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- What is modesty
- Modesty and Shyness
- Modesty in Religion
- Pros of modesty
- Disadvantages of modesty
- How to get rid of modesty
In psychology, modesty is understood as a moral quality, which shows the attitude of an individual towards himself and others. She is not characterized by arrogance or boasting, and with others she behaves the same way with everyone, even if there is a reason for pride. The basis of this quality is positive, but there are negative examples of modesty.
What is modesty
Let's look at the concept of modesty in more detail. The term “modest” has existed in our language since the 17th century. It means humble, moderate, meek and undemanding. This is someone who does not put his own personality above others.
Modesty cannot be considered only a positive or negative quality. In the lives of self-respecting people, this quality becomes a virtue. But for politicians and public figures it is a disadvantage.
Modesty due to cowardice or lack of self-confidence is a problem for the individual himself. An overly modest or inappropriately modest girl may remain alone forever. But on the other hand, the lack of this quality, selfishness and showing oneself to the detriment of others creates considerable problems.
Learn to relax
This is especially useful when a modest person finds himself in the company of self-confident, bright personalities. Anxiety grows inside, a desire appears to leave these people, to retire, to shake things up somehow. Take note of these exercises:
- Alternate nostril breathing. Go to a private place and close your right nostril to inhale with your left. Then close your left nostril and exhale through your right. The whole point is to inhale through one nostril and exhale through the other. Repeat the cycle 10 times.
- Five-minute meditation. Play nature sounds in your headphones and concentrate on them to let go of anxious thoughts.
- Laughter therapy. Just watch some funny videos or pictures. The main thing is to laugh sincerely. Laughter helps relieve nervous tension.
You will find many other practices for calming down in our article on how to stop being nervous.
Modesty and Shyness
A person acquires most of the qualities that are inherent in a person in infancy, and some before birth. Scientists' analyzes say that in the womb we are able to hear not only the conversations of mom and dad, but also capture the mother's thoughts. If a child feels that he is desired, then in the future he will grow up confident in his own abilities. If during pregnancy the mother does not love the child, then he has every chance of growing up as a person without self-confidence and with a sense of guilt.
It is worth noting that modesty and shyness are different concepts.
Shyness is a manifestation of lack of confidence in one’s own strengths, the fear of not being liked. This quality interferes at first in childhood, but if the child is not helped, then in adulthood he will be afraid to set goals and achieve them.
Modesty is an indicator of the upbringing of a confident person. A person knows his strengths very well, but does not flaunt them. Therefore, it is believed that modesty is an adornment.
So, after all, is modesty an adornment for a person or a burden for him? The uniqueness of each individual is undeniable. Based on this, it turns out that life principles, character, and set of habits are unique in everyone.
We are similar to each other, but we are different, like snowflakes and fingerprints. For one person something is good, but for another it is the opposite. Based on this, it is difficult to say for sure whether it is better to remain modest or, on the contrary, to do everything for show.
Probably everyone will remember a situation in life when the arrogant behavior of another person humiliated their dignity or offended them, causing outrage. This behavior causes negative emotions. Similar feelings arise when we see unbridled behavior, etc.
Now imagine a girl who, embarrassed, lowers her gaze. Or a man who gives way, offers his hand. Good manners, modesty and respect are almost synonymous concepts. You can remain a modest person, but confidently follow your own goal. And it is these individuals who are able to achieve what they want.
— Celebrity opinions about a modest person.
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“Modesty is the kind of pride that least irritates others,” said Jules Renard. So, modesty is just well-disguised pride? Interesting opinion.
“Mr Attlee is a very humble man. And he has every reason for this.” Winston Churchill is well known for his provocative aphorisms. It is obvious that he did not have the highest opinion of modesty either. Is modesty a screen behind which limitations are hidden? Unconvincing and quite controversial. For some reason I feel very sorry for Mr. Attlee.
“It’s easier for ugly girls to lead modest lives.” Film star Marlene Dietrich decisively sided with the British Prime Minister, not conceding his lack of tact. But the question of “ugliness” is subjective, and beauty is not eternal. And in old age, not everyone is a model of modesty.
“Humble natures tend to accept their circle of friends ready-made at the hands of chance,” said Robert Louis Stevenson. Deeply and generally true. A modest person will be embarrassed to take a step in the direction of a company that is truly close to him. However, is this a plus of modesty or vice versa?
“Modesty is the middle ground between shamelessness and shyness.” Aristotle, as always, is laconic and logical. If shamelessness is a clear vice, and shyness is a minor flaw, then virtue must necessarily fit somewhere between them.
“In everything one must observe moderation, even in modesty,” Anatole France convinces us, admitting the existence of modesty, but calling for caution. Perhaps it is precisely if this condition is met that a person can be considered modest, but gifted and bright.
“Excessive modesty leads to incompetence,” agrees with the Frenchman, the classic of American science fiction, Harry Garrison.
Interesting and different points of view. Perhaps the key word here is “redundant . You have to be modest in everything, even modesty. And then everything will work out for us! Having emerged from the shadow of our competitors, we will definitely invent something, conquer someone and break through somewhere. And then, modestly lowering our eyes, we will accept the well-deserved compliments of the fans sobbing with happiness. You may be interested in the article “Stop Blushing“.
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Modesty in Religion
All religious movements call on people to be simple, humble, and to make do with little. The desire for pleasure, in any of its manifestations, has never been welcomed by religions. On the contrary, it is generally accepted that giving up such pleasures will cleanse the body and soul and bring them closer to spiritual benefits.
The opposite of modesty in the religious understanding is pride. This is a sin because it does not allow the individual to show forgiveness, compassion, and humility. Even Christ himself washed the feet of his own disciples. There is a hidden importance in this action that is not immediately noticeable. Hidden here is not just the meaning of renouncing superiority, but also the sacrament of purifying the soul.
Spend resources on yourself
Modesty often goes hand in hand with restrictions on oneself: in food, beautiful clothes, pleasures. Such a person thinks: “Why do I need this? Where will I wear this? I need something simpler, more modest and cheaper...” I myself belong to this category of people.
The same goes for time, another critical resource.
If you have to choose who should buy a more expensive gift: yourself or a relative, choose yourself. Don't be modest. If you want an expensive lipstick, buy one brand name instead of several cheap ones. Do you want to relax, but haven’t washed the dishes at home? Grab a book and relax in the bath.
Simply because you deserve these little pleasant moments. You don't have to live modestly.
Pros of modesty
Let's consider the pros and cons of such a quality as modesty. Let's start with the positive side.
Usually, modesty is inherent in girls because this quality is characteristic of them; it is a decisive factor in creating character. Modest girls have always been an example of femininity. This quality was considered an indicator of manners, politeness, and education. From childhood, girls were taught rules, etiquette, and good manners in schools. Initially, they were instilled with modesty.
Nowadays, modesty does not have such a high value, but it has not gone unnoticed. It is easier to communicate with such people; they are not rude or offend people. At the same time, we are always ready to help and support. These people do not exalt themselves above others; they maintain some distance. Such a person is unlikely to be able to ask you for anything, but he will gladly fulfill your requests, even to his own detriment.
Modest individuals rarely become the center of intrigue or gossip; rumors do not circulate about them. If you do not like to act as a leader, to be in the center of the company, or to be an altruist, then modesty is your quality.
Why are you being modest
Let's start with the usual soul-searching - this is the standard first step to solving personal problems. Turn on your awareness and observe in what situations your modesty intervenes. Then ask yourself the question: “Why?”
Don't look for a convenient and correct answer. Take things apart and ask yourself again and again. For example, you are given a task and asked how much money you want for it. You dream of one amount, but name another, much less. Why? Because you are afraid that you will be called insolent. Why? Because this has happened before or there is simply a fear of appearing bad to others.
Analogize your case. This way you will find the root cause and be able to deal with the problem. Don’t scold yourself for stupidity, excessive modesty, or fears. Treat your question carefully, as if you were a caring parent.
Recognize your problem, start developing more positive qualities and make them a source of pride.
Disadvantages of modesty
But not everyone is sure that modesty should be considered a positive personality trait. Some consider this particular trait to be the reason for unluckiness, because modesty is the main disadvantage of a modern person.
But in reality, what does the world know about humble individuals? Nothing. None of the famous people can be called modest or insecure. Based on this, it is concluded that modesty is not required to achieve heights and prosperity. But this is not the entire list of disadvantages. Modesty becomes the cause of failures on the personal front.
According to statistics, most men prefer modest girls, but in practice everything is different. Modesty interests a representative of the stronger sex only in the initial stages of a relationship, when it acts as a mystery. But if it does not go away with the development of the relationship, then the man loses interest and switches to more relaxed representatives of the fairer sex.
It turns out that due to excessive modesty, a girl can lose her chance and be left alone. This quality is a hindrance not only on the personal front, but in building a career. Moving up when you do all the work for yourself and your colleagues and do not try to get a salary increase becomes impossible.
Humble individuals never desire leadership. What they have is enough for them; they do not try to improve their lives. It is worth saying that there are enough arguments against modesty to force you to reconsider your own attitude towards this trait. Modesty takes on negative traits if:
is on display. This approach is often used by insecure people. The one who demonstrates his own shyness and modesty achieves praise. Such actions are called false modesty; natural modesty is called a positive quality, if it did not become the cause of complexes. Often excessive modesty and lack of self-confidence become a real problem. They do not allow the personality to develop.
Shy people limit their own capabilities in every area of life. It is difficult for them to take steps towards interesting people. At work, they have a lot of interesting ideas in their heads, but they are embarrassed to share them. In interactions with others, such a person is silent and uninteresting. Therefore, it cannot be said for sure that modesty adorns a person. If this trait is seen to a moderate extent and does not interfere with normal life, then it is positive.
The reason for excessive modesty, as psychologists are sure, can be the following factors:
genetic. Researchers claim that there is a gene for shyness. From the moment of birth, it is noticeable in individuals with an unstable nervous system; upbringing. The wrong approach to education and lack of communication skills become constraining for a person, they force him to become overly shy; childhood trauma. Due to the shock that a person experienced at an early age, many qualities can suffer, so modesty is not an exception.
When does timidity form?
They talk about modesty differently if it developed from shyness. In this state of affairs, a person develops a fear of people. By the age of 2, many children become shy, hide behind their mother’s skirt, and lower their gaze at the sight of an unfamiliar person. It looks cute, but without proper correction, this behavior, and most importantly the reaction that provokes it, becomes the norm and significantly reduces the quality of life of an adult.
For such a person, talking with an unfamiliar person causes fear. She is afraid of saying or doing something wrong. The main cause of anxiety is the fear of being ridiculed by other people. This character trait is called false modesty. Due to constant fear, a person is in nervous tension, which leads to various mental disorders and physiological abnormalities.
How to get rid of modesty
There are several options for answering the question of how to get rid of modesty. One of them involves character building, training and special classes. Another is to seek support from a specialist. For self-training of character, the following recommendations are suitable:
Strengthen your character. If you want to do or say something, do it, even if the words or actions turn out to be stupid. Communicate with others more often. You should not refuse a possible meeting with classmates, classmates, colleagues or friends. Remember, in childhood, modesty does not interfere with communication. Stop tormenting yourself with reproaches for failing at something. On the contrary, celebrate what you did well. Think about how to fix what doesn't work. Use the “casual acquaintance” training. To do this, come to a place where there are a lot of people and try to meet and communicate with complete strangers.
If the above methods do not help, then you need to seek professional psychological help. The expert will conduct all the required diagnostic tests, and if necessary, develop an action plan and tell you how to overcome modesty.
But it is necessary to fight this personal quality only when it becomes excessive. With moderate modesty, be proud of this feeling, remember that it is a person’s adornment.
Get out of your comfort zone
I often see this advice in articles and videos by psychologists. It may seem to you that this is very scary and difficult, but in reality it is not difficult to implement a way out of your comfort zone.
If you are overly modest, try to act outside the mold. For example, when you don't know where to go in the city, don't use the map on your smartphone. Disturb other people. Ask them for directions. You can also ask passers-by for the time and contact people in queues or transport. Say, “These lines are driving me crazy!”
Goodwill and openness are very helpful in overcoming modesty. Give a stranger a compliment. For example, tell a man in a vehicle who smells nice that he has a very good perfume and you would like to know the name. Or note that the sales girl looks beautiful.
Practice often
Modesty can only be overcome through practice. If you talk to a stranger once, it will not work completely, but will just add a little courage to you. Try to practice the above techniques often and regularly to keep yourself in shape.
The gold standard for developing new behavior is 21 days. During this time, the habit takes root.
The more often you practice, the better you get. To stay on track, you need to develop willpower. Because when you leave your usual comfort zone, you will experience difficulties. We will have to cultivate a new character in ourselves.
