Fell in love with a woman: what to do and what to do, advice from a psychologist

Love is a wonderful state, and it is not surprising when women experience this feeling towards men or vice versa. But quite often it happens that a girl suddenly realizes that she has fallen in love with a woman. This can happen to anyone, at any age, and completely unexpectedly. Such feelings are confusing, especially if the woman considered herself to be of traditional sexual orientation. But is it worth panicking and denying the attachment that has arisen? Or it’s better to try to understand yourself, understand why this happened and what can be done.

Why does this happen

Decades of clinical research show that individual sexual preferences vary, ranging from attraction to people of the opposite biological sex to exclusive attraction to people of the same biological sex. There are also those called bisexuals - people who are attracted to both women and men.

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Discovering sexual potential and choosing an orientation is a complex process. It is influenced by many factors (starting from birth and throughout life). It is very difficult to answer the question of why a woman fell in love with another girl. Anything could have influenced this. If throughout her adult life she dated guys and felt attracted to them, but suddenly something changed in her mind, there may be several reasons for this:

her sexual preferences were not previously clear to her;
she consciously denied that loving women was considered the norm;
her attraction was suppressed through religion or culture;
Serious changes occurred in her body that affected her hormonal levels.

It also happens that these reasons act together. It is difficult to understand for sure why a girl fell in love with another girl. Only a highly professional psychologist can establish the cause.

From a psychological point of view

According to medical research, feelings of emotional and sexual attraction that shape adult orientation usually begin between the ages of 6 and 13. However, feelings of attraction develop and change at any age, even without previous sexual experience. For example, people who practice celibacy or long-term abstinence from sex may have misconceptions about their sexuality.

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Some people decide that they have unconventional sexual preferences long before they become sexually involved with other people. On the other hand, some people cannot determine their sexuality until they have had sexual relations.

Sometimes discrimination and prejudice prevent you from accepting your sexual orientation identity. Society (for the most part) considers it deviant when a woman declares that she is attracted to girls. This creates a psychological barrier and prevents you from accepting yourself.

Although scientists believe that nature (inherited traits) and nurture (acquired traits) play complex roles in shaping intimate preferences. However, many studies have not established why people become gay or lesbian.

Experts believe that each person's feelings of emotional attraction are influenced by a complex combination of genetic dominance, hormonal and social factors. Some research has shown that parents' attitudes toward orientation may influence how some children experiment with their own sexual behavior and gender identity.

Gay, lesbian and bisexual sexual orientations were previously thought to be types of “mental disorders,” often caused by childhood abuse and adult relationship dysfunction. However, this has been proven to be untrue and is based largely on misinformation and prejudice regarding “alternative” lifestyles. Recent studies show that there is no connection between sexual orientation and initial psychological disorders.

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American psychologist John Buss estimates that throughout human history, about 2% of women have been lesbian or bisexual. But today these figures have increased significantly. Recent surveys of teenage girls and young women indicate that approximately 15% of young women today identify as lesbian or bisexual.

Pros and cons of such relationships

psychological compatibility, atmosphere of intimacy and trust, intuitive mutual understanding;

a conflict-free way of resolving problems, the ability to understand each other and come to an agreement without hysterics and disagreements;

full intimacy with a “guaranteed” orgasm, it is women who are able to understand the best way to influence the body to obtain pleasure.

inability to have common offspring;

misunderstanding of others;

housing and material problems;

impossibility of recording relations in accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation and obtaining a legally valid status.

Myths about lesbians

We recommend: What is real femininity and how to develop it.

How do I know if I'm really a lesbian?

It is important to understand yourself before you understand to accept your sexual orientation. To do this, you need to answer the following simple questions:

Are your sexual feelings stronger for women than for men?
Do you prefer to be kissed by women or men?
Do you feel disgust towards the opposite sex when you think about having sex with them?
Are you physically more attracted to female or male bodies?
What are your sexual fantasies about men or women?
Which gender do you want to live with and create a family life in the future tense?

In 1948, American researcher Alfred Kinsey developed a heterosexual-homosexual rating scale called the Kinsey scale. This is a seven-point scale (from 0 to 6) with an additional “X” category.

The scale ranges from heterosexual (0) to exclusively homosexual (6). Grade X is often described as asexuality. The scale is a self-assessment method based on individual experience, and the number on the scale may change as sexuality develops.

If a woman is confused about what her orientation is, she can use the methods of self-analysis described above.

If a lady hides her feelings: invisible signals of love

A young lady can hide her love, but it can be determined by the following indirect signs:

embarrassed, embarrassed, looks away if she notices that her lover is looking at her;
worries, cheeks turn red;
when the conversation is about feelings or about him, he speaks with a trembling voice or changes the topic;
shows excessive modesty or constraint, and may avoid meeting the object of adoration by crossing the road to the other side.

The eyes and timbre of the voice are the first to reveal a woman’s feelings.

Nonverbal signs that a woman has fallen in love: gaze and body language

Nonverbal signs often speak more eloquently about the signs of falling in love. Woman in love:

accidentally touches his hair, face, neck;
“shoots” with eyes;
her posture is open;
copies the gestures of the interlocutor;
wants to touch for any reason (straighten a tie, remove lint from a jacket, offers to hem a button);
gets excited, her breathing quickens when she's near him.

Is it good or bad

The American Psychological Association officially states that both heterosexual and other behaviors are completely normal aspects of human sexuality. If a person feels attracted to people of the same biological sex, it means that certain changes are occurring in his body or consciousness. The person himself does not influence them. But he has two options - to succumb or resist the inner nature.

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Sometimes it happens that a woman deliberately denies that she is in love with a girl. Thus, there is a confrontation between consciousness and internal emotions. Such a background becomes favorable for the development of mental disorders and disorders. Therefore, it is impossible to classify changes in preferences in the intimate sphere as good or bad. This remains a subjective perception.

What to do in such a situation

The first thing you need to understand is that there is nothing abnormal in a woman’s attraction to a woman and say to yourself honestly, “I fell in love with another girl.” The only thing you need to choose is the further path of socialization, taking into account your internal changes.

If you like a specific woman, you need to prepare for the fact that the manifestation of feelings may be rejected. This will certainly bring pain and disappointment, but it may also happen that she will reciprocate. It all depends on her intimate preferences.

When talking about lesbian relationships, many people mean exclusively an unconventional intimate relationship, and not a real emotional attachment. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the fact that a woman will be ready to try something new for herself in bed, but there will be no talk about feelings on her part.

One of the main pieces of advice is that you shouldn’t advertise your feelings until you can sort yourself out. If you can’t do this on your own, it’s better to seek advice from a psychologist. Otherwise, you may encounter misunderstanding from society. And in order to resist the usual foundations and accept the real you, it is important to prepare properly.

Signs of a married woman falling in love

Men in marriage often behave coldly and reservedly, but want to know whether their spouse still loves them or whether the spark has gone out.

Here we are talking specifically about love; the feeling of falling in love is short-lived - it lasts approximately the first 2 years after meeting. If you accept a person with all his shortcomings and merits, then this is love.

Signs that your wife loves you

She doesn't cheat. If he communicates with other men, he does not show any interest in them, does not show coquetry, and, accordingly, does not cause jealousy.
He is afraid for your life and health, maintains family comfort, wants you to be comfortable.
He takes care of you and helps with advice. A woman who loves, supports, shares joy and pain.
She accepts all the negative qualities of her loved one; if disagreements arise, she finds a compromise.
A loving wife is honest with you and trusts you unconditionally.

But if there is cold communication between you, she avoids sexual relations, and has become secretive, then this means that she has developed feelings for another man.

Manifestations of love in a married lady can symbolize a lack of necessary emotions in the family

Does science help in this situation?

In the 1930s, scientists developed the practice of various forms of "conversion therapy" designed to change a person's sexual preference to heterosexual. Today, all major national mental health organizations consider all forms of treatment or "reparative" therapy to be pseudoscientific practices that are simply ineffective and, at worst, emotionally and physically harmful.

Additionally, the American Psychological Association found that promoting conversion therapy instills negative stereotypes that have led to years of discrimination against lesbian, gay, and bisexual people.

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In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association officially removed homosexuality from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is used by medical professionals to define disorders in this area. Every other major medical organization has done the same, eliminating all professional support for the idea that same-sex attraction can or even should be “changed.”

Having her own desire, a girl can turn to a psychologist for help. But he will not consider her “sick”, since this is contrary to professional ethics. However, a specialist is obliged to provide advisory assistance. He will determine the cause of what is happening and try to help. If a woman wants to get rid of such an attraction, a psychologist will tell her how to behave and what measures to take.

And if she simply needs support for socialization in society with a new orientation, he will also provide advisory assistance.

Recommendations from psychologists

When it’s hard to understand what to do next, if you realize that you have fallen in love with another woman, you want to hear words of support and good advice. Therefore, the following selection of practical recommendations will help cope with the current situation:

If you are confident that your feelings will not be rejected, then it is better to confess your love.
You need to choose a reliable person from your circle of friends and ask for his support.
You can seek help from a psychologist.
If you are afraid of real communication with a specialist, you can use his services online while remaining incognito.
If a girl falls in love with her colleague, it is better not to admit her feelings, as this will (more likely) lead to contempt from the team.

If a girl falls in love with another woman, this does not mean that she is strange or abnormal. Everyone has the right to decide with whom to live and whom to love. even if society has a negative attitude towards people with unconventional orientation, this should not prevent them from living happily. The main thing is to learn to cope with your internal experiences in this regard and not be afraid to be.

Women's love among celebrities

Same-sex relationships are becoming increasingly popular due to the loss of trust in the institution of family and the need to engage in the reproduction of similar individuals. And public attitudes have changed dramatically; now the “title” of a lesbian in many countries helps to find a job or make a creative career.