Hello! My name is Igor Lapin, I am a professional pickup trainer. The topic of today's discussion will be the case when a girl gets offended over trifles and this happens almost every day. If I asked such a question in a large hall full of males, then one could see hundreds of eyes that burn with understanding and sympathy.
There is a lot of truth in this joke: who among us has not encountered women’s grievances over minor trifles? Sometimes a touchy girl can simply drive a guy to despair, because no matter what he does, there will definitely be a reason for a small scandal. Why women get offended over trifles and how to react to this, I will tell you in this article.
Main reasons
To understand how to behave when your loved one is offended, you need to understand the main reasons that cause this condition. The manifestation of indignation can be expressed by any complaints against a man: insufficient attention, the wrong compliment, a bad joke, failure to fulfill secret desires. Some theories can help men understand why girls get offended.
Emotional immaturity theory
Resentment is a child's reaction, a way by which a child wants to achieve what he wants. This is the only effective method of influencing parents, since the baby does not yet know how to express his desires in words. When a loved one is offended, she shows her emotional immaturity, that is, she behaves like a child. She doesn't know how to express her feelings like an adult. A mature person prefers to resolve issues constructively, because he already has enough experience to talk about his needs that are not met, or about the violation of acceptable boundaries.
READ How to regain the trust of a loved one: methods and useful tips
The woman takes the position of an offended child, sulks and wants the man to guess what’s going on.
Evolutionary theory
Women's resentment is inherent in nature itself. Primitive instinct forces a girl to look for the most promising partner with a high rank in the hierarchy, that is, many advantages. The most important among them are resources for raising offspring and financial support.
A woman, like a female, tries to find the right partner, and when he does not meet her standards, she is disappointed and feels dissatisfied. She tries, with the help of resentment, to correct and improve the behavior of her chosen one. But this method is only suitable for primitive society.
Biochemical theory
The impulsive reaction of girls is the result of the synthesis of chemical compounds in the body. Women's blood contains more copper than men's. The substance causes irritability, depression, and increased emotionality.
Calming processes are regulated by the second element - zinc, which takes part in brain activity, balances emotions and restrains impulses. A man has more zinc in his blood than a woman, so it is more stable.
Method of manipulation
There is no more popular reason why girls get offended than the powerful psychological impact on the psyche of another person.
A person with low self-esteem depends on the opinions and reactions of others. If she does not find confirmation that she is right, she feels underestimated. By being offended, the girl covers up her insecurities. The beloved attracts the attention of a man through various manifestations - silence, words of insult in response, etc. She looks dissatisfied and pouty, does not want to talk and goes into the bathroom to sob.
In this way, she is trying to make you feel guilty, press on pity, call for conscience and a desire to atone for your wrongdoing, even if there is no reason for this. Often men fall for such provocations and don’t notice how they immediately begin to make amends, give her gifts, and follow her lead.
How long she will be offended is up to you
How much a girl will be offended depends both on her character and on you
.
She will still forgive you sooner or later, only if you do not cheat on her. All you need to do is,
if not try with all your might to make amends, then
at least not aggravate the situation
. Although you still need to make attempts to get closer - at least send her poems via SMS from time to time. Thus, if you correctly ask for forgiveness and generally respond to offense, your serious relationship with a girl, and just friendship, will become more harmonious.
Let’s take a simple, ordinary and vital option for developing relationships. You did something wrong/messed up/got burned/you didn’t understand what you did and the girl was offended. She pouted, turned away, walked away and doesn’t want to hear from you. And you stand there and, perhaps, don’t even know why she did this. Or you know the reason, but don’t know what to do if the girl is offended.
Let's think together. In general, what is resentment? Resentment appears when you expect certain actions from a person towards you and do not get what you want. Or you get it, but it’s completely different. Your desires do not coincide with the desires of another person, hence the mismatch and the girl stands puffed up like a soap bubble and looks askance at you. I'm offended, damn it.
The first thing to do if a girl is offended.
Try to talk to her. The conversation is not about: “Why the hell are you pouting here?!” What did I do wrong?!" I mean talk softly, carefully, trying not to cause unnecessary quarrels. You approach her in a calm voice, without rushing and without shouting at her, and say something like: “Kat, what happened? Why are you offended? Maybe I did something wrong? Tell me, otherwise I can’t understand why your mood has deteriorated so much...” After these words, the girl will start playing “I won’t talk, everything is fine, I should have understood why I’m like that...”
Let her play, don't bother her. Just ask again what happened to her and why she was upset with you. If she still stubbornly refuses to talk, great. Turn around and leave. She’ll cool down, catch up and tell you everything herself.
This is if you don’t know why she was suddenly offended.
Third, what to do if a girl is offended by you.
When you know the reason for the girl’s offense in advance, you yourself know where you went wrong - correct it immediately. Don’t act like a fool, like “what happened, why were you offended?” Girls are good at noticing when they are being lied to. Therefore, either you must be a skilled professional liar, or don’t ask stupid questions. Correct the current situation immediately.
It all depends on what you've done
There are different types of grievances. Some girls sometimes even get offended just like that, just to get attention. If you look at someone wrong, it's a small thing.
If your girlfriend found white lace panties in your car that you clearly are not wearing, the situation is much more complicated. And it is not recommended to turn on the fool.
The fourth thing to do if a girl is offended by you.
Great, you realized that you are guilty and must make amends to the girl. How to do it? Write to her, make her, give her a touching card, sing her a song under the window, and so on... Turn on your imagination, otherwise it will be bad later and, I’m afraid, it’s too late.
The time she will be offended by you directly depends on the girl’s character and on what you did. In any case, if you didn’t offend her very much (very much - you slept with another girl and she found out), the girl will melt and you will make peace. And again everything will be like in a good old folk tale.
Did you know that there is a special category of people who get very bored when everything is going well? What category is there - the majority are like that!
In their understanding, relationships can only be truly intense when conflicts occur in them. Jokes aside, but still partly true. When a relationship turns into a routine, sooner or later one of the partners will want to spice it up in such an unusual way.
A relationship is a process where both people begin to build a life together. Some time ago, each of them lived in their own world with their own laws and desires. And now, when building an alliance with another person, so-called “graters” inevitably occur.
And that's okay. But is the fact of being offended normal?
Let's look into this in more detail!
The toxicity of female resentment
Scientists have concluded that grievances are long-term and have a negative impact on a person’s health:
- Muscle tension provokes many diseases: poor circulation, diseases of the pancreas and gall bladder. When the reaction is very emotional, heart problems begin. Oncologists even call breast cancer the result of women's grievances. A person directs bitterness into himself and begins to collapse, leading himself to a depressive state.
- Problems in relationships with your partner and other people. Inability or fear to express directly what you don’t like and decide to change the situation.
- Diffidence. A feeling of injustice arises, the touchy person feels an insulting attitude towards herself, and begins to feel sorry for herself.
- Overcompensation. Because of her feelings of inferiority, the partner pursues the goal of achieving superiority in any way.
READ How to make peace with a girl: advice from psychologists
What should a guy do if a girl often gets offended?
To build a positive and harmonious relationship, there must be mutual understanding between partners. If your girlfriend is constantly offended by trifles, you need to find out what to do in such a situation, otherwise you will not be able to save your love.
In each specific case you need to act differently. If a woman behaves this way for no reason, do not rush to make a tragedy out of it. She may be in a bad mood, she lacks male attention, or she may simply have accumulated worries during the day. If she cares about a man, he can ask how her day was and show his support.
Guys often think that a girl is fussing over trifles, but in fact she has a reason for this. She takes every word of the young man to heart; it was for her that your act was like death. If you care about your chosen one, then try to figure out why she is offended in some specific situations, so as not to repeat mistakes in the future.
Let her understand the inappropriateness of such behavior. Is she used to manipulation, constantly trying to achieve her whims through feelings of guilt? It is necessary to distance yourself from her and stop being manipulated by her. A woman must understand that an adult, self-sufficient man does not want to play children's games.
READ How to apologize to a guy and get forgiveness
There is an opinion that the best way to resolve a conflict is to admit your guilt, that is, to apologize. If you have chosen this tactic of behavior, then words alone will be enough, do not take any action, do not give gifts. This will avoid her tricks in the future.
MANIPULATION
By their nature, ladies are physically much weaker than men, but nature has generously rewarded them with intelligence and cunning. They are better adapted to life only because they know how to competently manipulate men , forcing them to fulfill their every whim.
One of the most favorite female manipulations is to be offended. As soon as the situation gets out of control, I get offended.
I heard the unpleasant truth and was offended.
I couldn’t achieve what I wanted - I stopped talking.
In fact, she wasn’t really hurt by your words or actions, it’s just her way of raising an obedient man who will be easy to control.
But the most difficult thing in this situation is that no one needs obedient men, henpecked men are no longer respected, so you shouldn’t indulge her whims 100%. There are situations when you better defend your point of view, even if it seems like a couple of days with pouting lips.
Women's grievances on social networks
Online communication platforms provide another reason for complaints from the fairer sex. In what areas can resentment extend?
The ability to control a man on social networks leads to quarrels over likes or friend additions. If a girl tracks your actions on all the pages you follow, monitors comments and hours of site visits, then this indicates a great lack of confidence in herself and you.
Only completely deleting all accounts will help change the situation, but this does not guarantee that she will not switch to jealousy in other areas.
You need to figure out what to do if you started communicating just recently, and the girl is offended. This refers to any complaints: you went to the site and didn’t write, didn’t respond on time. Stop and think, is she taking on too much? Let her immediately understand the boundaries of what is permitted. Why do you need such a neurotic relationship? Perhaps after a personal meeting everything will be even sadder.
If you communicate for a long time, dissatisfaction may be due to the fact that you do not offer to meet her. If you like her, don’t delay the first date, because it’s always better to make sure you like her in person.
Manifestation of resentment among representatives of different zodiac signs
There is a relationship between the signs of the zodiac and the character of the beloved. Heavenly bodies influence a person in different ways.
Aries
An incredibly hot-tempered zodiac sign that reacts to any doubts about its perfection. Aries cannot tolerate criticism and distrust towards them. If she is offended, you will be in trouble.
Taurus
The girl has patience, so she rarely gets offended. But if the situation escalates, it turns into a terrible beast. Taurus does not forgive the offender and breaks up with those who disappointed him.
Twins
Women prefer to avoid unnecessary showdowns. They are used to avoiding such disagreements. But if you drag them into a quarrel, then they will express everything that they think about you.
Cancer
Representatives of this zodiac sign are very sensual and gentle. Any joke or remark can lead to deep disappointment. An unfortunate statement about her family, being late, etc. can make a young lady angry. It is useless to explain something to her; you can run into revenge.
READ Behavior after a quarrel: what to do to make your girlfriend forgive you
a lion
A woman is characterized by cold behavior. She can easily cause a stormy scandal and remind her partner of all his negative actions from the first day of acquaintance. Leos do not tolerate deception and disrespect well. To melt a girl’s heart, you need to crawl to her on your knees, she will immediately cool down.
Virgo
She suffers from low self-esteem and is used to finishing what she starts. Virgo may be offended by broken promises, criticism, and lack of cleanliness.
Scales
They will not say directly that they are offended, but will immediately pout and plunge into depression. Girls love to look for someone who would take pity on them, and will definitely wash the bones of the offender. But they themselves don’t like it when people spread gossip about them.
Scorpion
The girl constantly provokes scandals; any unflattering words addressed to her cause an immediate reaction. The reasons for her upset may be refusal and jealousy.
Sagittarius
He prefers not to quarrel, and most often lets offensive words fall on deaf ears. But if you touch a nerve, a scandal will break out.
Capricorn
She tries to solve all problems at once, looking for possible options for reconciliation. You can truly offend Capricorn when it comes to his financial abilities. The representative of the zodiac sign will not take revenge, but will lose trust.
Aquarius
Girls are touchy, unpredictable, and can ignore the situation or react violently. Thanks to this behavior, they maintain their vital charge. The reasons for indignation may be disrespect for personal space and sarcasm.
Fish
In order to offend a woman, you just need to be nearby. Pisces quickly take offense, but do not take revenge. They will remain silent and walk for a long time with an offended face. The reasons why a girl is constantly offended over trifles can be ambiguity, inattention and restrictions.
CONTEMPT
If you manage to seduce a girl, this does not mean that you can relax. Even after 5-10-20 years of marriage, you should treat her with reverence and care. It is very important for women to feel valued and respected.
Many things that seem normal to you are unacceptable to her. Even if you think that loudly passing gas in her presence is a sign of deepest trust, for her it will always be an insult.
You need to be careful in everything, especially in criticism and comments. Silently swallow the salty soup, and then sincerely praise. She just had a hard day, and she knows that the soup is disgusting.
Your criticism will be the last straw for her and a huge scandal will break out. But after your praise, she will be grateful for your understanding and will later reward you with something tasty or pleasant.
Advice from psychologists
If your girlfriend gets offended over trifles, experts recommend using the following algorithm of actions:
- Pause. Regardless of the reason that caused a storm of emotions in a woman, take a pause. If there is no reason to be offended, wait until your friend cools down.
- Analysis. A man should analyze his own behavior. Maybe he really is wrong? A psychological technique will help here: put yourself in her place. How would you respond to your behavior?
- Agreement. Constructive conversation is the best solution to any conflict. Be patient and let your beloved speak, listen to her and try to select sensible thoughts from this emotional flow, that is, her specific claims. Then tell me under what conditions her wish can be fulfilled.
- Action. When you have made an agreement with your loved one, keep your promises so that she will be confident, calm and happy without the need to be offended.
If a girl is offended by her man, but she is truly dear to him, he must find out the reasons for such a reaction. Thanks to a constructive conversation, it will be possible to understand what caused the beloved’s dissatisfaction.
