Hello, dear readers! Thanks to foreign films, now the phrase “we need to talk” is obviously perceived as something that promises serious problems, unexpected revelations, empty shelves in the closet. But a frank, long conversation must be present in every couple. This is the only way to convey thoughts, emotions to your partner, achieve respect, trust, and mutual understanding. It is important to know how to talk to a man about a relationship seriously, examples ready to be studied and adapted for yourself. In this blog article we will look at how to properly prepare for a discussion of a simmering or emerging problem, how to start/end a conversation, and how to prepare for an unexpected outcome.
Let's start with the fact that a serious conversation should be perceived as a desire to strengthen a love relationship, and not with the goal of bringing it to light, insulting, humiliating, or destroying everything. Communication in a couple exists to achieve an understanding of the situation, listen to the parties, apologize in time, find a compromise, and continue to build a bright future with a light heart. It is important to understand this and prepare for the conversation from this context.
How to talk to a man about relationships
If difficulties arise in the relationship, you need to talk to the man about the relationship, choose the right time for this and think in advance about what you will talk about.
Otherwise, the conversation may develop into a quarrel consisting of mutual accusations. A serious conversation is necessary in case of loss of mutual understanding, if one of the partners has cheated, or if there is physical or psychological violence in the family. This conversation will either change the situation or the relationship will end.
You should talk in a calm environment. Timing is also of great importance. You cannot start a conversation with a hungry, tired or in a hurry husband. Both should be calm and ready for a serious dialogue.
The main key to a healthy relationship is mutual understanding, respect and mutual support.
How to get a man to talk about relationships
Sometimes you can’t get a man to have a frank conversation, then you have to cheat a little.
Don't use the expression “we need to talk.” Having heard it, men begin to imagine various undesirable situations - you are pregnant, you have someone else. We need to find workarounds.
For example, your loved one is no longer as attentive as before, and you are wondering why this is happening. To find out this before you bring him into a frank conversation, remember the best times and, as if by chance, think out loud: “I wonder why everything changes in life.” Perhaps your loved one would like to talk about this topic.
The conversation will be successful if you choose your words correctly and are not too emotional. When starting a conversation, do not glare at him, he will feel uncomfortable. It is best to talk in his arms, so he will be more frank.
When asking a question, do not rush him; it is possible that he will not immediately join the conversation. He needs time to think.
The relationship between spouses is a joint work of two people when they discuss life issues together. And what worries one should also worry the other. If your partner is not interested in your problems, then his intentions are not too serious.
Monitoring
Simply put, we study the tastes, habits, and preferences of the desired object.
This is necessary to:
attract attention, imitate interest, demonstrate similarity of views and interests, fill the conversation with topics of interest to him.
Does a man like sports? We look at sports-related information. We learn the names of famous athletes. It will not be superfluous for general development.
Are you interested in French comedy? Pierre Richard should also become your favorite comedian.
It is more difficult if this person is a scientist or financier. Nowadays there is a lot of popular information on this topic. Although, maybe he loves something else besides work?
Rules for frank conversation
In order for the conversation to be effective, you must adhere to certain rules.
Be sincere
Frankness allows partners to understand their relationship. But the conversation is not always positive, and then the wife and husband become more and more distant from each other.
Not every person can talk frankly, even if he understands that there are many unresolved problems that have accumulated, and they cannot be solved silently. This may be due to a lack of trust in the partner or lack of self-confidence.
Forget about past grievances
Often during a dialogue a woman behaves incorrectly. The relationship between the spouses is already tense to the limit, and she begins to remember how her husband once offended her. And he withdraws into himself, because all this happened a long time ago, and he does not want to consider himself guilty. And there is already plenty of negativity in life.
And if he knows you well and understands that after hearing his revelations, you will reproach him in the future, you will not expect the truth from him. Calmly remember what happened then, who was to blame for it, and think about how you would behave in that situation. Try to analyze everything and understand that you are both to blame for what happened.
Forgive your loved one and forget about what happened. What happened is gone and don’t remember it anymore. The resentment will go away, and life will sparkle with bright colors. Over time, all the bad things will be forgotten and lose their significance.
Learn to listen to others
Try to accept your loved one with his habits and weaknesses. If he shares his problems with you, do not brush him off, but listen and, if possible, help.
Treat him with respect, your relationship should be built on sincerity and mutual understanding. Give each other tenderness, kindness and love and all this will come back to you doubly.
End the conversation on a positive note
Positivity is something positive. In modern realities, it serves to simplify speech and shorten the phrases “positive emotions”, “positive result”, “positive energy”.
Source Wikipedia
If you managed to get a man to have a frank conversation, tell him that you value your relationship with him, you want to live a long, happy life with him and will try to avoid conflict situations.
The main thing is that your conversation has a positive attitude. By pouring out your soul to each other and talking, you will help each other get out of the crisis situation that has arisen in your relationship.
If frank conversations become commonplace in your family, not a single quarrel will become a reason for breaking off relations.
Personal space
You should not completely occupy all his free time, do only what is interesting to your lover. After all, there is a risk that soon the mistress will turn into a second wife, who will also become uninteresting, he will consider her a read book and completely his own.
You need to periodically leave him alone, go away with friends for a few days, disappear from social networks, turn off your phone and not tell him where you were and how you spent your time. After all, the mistress has the right to this. The man leaves for his wife and she does not ask what he is doing with her there. So why shouldn’t she live for herself. A mistress who is too open and reports to her beloved about her every step soon becomes boring and becomes like his wife, and the one who sometimes disappears from his life for at least a few days and does not report on her movements is interesting, he is afraid of losing her.
You might even make him a little jealous. This is not about betrayal, but about simple flirting, innocent communication. After all, every man is a hunter, an owner and will not tolerate a rival; he is afraid of losing such a woman. And for a mistress, flirting on the side will be useful: she will be convinced that she is still attractive to men, she will be able to relax a little and get a charge of positive emotions. Or maybe it is during such flirting that he will find a bachelor with whom he can later build the relationship of his dreams.
These were tips on how to behave with a married lover, and then we will consider those situations and forms of behavior that should not be allowed.
How to figure out a relationship with a man without a quarrel
Family problems will still have to be resolved, otherwise quarrels may begin because of them.
How to find out the relationship peacefully?
- To begin with, forget about aggression, learn to calm yourself down and not say too much in the heat of the moment;
- Clarify the relationship in a calm tone, without hysterics, shouting and insults;
- Learn to find compromises;
- Clearly voice your complaints, present reasonable arguments, because your partner will not understand anything from the phrase “when will this finally end”, he is not clairvoyant
- Figure out why the problem occurred. If you cannot talk calmly, it means that the person is annoying and unpleasant to you. Then what is the point in further relations with him? Scandals lead to the destruction of relationships, therefore, if you want to maintain the relationship, you must treat your partner with respect.
Watch your emotions and speech, and over time it will become a habit.
Results
A serious conversation does not necessarily mean loud shouting and swearing. This is the definition of a scandal, not constructive, emotional. It is important to talk as a couple, to spend an hour and a half in a quiet, perhaps difficult, but necessary conversation. Maybe the first conversation will not be as expected, but in the future both partners will take it more calmly and not get worked up at the suggestion of “talking.” Psychologist John Gottman proved that the mood with which a conversation begins is how it will end. Approach the conversation with tenderness, full of love and a desire to become even closer.
Share your thoughts on a serious conversation. Have you ever had to initiate a difficult conversation? Was the ultimatum applied, and does he really have the right to be in a loving couple?
How to talk to a girl about relationships seriously
If you have been in a relationship with a girl for some time, then sooner or later you will have to start a conversation about the future. And although this conversation makes you afraid, it is the only way to understand whether your expectations are aligned.
How to discuss your problems without ruining your relationship?
Don't talk about relationships vaguely
If you are not sure of your feelings and think that you will not have a long and strong relationship with this girl, say so right away. There is no need to pretend and remain silent about your real feelings. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to say.
There is no need to be afraid of scandal. The main thing is to say it honestly and tactfully - then the girl will understand you and respond adequately to your words.
Don't panic if your plans differ
Let's say that the girl is not going to get married in the near future. And you decided to propose to her. Be patient and try to talk about this topic delicately and without criticism.
Over time, people's opinions change, so do not rush to break off relations with a girl because your plans do not coincide.
Specify approximate deadlines
It’s somehow uncomfortable and scary to talk about marriage and future children. But this topic should not be ignored. Don't be afraid to tell the truth that you are not yet ready for a serious relationship. But we need to set approximate dates for when we can talk about this. Serious issues should not be left hanging.
It is not necessary to discuss all aspects of life together at once
Although the topic is serious, it is not at all necessary to discuss all issues of living together at once. You can tell the girl that you can return to this issue in three or four months. The main thing is to be honest.
The ability to talk about relationships with each other is the basis of any relationship. And it is important not only how to speak, but also when, so that the conversation bears fruit.
Over time, feelings become dull, the former passion disappears. To prevent a breakdown in relationships, they need to be maintained and strengthened.
Reasons for male isolation
Psychologists say that a man’s silence can be explained by a number of reasons.
- Different culture. This is the main reason for the lack of mutual understanding between the sexes.
Dear girls! Biological differences are inherent in us by nature, so they have no effect on relationships. But differences in culture are another matter; they really provoke misunderstanding.
It is such a custom among men that it is wrong to demonstrate their sentimentality. In their opinion, only weaklings cry and show tenderness, and frivolous ones smile.
3 important steps
which every woman should go through
Anika Snagovskaya
Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.
I have prepared three lessons for you that will help you better understand yourself, remove the restrictions that prevent you from feeling loved and living happily.
01
Video lesson with meditation: 5 states of femininity
You will learn about 5 female states that exist in every woman, how they manifest themselves and which archetypes are most manifested in you and which are not developed.
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Video lesson + meditation: How to let go of past relationships
I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.
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Take your gifts!
But is brutal masculinity a bad thing? Seriousness, courage and bravery are what lead a man to victories on all fronts. But modernity dictates different realities: the stronger sex has to show their courage less and less. Nevertheless, it is still not easy for women to come to terms with the behavior and opinions of the opposite sex; they strive, if not to change the law, then to adjust their partners to themselves. But can a man give up his usual instincts and change, become soft and compliant?
What conclusion can be drawn? It is difficult for the stronger sex to change, especially when there is no point in it. We need to learn to understand and accept men along with their natural nature. A man is a warrior, and he must remain so.
- The fear that other men will not understand him and will criticize his ability to chat is another reason to remain silent.
Men also experience emotions, but they are not always ready to express them. They believe that if they give vent to their feelings, they may be ridiculed by others. A noticeable manifestation of concern for his beloved will give others a reason to call him henpecked or a ladies' man. It seems to a man that caring for loved ones in front of others is an indicator of a lack of masculinity.
The conclusion from the above suggests the following: the fear of appearing funny and weak becomes a serious deterrent that does not allow your partner to open up. But it’s still possible to get a man to talk, and sometimes it’s necessary.
You won’t be able to solve the problem instantly; everything needs to be done gradually and unobtrusively. Just show your loved one that any attempt he makes to take care of you is of great value. Don't be shy to show him your delight. Express gratitude and show caring in return. He just needs time. Later, your man will feel the need for your positive attitude, which will be caused by his love and care.
How to talk correctly to strengthen relationships
Remember when you first met your beloved man, you couldn’t talk to him? But time passes, and you begin to communicate mainly only about everyday topics - who will pick up the child from kindergarten, who will pay utility bills, where the family will spend the weekend. Interest in your partner gradually disappears. The longer a couple is together, the less they talk. together.
Communication makes it possible to feel connected to your loved one and recharge with positive energy.
How to start having heart-to-heart conversations on different topics and with the same interest as at the very beginning of a relationship?
- Make time to talk. If, after returning from work and having dinner, the first thing you do is turn on the TV or computer or immerse yourself in your smartphone, then the likelihood that you will switch to your loved one is very small. Set aside just 20–30 minutes for communication. Talk about how your day went, how things are going at work, how he is feeling
- Get your partner interested. Start the conversation with a topic that interests him. This may be the key to trusting communication.
- Listen carefully to your partner. During a call, to save time, you can wash dishes or wipe dust. Yes, you can multitask, but for your significant other this means a lack of interest in what he is talking about and he will stop talking.
What mistakes should you not make when talking to a man?
If you decide to talk to a man about a relationship, in order to avoid unnecessary quarrels, remember some points:
- Think carefully before you express your opinion. Not all thoughts should always be voiced. Especially if it concerns claims against your partner. Do not attack him with dissatisfaction and criticism for any reason. Let an hour or two pass, you will cool down, and then the conversation will be more adequate;
- Don't interrupt your partner. Be patient and learn to listen to him. Let him express to the end everything he wanted to say;
- Speak directly, not in riddles. A man is unlikely to be able to guess, for example, why you are offended by him or what you currently want. We need to talk about this directly. Frank dialogue will strengthen your relationship;
- There is no need to remain silent if you don’t like something. In any situation, it is better to be able to find a compromise.
White flag
Again, the invaluable observations of John Goth: successful couples, unlike dysfunctional ones, seemed to throw out a “white flag” during a quarrel - they said something reconciling, suddenly joked and even stuck out their tongues. If the “white flag” was accepted by the other side, the tension dropped sharply.
One of my favorite “white flags” - it seems to be already built into my DNA, I throw it out fully automatically - is recognition and confirmation: of my partner’s contribution, his efforts, his feelings, his good intentions. I call such phrases fire extinguishers for quarrels.
“I know you’re very tired too.”
“I remember how toys on the floor irritate you.”
“I understand that you wanted the best and tried very hard.”
“Of course, you also wish the best for our son. I know".
“Yes, I understand why you don’t like to talk about it.”
The “white flag” can also be non-verbal, without words: pour tea for your husband, come up and bury your forehead in his shoulder, smile.
It is important not only to wave the “white flag” yourself - to say or do something that would make your partner understand: I do not see you as an enemy. It is also very important to be able to discern the “white flag” when someone else is waving it. And accept it, wave back.
