Why does a husband cheat on his wife, but says he loves him: the reasons for a guy’s constant cheating, what does this mean in psychology

Physiology and love

Among representatives of the animal world, the need to leave behind viable offspring is genetically determined. There is an opinion that male polygamy comes from there, from antiquity.

Male love first flares up at the hormonal level and only then develops into warm affection. Sometimes she disappears without a trace after defeating the object of desire.

Women's character is different. She is the owner and does not intend to share with anyone. At the same time, a psychological connection arises much faster, so parting with a partner turns into a tragedy.

Another reason for male infidelity lies in the difference in temperament. Some live by the novelty of impressions, including sexual ones, which give them internal energy for achievements.

Divorce is too complicated

Many men surveyed by sociologists realize that their marital relationships have outlived their usefulness. There are no former feelings, passion, interest. It would seem that we need to separate and go our separate ways. But the process of ending a relationship, especially if it lasted several years, is too complicated. A lot of moral, financial and legal problems arise. This may result in one spouse having limited communication with their children.

Or he will have to lose a considerable share of his property. Also, members of the male population may worry about the reputation they will have after leaving the relationship. At the same time, the prospect of being caught with a mistress somehow scares them less. It is much easier for men to periodically date a “left” girl and maintain their current relationship than to deal with the consequences of their breakup.

The opinion of one of the survey participants, Victor, on this topic:

“I lived with my wife for almost twenty years. We had an ordinary relationship. Children, home, work. Now I feel that she has begun to move away from me. She has developed her own interests, she is not very willing to communicate with me about her affairs. We don't have dinner together. Of course it's unpleasant. But where to go? I can't leave my family. While my feelings for my wife have weakened, I still love my children very much.

Divorce may make it impossible for me to communicate with them as freely as I do now. I do not need it. Sometimes we meet with our mistress and just sleep. I keep her at a distance, she doesn’t pretend to anything, because she’s in approximately the same situation. All my risks are reflected in her. But I don’t plan to leave my wife; this will significantly affect the lives of our children. I don't want them to think I abandoned them."

Genetic causes of male infidelity

According to scientists' research, the centers responsible for attraction, desire and moral attachment work autonomously. At the same time, some people tend to change partners for pleasure more often than others. From a scientific point of view, this is explained by the activation of the dopamine D4 receptor in the body.

The second is the work of instincts. They require variety to increase the likelihood of conceiving an heir. The most interesting thing is that in the process of evolution, men and women have developed different requirements for procreation. If “more” dominates in the stronger sex, then “better” is more important for the fair sex.

Myths about male psychology and men

A woman often sets herself up for betrayal if she accepts legends about male sexuality. What you expect is what you get. Let's figure out what stories about men prevent a woman from adequately dealing with reality.

"Men think about sex every 20 seconds."

I asked the men. They think about anything. About work, about children, about food, about news on the Internet, about politics. Do you really think that if only sex was in a man’s head, they would be able to keep other topics in mind?

“All men are males, they are all polygamous by nature, they need to reproduce.”

First of all, everyone has a different libido. That is, the need for sex can be increased, normal, or even decreased. Sexologists have been sounding the alarm lately, because even teenagers nowadays are not always able to enter into intimate relationships. Although nature itself ordered someone, including teenagers, to strive for intimacy. I would like to - yes. But there is no time, no strength, no one to go with. In the world of information, the load on the mind is much greater than on the body. No matter how much the body wants, if the head gets in the way, it won’t work.

Secondly, the reasons for betrayal are extremely rarely related to the desire to reproduce. Rather, with the desire to relax, receive support or pleasure.

“If the female wants, the male will jump up”

If a woman wants to seduce a man, she will achieve her goal. Deception, flattery, manipulation. Resistance is futile!

Are you seriously? If this were true, matriarchy would have reigned in the world long ago! Cunning women often conquered powerless men. Of course, if a woman wants to get sex from a man, she is capable of going all the way. But a man is not a Cheburashka, he has rights. In my practice, there were situations when a man in a client’s chair asked: “How can I gently send a girl off? She so diligently unbuttons the buttons on her blouse when she comes up to talk to me,” or “I can really see that she’s looking for a meeting. But I don’t need it"

The key here is: “I don’t need this!” Note, not “you can’t”, but “you shouldn’t”.

The main reasons for husband's cheating: psychology

The standards of the family institution presuppose monogamy and elevate fidelity to the rank of virtue. The upbringing of boys is carried out in the same direction, with the exception of the initially free morals in the parental union. With such attitudes, a reason is not even required; a person follows his desires without recognizing prohibitions. In other cases, there are prerequisites.

Differences in temperaments. It is often detected during long-term cohabitation.
Stability and monotony pushes you to search for adventure. Most often, a man returns to the family nest, having received his portion of the happiness hormone.
Self-affirmation through new intimate contacts is required to increase self-esteem and gain confidence. Alternatively, the reason lies in following stereotypes.
Falling in love provokes biochemical reactions in the body that are difficult to resist. Usually it rarely develops into a serious feeling, especially if mutual understanding and harmony reign in the family.

Long business trips stand out separately, when a partner is replaced due to physiological necessity and there is resentment towards the spouse, who pushes into the arms of another.

To create jealousy or for revenge

Some men are very jealous. They may be motivated by selfish motives for cheating.

That is, even because of a simple feeling of envy or a feeling of inferiority, the husband wants to make his wife jealous.

Another reason could be that the wife spent time with the wrong people or cheated on him at some point.

Then the man will want to fill the hole in his self-esteem and stroke his pride on the side, taking revenge on his wife.

For example, he sees his wife communicating and flirting with other men at some holiday.

Her husband is often jealous of all men in a row.

He remembers all this and is looking for a mistress so that now they will be jealous of him .

Love, family, betrayal

Creating a family requires joint efforts, and this is not a one-time event. The secret of many happy married couples lies in constant care, the search for compromise and the ability to hear the partner. If such a balance is not found in the first years of life, then you should not be surprised that in the 4th-5th year, affairs will begin. We will have to look for the origins of when and why husbands begin to cheat on their wives in family relationships.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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Another enemy of fidelity is banal boredom. After several years of a quiet life, sexual games do not differ in variety, the partner’s reactions have long been familiar, there is no novelty or drive. Some couples will go the long way, discussing the problem and starting experiments on the personal front. Others dive into the whirlpool of new acquaintances and sensations, not caring about the feelings of their spouse.

An interesting phenomenon is the midlife crisis. It more often overtakes those who follow the beaten path with blinkered eyes. Suddenly a man discovers that almost half of his life is behind him, and he has not seen, known, or tried. In their love affairs, they try to find lost youth, forgetting about a reliable shoulder nearby.

She gives all her time to the child

If a child appears in your family, then the mother will spend a lot of time only with him at first.

How does a baby affect your sex life?:

These are constant screams at night that will not allow you to rest together.
This is caring for the baby, diapering, breastfeeding.
A woman after childbirth cannot make love.
Sometimes, when the baby sucks milk from the mother, some women find breastfeeding a lot of pleasure. And the wife no longer wants to spend time in bed with her husband.

Hence, as a rule, life in bed in your family fades into the background.

The husband finds no other way out than to extinguish his passion together with his mistress.

In this case, the psychology is that husbands cheat on their wives and want more at night, but they do not want to leave their family and child.

How do men explain their infidelity?

Speculations of the fair half of humanity about why men cheat on women most often do not coincide with the opinion of the stronger sex. To understand the situation, you need to listen to both sides. From a male point of view:

a little romance with an ex-girlfriend will not harm family life;
light flirting has not been canceled;
1-2 meetings on neutral territory cannot be considered a full-fledged betrayal;
a condom guarantees fidelity to the spouse, the rest does not count;
necessary for health on frequent business trips;
the position of a leader obliges.

In addition to the most common ones, there are many other reasons. It is interesting that men are often perplexed in response to a woman’s insult; they sincerely do not understand what happened and what they did wrong.

The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself

Because the husband has already conquered his wife and won her heart. Now there is no one to conquer.

The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:

Years later, the wife stops watching her figure; she is already satisfied with her fat belly.
Now she doesn't dress as nicely as before, she wears a kitchen robe and has curlers in her hair.
The sparkle in her eyes, zest and femininity disappeared.
A woman is no longer attractive.

If all this happens, then it is not surprising that the hot beauty from work replaced the wife in bed.

Of course, a woman does not have to always be beautiful, but she must be conscious and confident, radiate love.

We describe in more detail how a woman can become more confident in herself in the next publication.

Is every man capable of change?

Theoretically, yes. In practice, not everyone needs dubious adventures; many value the stability and feelings of their spouse.

It is useless to re-educate the so-called “womanizers”. They consider it their duty to mark any territory and are promiscuous in their relationships, since for them the main thing is quantity, not quality. At the same time, they love comfort and return to the familiar atmosphere of the family with enviable consistency.

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The other category includes weak-willed people who are accustomed to being led. They quickly submit to a woman with a strong character, and things can come to the destruction of the official marriage.

What does a man want from cheating?

I repeat - all people are different. The ones given here are based on counseling practice. This practice shows that it is impossible to predict 100%. However, if you know in advance “how it happens,” it will be easier for you to avoid common mistakes (you can read about them in the book How to Avoid Hurtful Mistakes in Marriage. At this link you can even access a fragment of the book for free)

A man wants to forget

Just don't think about anything. Live “for yourself”.

A man wants to feel like a man

Feel that he is a man. And not the one who was “ripped off” by his wife yesterday for leaving a trash can at home.

A man wants sex

Just like that - sex. When you don't need to persuade. Yes, of course, a mistress does not immediately “jump into bed.” But with a mistress it turns out to be a game. But with your wife, sex must be “earned.” So it’s not a game, but a “service”?

A man wants to live

To know that there is more than just everyday work. “Butterflies in the stomach” don’t just happen to teenagers.

It's a shame to read these lines, isn't it? After all, the wife also wants to forget herself, to feel like a woman, to feel the “butterflies”. I also want fabulous sex.

It turns out that the aspirations of the spouses are similar. But it’s impossible to say them out loud. It's a shame, it's a shame. These are the costs of our culture. We are used to thinking that once we have had a wedding, we have to endure the problems! Enduring is not the solution.

Cheating in itself is not a problem. Yes, it is difficult to answer the question “Why do men cheat?” You can read my version of the answer in the article of the same name Why men cheat But cheating is always only a symptom of the problem. It shows that there has been no mutual understanding between husband and wife for a long time. Or maybe he didn’t exist. But in any case, this is not a reason for betrayal. If you suspect that your man is cheating, read this article. I suspect my husband of cheating - what to do?

Advice for loving wives

Most women are endowed with worldly wisdom, regardless of age. They intuitively feel who will be comfortable with and who will bring a huge load of problems. They will not wonder whether a husband can cheat if he loves his wife, but will try to reduce the risk of third-party affairs to a minimum.

Following a few rules will help preserve the family unit.

Unconditional love that does not require response or reward is held in high esteem.
Do not make categorical claims, but try to establish a dialogue and come to a compromise.
In addition to common interests, you need to have your own, do interesting things and constantly maintain a slight intrigue in communication.

Instead of dull everyday life, you will get a constant desire to understand the inner world and interests of your partner, and this is much more exciting than the usual course of events.

Fashion for polygamy

In some circles, infidelity is a trend, an indicator of solidity and prestige to have both a wife and a mistress.

One client told me: “I don’t have the strength for both of them, my wife and I feel good, but the status obliges me.” Between their partners and friends, such men feel insecure without their mistresses.

For them, this is an indicator of wealth - to provide for their family and mistresses. When we choose men of a certain circle as companions, we need to understand that behind their achievements there may be, among other things, complexes.

They “dictated” to follow certain rules. Mistress is one of the rules. So they follow.

Why men cheat but prefer to stay in the family

There is no clear answer why all men cheat on their wives, even if they love them. Sometimes a combination of circumstances and loss of self-control are to blame; in other cases, it is not even possible to get a clear explanation.

A radical break in an established relationship is not beneficial for a man. He does not know what awaits him in an alliance with another woman; the familiar way of life is much nicer than unknown distances.

Passivity and laziness act as a kind of anchors that hold you back from taking decisive steps. The famous “maybe” often works; suddenly everything will work out, and no one will know about the little affair.

Love for children also becomes an important reason to preserve family relationships, as does confidence in the exclusivity of the spouse.

By alcoholic accident

There is one expression that sounds like “saw the night, walked all night until the morning.”

And if men walked all night until the morning with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women , then a drunk husband by the end of the evening may forget about his wife.

After all, there is an appetizing beauty sitting on it and there is plenty of alcohol around. Then the man cheats because the male gaze sees only girls with a good figure next to him, who also don’t breathe very smoothly towards him.

Because of alcohol, he forgets about the one and only.

He no longer has much control over his speech and actions.

Cheating occurs unconsciously.

This happens both in clubs and at noisy parties, holidays and other drunken places.

Tendency to cheat by zodiac sign

Looking for why guys cheat based only on their date of birth is, at the very least, unreasonable. It happens that two people born on the same day, but with a difference of several hours, will be diametrically opposed in character and habits. But there is a benefit from a personal horoscope; it warns about typical characteristics:

Aries is harsh in judgment and quick-tempered, but prefers an interesting, strong permanent partner;
Taurus seeks adventure in his youth, gradually learning the values of a strong family and becoming a faithful husband;
Geminis are flighty and temperamental, but they will commit infidelity only out of resentment or revenge;
Leos are regal, courageous and generous, inclined to create a harem, where everyone will feel like a queen, but when they meet the only one, they are ready to be with her all their lives;
Virgo is restrained and pedantic, which she also demands from her partner; she leaves for another only after systematic disappointment in the object of her adoration;
Libras are romantics and dreamers, it is important to be on the same wavelength with them and then the storms of life will bypass the family;
Sagittarius is an extreme person and a connoisseur of freedom, he will be there as long as his wife is able to surprise him, without trying to put him on a short leash;
Capricorn is practical and unhurried, values material wealth, strives for it and demands the same from his wife; a common goal is necessary;
Aquarians honestly try to improve their lives and relationships, but if they fail, they abruptly change their partner;
Pisces are completely given over to love, spiritual unity is more important to them than bodily pleasures, they rarely cheat, being in the grip of their fantasies, they value care.

Way of self-affirmation

There are men who vitally need feats in love affairs. New women they will conquer.

As a rule, after conquest they cool down and begin to look for a new object of attention.

This is the predominance of a certain type of human character, with whom it is important for a man to constantly be in a state of flirtation, conquest and not go further.

Such men do not know what to do next with a woman. How to live with her in marriage and what format of relationship to have.

They can start a family, but the desire to conquer other women will remain with them.

At the same time, betrayal can only stop at flirting, at being infatuated with others, I will say, more on a platonic level, but it can also move to the physical level.

Signs of male infidelity

In family relationships, trust and respect for personal space and desires are important. But there is no need to turn a blind eye to the obvious if frequent delays at work, incomprehensible disappearances of large sums, or long business trips begin. Signs of accomplished marital betrayal include increased attention to one's appearance, new habits or expressions, and fear of leaving the phone unattended.

Ask a question

There is no need to guess what it means if a husband begins to cheat on his wife, and immediately take the position of a victim. It makes more sense to analyze the latest events of life together without unnecessary emotions and searching for those to blame. When considering the situation, you will find clues to the right course of action. If a marriage has been bursting at the seams for a long time, then a case of infidelity is a reason to think about global changes in marriage. When the incident is one-time and there is a desire to save the family, a wise woman will prefer not to notice the affair.

But before deciding what to do, you need to understand the reasons.

You cut it down. A man always runs away from his wife-saw in search of an easy and problem-free relationship. Even if only for a short time - purely to relieve stress, but definitely. You need to understand that if you eat out your loved one’s brain every day with a teaspoon, then over time he will “grease his skis” into a sweet, calm laugh that will not burden him with anything except borscht and cabbage rolls with sour cream.
By the way, about borscht. The second reason is the wife’s reluctance to take care of the house. He comes home from work, and you have a “creative mess”, the floors have been unwashed for a month, his shirts are unwashed and unironed, and a mouse has hanged itself in the refrigerator. Although you are given money for groceries regularly. Of course, a man will get tired of the constant “let’s have dinner at a cafe today”, “sorry, I can’t sew on a button - the manicure is drying” or “mom will clean up this weekend, she loves it.”
You don't satisfy him in bed. Well, this also happens. But a release is needed. So... Or as in the saying “soup is soup, but still sometimes you want borscht” (that is, novelty in sexual terms).
He asserts himself. A sort of alpha male who simply needs “partying” on the side so as not to lose his “masculine form.” An “alpha” cannot live without adventures, and people simply call such men “males.”
He has lost interest in you. Because you always walk around with cucumbers on your face, in an old robe, ancient slippers and washed underwear. And he wants you to smell like cornflowers, greet him from work in stockings and stiletto heels, kiss him predatorily before leaving, and generally behave the way you behave during the candy-bouquet period.
He has problems with money or at work. And you are not able to understand him and caress him, saying “yes, all this is nonsense, we will cope.” Just shout that you need to buy a new faucet, and that you are tired of this boiled sausage and old coat.
He’s going through a period when he’s “graying his beard.” Most likely, it will pass quickly (if you turn out to be a wise woman).
You are too busy with children and cannot recover from childbirth.
He wants you to be jealous of him. Trying to attract your attention and revive old feelings between you.

What to do if your husband is constantly cheating

There are 2 reasonable options.

If a woman is ready to put up with infidelity, understands that this is the nature of her chosen one and otherwise she is completely satisfied with him, then it is worth saving the family. I recommend talking frankly, saying that his secrets are revealed and developing a plan for a life together where the good name of both is preserved.
When marriage remains only a stamp in a passport, feelings have faded and there is no reason to live under the same roof, then it is wiser to separate, having gained personal freedom and hope for new happiness.

When you don’t have the strength to figure out the situation on your own, consulting a psychologist will help. Conversation in a calm environment in the presence of a third party often leads to surprising results. For example, it turns out that the reason for the quarrel is a small misunderstanding or misunderstood words are taken as a sign of intercession.

Family consultations help you look at the situation from a different perspective, and you should not neglect this way of preserving your family.

If you are not going to let your husband go, then read on...

A wise woman can turn a blind eye to her husband’s “partying” if these parties do not harm the family and relationship with his wife. Partying can be practically harmless - at the level of flirting: this is how he asserts himself and proves to himself that he is still an “eagle” and not your well-fed domestic goose.
Do not descend into hysterics and scandals. If you decide to step on your own throat and go through this period next to him, then behave not like a beaten dog, but like a self-sufficient woman. Let him be jealous and afraid of losing you. Just don't get carried away! Retaliatory “partying” will lead to a break in relations.
If the reason is you, change. Not for a day, but radically. This, of course, is not only about hairstyle, manicure and your smile in the morning. Remember what you were like when you started dating and compare it to the you you see in the mirror now. What has changed in you, in you, in you?

How not to give reasons for cheating

There is no panacea for adultery. A few tips will help keep your relationship interesting and new.

Take care of your appearance, be attractive at home and away.
Respect the boundaries of personal space, respect the opinion of your partner.
Develop to share impressions and find new points of contact with your loved one.
Do not be afraid of experiments in all areas, including cooking and intimate life.
Restrain emotions in critical situations.
Create comfort and take care of your husband, corresponding to the image of the keeper of the hearth.

How to get your husband to be faithful to you

Try to keep your husband from infidelity by any means possible so that he doesn’t even have thoughts about cheating:

Take care of yourself, always be neat and well-groomed;
Keep your home tidy;
Prepare home-cooked food. If for dinner every day there are only semi-finished products, few people will like it;
Support your husband. It is important for him that his wife is not only a good lover, but also a good friend;
Don’t try to re-educate your husband, it won’t work anyway. Love him for who he is;
Be a weak woman. A strong and independent woman can make a man feel unwanted and useless;
Do not control your husband too much, because he, just like you, should have personal space.