Why a man can hit a woman and what to do about it

The topic of domestic violence has been widely discussed lately. Social movements are emerging that direct their activities against this social phenomenon. And this is not surprising, because even if a wife calls the police on the fact of beating by her husband, there is no certainty that appropriate actions will be taken. In addition, practice shows that women themselves withdraw applications and do not proceed with the case.

“Hitting means loving” is an axiom that has been firmly entrenched in the minds of the fair sex since pre-revolutionary times. It was considered the norm for a man to “punish” and “teach” his wife. Modern society adheres to a different point of view. Yet assault is widespread throughout the world.

Why do men beat their women? The main reasons are jealousy, alcohol intoxication, and the personal characteristics of both.

Jealousy

Jealousy is the feeling that makes you do crazy things, including beatings. There are many known cases where murders occurred for this reason.

“Being jealous means loving” is an expression that has won the hearts of romantic ladies. However, when jealousy has no basis, causes a storm of emotions and occurs with frightening frequency, we can talk about its pathological basis.

Reasons for jealousy

• low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence;
• narcissistic personality disorder, feeling inferior;
• self-defense - a man who has more than one betrayal behind him begins to incriminate his half in every possible way so that she does not suspect him of infidelity;
• middle age crisis;
• flirting, arousing interest;
• difficult past experience associated with betrayal.

Alcohol

Alcohol is a catalyst for many inappropriate actions and crimes. Under its influence, a person’s consciousness changes, moral standards become more blurred. For this reason, he begins to believe that hitting a woman is normal, understandable, and even natural.

For a person prone to physical violence, in a state of alcoholic intoxication, every little thing will seem significant, affecting his human dignity.

Another reason why drunk men may use force is unsatisfied sexual desire. Scientists conducted a study, the result of which showed that alcohol makes men perceive women more as a sexual object. When they do not get what they want, intense anger arises, which, accordingly, results in aggression.

Features of the psychology of the victim

In psychology, victimized (sacrificial) behavior is a special behavioral strategy characteristic of weak, dependent people. Victimized women behave childishly and are afraid to take responsibility, make important decisions, and take an active position in life.

Various factors lead to the formation of victimized behavior in girls. These include:

• physical violence from parents;
• school bullying, insults;
• physical, mental illnesses;
• an authoritarian father who forces him to adhere to a victimized line of behavior;
• physical or sexual violence from a guy.

The manifestation of victim traits in a woman attracts a man prone to sadistic behavior to her. Realizing that the victim will not resist, the man uses her insecurity and low self-esteem to selfishly satisfy his inadequate needs.

Sadism

Relationships that include sadism are most often entered into by those who systematically experienced physical abuse in childhood. The psychology of women with victim syndrome is quite simple: they instinctively choose men with sadistic tendencies and unconsciously provoke them to violence with their behavior, as if giving permission for beatings. Any unimportant reason can lead to a beating, for example, an insufficiently ironed shirt or over-salted borscht.

A woman may be addicted to beatings. She complains about her husband, cries, shows bruises and abrasions, and the righteous anger and condemnation of her husband from others gives her pleasure, so she continues to forgive her beloved tyrant over and over again. Thinking about her situation and taking any action is not beneficial, since deep down she is happy with the state of things.

Interesting! For every sadist there is a masochist. Such people can live quite happily in marriage until a very old age and even treat each other with respect. Some are aware of their inclinations and transfer them to the sexual sphere.

Features of the psychology of the aggressor

In the mind of a pathologically aggressive man, his actions are an adequate reaction caused by his wife’s incorrect behavior. For normal mental well-being, he needs a sacrifice, with the help of which he relieves emotional stress.

A woman is not chosen by chance: a man chooses a wife who will be dependent on him. An insecure woman who needs protection and is prone to self-accusation is ideal.

It doesn't matter whether the victim is defending himself or not. The husband perceives retaliatory aggression as a legalization of his own aggression. If the wife does not respond to attacks, accepting the role of the victim, the husband convinces himself that this state of affairs is normal. A man is afraid of losing his wife, he is attached to the victim, needs her. Therefore, after a beating, the husband always apologizes and promises to improve. Manipulates his wife's feelings, making her believe that this breakdown was the last.

Feeling of power

Abuse is psychological (emotional) violence. It is this that serves as a prerequisite for physical violence, which gives a feeling of power over another person.

You can recognize an abuser by the following signs:

• a woman carefully controls her words and actions, does not express her own opinion, so as not to cause anger or insult from a man;
• the man condescendingly convinces the woman that she incorrectly perceives the world and events around her, thereby reducing her self-confidence and her adequacy. A typical manifestation can be considered the phrases “Are you confusing something”, “Are you all right? This didn’t happen,” “I never said that,” etc.;
• the partner controls all the actions of his half, he can call or write SMS every hour with questions about her whereabouts;
• playful insults;
• constant apologies for trifles from the woman;
• a man’s attitude changes from hot love to coldness and vice versa without explicable reasons;
• the partner does not recognize the merits and achievements of his couple;
• a man uses restrictions on communication, sex or money as punishment;
• a woman doesn't want a man;
• a woman feels sorry for a man.

As a result, little by little the man gains control over the life of his passion. Then it will be easy to strike the first blow, she will have no one to complain to, she will not be able to do anything to defend herself due to intimidation.

How should a wife behave if her husband is prone to aggressive behavior?

The peculiarity of the manifestation of violence on the part of the husband is cyclical. At the beginning of a relationship, a tyrant man does not show aggression. He tries to lull the attention of the chosen victim, behaves kindly and demonstrably caring. The woman relaxes and begins to trust him. Gradually the man begins to show his essence. Rare nagging, pressure and small quarrels, but with each pressure it grows.

A man, feeling that he has succeeded in creating an emotional connection, begins a psychological game: he humiliates, insults, and makes him doubt himself. Having received the expected reaction in the form of confusion and an attempt to please, the man changes his line of behavior, again becoming caring and understanding.

A man tries to limit a woman’s freedom, forcing her to give up work, communication with friends and any other manifestations of independence. After marriage, he may prohibit leaving the house, citing concern for the safety of his wife. The cycle of behavior “tyrant - caring husband” constantly changes, causing the wife to believe that she does not live up to her husband’s expectations and deserves such treatment. At first, aggression can be expressed only in verbal form, but it always progresses to the stage of physical violence.

The wife's behavior depends on the degree of development of the relationship. If the marriage was registered recently and the wife has the opportunity to seek help from a professional psychologist, this should be done immediately. Perhaps the marriage can be saved, and the man will agree to undergo therapy. If your spouse refuses, you must forget about attempts at reconciliation and take care of your own safety. To save yourself from an aggressive spouse, you need to prepare an escape route:

1. Find housing that your spouse doesn’t know about.
2. Seek help from loyal relatives, friends, or a special help center for victims of domestic violence.
3. Collect documents, hide them so that you can take them out and leave the house at any time.
4. All available money and jewelry should be taken with you immediately.
5. If you have children, prepare them for the fact that they will soon have to move, warn them that they cannot talk about the impending escape.

Once the woman is in safe territory, she should prepare for further actions: divorce, litigation, moving. Probably, in order to cope with the situation, she will need the help of a psychologist, a lawyer, and possibly contacting the police. Physical violence is a crime and must be dealt with accordingly.

Provocations from a woman

It is not always possible to blame one man for beatings. There are women who deliberately bring the situation to a critical level with humiliation, insults, scandals over minor reasons, and hysterics. They enjoy winding up their lover and arguing with him.

Personal reasons

Moral satisfaction, elevating one’s personality at the expense of one’s husband, receiving attention, pity, a positive attitude, and the appearance of intercessors—this is the goal of female provocateurs.

Important! In such cases, there are rarely “full-fledged” beatings. Most likely, this is a slap, a slap, a push, etc.

Material benefit

Men feel bad after what happened, feel guilty and try to make up for it with gifts or pleasant deeds, surprises.

Note! In such cases, practice shows that beating incidents are not repeated with another girl.

It’s interesting that such girls manage to get away with it even when they have a lover and it becomes known.

The relationship lasts exactly until the moment the guy begins to understand that he is crossing boundaries, that he wants to hit him more and more, just to keep the girl silent, and that something needs to be done about it.

Violence due to alcoholism

Alcoholism can turn a loving husband and a wonderful family man into a cruel tyrant who revels in his power. According to statistics, in families where a man suffers from alcohol addiction, most conflicts end in fights and serious physical injuries.

A man who “looks into the glass” and shows aggression can even commit the murder of his wife.

If a husband beats his wife when he is drunk, the relationship should be broken off immediately. We hear this stereotype on screens and often encounter it in print media. In fact, subsequent events play an important role in this matter. Many men, having sobered up and realized their actions, understand their consequences, and show a willingness to fight their vices. In this situation, the woman’s departure can only worsen the man’s condition and cause a suicide attempt.

However, if the faithful has not come to the realization of his mistake, he should break off the relationship without hesitation. The first episodes of domestic violence caused by the influence of alcohol can only affect you, and later on your children. Such parental behavior can leave a deep negative imprint on the fragile child’s psyche. In addition, the strength of aggression will increase with each episode, which sooner or later can lead to tragic events.

Psychologist's opinion

In order to understand at first whether a guy is prone to physical aggression, psychologists recommend taking a closer look at his behavior. For some, the first signs may appear already at the first meeting, while others may last for several months.

Signs of a tyrant

1. Tendency to act impulsively.
2. Pathological jealousy.
3. Provocations, outbursts of anger for no significant reason.
4. Sadistic tendencies towards the weak: animals, children, homeless people, etc.
5. Ignoring the framework of decent behavior and laws.
6. Classes in combat sports (boxing, karate, sambo, judo, etc.).
7. Neurological and psychiatric disorders.

The answer to the question “Why does a man beat a woman?” It will help a lot on the first date: the guy’s attitude (justifies, defends or condemns) to this phenomenon can reveal his own inclinations.

Important! Domestic tyrants are afraid of publicity and the presentation of their actions to a public court, so it is necessary to notify friends and relatives about what is happening. Then the man will behave more modestly.

The danger of a relationship with a tyrant is as follows:

• broken psyche, depression, low self-esteem. All this negatively affects all spheres of life, that is, a woman cannot build a successful career, raise children with dignity, or self-realize;
• programming the future family life of children. Psychologists have proven that people subconsciously look for the kind of relationship that their parents had, even if this marriage was terrible;
• death. You can never say for sure when the beatings will be your last.

Fact! More than 50,000 women die at the hands of their lovers every year.

What to do if a man hits a woman is up to her to decide. Leaving a sadistic husband is never easy. To decide on this, you need to prepare.

Preparing to break off relations with a tyrant husband.

1. Searching for a place of residence that is unknown to the husband. There are crisis centers for women that provide temporary shelter, protection and psychological assistance.
2. Accumulation of a sum of money that will allow you to support yourself and children (if you have any) for the first time.
3. Take a vacation from work, since this is the first place your husband will go to search.
4. Setting an exact date for the escape. The husband should not be at home at this time.

If a woman still wants to save the relationship, then she and her husband need to go to a specialist. The success of this enterprise is the exception rather than the rule. A psychologist or psychotherapist can only help if the man himself admits that there is a problem and wants to get rid of it.

Broken vase

Several years ago I was visiting my close friend Tatyana in a provincial town. “Meet my second husband, Sergei,” she introduced me to a quite pleasant young man ten years younger than her. For some reason, Tanya did not inform me about her new marriage in advance. Okay, a husband is a husband. Having recovered from the shock, she sat down at the table with them. At first, Sergei was courteous and polite, pouring wine for the ladies and telling jokes. Soon he became tipsy, his tone became suspiciously vulgar and cheeky.

Having pulled himself together quite a bit, Sergei grabbed a heavy bowl of fruit and threw it at Tanya’s head. She barely managed to dodge. The vase broke into pieces, peaches and grapes rolled on the floor...

Sergei picked up an ax that was lying in the corner. “So it’s like that,” he announced. “I’m going to see a friend now, I’ll be back in two hours.” If you don’t open it, I’ll cut down the door with an ax and hack you to death at the same time.” He slammed the door with all his might.

“Don’t be afraid, he won’t do anything!” - Tatiana swore. But she herself understood that staying in the house was dangerous. “Let’s go to my employee, there are only five stops on the tram.” We ran to the bus stop.