Having an affair with a married man is not the best scenario for a love relationship. Girls who happen to fall in love with a “ringed” man themselves understand everything perfectly well. But you can't order your heart. They wait and believe in a happy ending to the story. They try to be the best, take care of the chosen one. Is the game worth the candle, and can you count on a “happy ending”? Let's look at the most obvious signs that a man will never divorce and will never be with you.
I propose to discuss the topic. Write comments at the end of the article. Have you had any experience with married people?
Why does a man cheat?
Tries to experience new emotions. When spouses have been married for decades, the former passion disappears. And love turns into everyday life and habit. Therefore, in order to feel in love again, he gets a new woman.
Cheating while intoxicated. It happens that a man subconsciously commits infidelity under the influence of alcohol. Because he doesn’t dare to do it in a sober mind. It is worth paying attention to such a “signal bell” in any case. And also find the root of the problem in the relationship, even if the partner did it once and did not develop an emotional attachment to his mistress.
Deprived of attention. Sometimes a husband and wife put raising their children above their own relationship. All the attention of a woman is most often directed only to the babies. As a result, the spouse remains without attention and support from his beloved. Emotional and intimate intimacy is lost. And the man tries to satisfy his needs with his mistress.
Not enough sex. Sometimes girls adopt this pattern of behavior and try to manipulate their husband through bed. Or they simply systematically deny their partner intimacy. When sexual relationships disappear from family life for a long time, your chosen one begins to look for another object of desire.
He cheats in response out of revenge. Betrayal is as powerful a blow to self-esteem for a man as it is for a woman. If the situation with the initial betrayal on the part of the wife is not properly resolved, then the husband may take revenge.
After the fact of betrayal, the man either continues to cheat and eventually leaves for another. Or he hides his relationship with his mistress and does not leave his family.
Svetlana and Stanislav have been married for more than 20 years. They have a child and a business together. They moved to another country, and the couple had the opportunity to spend more time with each other. In addition, the daughter grew up and no longer required the attention of her parents. It would seem that there are all the conditions to strengthen the marriage. But in this situation it turned out differently. Stanislav realized that his former love had turned into everyday life. And he and his wife don’t even have anything to talk about. Therefore, he took a mistress to satisfy his emotional needs.
If spouses, throughout their life together, focused more on their relationship than on the child, they could avoid cheating. Many couples divorce when their children grow up. Because what connected them disappears.
Friendly male team: why husbands have mistresses, videos and comments
It is interesting that when the question of why wives cheat on their husbands is discussed, the opinions of scientists usually agree on the same thing - they are missing something in life, and this is exactly what they are looking for on the side. It’s the same with men, because we are all human. But that’s not all, there is an opinion that betrayal can even happen due to the fact that a man does not want to feel like a black sheep in the team. For example, if a soft and quiet, pliable and kind person finds himself in the company of womanizers and avid womanizers, then most likely he may have the opinion that cheating is quite normal, everyone does it, so why not try it.
Jealous spouses should understand that there is simply no talk of any kind of love in this situation, and the family for such a person is a reliable and indestructible rear, where they always wait and love. Such men do not abandon their families and do not go to their mistresses, especially since they most often treat them quite disdainfully and do not take into account the opinions of such persons. It will also be useful to listen to the opinion of the opposite side, that is, the male point of view on things, and this can be done by watching the video below.
Why doesn't a man leave for his mistress?
- Doesn't want changes in life. Divorce is not the most pleasant procedure. In addition, if a person has been married for quite a long time, then the wife has become his real half. For this reason, men have fun with another woman, but do not want to destroy the family.
- Does not consider his mistress a substitute for his wife. A husband may not be very picky about the women he chooses for an affair. For him, this is temporary, and he is not always looking for a worthy girl to cheat on who would meet all his needs. But the demands on the wife were much higher. Therefore, she does not want her to find out about her mistress and break off the relationship.
- Only children are kept in the family. Some men do not want their child to grow up without a father or not in a complete family at all. At the same time, he does not have any feelings for his mother, so he cheats. And continues to create the illusion of family happiness.
- Afraid of public opinion. A man who leaves his wife for a young mistress will automatically receive condemnation from other people. In addition, he may not dare to leave the family in order to “protect” his wife from suffering.
Irina and Egor got married out of emotion when they were about 20 years old.
After 12 years of marriage, Yegor realized that he and Irina were very different. The spouses' values did not coincide. Therefore, Yegor could not satisfy his needs and feel emotional closeness. He took a mistress and hid her for more than 5 years because he was afraid of public opinion. But over time, Irina found out about the betrayal herself. They would not have faced such a problem if they had gotten to know each other better before the wedding. In addition, Irina and Egor could compromise even in this situation if they shared more of their feelings and desires. Marriages often fall apart when people fail to have an open conversation.
Sorry, dear, it just happened: why do they have mistresses on a business trip?
The most typical situation is when a man, while on a long business trip, if he works far from his family and his beloved wife, unexpectedly even for himself finds himself in bed with another woman. Often such adultery occurs when a man is under the influence of alcohol. Here he was sitting, staggering, at the table, and now he woke up in the morning in the arms of a half-naked nymph, with a wild “dry bush” and tormented by an incredible feeling of guilt.
Photo from the site: garmoniazhizni.com
Most often, such traitors themselves do not know what to do with themselves; shame and pangs of conscience are very familiar to them. It is clear that a man in such a situation does not intend to leave the family at all, and he does not even have thoughts of such a plan. Moreover, professional psychologists in such situations recommend that women not remember the incident, but, on the contrary, forget about it. The main thing that needs to be monitored is that such trips “to the left” do not become a habit, because then a destroyed family cannot be avoided.
What to do if you find out about your husband’s infidelity, but he is in no hurry to leave you?
- The first thing you need is time. You need to sort out your feelings and understand what really connects you with your husband.
- Try living alone for a while. If possible, go on vacation and change your surroundings.
- Don't withdraw into yourself and try to maintain open communication with your husband. Talk about your feelings.
- Weigh the pros and cons of divorce for you.
- If necessary, consult a psychologist so as not to cheat in response out of revenge.
- Do not communicate with your husband's mistress.
- Shift the focus to yourself. Take care of yourself, and others will begin to treat you accordingly.
- Avoid paranoid behavior: Don't spy on your spouse.
How to be a wife: advice from psychologists
The first task for a woman in this case is to decide what she herself wants. Forgive a cheater or divorce him? Psychologists say that you cannot consider yourself to blame for everything and turn a blind eye to the case of another infidelity of your spouse. Voluntary acceptance of martyrdom will only complicate the situation.
You should also not give in to the temptation to take revenge on your spouse and homewrecker. You shouldn’t look for meetings with her to cause a scandal or beg her to give up the man. In addition, you should never change in response. Usually, after such an act, a woman does not experience relief or satisfaction; on the contrary, she feels used not only by her husband, but also by her lover.
A woman who has learned about betrayal should try to imagine what her future together with the man who committed the betrayal will be like.
Consider whether he is capable of cheating again. If the inner voice gives a positive answer to this question, there should be no talk of a second chance. Otherwise, you will have to endure a lot more stress and suffer a lot. The best option would be a divorce decision.
If your spouse is not ready to finally break up with the cheater, you can seek advice from a psychologist.
The advice is this: an unfaithful husband must be given a choice: his legal wife or his mistress. An important point is that you cannot use ultimatums, blackmail and threats.
In this case, the faithful will quickly pack his things and close the door behind him. You need to solve the problem through a calm, thoughtful conversation.
Do not use ultimatums and blackmail in conversations with your husband
Without taking any action, allowing the unfaithful husband to continue living together, the woman tacitly agrees to repeat his infidelities. Staying silent and experiencing what is happening inside yourself is not the best way to deal with the problem. A man will not understand his wife’s pain if she does not share it with him.
If a partner openly says that he is in love with another woman, but is in no hurry to leave, you can offer him temporary separation. There is no need to be afraid - it is unlikely that he will immediately happily run away with his suitcases to his mistress. Usually the man himself is in a stressful state, you need to give him the opportunity to be alone with himself, to think about what is happening. Romantic relationships on the side are wonderful, as long as they are forbidden. But if the cards are revealed, there is practically no interest left, if it does not fade away completely.
It happens that the spouse himself needs help. Probably, only thanks to his wife will he be able to decide what to do next. It is necessary to imagine all the pros and cons of the relationship, remember the past - joys and difficulties. The best option would be to directly ask whether the husband wants to save the family.
Entering into conversations with a homewrecker and asking your husband to show her is a bad idea. You should always think about your own dignity first. Also, don’t be capricious and offended like a child. To distract yourself, you can find a new interesting activity. The main thing is to continue to lead a full life, even through force. Stepping back from what happened will help you make the right decision.
If possible, you can treat your spouse’s betrayal as a reason to start a new, happier life. At the same time, a woman needs to start with herself - change externally, internally, devote time to self-improvement and self-realization.
How to learn to trust your husband after cheating
Is there a chance to save the family after betrayal?
This question can only be answered by the person himself who has faced betrayal. Every case is different, and there are no clear instructions here. In practice, it is easier to restore relationships for couples where there was only physical infidelity. And the partner did not have time to develop emotional attachment to another woman.
Correspondence on social networks and SMS lead to fantasies, which over time transform into feelings. If, in addition to sex, a man and his mistress had close communication, then saving the marriage becomes much more difficult.
A competent psychologist and your own self-control will help save your family. Once you have decided to forgive, do not remind your partner of the betrayal every time you quarrel. Forgiveness must come deeply from the heart, and not just in words. Otherwise, old grievances will turn into endless scandals. And the man will again start looking for another woman.
Marriages where love and respect are central are more likely to experience infidelity. But it is important to make decisions on your own, and not ask for advice from friends or relatives.
Elena and Yuri have been married for more than 15 years. But the woman constantly criticizes and humiliates her partner. As a result, he cheated on his wife with her best friend. Although Elena was hurt, she decided to talk openly. The husband said that he was not comfortable in the relationship because he did not feel respected. But he asked for forgiveness and offered to try again. The wife forgave and began to show respect. So Elena and Yuri saved their marriage.
Psychology
Psychologists explain this behavior by purely male reasons, one of which lies in banal egoism. Because of this feeling, a man strives to have two partners at once: a legal wife who acts as a reliable support for him and the mistress of a cozy home, and a mistress who can fill his life with fresh sensations, emotions, and inspiration. Two women nearby give him self-confidence and a sense of importance, so he will not put himself before a choice.
A husband's infidelity or regular visits to another woman do not always mean that his love for his wife has passed.
Often the cause of infidelity is a lack of sexual desire in married life. A man can have a mistress only for the sake of carnal pleasures.
However, there are many examples of cases in which a man has feelings for both women and does not want to lose either of them. Maintaining a relationship with his wife and mistress at the same time, the husband feels whole, since both women serve as a complement to each other for him.
It also happens that a man will experience equally strong feelings for both women.
The psychology of a woman who has become a mistress lies in the constant expectation of her lover’s divorce and living together with him. However, this rarely happens.
Even if a man decides to leave for his mistress, their life together often does not work out - he returns to his previous family. Men are afraid of losing the support they have had for many years. At the same time, they are also too lazy to start all over again. They prefer to part with their new chosen one and return to their usual way of life.
Even an internally perfect and outwardly insanely beautiful mistress will not be able to facilitate a divorce. A man constantly promises to separate from his wife as soon as possible, says that he has stopped loving her, but he always finds reasons why he cannot do this in the near future. He hides behind problems with finances, illness of children, the wife herself, etc. It is unlikely that such behavior can be called noble in relation to both women. Of course, one day there will come a time when a liar will have to answer for his actions, but he is unlikely to change his tactics even when he is presented with a choice.
The best ways to tell if your husband is cheating
How to be the best for a man?
- Improve yourself. Develop yourself and pay attention to yourself. When a woman is not interested in herself, then those around her treat her the same way.
- Don't refuse sex and be active. Intimate intimacy between husband and wife is no less important than emotional intimacy. If a man is passive, then take the initiative yourself. For example, learn a sexy dance or fulfill his sexual fantasy.
- Watch your appearance. Your appearance speaks of self-love. Regardless of whether you are a housewife or a businesswoman, try to be attractive to your man. Play sports, wear perfume. Don't forget about makeup and hair.
Most men are worthy people who love their family and are ready to find compromises. Resolve all problems with your husband and talk about them openly. Take care of each other's emotional and physical needs. Then your marriage will be 100% strong!
Continue in the same spirit
Women who are in the role of a mistress, who have realized that believing the promises of a married man is in vain, must decide for themselves what to do next. Perhaps someone will not want to take any steps, and everyone may have their own reason for this. The following options exist:
- You are satisfied with a relationship with a married man, because deep down you are not ready for marriage. You are afraid of living together, value your comfort, are afraid of responsibility, and are not ready to take on serious obligations.
- You are afraid that you will not be able to find another man with whom you will feel just as good. Therefore, hold on to what you already have, for fear of being left alone.
- You enjoy a life full of passion and excitement. It gives you pleasure to walk on the edge every day, remaining in an uncertain position, constantly in a state of struggle with a rival for the affection of your loved one.
If you belong to one of the described types, then everything suits you, you can continue in the same spirit. If you want to start a family, taking your beloved man away from the previous one, you will need to take a decisive step.
What should a man who loves both his mistress and his wife do?
First of all, you need to understand that this state of affairs cannot last long. If women do not know about each other, then there is always a risk of getting caught in some trifle. If they know, then the situation is even worse, because drama can break out at any moment. You need to decide who you want to stay with most. It is impossible to sit on two chairs. Either the wife will get tired of wondering where her husband is now - at work or with someone else's woman, or the mistress will get tired of waiting for her man to make his choice. Either each will decide to break up, and the unlucky man will lose both at once.
How to arrange a separation between your husband and his mistress
On almost every psychological forum, women ask how to force their husband to leave his mistress. There are always many different answers to such a question - from fainting and provocations to physical violence against a homewrecker. The real answer is extremely rare. Meanwhile, this answer is no way. It is impossible to force a husband to do anything. Especially a husband who is on the verge of an important decision whether or not to leave the family. If you can try to persuade or force a family man through whims, hysterics, sexual blackmail, threats and other tricks, then all these tricks have no effect on someone who is ready to abandon his family.
So, if a husband has a mistress, then it is almost impossible to force him to break up with her. Any tricks and manipulations will be discovered by him sooner or later and will cause irritation. This does not mean that the situation is hopeless. What this means is that it is extremely difficult to influence an independent adult man who is passionate and possibly fascinated by a woman. And the result may not be what is actually needed.
