How smartly you put everyone in their place here. We will leave, otherwise God forbid we will become infected with an incurable disease.

Before using the above phraseological units in practice, it is worth remembering that some of them can provoke a severe conflict, as well as program the addressee for fatal consequences.

For this reason, I cannot guarantee that this will not happen.

Maintain composure and restraint

Sometimes it becomes extremely difficult to resist expressing everything to a person who is deliberately trying to provoke. However, psychologists say that as soon as you show weakness and act in this way, another stream of negativity will fall on you, which will be even more difficult to cope with.

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To prevent another wave of attacks, try to remain a cool and self-possessed person. This does not mean that you should facilitate such behavior of the aggressor; it is enough to make it clear to the offender that his provocations do not bother you. And if the attacks really hit home for you, then deal with your emotions and find out why you are reacting so violently.

You can call your colleague for a frank conversation and ask why you did not please him. Give him the opportunity to speak out; usually, after such a face-to-face conversation, the conflict is resolved and a truce occurs in the team.

How to put a person in his place with smart words or 40 phrases

For every force there is another force. When a person is full of anger and resentment, it is not always possible to remain silent in response to his foul language. Sometimes I want to answer. How to answer without losing your temper and without stooping to the level of your interlocutor?

1. To talk with you on the same level, I need to lie down!..

2. I don’t know what you eat for breakfast, but it really works! Intelligence tends to zero!

3. Just don’t take the headphones out of your ears. God forbid you chill your brain from the inside with a draft.

4. Should I see a psychologist? No, of course, thank you very much for your good advice, but you shouldn’t compare everyone to yourself.

5. You will open your mouth at the dentist.

6. To shock me, you will have to say something smart.

7. One more beep from your platform and your teeth will move.

8. So that you celebrate your wedding at McDonald's.

9. If it gave me pleasure to communicate with females, I would have had a dog long ago.

10. Mind like a shell.

11. Looking at you, I begin to understand that nothing human is alien to God. He has a great sense of humor.

12. Talk, talk... I always yawn when I'm interested!

13. You would decorate the world with your absence, before I took sin on my soul!

14. The only positive quality you have is the Rh factor.

15. I live opposite the cemetery. If you show off, you will live opposite me.

16. Is it you that everyone loves? Oh, well, yes, love is evil...

17. So that you could cover yourself with a teaspoon in the bathhouse!

18. - Girl, are you bored? - Not by that much…

19. Your right to your own opinion does not oblige me to listen to nonsense.

20. - you can’t put “thank you” in your pocket. - you can carry it in your hands!!!

21. Hey, you little rose! The tulip is out of here, otherwise you’ll turn gray like a dahlia!

22. I came to you with greetings, with an iron and a gun

23. The further into the forest, the angrier the woodpeckers.

24. It is better to be silent intelligently than to speak stupidly

25. Is this a bunch of words, or do I need to think about it?

26. Sorry for not living up to your stereotypes.

27. In some heads thoughts come to die

28. Him: Shall we go to you or shall we go to me? She: At the same time. You - to yourself, and I - to myself.

29. Has the verbal oil well dried up?

30. Madhouse on the road, psychos in nature!

31. What are you watching? Are you in a museum or something? Now I’ll arrange a cultural event for you in two acts without intermission! If I give you a slap, your head will fly off

32. What do you think, that if you yell at me louder, I will listen more quietly?

33. Now you can take your glasses home from me. In different pockets.

34. Your style of speech reminds me of the market talk of the distant nineties at the end of the last century.

35. And don't laugh! Laughing for no reason is a sign that a person is either an idiot or a pretty girl. If you want to convince me of the latter, first shave.

General advice from a psychologist

In any controversial situation, try to understand the person. In the matter of insults, this rule also works. Let's look at the psychologist's advice on how to react correctly.

Master your emotions

The main goal of an aggressive person is to hurt you more. Therefore, the first advice: do not show that you are upset, control your emotions. The insult of your acquaintances will end, because the goal has not been achieved, it is not interesting to continue further.

I suggest you take Nicholas Hall's emotional intelligence test. It consists of 30 questions, the completion time is 5 minutes. The results in the second scale of “Managing your emotions” will show your level from 6 to 36.

In order to fully control your emotions, I advise you to upgrade your emotional intelligence.

Ignoring an insult

Increase your distance

If you are insulted by a stranger in order to assert yourself in front of others, do not try to prove that you are right - this will not lead to anything good. Increase your distance with this person.

“Extinguish” with a smile

If it is not possible to increase the distance, try to appear confident, confuse your opponent with your wide smile and the question: “Why are you behaving this way?” Smooth out the caustic phrases and smile.

Such a reaction will earn others respect for you, and they will be able to defend you against the offender. Remember that your peace of mind will protect you. If you “climb into the bottle”, you may not calculate the strengths and capabilities of yourself and the “aggressor”.