It is almost impossible for a woman who does not value herself to attract a worthy man into her life. Why? It's simple: if you don't believe in yourself, it's unlikely that anyone else can instill that faith in you. Valuing yourself does not mean foaming at the mouth to prove to everyone how cool and worthy you are. Doesn't mean you have to force your husband or boyfriend to show how much he needs you. This is about something completely different - about self-love. Today I will help you figure out why it is so important to value yourself and how to learn to do it.
From this article you will learn:
- How is your attitude towards yourself formed?
- How does an insecure woman behave?
- Mistakes a woman makes when trying to improve her self-esteem.
- What will help boost women's self-esteem?
In order for you to better understand the topic of today’s article, I have recorded a video guide for you that will help you understand what it means to value yourself and how to learn to respect yourself in a relationship. Be sure to watch it after reading this material. If you like the video, don't forget to like and subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Where does self-esteem come from?
What does it mean to value yourself? There are misconceptions about what actions you need to do to be appreciated. Some people think that if you show others with your whole appearance how much you love yourself, or say phrases in front of the mirror like: “I am a goddess,” “I am cool, and everyone appreciates me,” this will somehow improve their self-esteem.
Others are sure that you need to strive by any means to receive confirmation of your worth from the man who is nearby. They begin to demand attention, compliments and gifts from him, believing that they thereby increase their importance in his eyes. In my opinion, such actions create the illusion of value. Let's figure out where self-esteem comes from? Of course, from childhood.
A child’s normal self-esteem is formed if the parents built a correct and comfortable relationship with him, in which important truths were conveyed to the child verbally and non-verbally: “You are our child. We see you, we listen to you, you are valuable to us. You are worthy and loved. Are you okay". Based on certain attitudes, the child develops an attitude towards himself.
But most of us heard the exact opposite as children. Why do you think? Because in their childhood, parents also did not hear words of support and did not feel their importance. And if a person does not value and love himself, it means that he does not have the resource to build harmonious relationships with his children.
And what happens? From not knowing how to behave correctly with a child, parents, without even realizing it, killed his self-esteem. When a child felt bad, he experienced negative emotions, perhaps cried - his parents could ignore him. When a child did something “wrong,” he was criticized: “You are behaving incorrectly, look at Sasha/Dasha/Masha! This is how it should be”, “Don’t stand out, be discreet”, “What’s wrong with you? It’s time to grow up and stop doing stupid things.” And now this child has grown up. With low self-esteem, with the awareness that something is wrong with him. He grew up and began to be surprised by the adult reality into which he found himself.
Always keep your promises
Respect is not automatically given to a person when you meet someone. It still needs to be earned. And the first thing you must do is always keep your promises. It is impossible to treat well a person who always lets you down. You must become a person you can rely on. In this case, you will earn favor and respect very quickly.
How to make a man respect you? Never waste words. Representatives of the stronger sex do not approve of the behavior of girls who do not know the value of their words. Understand that men always take your promises seriously. If your girlfriend can ignore the phrase that you promise her to lose 5 kilos by summer, the young man will sincerely believe that you will lose the weight you have gained. If you are not sure that you can cope with what a man wants from you, it is better to immediately say that you cannot fulfill his desire. Otherwise, the disappointment that the guy will experience after the waiting period will have a bad effect on your relationship.
How does self-esteem affect relationships with men?
Just imagine what a woman with low self-esteem thinks about? There is no love in her “adult” world, there are a lot of unanswered questions in her head, and she doesn’t know what to do. “Why don’t men look after me?”, “Why has my husband/boyfriend stopped being attentive?”, “Why do men treat me badly?” She lives, suffers from this and does not even realize that the answer to all her questions is very simple: “A man cannot treat you better than you treat yourself.”
Let's think further: how a woman with low self-esteem begins to behave in an attempt to change her life. What is she thinking? “Now I’ll tell him that I need his attention, and the man will give it to me.” And she begins to demand that her partner recognize her value, but for some reason it doesn’t work. The man does not begin to appreciate her more.
And then she chooses a different strategy: “I will try, I will prove to him that I am worthy of his love and attention. I will become the best wife, and they will love me.” But this does not make a woman happy, because she forces herself to become better. She is trying to change not for herself, but for someone.
If you recognize yourself at this point, I recommend reading my article with analyzes of characters from the popular series “Why Women Kill.” There the type of “deserving” of love is described in detail. I'm sure you will find it useful.
I really “like” another absolutely typical female position: “That’s it, from tomorrow I will appreciate and love myself!” And after reading a couple of posts on Instagram, she begins to convince herself how great she is, and begins writing statuses on social networks: “I’m alone at home. I am a queen!”, “I love myself! Is it true. Look how strong it is,” and backs up his loud statuses with beautiful selfies. Yes, of course, positive affirmations can inspire you for a while, but in the long run they will not change the structure of your attitude towards yourself.
Watch your speech
How to make a Cancer man respect you? About the same as a Capricorn or Aquarius man. The difference in character depends to a lesser extent on the zodiac sign of the stronger sex. Men respect those girls who behave with dignity. From childhood, all people are taught that girls are cute creatures who should be gentle and feminine. All men look for this image in representatives of the fair sex. When meeting a woman who, contrary to expectations, expresses herself not as a lady, but as a shoemaker, a man instinctively experiences hostility. Even if a man himself allows himself to use obscene language, such behavior is considered unacceptable for a girl. Speech is an indicator of the level of culture. And what kind of culture can we talk about when a woman cannot express her thoughts without swearing?
Is it possible to increase self-esteem by improving your business skills?
Women often try to increase their self-esteem by developing their business skills. I'll explain with an example. The woman thinks: “I have low self-esteem, and this does not suit me. But I will work on myself, develop and become, for example, a master of sports in fitness! This will help me boost my confidence!” She achieves this goal and increases her self-confidence to some extent. But this does not affect her entire life. Being a great specialist, she can still remain the same unhappy woman who “for some reason has no luck” with men.
Many women live by this “achiever” pattern. They deservedly believe: “I have a good job/business, everything is working out, and this means that everything is fine with my self-esteem.” Yes. But if you are unhappy in your personal life, it is very important to understand that with business self-esteem and career achievements you do not fall asleep at night and do not wake up in the morning. Business self-esteem is not the self-esteem in the context of which you build relationships with the opposite sex.
As a rule, such women try to compensate for dislike of themselves with the help of another person. What do they think? “I’m now going to find a person who will see how great I am and will treat me better than anyone in my life! He will appreciate and respect me.” And at first, when a man is in love and enchanted, perhaps this will be the case. But sooner or later he will get tired of servicing other people’s injuries and being a savior. He will leave, and the woman will still not be able to understand what is wrong with her. And again he will go “to war” to win love.
When a woman does not have an understanding of her own worth, she begins to fight for love and demand too much from her chosen one. But normal relationships cannot exist in this format. After all, love is not about war, it is about harmony.
If you have recognized yourself and want to understand how to become the woman who is truly loved and appreciated, and how to learn to respect yourself in a relationship, I invite you to my free online course “Man: Honest Instructions.” Register using the link right now. The course starts every Monday and lasts several days.
Don't make a scandal
What irritates men most about women? The ability to make a mountain out of a molehill. Many women do not know how to control their emotions; as soon as something does not go according to their plan, they start screaming. Are you used to expressing your outrage by raising your voice? Unlearn this habit. She annoys men. Representatives of the stronger sex believe that any conflict must be resolved in a civilized way.
Only a stupid person who is not worthy of respect will use his fists and raise his voice. Think twice before you argue your position by shouting the next time you argue. It is impossible to force a man to respect himself in this way. How to bring down arrogance and regain sobriety of thought? Close your eyes and count to ten. Don't think about anything, calm down. After this procedure, ask the man to repeat the last phrase and continue the conversation without unnecessary emotions.
Selfishness or self-love?
I want you not to confuse two completely different concepts: selfishness and self-love. Selfishness is when a person thinks only about himself and his desires, without paying attention to others. And self-love is when a person initially thinks about himself, and then about others. How it works?
When a woman begins to pay attention to herself, take care of herself and invest her energy in herself, she has something to share with the world - she is in harmony with herself. And by devoting her life to someone else, a woman sacrifices herself and begins to “earn” self-love from this world.
I am categorically convinced that self-love and self-understanding have nothing to do with selfishness. Remember this please.
Get rid of bad habits
Men can forgive representatives of their gender a lot, but they have a special attitude towards women. Guys believe that smoking is an exclusively male privilege. A woman with a cigarette looks ugly. How can you respect a lady who cannot control her bad habits, much less flaunt them?
A lady with a cigarette is associated in a man’s head with a woman of easy virtue. It is impossible to respect such ladies. Do you want to force a man to respect you (Scorpio or a representative of another zodiac sign - it doesn’t matter)? How to achieve admiration? Stop drinking and smoking. Cigarettes don't make a girl look good. They spoil the skin and slowly decompose the body from the inside. Do not spoil your health, as well as your good opinion of yourself.
How to boost self-confidence?
How to work on self-esteem and make it normal? It is clear that we cannot change the past, change our parents or erase memories from our memory. But we can change the way we view ourselves by working with our past. In the free online course “Man: Honest Instructions”, as well as in the paid program “The Way of a Woman”, I talk in detail about psychological techniques with which you can change your own attitude towards yourself. Therefore, if you have not taken my free course yet, register.
I am sure you will not regret the time spent and will enjoy viewing information that is useful to you. I hope this article was also useful and informative for you. And if you read it to the end and made honest conclusions about yourself, you are on the right path to your internal transformations and a harmonious life in which there is room for mutual love.
Respect others
Do you want to gain respect from others? First of all, you need to learn to respect other people yourself. A person who treats his loved ones with respect will never face the problem of boorish behavior. But those people who cannot restrain their feelings and emotions, constantly raise their voices and insult others, eventually end up losing friends, and their acquaintances turn away from them.
How to make a man respect himself? Psychologists insist that people behave the way they want to be treated. Do you want to gain the respect of the stronger sex? Treat men with respect. Listen to them carefully, do not interrupt, smile and be charming. When a person sees a sincere and friendly person in front of him, he involuntarily feels affection and respect for her.
A woman’s descent to two extremes in image and behavior:
- Tank woman. This is a special line of behavior, even a race of women who see a child in a man. She got a second job, and she’s pulling heavy string bags from the store, and she didn’t forget her husband’s jacket from the dry cleaner, a three-course dinner plus compote, she tinkered with the children, in the evening she asked her neighbor about the possibility of employment for someone who lies on the sofa in the evenings, scratching the area stomach and answers all questions: “Everything suits me!” And the woman, from the unbearability of existence, eternal fatigue and bewilderment: “Why is he so lacking initiative?” plows even more. It seems to her that the man needs help and inspiration. She is an armadillo, next to whom you feel safe, familiar, and comfortable like a son. Who would want to pamper such a woman, protect her, give her gifts, carry her in her arms, be a strong man, after all?!
- Comfortable woman. This is the other extreme of behavior in a relationship - a kind of fifa, requiring nothing and with a motto in life: “So that only you, dear, feel good, and I’ll sit right next to you, just don’t worry...” It’s inappropriate for a comfortable woman to ask a man for help, to declare their needs or disagreements, have interests and hobbies. In general, living the life of an individual. She is in a relationship, which means she needs to adapt, obey, justify, feel sorry for and worry about the man so that he does not injure the nervous system. She is so economical, therefore extremely attractive to immature men (let's be honest - only an infant will allow herself a comfortable one, so as not to invest in a relationship!) You don't have to give her flowers, don't give her a coat, don't ask about her well-being.
In both the first and second cases, women forget about the main thing - a man is a man, but you must always remain a woman. Soft, light, mysterious and... self-oriented!
An interesting woman is mysterious, unpredictable, and there is always a new facet or trait in her that will surprise a man. She is like a nesting doll, exploring which he is amazed at the versatility, diversity and diversity of the inner world. You can watch a video with my original technique “Matryoshka” on my YouTube channel.
