In this article we will tell you:
- The meaning of the phrase “to woo a man”
- Tips for winning over men
- Pros and cons of women's initiative
- 5 feminine tricks to win over men
- 7 reasons to pass the initiative into male hands
It is generally accepted that the man initiates the relationship. An invitation to a date, courtship, a cherished declaration of love, a marriage proposal - he must be responsible for all this. But what should girls do if the long-awaited prince is not on the horizon or he is not active? Of course, take the initiative into your own hands.
Women are naturally endowed with the ability to seduce and know many tricks to attract attention and win favor. It’s just that many people don’t know whether it’s worth pursuing a man, because sympathy may not be mutual. Our article will help you understand the intricacies of relationships.
Did you like the guy
Games of being a hard-to-get woman have long lost their relevance. You don’t have to wait passively for a man to notice you and approach you first. The fact that you are able to start a conversation yourself does not make you more approachable and certainly does not diminish your dignity.
If we want to live in a world of gender equality, we need to abandon the idea that the leading role in relationships belongs exclusively to men. He is not the hunter, and you are not the prey - you are just two people who liked each other. You'd be surprised how many guys love girls who can put their foot down and not wait for someone to win them over.
Initiative in relationships: who owes whom?
Traditionally, the role of the hunter is assigned to the stronger sex. They say that a man should take the initiative during dating, call back after the first date, and invite him to a second date.
An erroneous opinion is created that all this time a girl needs to pretend to be an impregnable snow queen and only sometimes take reciprocal steps. Nonsense! Guys, even though they are hunters, will not look at an indifferent person.
When a gentleman shows sincere interest, and does not just “wag his tongue,” this attracts the young lady. She smiles sweetly and begins to flirt. After all, these are the women men love. In this situation, everything develops naturally.
However, some guys cannot boast of being active. They are timid, shy, and sit in the friend zone. The reasons are different. Starting from natural modesty, ending with the sad experience of previous relationships. You shouldn’t immediately label such people as “losers.” If you like a guy, take a step forward. There are many types of female initiative in relationships. I'll talk about this a little later.
Do you want to take your relationship to the next level?
Playing games, weaving intrigues, dropping hints is a difficult, time-consuming and not the most promising way to push a guy to make a commitment. If you see that you can have a serious relationship, and not a short affair, tell your partner about your feelings. If you want to take your relationship to a new level, for example, start living together, say so.
You can't force a guy to commit, but you can let him know that you want to move forward and not wait for him to figure it out on his own.
Female view: completely for male initiative, but...
I’ll say right away that I am completely for the male initiative. Probably, the educational instructions of my mother are strong in me, who taught me to be a lady down to the tips of my nails and not to meet a guy first.
Even if he showed the activity characteristic of real men and gave his phone number when meeting, you should use it no earlier than two or three days, then almost from the first seconds of the conversation you can understand whether he was expecting a call, whether he liked you and whether it is worth continuing communication . But being an impeccable lady a la blue bloods is now oh so difficult! Let me explain why.
Firstly, the profession requires you to be hyper-communicative with both women and men.
Secondly, my passion for photography has completely destroyed the stereotype “a girl doesn’t write (call) first”: among my models there are many young men, and just walking up to a nice guy on the street and asking to take his photo is no longer a problem for me.
Thirdly, the age of gallant knights, alas, has practically passed, and to expect mercy from the stronger sex means to expect practically nothing. Accordingly, I often take risks and play all-in.
During my school years, I was quite recognizable in my native city village, and the guys did not dare to meet such a famous girl. All the slow dancing at discos had to be done near the wall, but I wanted to be on the dance floor. Even then I understood well the price of popularity. At the same time, I came to the conclusion that attractive appearance and success in any field do not guarantee crowds of fans. Secret ones, maybe, but definitely not obvious ones.
And the main personal conclusion: if you want to invite a boy you like, invite him. It’s not a fact that in ten years he will seem just as special to you, but you will definitely remember that dance with him at the disco.
I often hear from men that ladies are too proud, make unreasonably high demands on them, and begin to imagine themselves as real queens with modest physical, financial and, let’s be honest, mental capabilities. And you can’t approach anyone without getting rejected.
As a rule, a couple of cases of unsuccessful acquaintance are enough for a young man to draw his own conclusion about women in general. In fairness, it should be noted that complaints often come from those who themselves are not able to give anything to a woman and believe that she demands too much from him. Perhaps even initiative will not help such a subject, because he is initially determined to defeat.
Experts have come to the conclusion that people are to some extent afraid of beautiful
According to the results of one sociological study, experts came to the conclusion that people are to some extent afraid of beautiful people: they don’t sit next to them in transport, don’t talk to them on the street, and in a large company they try to stay away from the most attractive ones.
It's all about comparing yourself to someone else's appearance. Many people cannot withstand such competition. As a result, beautiful men and women remain either alone or with those who do not care at all about conventions and the results of social research. And there are very few recent examples in life.
Men, if in a cafe, on the street or in a store an attractive girl holds her gaze at you a little longer than just fleetingly and smiles welcomingly - go ahead and get acquainted boldly! It’s not scary to get a refusal, because a stranger may simply get scared and blurt out something out of place out of surprise. Turn it all into a joke, or even better, start communication with it.
They say laughter brings people together best
They say laughter brings people together best. In addition, this is a chance to see sincere emotions on the girl’s face and convince her of your good intentions.
If a woman’s initiative when meeting people is not always appropriate, then in order to continue communication, I think it is simply necessary.
After all, it’s difficult for a man to always lead a lady, and her indifference even scares him off. Call a guy for a walk in the evening, ask him to accompany you to a movie or at a party with friends - there are plenty of plausible excuses for meetings, without the girl seeming intrusive or too bold. But, dear ladies, we sometimes have a lot of courage, because not only a man, but the whole world can be in our tender hands.
Alesya PUSHNYAKOVA.
You don't have fun in bed
Despite our superficial similarities, our bodies are designed and work differently, so there is no one-size-fits-all way for all women to enjoy sex. If you don't get an orgasm, you can only fix it together with your partner, so he should know about your problem. Remember that sex is not a way to satisfy a partner, but a mutual action, and the pleasure from it should also be mutual. A man does not read your thoughts, and besides, many of them are not even able to determine whether their partner has achieved orgasm or not. Don't be afraid to say you need more stimulation or suggest trying new positions. We have already told you what to do if a guy does not respond to your requests for sex.
Prejudice
The relationship between a couple is formed during acquaintance. And this is where most women fall into the trap.
The old social attitude works: the first step is humiliating. You need to wait until the man matures. In the same way, stereotypes whisper in his ear that he MUST take the first step himself.
While you are in standby mode, for every worthy man there will be 10 proactive girls who will be able to attract his attention. And one of them will definitely take a vacant place in his life.
Is it possible to wait until old age?
Do you want to reduce the distance between you?
The MeToo era has changed the way people approach dating and dating, making it more comfortable, safer, but also more difficult. A respectful guy will look for clear signals before he decides to cross physical boundaries with a girl, which is why it's important for us not to be passive. If you like the attention of a man, you can take the first step towards getting closer: move, touch, directly say that you want to kiss him. This will give him confidence that he correctly understands your reaction.
Tips for winning over men
A true woman does not need to spy on men, run after them, she knows how to turn the situation so that her admirers do this. After all, such a lady has a powerful weapon, namely, her feminine charm. Thanks to him, tough guys become shy around her, and the most formidable bosses are speechless. Even harsh military men are ready to surrender to the beautiful enchantress.
Don’t delude yourself if you managed to attract a man’s attention, as this, unfortunately, doesn’t mean anything yet. After all, the first date can bring disappointment and you may end up being the only one. If you are determined and answer yes to the question of whether it is worth pursuing a man, you need to get down to business thoroughly. You will have to seduce the gentleman so much that he will dream of meeting you again.
As practice shows, you can't go far on good looks alone. It is necessary to have other arguments in stock. How to prepare:
- Collect as much information as possible about your chosen one. Any person, and especially a man, loves it when people talk about him, especially in a laudatory manner. You need to know all the positive sides of this young man.
- No game! You must be genuinely passionate. You should exude interest and sympathy. Don't try to reveal all of yourself on the first date. A man should awaken a strong interest in you, which he can satisfy only gradually with each new meeting.
- Be natural. There is an opinion that men love with their eyes, and some girls go a little overboard, trying to make themselves look like candy. But it’s worth knowing that guys don’t take girls dressed too revealingly seriously. And it’s better to be careful with makeup. In addition, it is important to show modesty and restraint in speech and gestures used.
- Be seductive. Show that you are happy and relaxed. You like the way you look, you are confident and consider yourself worthy of your chosen one. You radiate magnetism and charm. Believe me, such a state will not go unnoticed either by those around you or by the man with whom you are dating.
So, instead of just sitting around waiting to be noticed, take action. The man's initiative is just around the corner. Show some effort on your part, this will be an impetus for your chosen one to “wake up” and notice you.
Why do men expect initiative from women?
Photo by Wesner Rodrigues: Pexels
It is believed that a man is responsible for courtship, showing signs of attention and initiative. In any case, that’s what the weaker sex would like. Previously, young people were more dominant in this matter. However, now, under the influence of changes in modern society, this is no longer considered an unchangeable postulate.
Let's look at what specifically influenced men:
- Upbringing.
Education is the basis for human development. Personal qualities, including attitudes towards women, are shaped primarily by the family.
As a rule, this is the example of the father. As well as knowledge, experience, moral principles passed down from the older generation.
If the mother is the dominant figure in the family, and the father is passive and inactive, most likely the child will absorb this model of behavior and will wait for initiative from his chosen one.
The situation is similar if the boy grew up with his mother and grandmother (parents are divorced). There is also a risk of raising a man who lacks initiative, if the mother and grandmother try to do everything for the child, not allowing him to make decisions. It seems to them that they convey care and love in this way, but in the future this negatively affects the formation of masculine qualities.
- Social influence.
This includes both the influence of friends and the influence of the media on the formation of a person’s position. If a man is subject to the influence of others, he can adopt an attitude towards a particular situation from the outside.
Let's say, having found himself in a company where young people are disdainful of women, he gradually adopts their point of view and begins to treat them the same way. Accordingly, when he meets his chosen one, he has no desire to care for her and achieve her.
The media also creates a distorted position, presenting women as treacherous “hunters,” which, as a rule, has no relation to reality.
- Character traits.
Personality characteristics can play a key role in the issue of initiative and determination. Personal temperament and character traits (natural or acquired modesty) are reflected in courage and self-confidence.
5 reasons why a man doesn't make the first move
The presence of modesty and shyness is not considered a disadvantage, because it does not characterize a person in a negative way. Perhaps he is shy only when meeting someone, but in life he is an active and good person.
- Changes in women's nature.
Men are not the only ones who have undergone changes. Women have also undergone transformations: they have become more self-sufficient, courageous, and more often strive for financial and psychological independence.
Having become stronger and more whole, they acquired a number of qualities that can repel a man. For example, self-confidence, assertiveness, lack of flexibility, having your own opinion. Not all men can respect and understand the existence of these qualities.
Offer sex!
Women's initiative in sex definitely turns men on! It works flawlessly if you follow the correct dosage.
But remember an important nuance. If you take all the initiative upon yourself, a logical question will arise: “He doesn’t want me?”
Bring an element of surprise and slight intrigue into your sex life, but nothing more. And don’t forget to take into account his wishes and preferences.
Is it possible to call a man first?2
If after exchanging phone numbers or one date, there is no sound from him, but everything seemed to go great. There is no need to call first. Women tend to invent things that don't exist and look for good reasons. He's shy, busy, or accidentally erased his phone number. Sometimes ridiculous thoughts arise in my head that he ended up in a hospital, he was stolen by aliens.
But men live on the same planet as women. If, of course, the girls are unbearable, you can call once and find out if everything is okay. Just don't forget to wish him happiness with another girl. If a man doesn’t call a woman, it means he didn’t like her, didn’t get hooked on her, and he’s not going to build a relationship with her. You need to take this calmly, because not everyone always likes each other.
Imbalance
Providing, earning and solving are men’s tasks. If in a relationship your initiative takes over, it will end badly.
No, you can blame everything on his “difficult period.” Place him in your apartment, earn money for two and decide everything yourself. But be prepared for the fact that very soon you will become a “man in a skirt.”
Being proactive means encouraging a man to act, but not doing it for him. A woman needs to express her desire, softly and femininely. Then the man himself will want to fulfill it.
A normal man will leave such a relationship or “break” under her yoke. He will take a comfortable position, relax and stop feeling like a man.
Initiative is punishable
“You can’t show them that you love them! Even to her own husband,” admits Ekaterina, 55 years old. “They sit on your neck and don’t give you a penny!”
There is also some truth in her words, this is confirmed by a recent social survey among Russians aged 25 to 50. Single and divorced men were asked why they were in no hurry to start a family. About 80% responded that they had difficulty making a choice: there are too many beautiful, successful, free women around who are ready to do almost anything for the illusory prospect of marriage.
In male vernacular it sounds: “You yourself have spoiled us with your availability.”
Alas, this accessibility is largely due to our life realities. In “advanced” Europe and wealthy America, the equality of men and women is actively supported by public opinion. In Russia, a single woman, no matter how successful she has achieved in her career, is not poked or tried to humiliate unless she is lazy. “Baba” should be with her husband, and even if he is inferior, he is his own. This position is largely shared by the public.
It is believed that a woman needs marriage more. It’s no wonder that as soon as a lady takes the initiative, a man who is already confident in his irresistibility (often without reason) begins to feel like just the center of the universe. Russian psychologists with a feminist bias believe that for a happy life, it is important for women not so much to be proactive as to fight for further emancipation, for society to recognize “women’s right to be alone.”
Read also: 5 Things NOT to do for men
But you are not a psychotherapist for a man and not his mother.
Your role is the Beloved Woman! A woman for whom a man is ready to do great deeds, literally and figuratively. A woman with whom he is not bored, and whom he desperately wants. And now the most important and main question: “How to become the Beloved woman for the Man of your dreams?” First of all, right now, honestly answer the question: “Is this really the best period in our relationship?”
Are you together only because you are a comfortable, understanding woman for him? If you see that you have to make an effort to interest your loved one, just stop. Stop and start observing. If you are really dear to this particular man, then he will definitely show up! And if not? What if you stop taking the initiative and he disappears? Hurt! Hard! Scary! But......Next!
I am absolutely sure that it is possible to form a happy and harmonious relationship while maintaining love, passion and mutual interest. And this is only one way - the correct distribution of roles.
Your task is to SHINE!
Stay attractive, bright and happy. That's all there is to it. No heart-to-heart conversations, clarification of the status of your relationship, plans for the future and complaints. You fill your life to capacity. And when a man wants to fit into her, you make this time as happy and fulfilling as possible . How?
Allowing a man to open up, appreciating how he tries for you, enjoying his manifestation, without criticizing or deciding anything for him. And one more important rule. Less is better than more. This means that it is better to leave a little early rather than delay communication. It is better to end the conversation first and leave the man emotionally hungry than to let him get bored and leave you.
I have long noted that behind a strong emotional infatuation with a man or the results of children is a woman’s general dissatisfaction with her personal and life results. I have prepared a well-known coaching tool, the Wheel of Life Balance, specifically for women. Give yourself 30 minutes to your loved one. And take an audit of your life.
Conventionally, I identified the main sectors of a woman’s life, specifically not including relationships with a man. Your task is quite simple. Describe each sector by asking yourself:
Unnecessary attention
There is a category of men who do not hide the fact that proactive girls are their type. She met me herself, she suggested going on a date, she organized everything herself.
Don't you think that independence is too much?
Don’t forget: there are men who like to shift responsibility and initiative onto a woman’s shoulders. And so that she is independent from other people’s opinions, and preferably financially independent too.
Alphonsas, mama's boys, henpecked men, rogues - these are the people a woman attracts into her life, taking over male functions.
Such an initiative is absolutely NO if you want to see a normal, strong, worthy man next to you.
These are the main situations in which your initiative will turn against you.
Now is the time to talk about how to take the initiative and not go too far to the point of intrusiveness.
Read also: ABOUT ASSHOLES - An amazing article about manipulators in love relationships
What do I want from... (sector name) ideally?
Then determine the point where you are right now. And then make an action plan for moving from your current situation to your desired one. Take a friend as your assistant or create a circle of women and support each other.
Start living life to the fullest, and then the man of your dreams will definitely pay attention to you, and you, shining, will enjoy his presence and your fulfilling life. Our main task, as Women, is to change the destructive male role and let Love and happy harmonious relationships into our lives.
Meet first?
If you read my articles and watch videos, you probably know my opinion.
Therefore, I advise my students to do this - to approach the man first and say: “Hello. I like you. I will be glad to our communication.”
Better yet, standing on the other side of the street, with a smile, wave your hand to the man you like. And watch his reaction.
This is one of the training practices as part of my author's online course The Way of a Woman. Try it and write about the results in the comments. I'm very interested to know what you can do.
Remember, men are very quick to recognize nonverbal cues. And only your radiant smile can already say that you are happy, open to new acquaintances and interested in him.
