- What is trust?
- What prevents you from trusting yourself?
- How to learn to trust yourself?
- Why doesn't a person trust other people?
- Learning to trust other people
When talking about happiness, we cannot escape the concept of “trust.” It gives reliability and security. When you have no one to rely on, life becomes stressful. Peace of mind comes from knowing that there is support and support nearby. Relying only on yourself is a heavy burden, but when there is no trust in yourself, life turns into a tragedy.
A person without support is like an inept tightrope walker who risks falling onto the hard ground from a great height. He himself refuses the life-saving trampoline, preferring to crash. How can you learn to trust yourself and other people? To answer this question, you will have to look inside yourself and find out the essence of this phenomenon.
Tear the threads irrevocably
A person who has betrayed his partner must cut off all ties with the intruder in life. No phone calls, no texting, no emails, no coffee invitations. No farewell meetings."
No contact means no contact. If it's over, so be it. Your partner deserves it. There may have been reasons for doing what a person would normally do in this situation, but you had a more compelling reason for restoring your relationship. This is not possible if you are in contact with the “other” person.
Your partner will not be able to rebuild trust if he finds out that you are still seeing and talking to the person who almost ruined your life together.
Be honest
...like a perfectly transparent glass window! To regain trust, the guilty party must be completely transparent. A devotee cannot think for a minute that there are any secrets. Secrecy will create further mistrust.
For example, when the phone rings, don’t say, “I’ll pick up” and go into another room. As a trust buster, there's a lot to fix. Leave aside those feelings that someone is trying to take over someone's personal life. At the moment this is not the most important thing. It's hard to earn trust again, so be open and honest with yourself.
Remember joyful moments together
It's easy to bury yourself in rubble after an incident; it's hard to get out of there. But here's some encouraging news: your relationship isn't defined by what happened. There were good years before the betrayal, right? Now it's time to withdraw from this reserve.
Sit down with your partner. Talk about all the things that got done when everyone was happy; In all the places where we were, it was warm and cozy. It's time to go back there again. Start of dating. This will psychologically return partners to good times. Perestroika is based on this. Only after this stage create new moments.
Betrayal always creates a big mess, leaving behind countless emotional wreckage. Betrayal has sharp claws. It takes a lot of work to heal scars. But they can be healed. Sometimes things have to be torn down to rise from the ashes in a better way.
Forgiveness
The struggle for relationships is not easy; working tirelessly tirelessly to move beyond what happened. The relationship is still tender, but at least the couple is together and working to keep it together. But, even though people in the “together” status think that they have survived the crisis, anger and resentment persist. All is not forgiven yet.
The victim begins to use this to his advantage. “You have nothing to say (blah, blah, blah), especially after what you did!” The offended party can hang the betrayal on the partner's head, constantly reminding him that it is better to tow the line, or something else. Because of what happened, the injured party feels empowered, and perhaps even becomes a little harsh.
To truly cross boundaries, there must be forgiveness. At both sides. The traitor may feel so guilty that he can barely stand. In fact, you can even agree to something you have no right to do.
Forgiveness, although not easy, is key to the survival of a relationship.
Time cures
My son needed jaw surgery at age 19. It was quite a painful ordeal. After the surgeon broke the jaw and put it back together, the son's jaw was closed for six weeks to allow it to heal properly. It was possible to eat only soft food through a small syringe in the mouth. It took a month and a half before the jaw healed.
Unfortunately, betrayal is not like surgery. This is much worse. Fixing a broken heart takes skill and a lot of time. It depends on how long people have been together.
If you are committed to making your relationship work, patience plays a significant role. There will be everything at once: anger, sadness, disbelief, uncertainty, maybe sometimes even shame. There is a lot of work.
Take this gentle step one at a time. Discuss things when necessary. After all, if you keep taking these tiny steps, the next step is healing!
Revival of relations
How valuable is your attitude towards yourself? When the dust settles after all, ask yourself these questions:
Despite the circumstances, will you find the strength to bear obligations to a person? Does love still live inside of me? What can be done to survive this crisis?
Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, writes in his Gottman Institute article:
“Are admiration and respect enough to save a relationship? Always be honest with yourself: are we still on the same page and enjoying each other’s company most of the time?”
If the answer is yes, then although the journey is long, it will be a worthy endeavor. If people are devoted to each other, ready to study the situation and work to correct it, then another option may appear.
As soon as you plunge into the pool, don’t stop, go forward. Do not despair. It's either all or nothing here. If you're halfway there, that means you have one foot out the door.
What is trust?
Trust is an abstract concept, a psychological state that is difficult to express in words. If you turn to dictionaries, the synonyms for this phenomenon will be “faith”, “grace”, “confidence” - positive feelings that speak of openness. Trust is the belief in yourself or another person when it comes to your best qualities.
When a person believes, he does not allow doubts and is not afraid of negative consequences. He knows that he will be supported and helped.
The expectation of deception leads to an inability to trust, knocking out a stable support from under your feet. If a person does not know himself, then doubts will not allow him to believe in his own strength.
Self-confidence is confidence in your values, strengths, abilities, goals and chosen direction. Trust in other people is a belief in integrity, reliability, and the ability to rely on another person.
Without trusting yourself, it is impossible to trust other people.
Collaborative therapy, why not?
In some cases, rebuilding trust through work and activities may be too difficult. In this case, joint therapy has its own regulations.
A qualified specialist can solve issues that are difficult to solve on your own, sitting at home, talking over a bottle of wine and asking: “Was she better than me? Tell me everything! I want all the details." In fact, nothing is clear, but there is no need to go into it here.
External help is an invaluable tool. It's important to know how to navigate the rockiest roads. And that's exactly what you need in the transitory moment you're dealing with.
Control over feelings
Perhaps you have experienced betrayal in the past. And now you want to protect yourself from such events. That is why caution comes to the fore when meeting people. Naturally, negative emotions do not disappear. They are waiting for the right opportunity to prove themselves. And such an opportunity arises when we meet. Thoughts begin to appear that this person too will betray over time; you cannot trust him. In such a situation, you are controlled by past grievances.
Psychologists do not advise forgetting that it is you who should react to the events happening around you, and not those negative moments that once happened in your life. Therefore, you should not be led by your own feelings; decide for yourself exactly how events will develop.
