- October 25, 2019
- Psychology of Personality
- Anna Mallaalieva
Different situations may occur in our lives: conflicts, problems, fears. We all set goals for ourselves, and the more time and effort it takes to achieve them, the harder it is for us along the way. Therefore, we need to be brave, decisive, and self-confident. Let's think about how to instill such character traits in ourselves. We will also briefly describe each of them.
Developing the best character traits in ourselves
So, how to become brave and decisive? What will help us with this?
The simplest thing that can be advised is to always be exactly like that, regardless of the situation. But it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Is it true? When we find ourselves in situations that cause us fear or apprehension, we cannot overcome ourselves and turn on confidence. These character traits are good, but only when they are 100% developed in us. Only then can we use them in all cases.
Instead of sitting at home and thinking about how to become more determined, try to understand yourself and each trait separately.
We call courage the quality that allows us to forget about fear and act in accordance with the plan. For example, our friend is drowning, and we are afraid of water. A brave person will cast aside all fears and help a friend.
Decisiveness is considered to be the most categorical behavior that allows you to achieve what you need. Such people are able to make an informed decision in any situation. What example can we give? If a determined person sets himself the goal of getting a promotion before the end of the year, then he will achieve it. And he will agree to any (correct, in his opinion) action: work 18 hours or go on a hated business trip.
And confident people believe in themselves, they know that they have enough strength to pass all the tests and get what they cherish.
Knowing what courage, determination and confidence are, we can now understand how to instill these qualities in ourselves. It should be noted that if a person has all three character traits, then we can assume that his life will turn out in the best way.
Ask your first 5 questions
Once you've spent enough time preparing, ask your first question. Instead of quick answers, brainstorm answers that will bring the most benefit. Although you need to respond quickly, try to give meaningful answers.
The general rule is to keep asking until you find a potential root cause. As a rule, 5 questions or less are enough to solve the most common problems. But don’t limit yourself to this number; if necessary, keep asking.
How to become bolder?
We have already figured out that courage allows us to forget about fears in order to achieve some goal. It may be large-scale or small-scale, but it does not change the essence.
Deal with what you are afraid of. It should be noted that all fears are born in our heads. Let's return to the situation that your friend is drowning. A person who does not have courage will first assess the distance from the shore and think: “What if I start to drown...”. It just takes time. It’s better to look around, maybe there’s a boat somewhere, or maybe you took swimming gear with you. All brave people may lack self-confidence, but they are determined and know how to take risks. They try not to think “What if.”
Now look around. How often do your fears come true? Why are you afraid of public speaking or the spider that crawled into your apartment? If you are thinking about how to become decisive, then work on your courage first!
Unfortunately, a rich imagination can make us stop in most cases. But think about the consequences. What happens if you refuse to perform? The boss will understand you, but you won’t get career growth. And if you are so afraid of spiders, then imagine - if you don’t get rid of one, where is the guarantee that a whole brood will not appear? Be courageous in assessing the situation judiciously. Think not about what will happen if you don’t succeed, but about what will happen if you don’t try and don’t do it.
More touches5
You can’t seduce a girl with just conversations, you need to touch her as often as possible. There is nothing scary or intimidating about touching (unless you grab her chest 2 minutes after meeting her). You can stroke your shoulder without any sexual connotation. Many years ago, very wise men invented dancing. While dancing, you and the lady touch each other, which opens up new horizons for you. No chance to dance? Sit so that you can at least pat the girl on the back. Watch the reaction, and if it seems to you that the girl is already yours, then you will have to use the old trick that many men use.
Self confidence
If you are thinking about how to become decisive, then we have to disappoint you: without confidence, you will not develop this character trait. And if courage requires you to forget about fears, then confidence manifests itself in your inner strengths. And the main thing here is not to overdo it. You need to objectively assess your strengths and understand what you can do and what you cannot do.
If you have low self-esteem, then it manifests itself as an internal awareness that you can do it, but due to lack of motivation you don’t. In this case, a person gives up on what he has planned rather than trying to do anything.
Inflated self-esteem is manifested by an attempt to prove that you are capable of everything, but in reality you cannot do anything.
This feeling can only be developed in one way - introspection. As is the case with courage. Every day you need to give yourself arguments why you should do this or that, whether you can do it, whether you assess the situation correctly. Start a blog or simply write down in a notepad what you have already done.
Why do you need to make decisions?
How often does a person face the need to make a specific decision? Perhaps a person constantly has to make a choice in one direction or another, depriving himself of some privileges on the other side. This process can be called “going to extremes,” which is sometimes necessary to solve a problem. And yet, you don’t always want to lose something for the sake of something else. How can I do that?
There is no need to go to extremes. Why choose between two things that matter to you? Choose the option that will accommodate both the first and the second. For example, why choose an intelligent woman or a passionate lover if you can find a contender who combines both intelligence and passion? It is such a clear decision, when you agree to an option with all the components that are important to you, that sets the mechanism of determination in motion.
Make a decision for yourself! When you take a stand (want it, strive for it, need it, fight for it), then you stand on your own two feet. You cannot be convinced, you cannot be manipulated. You are calm, active, determined and focused. Everything else just gets out of the way. Why? Because you have decided: you see a clear picture of why you are taking certain actions.
Why is this good? To many. First, you are capable of achieving exactly what you want. From the moment you clearly define your goal, all your actions are directed in one direction - towards achieving the goal. Secondly, you stop asking fate and other people. You begin to face the fact. And you can’t refuse a person if he doesn’t ask!
When a person makes a clear decision for himself, he becomes calm, balanced and purposeful. Until a person has made up his mind, he rushes about, gets nervous, rushes from one extreme to another, where he doesn’t like either one or the other. His position is shaky. He can be persuaded or led away from the path of achieving the goal. He doubts because he has not yet understood whether he needs something or not. Because of this position, many relationships are destroyed! When a person has not determined for himself how serious and important a relationship with another individual is for him, he can be led away or deprived of happiness in this relationship.
Determination
How to become decisive? You need to learn how to make decisions. It seems easy, but in reality you have to get out of your comfort zone to acquire this character trait.
To become decisive, you first need to change the way you think. You must have your own point of view, not on all issues, but at least on those that somehow concern you. For example, your mother has looked after you all your life and wants you to work as a physicist at a local institute. Have you been interested in playing the guitar since childhood? What position would you take in this situation? Ideally, you would need to think through everything carefully: what the first and second jobs will give. A decisive person will find advantages and disadvantages, weigh everything and make a decision. After all, this is his life, not his mother’s. And if he still understands that he wants to connect his life with music, he will go in this direction. This is the very character trait we are talking about.
Therefore, if you are thinking about how to become a decisive person, then stop being afraid to take responsibility for your actions and learn to think with your own head. This is the only way you can become better.
Realize that you have already seduced a woman3
Experienced men only need one glance to understand how to seduce a girl. Of course, this is also a matter of practice, but even a beginner in love affairs should take signals from a lady. If you don't understand very subtle hints, you can start talking to the girl about sex. The more openly she talks to you, the better. You need to come from afar, after all, the phrase “do you like to fuck?” unlikely to be suitable for such a situation. When you realize that a woman wants you, the level of adrenaline in your blood will decide everything for you.
Connection
Do you think these three personality traits are related? Think about it.
All psychologists will tell you that without courage and self-confidence you will not become decisive. The same goes for other character traits.
Therefore, if you are thinking about how to become decisive, then try to develop self-confidence and fight your fears. When you begin to achieve success in this, determination will come by itself. You will simply know what you have the strength for and what you don’t.
And remember that no one but you can motivate you to complete tasks and achieve goals. Don’t set yourself the “I must” attitude. Explain to yourself why you are doing unpleasant tasks for yourself. Never go off course. If you are rested, take a break and continue working on yourself.
Why does this technique work?
Toyota successfully implemented this technique to improve its assembly line. Now imagine what it can do to help you solve common problems.
The 5 Why's technique is not difficult, but it will take some getting used to. If you're like most people, you tend to look for solutions to problems. Instead, start asking one question every time you encounter a difficult problem.
To start with, it could be something as small as getting stuck in traffic. In this case, your first question will be why you stopped. Having practiced on such simple and obvious things, you will be able to apply this technique to something more complex.
Eventually, you will know when to start questioning yourself and will be able to find the reason for most of your problems.
Some problems are easier to solve in a team, so you shouldn't always work alone. When you come across unfamiliar topics, discuss them with your team. Brainstorming will allow you to be more productive.
Get to know yourself better
Set aside an evening for a heart-to-heart conversation with yourself.
Ask yourself questions that will help you understand yourself better: “What do I consider important?”, “What am I afraid of?”, “What do I want to achieve?” Record your answers on paper to get a complete picture of what causes your feelings and emotions. And then describe what you already have in order to become bolder. For example, a goal, a great desire, character traits, support, motivation. Also describe what you will need to become bolder. For example, you are afraid to communicate with people. You think it's important to overcome this fear because you want to make friends. Shyness and lack of experience prevent you from doing this. They need to be defeated: learn to be more open and assertive, and even interact with people more often.
When you describe such a “strategy” for dealing with fear, based on an analysis of your personality, it is much easier to achieve your goal.
Share your fear with your loved ones
If you find it difficult to cope with your experiences, you need to share them.
By speaking our worries and fears out loud, we experience them again, structure them, and hear them “from the outside.” In addition, support from a loved one always helps in achieving goals and fighting fear, among other things. Maybe your interlocutor is afraid of the same thing as you, and discussing the problem will be productive for both of you. Or maybe he’ll prefer to just listen without unnecessary comments or advice, which is also useful. In the end, if you don’t have the right person or you’re embarrassed to talk about your fears because it’s too personal, you can ask a psychotherapist for help.
If it doesn't work right away, try again
You need to pump up your courage again and again, even if your attempts are not crowned with success.
Don't forget to praise yourself for not giving up, no matter how many times you try. It works like this: every time before we do something that scares us, we concentrate all our courage and take a step. In this way, we train our courage, and with each attempt this step will become easier until it brings the desired result.
Set realistic goals
To gain courage and achieve your goals with confidence, it is important to remain realistic by dreaming big. You need to draw up an action plan, breaking the global goal into several small and quite achievable ones. Break down your fear “piece by piece” and gradually cope with each of them.
For example, if you are afraid to go on rides, but still dream of doing it, you should not immediately go to the highest one that rotates around its axis. Such an adventure can only increase your fear and “discourage” all desire for such entertainment. Choose a smaller and simpler attraction to get used to the new sensations. After such a small step, you can explore higher structures, becoming bolder each time, and then conquer the biggest attraction you have dreamed of.
