A person’s life journey is a complex and lengthy process. Fate, like a zebra, is painted in black and white stripes. Ups alternate with downs, joy with grief, love with loneliness. The main thing is not to despair when you find yourself on the dark side, but to wait patiently and hope that the light will soon become light again. After all, human happiness consists of many factors: family, children, work, hobbies, communication with friends, health. Love, of course, adds color and fills with emotions, but is not the only condition for a joyful existence.
Before complaining about a failed life without love, let's try to figure out what this concept means.
Many-faced feeling
Love is a feeling of strong affection that gives joy and inspiration. It can be mutual and unrequited, eternal and fleeting, spiritual and physical, deep and petty, selfless and selfish.
Can a person live without love? Of course not, because he feels the feeling of falling in love all the time. Only in its different manifestations. You can love:
- man, husband, lover (romantic feeling);
- a close friend, a devoted friend (friendly affection);
- parents, children, grandchildren (family ties);
- cat, dog, horses or parrot;
- forest, lake, flowers (closeness to nature);
- native village, city of childhood (love for the Motherland);
- life, in all its manifestations;
- profession;
- sports, theater, art;
- own "I";
- dress, shoes, familiar objects, sensations.
Types of love can replace each other, change places in significance and strength. It’s not for nothing that people say: “If it leaves in one place, it will definitely arrive in another.” Lost a loved one - found a loved one. I divorced my husband and found an exciting hobby.
How can you live your whole life without love? This is almost impossible, because sometimes feeling is a necessity. Let's take a closer look.
Am I to blame?
Having fallen out of love, many of us begin to feel guilty. It seems to us that we are undeservedly causing pain to a loved one, deceiving him, creating the illusion of a relationship where there is none. According to the psychologist, such self-torture is fraught with problems in the future: “You should get rid of the feeling of guilt, if you have it. This feeling will not give you peace in a new relationship.
By bringing you back to a past story, guilt will cause you to project past connections onto new ones. At the same time, it’s difficult to fully enjoy the moment you’re in.”
In childhood
How can a child live without love? An infant needs maternal care. The teenager is in sympathy and understanding. Boys and girls - in confidential, frank heart-to-heart conversations.
An unloved child grows up to be a cruel egoist who does not care about others. If there are no sincere feelings between parents in a family, it is the children who suffer first.
A lack of love at the beginning of life affects the psychological state of a little person. Isolation, low self-esteem, depression, suicide are the consequences of a child living without the love of loved ones.
romantic love
When people talk about love, they most often mean affection for a person of the opposite sex. Family, children, harmonious close relationships are inseparable from the concept of a successful destiny. What should those who failed to find their soul mate do? How to live without love all your life? Good health, an impressive bank account, and a model appearance will not save you from spiritual emptiness if there is no soulmate nearby.
However, not all so simple. The relationship between a man and a woman is multifaceted. Sometimes they inspire heroic deeds, give inspiration, give inspiration. Sometimes they bring suffering and pain.
The negative aspects of romantic feelings include:
- constant fear of losing a loved one;
- fears that happiness will be fleeting;
- reduction of personal space;
- loss of independence;
- psychological trauma, depression, disappointment in case of a breakup.
Despite the listed nuances, a person dreams of love, because a prosperous physiological existence does not save him from loneliness and leads to unpleasant consequences:
At first there is sadness. Lost interest in the surrounding world. Communicates less, is not interested in current events in the lives of friends and relatives.
Then he is left alone with himself. It closes itself off, fenced off with a wall of indifference. Irritated by sympathetic looks, refuses frank conversations, and does not accept help.
Finally he becomes depressed and stops doing things. A prolonged depressed state can provoke serious psychological disorders and attempts to commit suicide.
People have not learned to control the feeling of falling in love. It is impossible to make someone fall in love by order. To fill the void, you need to look for a replacement:
- try getting a pet;
- start doing something that interests you and brings you satisfaction;
- plan a trip;
- communicate with friends more often;
- go out into nature.
The absence of a romantic relationship cannot be fully compensated for by another type of love. But you can get rid of the feeling of inferiority, the painful search for a partner, and the expectation of happiness. And then: “Love will unexpectedly appear when you least expect it”...
Frequent crushes
As a child, you probably watched soap operas from time to time and voraciously read romance novels. Having grown up, your life does not at all resemble your favorite TV series, much less a well-promoted book novel. This is because half of the plot that captivated you so much is fictional; in real life, princes do not meet at every turn and every first date does not develop into a relationship.
Therefore, get used to the idea that in movies and books, romances are brighter, falling in love is more painless, and men are simply a figment of the author’s imagination. You will have to face reality - there are no ideal men, ideal women and ideal relationships in the world. Surely you are sure that the object of your love would certainly live up to your hopes if you were lucky enough to meet him.
In fact, once you got to know him, you would run away as quickly as possible. To get to know a person well, you need to go through a lot with him, and not just see his photo or talk over a cup of coffee.
Family relationships
Paradoxical but true. The basis of a marriage relationship that has crossed the fifty-year mark is respect, trust, understanding, and not a passionate feeling. Therefore, you should not be upset if you feel cooling on the part of your significant other. Love changes over the years. Marriages concluded by convenience turn out to be more reliable and durable. Why does this happen? Why is the passionate love of a boy and a girl vulnerable and short-lived, but the union of trusted friends is strong and stable. Let's figure it out:
- Young spouses are poorly prepared to overcome material and everyday problems. They don't have a common past. Friends learned to cope with difficulties together.
- Young people are hot-tempered and uncompromising. They do not know how to adapt, sacrifice personal space, or limit freedom. In adulthood, the desire to find a family is conscious. A person is ready to change, taking into account the interests of his partner.
- A young man or girl in love tends to idealize the chosen one, reveling in the merits and not noticing the shortcomings. Good friends evaluate each other objectively.
- Adults do not confuse passionate relationships, physiological attraction with sincere deep feelings. Therefore, there is no risk of being disappointed in the future.
“How can you live without love in a marriage?” inexperienced romantics ask. “Calmly, steadily, with pleasure,” the experienced spouses answer. Moreover, over the years, spiritual intimacy often develops into true love.
What are the reasons why a marriage is loveless?
The meaning of love changes over the course of a marriage. It goes from intense passion and intimacy in the beginning to a mature and serene feeling of closeness and belonging. In some marriages, love ends for many complex reasons. Here are a few of them:
- A busy life could cause the relationship to fall by the wayside and they might not be able to make time for each other or take each other for granted.
- The couple can no longer resolve their differences and come to terms with their preferences, personalities, and dreams, and end up growing apart.
- Specific incidents, such as major family quarrels, could cause resentment and strain relationships.
- An extramarital affair by one partner breaks trust with the other party, making them both cold and distant. After this, both partners will suffer due to the consequences.
- Circumstances such as financial stress, job refusal, caring for an ill relative, or sexual dysfunction can drive a wedge in a relationship.
Main danger
If there is no love, loneliness sets in. The person feels empty. People become lonely for several reasons:
- There was a pause between relationships; After breaking up with a partner, it is difficult to immediately find a replacement. Pain, resentment, and disappointment get in the way. It's hard to learn to trust again. Time cures. After taking a break, you can resume your search for your soulmate.
- Conscious life without a partner; A similar situation arises after a painful breakup with a loved one or as a result of an internal conviction. You are happy with a lonely lifestyle; if you don’t believe in romantic relationships, live in peace. If you want changes, seek psychological help.
- Together, but apart; It happens that there is a relationship, but there is no spiritual closeness. A person does not feel joy from communicating with a partner, but melancholy and disappointment. Love without reciprocity is a dead end. We need to break off the connection and think about a new novel.
Stay
Over the years, common interests, values and goals keep people together. Perhaps your couple has not only a past, but also a future, if you can figure it out and accept what is important to you and your partner today. Once you feel like you have something for both of you, you can become intimate in a different way.
“The best way to maintain or renew a feeling is to develop emotional intimacy. It's hard to find anything more important in a relationship. It’s worth trying to look for a different quality of sincerity, start expressing your new feelings honestly and completely, telling the truth to both yourself and your partner,” says Tatyana Gavrilyak.
What to do
Of course, each person has his own destiny. Some people start falling in love in kindergarten. They go on dates with classmates. They lose their heads with love in their youth. They find the one and create a happy family. Others suffer without the attention of the opposite sex for many years. Should I try to change the situation or meekly accept loneliness? Don't wait for sea weather. If your head is turning grey, and your personal life is not working out, start taking active action:
Stop dwelling on failures and considering life unfulfilled.
To the question “Can a person live without love for a member of the opposite sex?” answer in the affirmative. Analyze your internal state. Find love in other areas of life.
Don't give yourself peace to your loved one.
The less free time, the less sad thoughts, empty expectations, and regrets about unfulfilled hopes. Try:
- change the situation;
Go on a trip (not necessarily to a foreign resort, just to a neighboring city). New impressions, unexpected meetings, chance acquaintances will dispel the blues. There will be a chance to correct the situation. Don't expect a miracle, enjoy freedom, develop by learning new things.
- find a new hobby or remember an old hobby;
Increase your range of interests. If you don’t have enough patience and perseverance, change your occupation. Tired of visiting contemporary art exhibitions, go to a film premiere. Tired of knitting alone - learn to dance. Change your field of activity until you find something you like.
- communicate more;
Attend parties, holidays, corporate events. Make appointments with friends and girlfriends. Visit relatives. Call by phone. Take an active part in discussing interesting topics on Internet sites. Sincere sympathy for the problems of other people is salvation from loneliness and melancholy.
- work with full dedication;
Throwing yourself into work, secluded in your office, leaving no time for weekends and lunch breaks, is a wrong decision. But active participation in new projects, advanced training courses, and business trips will undoubtedly be beneficial. Set ambitious goals for yourself and pursue career growth. Love what you do. Self-development and self-education will increase self-esteem and increase confidence.
Take care of yourself.
Stop looking for the answer to the question “How to live without love all your life?” Otherwise, the temporary lull in your personal life will become permanent. Take loneliness as a gift of fate. Now is the time to work on character flaws, think about the mistakes you have made, and transform yourself externally and internally. For this:
- read smart books to become an interesting conversationalist;
- go in for sports to bring your figure to perfection;
- visit a beauty salon;
- change your clothing style, hairstyle;
- seek help from a psychologist.
Remember: every coin has two sides. Look at the one that is more attractive.
Decide on your desires.
Mentally or on paper, create an ideal portrait of your partner, not forgetting that people are imperfect. Determine the qualities that you would like to see in a loved one. Think about what weaknesses and shortcomings you could forgive and not notice. Consider the field of activity of your future chosen one, range of interests, hobbies. Imagine appearance, age, social status.
Engage in self-criticism. Analyze your own strengths and weaknesses. Be objective so as not to be disappointed or disappoint your partner.
A game like this will help make your dream come true. As a result of the work done, it becomes clear where and with whom to look for acquaintances.
Reconsider your social circle.
You can't rush from one extreme to the other. Equally harmful:
- become isolated, rejecting friendly support, and listen to tactless remarks from friends about their unfortunate fate;
- avoid new acquaintances and look for a partner using the selection method.
Life without love becomes empty and colorless. However, there is no need to rush to change the situation in any way. It is forbidden:
- abuse alcohol or drugs to forget;
- emptying the refrigerator, trying to “eat away” the stress of separation;
- lead a promiscuous sex life, changing partners;
- sit in a dark room around the clock, reveling in grief;
- try to evoke pity from friends and acquaintances.
Options for the development of events
Loneliness is a consequence of unfortunate life circumstances. Don't despair. There is a way out of any situation. Analyze the reasons, outline the right plan of action, and life will sparkle with colorful colors again. Let's consider the options:
- If the reason lies within you, analyze your unsuccessful experiences with partners. Perhaps it is worth reconsidering your surroundings, remembering old trusted friends. Make new friends. Do not push away people who are patient with shortcomings, but try to get closer and make friends. Maybe fate is nearby.
- It is more difficult when loneliness is the result of an unsuccessfully chosen partner. To avoid a fatal mistake, try to meet people not in a nightclub or disco, but at an exhibition, theater, or meeting. Decent places are visited by decent people. However, finding a worthy match is not enough. Efforts must be made to preserve the emerging feeling. Then you won’t have to test in practice whether a person can live without love.
- If a person deliberately remains alone, the question of a love relationship disappears. Such individuals live in a special world where there is no place for affection, responsibility, or love. And they understand perfectly well how to live without love all their lives. Egoists by nature prefer open relationships to a strong union, friendly communication to strong friendship. The main thing for them is freedom, comfort, independence.
In order not to suffer without love, you must learn to love. It’s not for nothing that they say: “Treat people the way you want to be treated.”
If you lack love, then your “inner child” needs it.
The inner child is that “part” of you that holds all the memories of when you were a child. When you respond from your “inner child,” you respond the same way you did as a child.
And we automatically (unless we specifically change it) treat our “inner child” the way our parents treated us in childhood. And if this relationship was not loving enough, then we then do not give ourselves enough love.
And as a result, our “inner child,” who is in great need of love, “with hungry eyes” looks for this love in other people. Because of this, we are often disappointed, because the unconditional love that parents usually give to their children, in adulthood, we can only receive from ourselves if we develop a loving attitude towards our “inner child.”
In adult life, people are ready to love us and maintain loving relationships with us only on the basis of equal exchange. Therefore, if you want to be capable of such an equal exchange, then you need to develop a loving “inner parent” who will gradually learn to care for, support, pay attention to and unconditionally love your “inner child”.
Exercises for working with the “inner child”:
- When you are sad, you feel that no one loves you, then take a pillow in your hand. And imagine that this pillow is your “inner child.” Rock him, comfort him, tell him how much you love him. Show love and care for him until you feel that you feel calmer, until you feel that you are loved.
- Make a list of what you didn't receive from your parents. But what did you really want? After you finish, for each item on your list, write down how you will give it to yourself. You can do some things yourself, while others you can ask other people to do. Strive to have both – so that you do something for yourself, and ask other people for something. And start gradually implementing what you wrote on your list.
Summarize
Each person is an individual, therefore he understands and feels love in his own way. In addition, over the years the feeling changes. Is it possible to compare youthful love with passionate desire in adulthood? In one's declining years, love is reborn into care, sympathy, and understanding. To maintain a close relationship, you need to work, sacrifice, give in, and forgive.
Can a person live without love? Maybe, if he doesn’t feel the disadvantage of such an existence. You can devote all your strength to work, uncontrollably indulge in pleasures, change partners and meet old age alone.
It is wiser to take a different path, working on yourself, and not lose hope for a happy meeting. Perceive the lack of love as a test that must be overcome in order to receive a reward for work and patience.
Love, like a boomerang, can return.
