Every person has lied or been deceived at least once in his life. The reasons why people lie are varied. Most often this is explained by the desire to look better than you really are. It would seem that lying is so simple, but it is worth remembering that a lie destroys a person from the inside and disrupts his harmony. The fear of being exposed brings great discomfort, which over time can result in serious psychological problems. Many people with age begin to understand that deception is not a way out of the situation, so they think about how to stop lying.
Reasons for lying
To understand how to stop lying to people, you need to understand why this happens. Sometimes a person is saddened to realize that he very often tells lies. Fables can be of a different nature, but the result is always the same: people lie and stop remembering what, when and to whom they said. The lie grows like a snowball, this leads to sad consequences.
Psychologists identify the main reasons why people cheat:
- The desire to look better. Every person would like to be a worthy role model and to be admired. In life, unfortunately, this is not so easy to achieve. The easiest way is to lie and “whitewash” yourself.
- The desire to control others. Sometimes a person comes up with various stories that help him influence other people. Such manipulations are effective for only a short time: soon people will expose the liar, and his power will end. But along with her, respect for him will disappear. Therefore, before choosing this path, you need to carefully consider whether the game is worth the candle.
- Self-praise. This reason drives people with low self-esteem. They want to appear more gifted, wonderful, and interesting. Lying helps them raise self-esteem in their own eyes.
How to solve this problem?
Having determined the main reasons why a person lies, you can begin to solve the problem. It should be remembered that lying is as bad a habit as, for example, smoking. Therefore, the rejection of it must be decisive and unambiguous. Make a promise to yourself not to lie to people. This will be difficult at first, but over time the benefits of living without lying will become clear. You will notice that you no longer need to remember the details of the lies told, and those around you will begin to treat you with more respect. In situations where it is difficult for you to tell the truth, it is better to remain silent or honestly say that at the moment you are not ready to talk.
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Deception from loved ones can be especially offensive. When a man lies to the woman he loves in order, for example, to appear better, stronger or richer, this can turn into a big problem. Of course, all young people want to make the best impression on their loved ones, but lying, in this case, is absolutely unacceptable. The best solution in this situation is to simply be yourself, while striving for the qualities that you would like to have.
The most important rule to follow is not to lie to yourself. We must remember that a person who is honest with himself is devoid of internal conflicts and contradictions, and, therefore, is in greater harmony with the world around him. You shouldn’t lie to your loved one either, because he is your support and support. People you love are accepted and loved despite their flaws. The desire to appear better than you really are means the desire to be not yourself, but someone else.
If lying to loved ones has become your habit, do not be surprised that regaining their trust will not be easy. At the first difficulties, you must not give up, but again and again win the trust that has been lost in you. Be prepared for the fact that honesty on your part will not always be perceived as you expect. Many people really find it easier to hear sweet lies than the bitter truth. In such situations, it is better to say honest things to your face with maximum correctness. However, even if the truth may hurt, it is in any case better than constant pretense and lies on your part.
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"Little Truths"
It is very difficult for people who lie all their lives to immediately understand how to stop lying. Therefore, psychologists recommend starting with small steps. It is necessary every day to speak the truth where previously there would have been a lie.
Lying is in some way theft: a person dishonestly receives respect, love and recognition from people. It makes more sense to focus your energy on understanding how to satisfy your emotions in an honest way. This will become a strong basis for self-development and building relationships with others.
What is a lie
A lie is a conscious statement that is obviously not true. This is the deliberate transmission of distorted factual and emotional information for the purpose of creating or maintaining a belief in another person. [1]
Lies have long penetrated into all areas of our lives. They say that without deception it is impossible to achieve success at work, maintain a marriage for many years, raise a child, or maintain friendly relations with relatives and friends. This is a big mistake. Even a harmless lie can cause serious consequences for at least two people - the one who lied and the one who was deceived.
Let's learn to be honest and truthful
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Lying is a phenomenon that includes a variety of situations and tactics. Emotions, actions, words can be deceitful. A person can distort data by removing important details from a story or embellishing reality. Even hiding important information is considered deception.
Who can be considered a pathological liar?
Some people cannot exist in the real world and be guided by truthful information. They constantly lie, gradually building their own ideal reality. These are pathological liars.
It's hard to believe that they are not telling the truth. Pathological liars convey distorted or completely fictitious information so sincerely and convincingly.
There are several reasons for this behavior.
- Educational mistakes. Future liars are raised by overly demanding and sometimes aggressive parents. Wanting to receive praise and affection, children begin to compose and invent. The need for approval and social recognition continues into adulthood.
- Psychological disorder. Constant lying is a symptom of mental disorder. A person acts this way unconsciously and cannot control himself. In this case, you need to contact a psychotherapist.
Look what psychologist Veronika Stepanova says about pathological liars:
Why do men lie?
To avoid drama
Women are by nature more emotional than men. That's why men lie so as not to aggravate the situation.
To avoid hurting a woman's feelings
A man subconsciously puts himself at the head of the family, thereby wanting to protect his woman from worries and troubles. In this case, men lie, hoping that they are doing it for the greater good.
To hide your self-doubt
Quite often, men lie about their work, hobbies and personal lives. Thus, they want to assert themselves in the eyes of others.
Why do women lie?
According to a recent study, Women tell more fibs than men... honestly! Four in five say they tell a lie on a daily basis. , women are twice as likely to cheat as their partners.
Perhaps the secret lies in the peculiarities of the structure of the female and male brain. The left hemisphere is responsible for the speech abilities of men, while both of them are responsible for women. Therefore, women are able to predict the reaction of their interlocutor and say what they want to hear from them.
The motives of women's deceptions can be the same as those of men. However, there are other reasons why they lie.
To cheer someone up
Women may flatter to encourage someone, boost someone's self-esteem, or give that person confidence.
To avoid appearing vulnerable
Women are afraid of getting into trouble, so they instinctively protect themselves.
To save face
The opinion of friends or colleagues is very important for many women. Therefore, sometimes they lie to appear better than they are.
Negative consequences of lying
None of the reasons for intentional lying lead to a productive outcome. The problems that a person lied about or kept silent about will not cease to exist. And his real social status will not increase due to fictitious achievements and successes. It is quite possible to trick another person into doing something, but lies tend to be revealed, and then next time no one will want to deal with you.
The person who lies:
- susceptible to depression and oppressive fear,
- lonely and has communication problems,
- often gets into exhausting conflicts,
- has a bad reputation among colleagues and few acquaintances,
- loses himself as a person. [3]
Why do we lie
There can be a huge number of reasons why we lie. After all, a person is an infinitely complex psychological system. However, knowing the types of lies can reveal this secret and help understand the motivation and true intentions of the liar.
Protecting others
We lie if we don’t want to hurt the feelings of someone close to us. Sometimes we have to confuse others in order to maintain a secret.
Protecting ourselves
Some of us lie instinctively in an attempt to protect ourselves from pain and disappointment. However, this is quite selfish.
We benefit
We can lie in order to gain some benefit for ourselves. Energy vampires portray themselves as victims and suck the energy out of other people.
Attracting attention
Pathological liars behave in ways to gain sympathy and pity from others, as well as to attract attention to themselves.
If your child rarely lies, then there is no need to worry.
If a teenager tells lies quite rarely, then there is no need to worry about it. This happens in the life of every person. Telling the truth all the time is impossible.
If a teenager lies regularly, even in small things, then you urgently need to intervene in the situation. Try to get him to start telling the truth. And he didn't use lies as a defense mechanism.
Independence, autonomy, audacity
Trying to keep their parents at a distance, not wanting outside interference in their personal space, teenagers begin to lie. Having his own beliefs and occupation, which his father and mother do not approve of, the child dodges, trying in every way to hide his secrets. You should not pester your child, much less prohibit him from doing what he loves, if it does not contradict the law. When experiencing the insolence of a teenager who wants to establish justice from his point of view, do not get into an argument with him, this will only complicate the situation. Try to delve into what your child is passionate about, it could be goths, punks, anime and other trends, after 1-2 years the hobby will pass, only memories will remain.
Bottom line. Short advice from a psychologist to parents
- Treat your teenager like an adult.
- Talk to him more, tell him about your problems and experiences.
- Give more independence.
- Be sure to knock before entering the room.
- Be tolerant, but control the situation.
- Ask questions unobtrusively during the conversation.
- React to all confessions, even if you don’t like them, without outbursts, evenly.
Only joint work, established contact and mutual understanding will help rid your teenager of an addiction.
Yabrova Ksenia Aug 24, 2021
