Hi all! Do you want to be happy? What is included in this concept, how is it to live harmoniously? A person has basic needs, without which he will experience emotional emptiness. The need for love and recognition is the third basic need that is important for a person. When a person accepts himself, others take him into account. But what if a person has low self-esteem and cannot position himself on an equal footing with those around him? In this article we will find secrets on how to love yourself and begin to respect yourself, and we will also see practical recommendations on how to live in harmony with yourself.
What does it mean to love yourself
There are extremes in the development of personal self-esteem, when a person “stars” and engages in “self-criticism.” Both options are bad, since inadequately high and low self-esteem becomes the cause of difficulties in communication and building long-term interpersonal relationships. So be sure to learn how to improve your self-esteem from our last article and apply these tips.
Women and men have “weak spots” where they do not always feel confident. For the female half, the “weak point” is her appearance, for the man - his achievements in life. In these and some other areas, people are most vulnerable. If a person does not value himself, does not respect and does not set boundaries, it is difficult for others to appreciate him.
When experiencing insecurity, it is common for a person to blame other people for the emotional pain that he experiences. As a result of such internal experiences, he becomes depressed, angry, and withdraws from communication with others. But all this may not happen if he begins to change his attitude towards himself in time.
What does it mean to love yourself? Many psychologists have studied this issue and determined that loving yourself means accepting yourself. Accept who you are, forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, treat yourself positively. There is a lot of literature that talks about self-acceptance. Even the Bible says that a person should love his neighbors as himself. That is, the basis of good relationships with others is self-acceptance.
It is important to understand that self-love is not selfishness, it is the acceptance of all your strengths and weaknesses, the correct attitude towards them. If a person uses others for his own interests, violates their rights and manipulates, this is selfishness. A person with adequate self-esteem and normal values will not do this.
Tearing off the masks
How often do we hide our essence from prying eyes and ourselves. We try to be like someone, we look back at other people’s successes, in some ways we envy people passing by, sometimes we even get angry and offended. Without a doubt, there are many role models who have achieved unprecedented success and live a different life: bright, devoid of routine and waking up early every day for a job that is not fun.
But why get angry and give up when we have the power to change the course of events? Our life was not given to us in order to remain in the image of a victim and complain about the injustice of fate. It is necessary to act and preferably without delay.
Don't like your hairstyle or wardrobe? Change and reinvent yourself. You should admire your own reflection in the mirror, and not turn around at every random person you meet with the thoughts: “She is so beautiful and well-groomed, why is everything different for me...”
There is no need to suppress feelings and the realization that you do not like to be the way circumstances force you to be. Take off the mask of normality and routine and stop worrying about what other people think of you. Think about it: many of them are worthy of respect and admiration precisely because they once stopped caring about the opinions of others.
Maybe it is at that moment when you unleash your inner beast that you will realize what you want to devote your life to. And as you know, one of the main components of happiness is doing something that brings us pleasure.
The consequences of not loving yourself
When a person does not accept himself and his appearance, he develops complexes. This could be fear of people, an inferiority complex, guilt, negativism and other bad psychological phenomena. As a result, he suffers internally, the people around him and the areas of his life suffer.
The consequences of such an attitude towards oneself can be the following problems:
- Bitchiness - in constant nervous tension, a person begins to defend himself, this quality is especially manifested in women. Trying to hide their weakness, women “attack”: they begin to manipulate men, satisfying only their needs. This is a utopia, since they will not be able to build close and long-term relationships by playing the role of a bitch.
- Victim is another defensive position. When they are afraid to express themselves, people sacrifice themselves in order to be noticed and loved. The danger of such behavior is dependence on another person. The result is a feeling of rejection, loss and despair. Relationships on this basis can reach hysterics when problems arise.
- Relationship breakdowns and failures. Those who have not accepted and forgiven themselves will experience problems in building relationships and difficulties in their work.
An insecure person who does not accept himself, unfortunately, cannot be happy.
What's the result?
So, how to achieve harmony with yourself? First of all, we must learn to get rid of stress. An excellent assistant in this difficult task is regular walks, favorite music in headphones, fresh air. Find time for yourself, even a couple of hours a week is enough. Only this time should be spent in absolute solitude, alone with yourself. Clean regularly and get rid of everything unnecessary that clutters not only your life, but also your brain. And most importantly, put every effort into learning to accept yourself, with all the shortcomings and cockroaches in your head. This step is the most important component of happiness. Try to start with the simplest exercise: stand in front of the mirror and out loud, clearly say everything that has ever embarrassed you about yourself, don’t forget to praise yourself. It doesn’t matter what, figure or character. And then just agree with everything said. Just be sure to speak out loud and loud. And never forget that happiness is in ourselves, and not in the world around us.
Tests
Let's say you realized that something is wrong with your self-esteem. What to do next?
In psychology, there are many methods that allow you to determine the level of self-esteem and self-acceptance. These are scientific, experimentally proven, and popular science methods for determining the basic inclinations of a person.
- “How much do I love myself” - by answering 36 questions, you will see your attitude towards yourself;
- “Self-love: what is your level of self-esteem” - shows how much you value yourself;
- “Self-love” is an indicative test for determining your attitude towards yourself;
- The “Do I Love Myself” test is an informative popular scientific method for displaying self-acceptance;
- “How do you rate yourself?” – a professional test showing the depths of your subconscious;
- The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale is a professional technique that shows how a person feels and imagines himself.
After passing one or more tests, you have identified your problem. But tests do not provide an opportunity to improve and increase self-esteem. They are like an indicator that allows you to observe yourself from the outside, to pay attention to your behavior or character traits.
Adequate self-esteem is the basis of internal harmony
In order to overcome life’s difficulties with minimal losses, you just need to adequately evaluate yourself. Only thanks to this does a person find the strength to fight the fear of emerging problems and find solutions. Yes, we are not a million dollars to please everyone. There will always be those who will condemn us and not understand us. How to achieve harmony with yourself? Just admit the fact that it is simply impossible to be a highly qualified specialist in all areas of life, but only by strongly desiring something we are able to achieve any goals, despite the obstacles that arise along the way. Yes, we are not perfect and mistakes in life cannot be avoided. Accept this and move along the intended path without being scattered for nothing.
Psychologist's advice
Accepting yourself means adequately perceiving your internal and external qualities. Changing a personality is a long and laborious process, provided that she herself desires it. Below is a selection of rules that will help you change on your own, love yourself and your body (if, in your opinion, the problem is physical disabilities).
We struggle with dependence on other people's assessments
The vast majority perceive themselves as dictated by others. This attitude begins from the school bench, where the teacher’s assessment is unshakable and indestructible: whatever level of knowledge the teacher sees is what it is. Such value judgments continue to influence us as adults.
Dependence on the assessments of others constantly feeds a person; he always strives for approval; if it is not there, the level of self-esteem decreases.
Try to fight this addiction: speak your opinion, even if it is wrong, do not believe what is said about you in a negative way if you do not agree.
Try to laugh at yourself more often
Humor helps you survive in the most difficult situations. By translating everything into humor, you change the perception of the world. The ability to laugh at your own mistakes is an art that not everyone can do. Scientists have proven that 5 minutes of sincere laughter prolongs life by 1 minute. If you laugh more often, life becomes brighter and longer, according to research and the minds of our contemporaries.
Be positive. Positive thinking helps you achieve your goals. Try to turn even the most unpleasant situations into a joke. There is a story in which a girl “played for joy” - she found something to be happy about even in the most absurd situations, when she broke her leg or was rejected by relatives. This game really works! Look for reasons to rejoice in everything!
Don't talk bad about yourself in front of others
Every person has the right to make mistakes, but if you tell others mainly your shortcomings, they will believe that these are your main qualities. But along with the disadvantages, each has a huge number of advantages. Every person deserves respect and love. When you find it difficult, convince yourself of this. Notice your positive qualities not for the purpose of boasting, but with the goal of using them for good.
Stop others from dictating how to live your life.
To live in harmony with yourself and the world around you, it is important to set your boundaries. What is acceptable for others may be impossible or disgusting for you. What is bad for others may be great for you. We are all different, so don't let others dictate how to live, what to be, what to do.
The constant desire to please someone, to adapt to someone’s values robs you of your golden time of self-realization. When you adapt to the demands of others, you are not living your life. We need to listen to advice and reject directives.
Control over emotions
If you don't learn to control your emotions, they will get the better of you. At one point, unrestrained anger, resentment, and malice can greatly compromise you. Intemperate behavior entails loss of self-esteem and respect from others.
I suggest you take Nicholas Hall's emotional intelligence test. It consists of 30 questions, the completion time is 5 minutes. The results in the second scale of “Managing your emotions” will show your level from 6 to 36.
Take responsibility for your actions and life
Self-esteem is made up of many components, but it's never too late to take responsibility for your life. If you take small steps towards your dreams, you will see that you have achieved a lot. Start small: take responsibility for sleeping early and waking up early, take responsibility for drinking more water, not overeating, and so on.
Engage in self-development
It's always useful. Trainings, motivational programs, motivational books will benefit you for a long time. Communication with smart people who can teach you something will enrich you spiritually. If a person does not develop, he degrades.
I understand your situation and since you are reading this article, I have an effective solution for you.
Learning from a person who has walked this path will help you believe in yourself and achieve what exactly you want in this life. Under no circumstances should you listen to amateurs who shout at every corner: “Pay me and you’ll get rich!”
For me, such a person is Pavel Volya.
His online course “Improver Express” will teach 3 main things: initiative, action and efficiency.
The training consists of 23 chips. It was they who helped Volya turn from a simple beggar Penza guy into the highest paid presenter of the TNT channel and my favorite stand-up comedian.
The course is suitable for both men and women from 16 years of age.
How the training will take place:
- You receive theory and practical assignment.
- Do it.
- If you did it right, move on to the next one.
If you don’t mess around and do all your homework responsibly, then pleasant changes await you: at work, in your personal life, with relatives and friends. This will lead to more money, connections and success.
Cost – 15,000 rubles. with access forever, but there is also the opportunity to take the course for 3,000 rubles.
If within 2 weeks you decide that the course is not suitable for you, your money will be returned.
After registering for training, a girl from Pavel’s team will contact you and answer all your questions regarding the training. You will discuss payment terms with her.
Also in this article you will find reviews of all courses of the “Willpower” project from Pavel and Laysan Utyasheva.
Comfort zone: create or destroy
Recently, the comfort zone has been the most discussed topic among psychologists and bloggers. The glossy magazine is teeming with articles about ways to get out of this notorious zone in order to improve your standard of living and self-confidence.
Undoubtedly, leaving your comfort zone is very important and useful, but you cannot do it thoughtlessly. First you need to understand where your comfort zone begins and ends. There is a very fine line between what is simply unusual for you and what can become a real challenge for you. It is difficult to leave the comfort zone even for the most relaxed and sociable people, not to mention people suffering from various kinds of phobias.
You cannot break someone who breaks himself day after day.
J. Nesbø
Norwegian writer and musician
Indeed, it is difficult to break the self-confidence and strength of a person who is constantly creating himself through constant growth and leaving the usual environment. The reason for discomfort when taking the first steps in a new business is sometimes not that it is difficult for a person to adapt to an unusual way of life, but that he does not need it.
It is vital to break yourself in order to stay in the flow, but you must be aware of why you are doing this, and sensibly assess all possible losses. Otherwise, constantly breaking yourself, you will turn into an empty vessel, lose what was given to you by nature itself, and your life guidelines will go astray.
Exercises
To learn to love yourself and live in harmony with yourself and others, take small steps towards positivity. Here are the exercises for every day:
- Write on a piece of paper what positive character traits or abilities you have. Then analyze which positive aspects you are strongest in, which ones still need to be developed, and what sets you apart from others.
- Write on a piece of paper what the biggest difficulties you faced and how you managed to overcome them. Think about these situations, remember your emotions. You should respect yourself for this!
- Think about all the goals you have achieved.
- Think, write down the shortcomings and weaknesses that you have overcome.
- If you have a choice: buy several things or one good one, buy one good one. You will feel more confident in this thing.
- Try to devote time to your health every day. Start exercising, drink more water, eat right.
- When you see yourself in the mirror in the morning, smile and wish you a good day.
- Be kinder. As you know, kindness will save the world. Don't judge others, you don't know what they went through. Throughout the day, try to drive away judgmental thoughts from yourself.
- Write down the phrase “if I loved myself, I ...” on a piece of paper and continue with 10 points.
- Write down 10 disadvantages and rephrase them into advantages, for example: “I am a spender” to “I am generous.” You need to choose only those qualities or features of appearance that interfere with your life. If we are talking about physical disabilities, it can look like this: “I have big ears” to “I have beautiful medium-sized ears that allow me to be special and hear well.”
- Allow yourself to relax sometimes. Having a cake once a week, a relaxing bath with candles, and wearing your favorite dress for no occasion help relieve stress and feel like a living, confident person.
- Think positively, because these are healing emotions that help you learn to enjoy every day. Someone said: if today I stood on two legs, slept under a roof on a bed, had one change of clothes and was not hungry, then I am one of the few rich people on earth.
- You need to get used to enjoying the little things: noticing the movements of beautiful leaves on the branches, listening to birds singing, enjoying your successes, getting up after failures and moving on. Take responsibility for enjoying life. And stop comparing yourself to others. It is known that there are no completely identical people on earth; we are all different. Even twins are different.
- Comparison with others destroys joy and contentment in life, depresses confidence and self-acceptance. A person tends to compare himself not with those who live or look worse, but with people who are more successful in social status or achievements. This is what prevents you from rejoicing.
- Shift the focus: if you are comparing yourself, take as a basis people with disabilities - those who, by a terrible accident, have lost everything, lost their loved ones, and live in worse conditions. Appreciate what you have. You only have one life to live, and there is no time for grumbling. Spend your time doing something worthwhile. The best way to enjoy life is to help those in need.
- Use affirmations.
Dependence on a partner
This is perhaps one of the main reasons that prevents us from finding inner harmony and feeling truly happy. When people meet, their inner worlds collide. Each of them is beautiful in its own way and has its own unique features. Before this meeting, each of us had traveled a certain path, made mistakes and gained valuable experience. And at some point, these worlds begin to come closer and closer together: we share each other’s feelings and emotions, share our experiences or plans for the future with our partner, and begin to gradually introduce a person into our environment.
It would seem, what's bad here? We all dream of healthy and harmonious relationships in which we want to share each other's interests. Only sometimes it gets out of our control under the pressure of surging romantic feelings, we dissolve in the person, forgetting about ourselves.
Remi Walle/unsplash.com
I would call it a kind of mimicry. We enthusiastically watch our partner’s life, his hobbies become our hobbies. We share personal victories with each other and celebrate joint ones, and so on.
Everything would be fine, but for a second imagine that this person is no longer in your life. What will be left of you after he leaves? Will your life still be interesting and vibrant? Will you be in a constant process of creating something? Or will you wait for a new collision?
