“Do you want to tell you the terrible truth? All women are the same, they only need one thing. They are all fools and sluts... Their behavior is obscene and dirty. It’s better to be without them than with them,” says an offended man.
“Look, I went alone, I put on a short skirt. I know people like that. And another one drove an expensive car, even a child can understand how she earned it.”
All reproaches in this form serve as a signal of resentment towards women. There are reasons for this...
How does a mother influence men’s resentment towards women?
A man's resentment against a woman has its roots in his relationship with his mother in childhood. For such men, a mother is sacred. What if she is far from a saint? Then he is not happy with his mother, he is offended by her. And in adult life he reproaches her for his childhood. He remembers all the grievances and reminds her of the worst moments of her life.
As was said, the concepts clean and dirty are key for such a person. And also such men tend to generalize everything. And if in childhood the mother demonstrated indecent behavior, then he regards this as dirty and shameful, which can become one of the reasons for resentment. And the reason for a man’s resentment is not only against his mother, but against all women.
A person has already formed a bad experience, now he is forced to live with it all his life. A man with a grudge against women cannot take another step, he is shackled hand and foot by his grudge, stuck in time.
Already in adulthood you can see such people with resentment towards women.
There are many bachelors among them.
Where do grievances and complaints come from?
This mechanism is provided by nature; it protects our personal boundaries.
Think of a child reaching for a hot iron or lighter. He does not understand the warnings “This is dangerous”, “You will be hurt”, because he does not have clear associations with this feeling.
But if the baby gets burned, he won’t go near hot objects anymore. It’s exactly the same with resentment. If we don’t like some words or actions of a person, give us a feeling of discomfort, or don’t agree with our value system, we get offended and let go of the needles.
And it is this reaction that makes the partner understand: I was wrong here, there is no need to do this.
There are two important nuances associated with resentment:
- We most often get offended by people who are close and familiar to us. We are not offended by the police who stopped us to check our documents. There is anger, irritation, but not resentment. We are not offended by the weather, which just pleased us with the warmth of the sun - and suddenly it began to rain. But if a beloved man, mother or best friend said or did something wrong, this destructive feeling appears in us.
- Resentment is born if our expectations are not met. My wife wanted a trip to Turkey for her birthday, and her husband gave her a set of frying pans. I wanted him to be the head of the family, but he turned out to be a couch potato, incapable of decisive action. If our expectations and reality do not coincide, resentment appears.
Resentment itself is only an intuitive defense of the body. The future of your relationship depends on what tactics you choose to resolve problematic situations.
3 main mistakes
1. Silence . A woman suffers in silence, swallows insults and tries not to show how hard and painful it is for her.
Most often, this behavior is based on fears “What if he leaves” and false beliefs “Well, what’s wrong? Everyone lives like this.”
Now imagine: it’s as if the lady has plugged the emotional pipe with a stopper. And the feelings keep coming, new grievances are added to the old ones, all you need is a little push, a trigger, and the pipe breaks.
In response to a harmless phrase, a huge flow of emotions that have been accumulating for months and years is poured onto the partner. And he stands at a loss and thinks, “Where did this come from?”
2. Claims . Grievances that transformed into global discontent. In fact, this is just another way to shift responsibility for relationships onto someone else’s shoulders.
- I’m carrying the whole house on myself, and you’re not helping me at all!
- When will you start earning normal money?
- I can’t trust you with anything, I forgot to buy bread again!
- Yes, your son is growing like a cudgel. What are you thinking about?
The main difference between grievances and complaints is the form in which you try to convey your point of view to your interlocutor. The claims clearly have offensive overtones.
Now look what happens: the woman thinks that this is how she motivates the man. He’ll tell him: “You’re a rag.” He’s not even able to support his family,” and he’ll immediately start moving, proving her wrong.
This tactic does not work with a strong man. Accusations force him to defend himself, a trifling quarrel develops into a scandal, and the woman still won’t get what she wants.
3. Manipulation . Resentment is very easy to manipulate. Only a man quickly gets tired of playing the game “Guess what I’m offended by.”
At first, the manipulation works as it should: his protective instinct awakens, he wants to console you, reassure you, and make amends. But gradually rejection appears: tears no longer cause panic, but a feeling of anger.
There is also a high risk of falling into the victim state. After all, claims and grievances simplify everything: I’m good – they’re bad.
Let's look at examples:
1. “My boss is a real tyrant, that’s why I quit my job,” Masha’s voice sounds genuine resentment towards her boss. Naturally, her husband, parents and friends feel sorry for her, she was so unlucky with her job.
Only for some reason Masha kept silent about the fact that they scolded her for being regularly late, and fined her because she often lost important documents.
And in the end, the boss’s patience ran out and he fired Masha. She harbors a grudge and is now making herself out to be the victim. This position is convenient and beneficial for her.
2. Karina often complains about her husband: “He lies on the couch all day long, all the household chores are on me.” But she is in no hurry to change anything in her life; she has already become familiar with her position as a victim.
But the initial problem was that she didn’t even invite him to discuss the current situation, to share responsibilities.
She simply accumulates grievances, pulls this strap and communicates with the world through complaints.
Negative experience with a woman
“What kind of woman? There is no better dog, she will bring you slippers, she is faithful and devoted, she loves me and I love her, she knows her place. Some advantages. What do I need a wife for? I know them all, I’ve already seen them. I'm experienced in this matter. I watched it all my childhood.”
It is worth noting that such people become hostages of their first experience. After all, for them the first experience is everything! They have a phenomenal memory. They remember everything - both good and bad.
And a man’s resentment towards a woman can come from a negative first experience. And later they become afraid to start a new relationship because they have already been in a bad situation. But they don’t want to step on the same rake.
The reasons lie in dissatisfaction
Before getting answers to all these questions, it is impossible not to touch upon the reasons for the manifestation of grievances. And not only among women, but also among representatives of the stronger sex. As it turns out, they lie in dissatisfaction. Judge for yourself…
What is the nature of a man? That's right: it is expressed in leadership qualities, in the desire to be ahead, in the desire to constantly develop and create. Thus, a feeling of dissatisfaction in modern Adam arises in cases where he cannot or for some reason does not want to realize his potential. In the previous two articles, the reasons for this have already been discussed, namely: 1) in a man’s lack of desire to be a man, society plays a significant role, which, in fact, deprives him of this need; 2) a man’s natural leadership qualities are negatively influenced first by his mother, and then by his wife.
A woman’s nature has a different purpose. She is destined to create coziness and comfort, to harmonize the world around her. Representatives of the fair sex strive to create ideal conditions around themselves. That is, develop your natural qualities and talents, raise children in an atmosphere of coziness and comfort. But do not be like men in performing some kind of labor feats (whether in the name of career growth or money).
What to do and how to interact with such a person?
You can get rid of resentment towards women. You can change your attitude towards women. Breathe freely from getting rid of this heaviness, realizing the reasons for the resentment. And here professional help is important.
And by understanding the state of a partner who has a grudge against women, you can find out the further scenario of the relationship with him. And also avoid unnecessary complications.
You can understand this already at the introductory free lectures on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.
Register here.
If you want to learn more, sign up for the free training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan
Tips for Dealing with Touchy Men
Living with a touchy man can be very difficult. Not every girl can tolerate such a character of her chosen one.
But if your feelings are strong and you are ready to cope with difficulties, then the following tips will help you build a happy relationship:
- Vulnerable men, when offended, often want you to feel sorry for them. In difficult situations, be a “vest” for your loved one, because who else can he cry on if not his woman.
- Don't resort to force. If you live with a touchy man, forget about assault, even as a joke. They may not forgive you for this.
- Don't yell at your husband. A gentle, calm voice and the absence of hysterics will help create a strong union. And loud showdowns and scandals can destroy them.
- Don't get personal. Evaluating a person, and especially insulting him, will only aggravate any situation.
- Laugh at your husband's jokes, even if they don't seem funny to you at all. A man wants to amuse you and conquer you with his sparkling sense of humor, let him do this.
- Remember that respect is the key to a happy relationship. Remember often the positive qualities of a man, thanks to which you chose him as your spouse.
- Try to avoid harsh criticism of your loved one. Don't say: “You did it wrong. Redo it urgently!”, try rephrasing it, for example: “You did a great job. Let’s try to change it a little,” and you will see the difference.
If you have entered into a relationship with a touchy man, know that for him you are not only a wife, but also a second mother. Love him, feel sorry for him, encourage him, forgive his misdeeds. After all, having such a character, a man resembles an adult child.
And most importantly, listen to your heart. If you truly love a person and want to be with him, you will have to put up with his character. If you are not ready for such a life and do not want to always “lead” a man with you, build a relationship with another man.
Is it worth apologizing?
Finally, the most important question: “Should I apologize to her?”
If you don’t immediately have an answer to this question, then most likely you are not to blame for the current situation, and her accusations are groundless.
How to understand what the purpose of her offense is?
If she never told you before that she doesn’t like your character, your behavior, if she chose you herself, and now asks you, then there is a clear desire to force you to adapt to her.
In this case, of course, you need to stand your ground. However, be prepared for the fact that if you refuse to behave the way she wants, then she may be “offended even more” and.
This is normal because this way she will try to check if you are bluffing.
If you are sure that you are right, then you should not make any apologies.
. Even if you feel like doing it, stand your ground with all your might. Unfortunately, most guys don’t know what to do if a girl is offended, and try to find at least some way out of the situation (i.e., meet her halfway and start apologizing). This is due to their weakness, lack of understanding of the situation and need for a girl.
Doesn't want to communicate? Instead of trying to get in touch with her, do the “further” thing yourself by stopping writing or calling her.
If it turns out that her offense was truly groundless, and she just wanted to test you, then in a very short time she herself will meet you halfway and maybe even apologize, saying that she was wrong.
You should apologize only in one case: when you are really to blame. The apology should be short and delivered once. If you apologize despite not being at fault, you will greatly reduce your attractiveness.
. And then be sure: the relationship will give a real crack.
Get the girl back
What to do if a girl is offended
It is rare to meet a guy who has not encountered such a manifestation of female despotism as resentment! After all, you know how it happens: everything is going great and wonderful, but suddenly, because of some trifle, the girl completely stops making contact and closes herself off from you. Naturally, guys who are used to sharing their thoughts with a girl find themselves in a not very pleasant situation: they are left alone with an insensitive log!
Also, when finding themselves in such a situation, many guys begin to make wrong actions and mistakes, which not only do not help overcome the girl’s resentment, but also aggravate the situation with power and respect in the couple. For one offense, a guy can lose so many points of personal reputation and strength that he will forever remain in the girl’s eyes: “Weak and incapable.” It is for this reason that it is necessary to approach the issue of resentment not only from the position of speedy restoration, but also from the position of maintaining strength and power.
You need to understand that in this situation, not only the subject of the conflict is of great importance, but also the tactics for resolving such a dispute. You can even say this: testing your behavior is the girl’s main task.
Why do girls get offended?
Resentment is one of the ways of female manipulation, directed against a man’s firm position on any categorical issue. This method can be compared to slowly washing away the foundation from under a man’s feet, which ultimately destroys all his arguments. This is a very cunning and insidious method that works primarily against men who are not indifferent to this girl. Therefore, this can be called playing against your own people, which is simply terrible.
Most often, girls use this tactic in two situations, which will be discussed below. There are also narrow-minded individuals who use this method every time. True, men leave such people quickly enough, because no one wants to endure it!
Revenge for a man's mistake.
Many guys are blind when it comes to relationships with their girls. They make a number of mistakes that hurt their girlfriend, and then the guys really don’t understand why she’s trying to prove something to them. Then, tired of her helplessness, the girl resorts to resentment, which serves both as an excellent way to take revenge on the guy for misunderstanding, and as a tool to widen his eyes.
Pushing your position.
Where words and beliefs don’t work, physical threats and manipulation work great. Unfortunately or fortunately, many girls do not use physical force due to its absence, but manipulation of guys is inherent in them by nature itself. So, resentment is one of the most common ways that plays into a guy’s potential to lose this girl.
Those. Now we know that all the girl’s resentment pursues exclusively one main goal - to influence the man and force him to do what the girl wants. Everything is much simpler and very logical. If you think that your girlfriend is offended for no reason, then know that there is actually a reason, and it sits inside the girl, although she herself may not even understand it.
How to behave when a girl is offended
You must clearly understand that the girl wants to break you with her behavior and force you to fulfill any of her demands. And as soon as you break, it will remember the following algorithm:
· I want to get something;
· I get offended when they don’t give me this;
· I get it.
This behavior can be compared to the behavior of a small child, when he shakes his license and is hysterical, and his parents are forced to do something. However, to our great joy, the methods that our parents use also work on the girl.
The key rule for resolving any grievance is: “For you to take any action, the girl must also pay a certain price.”
Then it will be clear to her that her resentment will not be the key to what she wants, but only one of the tools of the trade, and that’s right. And now to some points.
Should a guy apologize when the girl herself is wrong?
Although many people advise holding your position until the end and fighting the girl, it is still better to be a little more cunning. In such a situation, you can apologize to the girl, but your words should not be followed by any actions. Those. only words and nothing more, such a reciprocal manipulation in her direction.
Don't rush into action.
Imagine a situation where a guy stands firm in his position, but as soon as the girl starts blackmailing him, he immediately jumps up and starts running and fussing. A girl in such a situation will be quite justified in thinking that the guy’s previous firmness was just nonsense, and this cannot be allowed. Therefore, during any offense, wait for a theatrical pause.
Try to understand the reason for the girl's behavior.
You probably think that analyzing the reasons for a girl’s behavior is needed in order to somehow correct the situation and find a common language with the girl? No, an analysis of the reason is needed only in order not to overpay the girl for her offense. Why give her a gift of a trip to a restaurant when her resentment would be happy with a box of chocolates. After all, we all know very well that if a girl grabs us tightly by the throat, then we can’t just get rid of her, because we love and value our relationship with her. And the girl does not leave us, but only manipulates, which also shows her positive attitude towards us.
What should your action algorithm look like?
1. After the girl begins to manipulate and offend you, you should take a theatrical break and not change your behavior towards her at all. No matter how she behaves, you should not succumb to her manipulations.
2. After you are left alone and can calmly think, you need to understand the true reasons for a woman’s resentment. Most often, girls speak quite openly about their complaints, you just need to remember.
3. Next, you need to enter a betting round. The usual market mechanisms are at work here: you offer something small and demand something from the girl in return. And then you gradually negotiate acceptable terms for resolving the conflict. If the girl does not make contact with you and is still silent, then either you have not waited enough or she is not satisfied with your terms of the deal.
4. You fulfill your conditions, control the girl’s fulfillment of the conditions and live calmly and happily.
One moment.
Sometimes girls do not want to discuss any conditions at first, but this is a temporary phenomenon. They will be available for trading soon.
Girls know how to professionally spoil the nerves of their faithful ones. and it's no secret. But is it worth being offended by a girl if she behaves badly and constantly provokes you? There is no answer to this question. It all depends on the specific situations. After all, some bad deeds happen by accident and do no harm. But there are cases when girls can cause serious harm to your reputation and your entire life.
