How to learn to speak confidently to anyone

The ability to speak in front of an audience and do it confidently is necessary only for famous speakers who gather large halls. Or not? In fact, this skill is also important in everyday communication. It helps improve relationships with others and more. How to gain confidence in speech and in yourself?

What you say is certainly important. At the same time, how you speak is also important. The manner of speech, its tone, pace and rhythm, as well as your posture and gestures convey a lot of information to your interlocutors. Confident speech works wonders: it helps its owner, first of all, to believe in himself, and in addition, to establish quality relationships with other people, achieve his goals and even make his wildest dreams come true.

Learning to speak confidently is possible; it’s a skill like any other. HR specialist George J. Ziogas shares strategies and techniques for developing confidence in everyday speech and public speaking.

The article will be useful to those who want to get rid of the fear of public speaking, gain the attention of the audience and present themselves, as well as their projects, without a shadow of a doubt.

To learn to speak confidently, you should not neglect general advice: you need to practice often and analyze mistakes all the time, drawing conclusions. It is important to use the correct methods.

Speak slowly

Speech often reveals the speaker's excitement. One clear indicator is speaking too quickly. It doesn't just tell others that you're worried, it lets them know that you can't control yourself.

In everyday life, monitor the speed at which you speak and adjust it if necessary. This way you will learn to notice that you are starting to chatter and control it. When speaking in front of a large audience, try to maintain your usual speaking pace in a calm environment. This will put your listeners at ease and make them feel like you want to connect with them and also make them feel confident. In addition, speaking slowly will give you more time to think about your next sentences.

Persuasive speech

The art of rhetoric originated in Ancient Greece. Then the art of persuasion was a factor of survival: the accused in court was forced to defend himself. The Greeks hired expensive tutors to learn the subtleties of sophistry. Today this is not necessary. Thanks to the Internet, we can find out for ourselves how to make speech literate and beautiful.

Why develop speech

Speech is the main way of communication between people. With the help of words we solve pressing problems and conflicts. A person with a beautiful speech can talk to anyone. The benefits that persuasive speech gives us:

rapid advancement up the career ladder;
harmony at work and in the family;
attractiveness in the eyes of others;
increased entrepreneurial abilities, the ability to successfully establish a business;
self-confidence, stress resistance;

Enter after a break

One of the surest ways to offend your interlocutor or at least lead him to unpleasant thoughts during communication is to start speaking immediately after he has finished the next phrase. This gives the impression that you were impatiently waiting for your turn to speak and were unlikely to listen to the other person at all.

When communicating with people, pause for a second or two after the speaker has finished speaking before responding. Not being in a rush demonstrates your confidence and gives your remarks more authority. In addition, this example is contagious: take your time - and others will behave the same way.

Why do you need to speak beautifully?

Speech has always played a huge role for humanity, because it is a means of communication and thanks to it, the thoughts of one person are transmitted to another.

There is a proverb:

“You are greeted by your clothes, but you are escorted by your mind.”

And a person demonstrates his intelligence (or lack thereof) precisely through speech. That is why it can be called a person’s calling card: whether he wants it or not, his speech reflects his essence.

As the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates said to one constantly silent young man:

“Speak so I can see you.”

And the Persian poet Saadi wrote:

“Whether you are smart or stupid, whether you are big or small, we don’t know until you say a word.”

People who can speak beautifully and express their thoughts clearly have always been valued. This is indicated by the existence of schools of oratory in ancient times. And the ancient Greek sage Skilef noted that “Eloquence is more valuable than money, fame and power, for the latter are very often achieved through eloquence.” He was echoed by the American politician Daniel Webster, who lived many centuries later: “Take from me everything I have, but leave me my speech, and soon I will gain everything I had.”

The French emperor and commander Napoleon believed that a person who cannot speak beautifully will never make a career.

Nothing has changed these days. Employees who master the art of eloquence advance their careers much faster than those who do not know how to correctly express their thoughts. Moreover, it often happens that smart and knowledgeable employees suffer from tongue-tiedness, who do not understand that it is precisely this that makes their further career growth unlikely. Of course, professionalism, knowledge, skills and experience are very important, since no one needs non-professionals.

But those who have experience and knowledge, but are not able to convey them to the listener, explain, prove, convince and change their minds, will someday definitely have big problems. After all, the higher the official position of an employee, the more often and more he has to communicate with colleagues, subordinates, clients, etc. Therefore, he definitely must be able to logically and clearly express his thoughts, influence his interlocutor and convince him.

Avoid filler words

Words constantly creep into our speech, designed to fill the voids. From time to time various “a”, “yes”, “that means”, “in general”, etc. slip through. We ourselves rarely notice them. But your interlocutors almost always notice and conclude that you are not confident in yourself.

A reliable way to catch filler words is to make an audio recording while communicating with someone or public speaking. If you find yourself unwittingly filling in gaps in your speech with these words, count how often this happens by listening to the recording. Focus your efforts on breaking the habit. When you hear a filler word pop out of your mouth once again, slow down or pause.

Exercise two

The presenter names a word or topic, and the student’s task is to start thinking out loud without thinking for one minute. 10 seconds before completion, the presenter must signal the speaker to complete his speech.

“When we listen to other people, famous speakers or TV presenters, it seems to us that they are smart, even brilliant, and are excellent at conveying their thoughts. And every time we doubt ourselves, we doubt that we can do this too. But charisma lies only in learning to convey some sensations, emotions, feelings through speech.”

Let’s complicate it:
name two words or phenomena at once, so that the student speaks first about one, and then logically completes his story with another. The speaker is not limited in time.

Our brain is designed amazingly: if you don’t control it, but just keep two given words in your head, you yourself won’t notice how in speech you can build a logical bridge between one and another phenomenon, even if they are not connected in any way.

For example: dacha

and
Nikolai Vasilievich Gogol

A dacha is a place where you can come and relax your soul. You don't have to dig into the ground and grow tomatoes. On October evenings, it’s so nice to sit on the cool veranda, surrounded by beautiful hand-embroidered pillows, wrap yourself in a soft checkered blanket and read some horror stories, and classic ones at that. Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol - well, where would we be without him!

Get rid of common phrases

In modern speech there are many ubiquitous but empty phrases, for example: “sorry”, “what I want to say”, “this is my opinion”, etc. Most of them, among other things, demonstrate your doubts. By using such phrases, you seem to apologize for what you said. And why should people continue to listen to you after that? Such statements usually come out when you are nervous about other people's reactions to what you are communicating. Therefore, speak, avoiding such “apologies”. Then you won't have to clarify that this is your opinion. Which, by the way, will sound weighty and authoritative.

Subtleties of persuasive speech

Persuasive speech is, first of all, reasoned arguments. Often people resort to false arguments. They confuse the interlocutor, humiliate him and undermine his authority. If a person acts not of his own free will, but under pressure or coercion, this will not lead to a good result in the long run.

5 False Arguments That Will Repel Your Opponent

In business and interpersonal relationships, dishonest tricks seem like a good idea. But only at first glance. We'll talk about how to lie convincingly a little later. First, familiarize yourself with the basic logical fallacies and how to avoid them.

Appeal to false authority

“An authoritative person did the same. This means we must do the same.”

It is a logical mistake to cite as an example a person who is incompetent in the area of the dispute. For example, grandmothers force their grandchildren to eat oatmeal for breakfast and say:

“The Queen of Great Britain eats oatmeal for breakfast every morning. And you will eat."

Is the Queen of Great Britain a nutritionist? It would be more appropriate to tell the child about the beneficial properties of porridge, to help him see the benefits:

“Porridge is very healthy and nutritious, it helps the body become better. If you eat porridge, you will become the strongest among the guys” - an example of the correct argument.

False reason

It is not always possible to correctly establish a cause-and-effect relationship. It is wrong when a false reason appears as an argument.

“You can't do anything because you don't try hard enough! Work harder!”

Instead, it's better to say:

“Let's think together about why the project failed. This way we will avoid failure in the future.”

And look at yourself!

This logical fallacy often pops up in informal communication. Here's an example:

– You don’t know how to count money and you buy all sorts of nonsense!

- And you are greedy!

Instead of mutual accusations, it would be better to answer like this:

“This month I bought necessary things for the family: (listing). Come shopping with me and you will see how much the prices in the store have increased.”

Appeal to the majority

“All our colleagues think so. Are you taking us for fools?

People once believed that whales kept the earth flat. The statement did not become true from universal faith. The crowd is mistaken and is often mistaken. Instead, say:

"I respect your opinion. Let's have a meeting so that you can argue your point of view, and I can express mine. We will make a decision by voting."

Getting personal

“Your point of view has no merit because you didn’t go to university.”

Subtext: “You are not smart and educated enough to put forward your pathetic opinion.” Initiative shows a person’s concern; this should be encouraged, not destroyed. Any opinion deserves attention. It is correct to say this:

“Yes, I agree with you here. But here you are wrong, because...”

Always back up your arguments with facts. This will make your speech seem more convincing.

Persuasive speech and safe words

Keeping safe words to a minimum will add decisiveness and build trust. How to speak confidently and convincingly, avoiding prohibited words:

Instead of “but”, “and yet”, say “and”.
Instead of “no” - “not now”, “not in this form”, “not like that”.
Forget the words “simple” and “only”. Replace “it's just an idea” with “my initiative.” Don't discount your thoughts.
Instead of “should” and “must”, indicate clear deadlines. Use the word “important”, “main thing”.
Don't say "you should." It is better to use “I recommend you”, “you better do it”.

Remember: don't deny everything. If you want it to be your way, first praise the person for his diligence, idea, etc. Then make your own adjustments.

The main rule of persuasion

The whole essence of persuasion comes down to one thing: you need to show the person that your offer is beneficial to him. If you can clearly describe the benefits for your interlocutor, consider success in your hands.

The matter becomes more complicated when you want to convince the interlocutor of an unprofitable or unprofitable offer. Then the psychology of suggestion and persuasion comes into play. You can read more about the impact on the interlocutor in the article “Psychological impact”

Adjust the volume

Speaking loudly to demonstrate confidence is a common mistake. In reality, speaking in a raised voice only makes listeners conclude that you do not respect them. In addition, speech that sounds like shouting is unpleasant. Rhythmic organization of speech and the correct pitch of intonation help to be heard during a speech, especially in front of a large audience. How well you control your voice can be determined by analyzing audio recordings of your performances. Draw conclusions every time and keep practicing.

Rely on ideas that are close to your listeners

Other people will listen to you if they care about the issue you are addressing. If the audience doesn't understand your topic at all, put it in an understandable context and describe it using metaphors that people are familiar with.

For example, geneticist Jennifer Doudna said that her invention allows us to make changes to DNA in the same way that text editors give us the opportunity to change already printed text. And speaker Tim Urban explained how the brains of procrastinators work with the help of drawn men. This made it easier for his audience to understand what neurotransmitters are.

Stand up straight

In addition to your smile, your posture affects your speech. Good posture is essential to speaking confidently. When you stand up straight, you can breathe deeper, which allows you to control your body and observe the rhythm of your speech. Plus, body posture makes it easy to gain confidence even when you don't have it.

Strike a superhero pose. To do this, stand straight, hold your head high, place your feet hip-width apart and distribute your weight evenly. Lift your chest, push your shoulders back and relax them. Avoid rocking, pacing, or tapping—all of which distract listeners from what you're saying. Remember to practice striking a superhero pose while looking in the mirror.

Important little things that guarantee success

Watch for nonverbal cues from your interlocutor that indicate a willingness to cooperate:

head nods;
the body is tilted forward;
verbal confirmations (yes, yes, of course, wonderful);
carefully follows the progress of the conversation and your gestures;
does not object, listens;

If your opponent expresses most of these signals, he is ready to agree with you.

But these signals indicate the interlocutor’s disapproval:

crossed arms over the chest, closed posture;
lowered head, unblinking gaze;
distraction from the conversation (went off to sort through papers, fidgets with something in his hands, wants to leave);
self-touching;

When a person is in a closed position, give him something in his hands and divert attention to yourself. Show him a document, a schedule, a presentation. Share a chocolate - it will put you at ease. After that, we begin to plan how to speak convincingly and beautifully.

Persuade and Influence

If the interlocutor is not positive, you need to win him over to your side. The psychology of influence and persuasive speech offer us several tricks to quickly win over a person.

How to be persuasive in negotiations:

Create an informal atmosphere. Offer your opponent a cup of tea or coffee. At your own expense or the company's expense, of course (especially if this is a potential client). He will relax and warm up to you.
Be brief. Condense your main idea into 30 seconds or 1 minute.
Keep calm. Even if the other person is wrong, your composure is the key to success.
Be neat. A neat and scrupulous person is more trustworthy than a slob.

How to make speech clear and intelligible

A person’s diction plays an important role. Correct diction is rarely innate, so it needs to be trained:

prepare speeches on different topics, speak in front of the mirror;
read more scientific papers, expand your vocabulary;
say tongue twisters every day;
avoid filler words;
learn not to swallow words;

A persuasive person is a person who has 100% mastery of language skills.

Relax your body

Nervous tension most affects the muscles of the jaw, neck, larynx and shoulders. Meanwhile, these muscles are responsible for the tone of your voice. Relaxing them is essential if you want to sound confident. Start with deep breathing. As you exhale, open your mouth slightly, relax your jaw and let out the air as if you were groaning. Swing your arms from side to side, stretch your neck, and move your jaw to release any tightness in those parts of your body. If you feel tension in these muscles during your performance, focus on relaxing them.

Speak in simple language

Writers, speakers, and sales consultants know that simple speech makes a big impression on the listener. Some people think that clever words and phrases are the key to eloquence. However, this is fundamentally wrong. Extra words are distracting, and people listening to you will ask what the whole conversation was about? A rich vocabulary is very good, but to make your speech memorable, try to use “smart” words less. In order to get rid of unnecessary words, clerical words, we recommend reading the book by the famous translator Nora Gal. The book is called “The Word: Living and Dead.” Speak simply and clearly. And then your audience will reach out to you. This article describes in detail what to read to become a more literate person.

Drink water

When speaking in front of a large group or participating in a long discussion, do your best to stay hydrated. The vocal cords are sensitive to the lack of fluid in the body, which significantly affects their functioning. Remember to drink clean water regularly throughout the day and always have some on hand when performing. This will strengthen your voice and make you feel confident.

Useful literature about the psychology of persuasion

To consolidate the material, we advise you to read literature on the psychology of influence in your leisure time. List of good books:

Psychology of persuasion. 50 Proven Ways to Be Persuasive (Noah Goldstein, Robert Cialdini).
Psychology of persuasion. The main secrets of influencing people (Rob Jung).
An easy way to stop procrastinating (Neil Fiore).

Remember that persuasive speech is the key to success in family and work. A housewife, a businessman, an office clerk, and even a freelancer will find the psychology of suggestion skills equally useful.

Make eye contact

It is sometimes advised to get rid of excessive worries during a speech by looking towards the back of the hall. In fact, the speaker’s gaze “over their heads” sharply reduces the audience’s attention to him. Another technique works effectively.

When speaking in front of a large group of people, take turns making eye contact with individual audience members. Fix your gaze on each person for at least six seconds, then move your eyes to someone who is in another part of the room. Do not return your gaze to people you have already looked at. This technique gives your listeners the feeling that you are speaking specifically for them. At the same time, many, meeting the eyes of the speaker, begin to smile or react positively to the speaker in some other way. This allows the latter to feel confident.

What prevents you from feeling confident?

There are various stressful situations that prevent you from speaking beautifully:

unfamiliar circle of people. A person who feels quite confident in a circle of familiar people may be completely at a loss in front of an unfamiliar audience;
conversation with a significant person. The more significant the person standing in front of you, the less confident you feel. This happens to almost everyone;
violation of the conversation plan. If the topic of the conversation suddenly changes or they start asking you questions that you are not prepared for, then you may become confused;
ridicule, accusations. If the other person begins to ridicule you, make accusations, or devalue your strengths, you will begin to feel uncomfortable and may lose your speech.

conclusions

The ability to speak confidently is extremely useful and can be useful for those who want to improve their relationships with others, advance their careers, and share knowledge and ideas with other people. You can learn this skill just like any other. And you can hone it only in the process of training.

Certain techniques that you need to know how to use allow you to gain confidence in your speech. So, you should speak slowly, enter into dialogue after a short pause, avoid filler words and common empty “apology phrases,” control the intonation and volume of your speech, use silence and deliberately break up phrases using pauses.

It is also important to understand that the quality of speech is greatly influenced by the physical condition and sensations of the speaker. Therefore, for a successful performance, you need to monitor your bodily reactions. During it, you should take the correct posture, use appropriate gestures and smile, breathe deeply and measuredly, relax the body, especially the muscles of the jaw, larynx, neck and shoulders, and drink clean water if necessary.

One of the essential components of a confident performance is interaction with the audience. To maintain it, you need to thank the audience for their participation in the event, alternately establish eye contact with individual participants, and focus on what is happening here and now.

Text: Tatyana Turbal, Illustrations: Konstantin Amelin, Photo: Photo by Miguel Henriques on Unsplash, Source: https://medium.com/@georgejziogas/how-to-speak-with-confidence-to-absolutely-anyone-17aff65c37ef

How to overcome uncertainty and fear of speaking

You can overcome stress during a conversation or speaking in front of an audience using simple tips:

if you are standing, do not lean on one leg. Position your body so that the support is on both legs. Don't place your feet together as if you were standing at attention, but place them a short distance apart;
if you are sitting, place your feet a short distance apart, bend them at the knees, and place your hands in front of you. Do not sit on the chair too deeply or, conversely, on the edge. Do not put your feet under the chair or cross them;
keep your back straight, straighten your shoulders, do not lower your chin, but do not raise it too high;
watch your hands. Do not move objects, do not click the pen, do not hide your hands. Gesticulation should be moderate and calm;
try to look straight into the face of your interlocutor, do not look away even when you are asked uncomfortable questions;
feel the line between confidence and self-confidence. Self-confident and arrogant people unwittingly cause rejection among their interlocutors.

As you can see, anyone can learn public speaking. If your job involves communicating with people, you definitely need to work on yourself, increase your confidence and sociability. This will help you not only in your professional activities, but also in life.

Practice

Once you decide what you need to change in your speech, practice speaking in new ways as often as possible. Big public speaking doesn't happen very often, so start practicing in everyday situations.

When talking to colleagues . While you don't necessarily need to appear super confident over a cup of coffee, casual conversation with colleagues is a great opportunity to practice your speaking skills without fear or anxiety.
When you propose your ideas at meetings . How confidently you present your idea often determines whether it will be heard and respected.
When commenting on someone's work . If you need to evaluate another employee's work or skills, sounding confident is very important. In such a situation, try to practice at least one aspect of your speech that you want to change.
When you ask questions . There are many opportunities for practice here, because we ask questions often - at meetings, trainings, seminars.