Non-reflective listening
Non-reflective listening is a style of conversation in which only the minimum of words and non-verbal communication techniques required by the psychologist is used from the point of view of expediency.
Non-reflective listening is used in cases where there is a need to let the subject speak out. It is especially useful in situations where the interlocutor shows a desire to express his point of view, discuss topics that concern him, and where he experiences difficulty in expressing problems, is easily confused by the intervention of a psychologist and behaves in a rigid manner due to the difference in social status between the psychologist and the respondent.
Non-reflective listening is “the ability to remain silent attentively.” It can express approval, understanding, support, and sympathy, since a lot can be communicated with a minimum of words coupled with nonverbal communication. Often this “interview” technique is very productive, and in some cases the only one possible for effective communication and obtaining psychological information, since most people prefer to talk rather than listen. I. Atwater cites the following typical situations in which the use of non-reflective listening is especially useful:
1. The interlocutor is eager to express his attitude to something or express his point of view. And this should be encouraged at the beginning of a psychotherapeutic conversation for diagnostic purposes, during interviews, and during professional selection interviews.
2. The interlocutor wants to discuss pressing problems. It is important for him to “speak out” himself; what others say is indifferent to him. Such release is especially appropriate in tense situations, which is typical for psychotherapeutic sessions.
3. The speaker has difficulty expressing his problems. Not interfering with his speech helps his self-expression. In this case they say that “a tape recorder is better than any interlocutor.”
4. The interlocutor is emotionally constrained due to the superiority of the partner’s position. This superiority may stem from differences in social status, from a loss to a partner in some quality that is dominant for this person, accompanied by a “halo effect,” from a perceived asymmetry of function in a conversation, etc.
All these situations are associated with a person’s desire to find a listener, a kind of “resonator”, and not an adviser. However, unreflective listening is a subtle technique. It should be used carefully, as it is easy to make mistakes and “overdo it” in silence. Non-reflective listening is characterized by two more difficult moments for the researcher. Firstly, if the listener does not share the views and opinions of the speaker, but shows him interest, then he can be accused of hypocrisy, especially if the speaker was initially convinced of the commonality of their positions, mistaking understanding for agreement and sympathy, and subsequently realized his mistake. Therefore, in order not to violate the ethics of the psychologist, the researcher, as soon as he realized that his partner is misinterpreting his position, should immediately explain himself, even if this threatens the deterioration or cessation of communication. Secondly, the danger lies in the possibility of the listener adopting the position of a “sufferer” who endures all the speaker’s outpourings. For one, the conversation turns into torture, and his participation and understanding develop into hostility, while for another, this procedure gradually turns into one-sided chatter with a high probability of realizing one’s ridiculous situation with subsequent resentment.
To prevent such consequences in an uncontrolled conversation, in order to avoid the talkative interlocutor from abusing the attention of the presenter, you should optimize your non-interference. This is achieved both by minimal speech inserts and by means of non-verbal communication. The simplest neutral remarks: “yes?”, “really?”, “this is very interesting!”, “I see,” “so-so,” “a little more detail” contribute to the development of the conversation, especially at the very beginning. They stimulate and inspire the speaker, relieve tension, maintain his interest, and demonstrate the understanding and goodwill of the listener. In a word, these are incentives that ensure the maintenance of the required level of speech activity of the interlocutor. If such surrogate remarks are not enough, so-called “buffer” phrases are introduced such as: “Is anything bothering you?”, “Did something happen?”, “You look good,” “You look like a happy person,” etc. .
The arsenal of non-verbal influences during non-reflective listening is even more expanded. Here, the presenter has at his disposal both kinetic means (postures, gestures, facial expressions, eye contact), and paralinguistic (vocal additions to speech cues - intonation, volume, timbral play), and extralinguistic (non-vocal additions to speech: speech rate, placement of logical stresses and pauses, sound inclusions in speech such as coughing, chuckles and laughter, sobs, groans, crying, etc.).
Finally, we cannot neglect the possibilities of proxemic means of communication, i.e. spatiotemporal indicators of the communication process. A well-chosen distance between interlocutors promotes conversation, while excessive proximity or distance from each other hinders its development. Face-to-face and half-turn positions are also significant. Talking while standing or sitting can produce different results. It is unlikely that the conversation will be productive if for a long time one partner sits and the other stands, one is located higher, the other lower. The purpose of the conversation and the situation can determine its optimal duration and the need for breaks. The nature of the conversation and its results can be strongly influenced by such spatio-temporal parameters as cramped or spacious, rushed or leisurely, the presence of furniture separating the interlocutors, the comfort or inconvenience of the environment, lateness or accuracy, etc.
A guided conversation involves more active verbal intervention by the researcher in the process of communication with the respondent. And then they resort to reflective listening. In addition to the functions of non-reflective listening, it also performs the function of monitoring the accuracy of perception of what is heard. The need for such control may arise for various reasons.
One of them is the polysemy of words. It is necessary to clarify in what meaning the speaker used this or that word. This category also includes the frequent discrepancy between the meaning of a word and the meaning put into it by the speaker or listener. Another reason lies in the “encoded” nature of many messages. This encryption may be due to a reluctance to offend or a desire to hide true motives, a desire to play a joke, etc. But the meaning put into these allegories by the speaker is not always captured by the listener. To understand it or dispel doubts, clarification is required. A striking example of such situations is the misunderstanding of witticisms by a person without a sense of humor.
Another reason is the difficulties of open self-expression caused by certain conventions and traditions. In most social groups, it is not customary to “pour out your soul” in public, especially in an unfamiliar environment. Psychologists have noticed that during interviews, people usually begin their presentation with a short introduction that does not reflect their main concerns, from which their true intentions are not clear. Talking about the weather is a common way to avoid long-winded communication and frank conversation.
No less problematic for the effectiveness of a conversation are personal barriers to communication: shyness, timidity, depression, inability to express one’s thoughts, defects in diction, etc. The less self-confidence, the longer a person beats around the bush in a conversation before moving on to the main thing.
Listening styles: non-reflective listening and reflective listening.
Listening becomes possible due to differences in the speed of oral speech and the mental activity of the listener. Humans typically speak at a rate of 125 words per minute, although we can perceive speech delivered at three to four times the normal rate, up to 400 words per minute. The difference between speech rate and mental activity can cause inattention, especially in cases where speaking is slow or uninteresting. We can quickly catch ourselves not paying attention because listening is an active process, but the process is internal
As such, listening presupposes a desire to hear, attention to the interlocutor
Listening styles
Postural language, eye contact, and sustained attention help us listen effectively, but each of us uses these tools differently. Everyone has their own characteristic gait, their own manner of speaking and looking, their own individual way of listening.
3 pages, 1247 words
BUSINESS HEARING
... and passive. Passive is also called non-reflective (not accompanied by reflection, deliberation), active - reflexive (reflective). Each of these ways of listening is appropriate under certain circumstances... to require some action on the part of the listener. Passive listening is not bad listening at all, but a special type of listening that needs to be mastered. It's passive, but...
The listening style is also determined by the official position of the speaker and the listener. Usually they listen carefully to those who occupy a higher position, especially in cases where they want to gain some benefit from this. On the other hand, people in higher positions are not always attentive. In a conversation between workers of different status or rank, a person occupying a higher position may be more likely to stop the interlocutor than vice versa.
The listening style is also determined by whether our interlocutor is a man or a woman. Analysis of conversation recordings made it possible to establish significant differences in the behavior of men and women. When two men or two women talk, they interrupt each other approximately equally often. But when a man and a woman are talking, the man interrupts the woman almost 2 times more often. For approximately one third of the conversation, the woman collects her thoughts and tries to restore the direction of the conversation that was at the moment when she was interrupted.
Men tend to focus more on the content of the conversation, while women pay more attention to the process of communication itself. The average man listens attentively for only 10-15 seconds. Then he begins to listen to himself and look for what to add to the subject of the conversation.
Psychologists believe that listening to oneself is a purely male habit, which is reinforced through training in clarifying the essence of the conversation and acquiring problem-solving skills. Therefore, the man stops listening and focuses on how to interrupt the conversation. As a result, men tend to give ready-made answers too quickly. They don't listen to the other person fully and don't ask questions to get more information before jumping to conclusions. Men tend to notice mistakes in the essence of a conversation and, instead of waiting for good statements as well, they jump at the mistake.
18 pp., 8740 words
Women and the psychology of men Woman and man - 1000 differences
… . "A woman loves with her ears." A woman has a beneficial effect on a man’s words, touches, caresses; she has an inner sense and intuition to a greater extent than a man. A man’s feelings become aggravated… for himself, since their conversation is superficial and does not take up space from each other. This “energetic” approach explains why it is easier for men and men to find common ground...
A woman, listening to her interlocutor, is more likely to see him as a person and understand the feelings of the speaker. Women are less likely to interrupt their interlocutor, and when they themselves are interrupted, they return to the questions on which they were stopped.
But this does not mean at all that all men are unresponsive and incorrect listeners, just as it does not mean that all women are sincere and responsive listeners. This is far from true. Men and women can occupy different positions in society and play different roles, and since each has its own character, both men and women have all the above listening styles. Those who work with people, namely psychologists, educators and teachers, often listen by combining appropriate techniques that are common to both men and women.
When is this listening method appropriate? Examples of life situations
There is a fairly widespread opinion that the scope of use of non-reflective listening is psychology, all kinds of special training, and in ordinary life there is no place for this method of perceiving information. This belief is wrong. There are quite a lot of situations in which this type of listening is appropriate in everyday life.
For example, if people are friends, communicate closely and one of them develops severe stress or depression, then, as a rule, this person needs a listener, and not an adviser or critic. In other words, a person only wants to complain about the “evil boss”, “stupid wife”, talk about how bad everything is in his life, and not listen to someone’s “valuable thoughts” or “good advice”. That is, if a friend wants to pour out his soul, there is no need to try to explain to him how to get out of the current situation or show doubts about what was said, point out the advantages of the speaker’s situation. You just have to listen.
No less common is the situation when women complain to their friends about their husbands or children. In this case, the speaker’s desire is to complain itself, and not to listen to the assessments and opinions of her friends. Moreover, in such a conversation, exclusively non-reflective, passive listening and rare consoling phrases are appropriate, and only if any question is asked. If, for example, you agree with a woman who scolds her children or other family members, you may encounter her indignation, resentment, and simply lose your friend. And attempts to convince her otherwise and describe the positive qualities of those whom the woman criticizes will lead to a new round of complaints, making the conversation almost endless.
It is a mistake to believe that a professional non-reflective manner of perceiving information is the lot of only psychotherapists. Examples of unreflective listening to a person in the line of duty can be found almost everywhere. Let's say the postman brings a pension to an elderly person's house. While the necessary documents are being filled out, the pensioner says something, complains, reports on the economic situation in the country, or talks about something else. Of course, the postman is completely indifferent to this stream of chaotic information, but he is not able to force the old man to remain silent. The only option left is unreflective listening. This method of communication also works effectively in shops, bars, and hairdressers. In other words, an example of professional practical application of this option for perceiving information can be observed wherever forced communication with people takes place.
Bibliography
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