How to get your married lover back after a breakup: the psychology of relationships

A break in a relationship, especially if it occurred on the initiative of a man, greatly hurts a woman’s soul. Many ladies do not want to put up with this situation and are looking for any ways to get their lover back. Girls are not stopped either by the presence of a wife of their beloved, or by his firm intention to leave, or even by offensive words addressed to their passion. So why did he decide to leave you and in what cases can he be returned to himself?

Why doesn't he want to communicate?

To find the answer to this question, you need to analyze your relationship with a man, remember conversations, behavior, any situations that could be the impetus for changing his attitude towards you. It is possible that your partner was offended by you because of some unfortunate word or action, then a sincere apology can improve the relationship.

If your affair had witnesses, for example, mutual friends, you can ask them about this, because from the outside it is often better to see.

What other reasons are there why your lover decided to break up with you?

The wife suspected infidelity

It is likely that your sweetheart urgently covers his tracks so that his wife does not find out about his adventures. In this case, don’t expect a call, much less a meeting, in the near future; the man will show up as soon as everything is settled.

A lover can hint to you in various ways about what is happening, either through mutual friends, or through short SMS, or he may not stick his head out of hiding at all. The only thing you can do is wait. Do not bombard a married man with SMS messages, do not call him, because in this way you can set him up in front of his wife.

He's tired of you

No man will be delighted with an obsessive woman who does not understand requests at all. For example, a lover who is married told you not to call him at home after a certain time, not to hug and kiss him in public, not to introduce him to your friends, etc. But you ignored his completely adequate requests.

Men especially run away from girls who throw around phrases like this:

• “Leave your wife and marry me!”
• “Why are you holding on to the children? I’ll give birth to others for you!”
• “If you leave me, I will commit suicide!”

Think about it, have similar statements slipped into your speech? If yes, then do not be surprised that the man simply ran away from you.

You are like an impregnable fortress

Sooner or later, a man will get tired of knocking on a closed door, and he will leave you alone with your pride. It is impossible to be an unapproachable lady and at the same time remain a mistress, because they are turned on so that they do not refuse intimacy.

Trying to awaken in him the desire to pursue you and conquer you, you ended up left with nothing.

You tried to make him jealous

When trying to awaken passion and feelings of jealousy in your loved one, it is better not to flirt with other men, and do not tell your partner about your past love affairs. Not all men are treated like a red rag to a bull. Some guys will decide that you are just a flighty and unreliable person, and it’s worth looking for a better option.

Troubleshooting

Remember and never do the following to get your loved one back:

• do not attempt suicide and do not threaten the man with this;
• do not infiltrate his family to destroy it;
• do not try to ruin a man’s reputation among his friends, acquaintances, colleagues.

Aggression begets aggression. You don’t think that after at least one of the above actions, your lover will pretend that nothing happened and return to you?

Is it possible to remain friends with a lover?

To build a friendly relationship with an ex-lover who wants to become a friend, you need to follow some rules.

First, you need to understand yourself: is there any jealousy left, is there any desire for revenge, do you really want him to be happy in a new relationship. Friendship will be possible only if all the answers to the questions were positive. Otherwise, you will become the secret enemy of your lover and will slowly poison him and yourself.

You also need to make sure that there is definitely no more love on your part, because you can lie and say that everything has passed, but your reality can turn into an eternal search for the moment to return everything or into a readiness to run after him like a dog, if only he allowed me to be near you. A more humiliating situation cannot be imagined! If we are going to be friends, then be honest.

Secondly, avoid the temptation to think that you are still valuable to him as a girlfriend. Having known each other for a long time, people often believe that they know how to influence their partner, knowing his habits, interests and weaknesses. You can cheer him up, support him, he turns to you for advice. Thus, you are gradually immersed in the illusion that his partners are a passing option, but you are forever.

You evaluate all his girlfriends from the standpoint of your taste, although you are completely uninvolved in the choice. But wake up - your presence in his intimate life ended when you broke up, you should not interfere and try to influence his new relationship. This is, in principle, impermissible, but you simply will not be able to do it. The one who wakes up with him will mean more to him than the diligent you.

Thirdly, do not forget that you are not his mother. Your ex-partner does not need either hyper-care or hyper-involvement in his life. Often former lovers devalue the man they lost, as if turning him into a little boy. You can hear the condescending tone in which they communicate with him. It’s not customary to intrude on someone else’s territory, so even if you had to see him naked, it certainly didn’t make him any worse. Respect yourself and others.

And finally, most importantly: do not, under any circumstances, go to bed with him. Friendly sex happens when one of you needs consolation, you were at a common party, you were leaving guests together, etc. Why shouldn’t you do this? Then you will be disgusted and embarrassed in front of your real halves. This incident will not solve anything, but it can lead to even greater confusion of the situation or separation forever.

At all times, the partner's old girlfriend was a danger to his girlfriend, since she claimed the status of the main woman in his life. This could be worse than mother-in-law. There will definitely be rivalry, jealousy, a struggle for influence, and lies for the gullible “new girl.” Therefore, if your man has such a girlfriend, discuss all the nuances with him. Who knows, you might decide not to even start this relationship with him.

How to react correctly

If a man is truly dear, you need to act delicately and wisely. Each situation has its own pattern of behavior that will allow you to emerge victorious from the impasse in the novel. The main thing is to be sensitive, control yourself, and most importantly, understand your man. After all, this is the only way you can act in the optimal way to direct his behavior in the right direction.

Prove to him that you are worthy of him.

Conspiracy from the spouse

If your boyfriend somehow warned you that his wife suspects something, the only right decision you can make is to ask him to hide for a while and be an exemplary husband for his wife.

You will only benefit from this decision:

1. Firstly, the man will understand that you respect him and do not want him to have problems.
2. Secondly, your loved one will be convinced that you are a reliable and reasonable person whom he can always rely on. If his wife does not have these qualities, then in his eyes you will look much more advantageous.
3. Thirdly, he may suspect something is wrong. Why did you so calmly allow him to devote himself entirely to his wife? Maybe you yourself are planning an affair with another man? You can be sure that the lover, tormented by conjectures, will soon show up so that his place is not taken by a rival.

And in addition, it wouldn’t hurt to whisper into the phone to your loved one during the next secret call about how much you want him and that you are preparing a dizzying surprise for him in bed. Rest assured, the gentleman will always think only about you and will not delay the next date.

If you act correctly, then the question of how to return your married lover will not worry you.

You've changed

If you previously made the mistake of running after a man and not giving him passage, then you can try to return your loved one. But if you are completely fed up with him, that just by looking at you he grabs his heart and rushes to retreat, it will not be so easy for you to return everything to normal.

Don’t let the situation get to the point where a man shows aggression towards you just to get rid of your obsession.

Change your behavior as soon as possible and start with this:

1. Move away a little from the man, but don’t be cold towards him. Let him see that you can live calmly without him, but at the same time you still surround him with love.
2. Be a mystery to him, don’t open up to him again. Listen more, talk less.
3. Become the woman who commands respect from the opposite sex: independent, with self-esteem, who has her own interests and hobbies, and who knows how to make informed decisions.
4. Take care of your appearance. You can be an unreal beauty, but there is no limit to perfection. Contact a stylist, change your hairstyle, buy yourself some stunning outfits, lose weight. Don't waste money and time on yourself.

These actions will only make sense in one case - if there was something more between you and a man than just physical intimacy, and this man is really interested in you as a woman, and not as a toy for carnal pleasures.

If a man does not notice your transformations and efforts for a long time, then it is better to leave this one-sided game and find another partner.

Reasons for men leaving and returning

As a rule, if the mistress behaves smartly, then the man is satisfied with everything.

Most often, a man makes a choice in favor of family in the following cases:

• the girl is too aggressive with her money,
• the mistress actively asks about his wife, may call at the most inopportune moment,
• demands to stay overnight (this is too violent an invasion of family life),
• behaves riskily and recklessly, tries to blackmail with pregnancy,
• demands to introduce her to her parents and friends,
• feelings just cooled down.

Sometimes a man is simply frightened by the avalanche of feelings that has overwhelmed him. Therefore, he goes to break off the relationship. And over time he tries to return.

How to get your lover back if he left for his wife: advice from psychologists

There are several practical tips on how to get your lover back if he has left an unhappy girl. The main thing you must remember is that family and a legal wife will always be more important for a man, no matter how much he swears his love to you.

However, being in a relationship for so long, you must understand this and accept it. If you are not satisfied, it is better to look for a free man with whom you can be the only one.

Sincerity

Think about why you need this particular man? Maybe you are driven by a sporting interest or a desire to flatter yourself? Then you shouldn’t waste time and energy on a married man. It's better to focus your energy on seducing a bachelor with whom you have a future. Someone else's husband is not worth your suffering, let his wife suffer.

But, if your feelings for your partner are really deep, and you would like to start a family with this man, then you can try to lure your lover away from your wife. And if you do not see yourself in the role of a spouse, then you should not destroy the marriage and interfere in the family.

Love is the only valid reason to take a man away from the family.

Often girls are driven by banal selfishness and unwillingness to put up with losing. If your pride is wounded, think about what the fact of a man’s destroyed family will give you? In a few months or even weeks, you will start a new life with a new admirer, and the man is unlikely to be able to restore his old relationship with his wife. This is especially painful when a couple has children together.

Waiting

Don’t rush to immediately go to your lover for an explanation, give both him and yourself time to calm down and think about everything. It is quite possible that your lover cannot stand the separation and will rush to restore the relationship with you.

Use this time for yourself. There is a possibility that during this separation you yourself will rethink your union, look at the situation from the outside, and cool down. It is possible that you will consider this relationship a dead end and will no longer want to return to a married man.

Analysis

Try to look at relationships without all emotions. If everything started out great, and then the tomatoes wilted, don’t rule out that you have a share of the blame:

• you annoyed your loved one with hysterics and complaints;
• they called and wrote intrusively, even when he was at home;
• they were jealous of him for every pillar;
• did not respect his personal space;
• spoke ill of his wife.

Remember all the moments that could have served as a reason to break up with you, and work on your mistakes so as not to behave this way in the future. If not with this man, then with the next one.

Emphasis on virtues

A man appreciates certain qualities in a woman and pays attention to character traits. To keep a married man near you, it is important to reveal your strengths and wisely hide your shortcomings. Unfortunately, many girls put on a mask and attribute to themselves those traits that they actually do not possess, but sooner or later the true face appears, and the man experiences a clear feeling that he has been deceived somewhere.

Try not to disappoint your chosen one, do not lead him by the nose. Work on your strengths and show them in a light that is favorable to you.

Search for meetings

The saying goes: “Out of sight, out of mind.” But really, the less a person shows up, the less they think about him, so it’s important to periodically remind a man about yourself. But don’t overdo it, don’t become that “bath sheet” that sticks and doesn’t want to come off; obsession won’t help you.

During the meeting, ask for a second chance.

For example, you can find out through mutual friends that your loved one will be having dinner with business partners at such and such a restaurant at such and such a time. Put on your best dress, dress up and go to the same place with your friend. But your meeting should look like an accident so that the person does not feel like you are stalking him.

Improvement

Working on yourself can work wonders. You can transform not only externally, but also internally, finding harmony with yourself and becoming more confident. For example:

• workout;
• join a dance club;
• find yourself a new interesting hobby.

Even throwing unnecessary things out of the house can significantly tidy up not only the space in the apartment, but also the thoughts in your head.

Stay cheerful, good mood and resilient. Sad young ladies repel men.

Messages

In the modern world, it is not necessary to see a person in person to talk to him. You can write an SMS or a message on a social network, remind yourself, express your desire to renew the relationship. This will be a step forward on your part, especially if you write that you realize your mistakes and value your man and don’t want to lose him.

But remember that it is better to write messages when you are absolutely sure that your lover’s wife will not read them. Otherwise, you will not only not restore your relationship with your lover, but you will also become the cause of the problems he has, and this is of no use to you.

Nice memories

As if inadvertently, awaken in a man pleasant memories associated with you. These could be funny moments from the past or romantic evenings that you spent in each other's company.

Remind him why he fell in love with you.

If you previously pampered each other with intimate photographs, then you can repeat your favorite tradition. Surely, the man’s former passion will awaken, and he will want to see you for a spicy pastime.

Last date

Ask the man to give you the opportunity to see each other for the last time, to say goodbye “beautifully.” Invite him to spend your last night together.

Physical intimacy can be a great motivation to restore a relationship. Try to show your best qualities this night:

• wear attractive lingerie;
• light the candles;
• cook a delicious dinner;
• create a romantic atmosphere;
• show yourself in bed.

It is unlikely that a man will be able to leave so easily after he had such a good time.

How to get your lover back if he doesn't want to communicate

If you do not want to put up with the coldness and aloofness of your sweetheart, and want to get your man back after breaking up, you can follow the tips below:

1. Let the person know that you want to spend your whole life with him, that your feelings are sincere and pure. Do not stoop to humiliation in front of a man, but at the same time admit that you feel bad without him.
2. Ask him for forgiveness for everything you once said or did to him. Perhaps your thoughtless joke deeply wounded his heart, and he now associates you with an offender and ill-wisher. Tell him that you do not wish him harm, repent and promise to continue to be more attentive and sensitive to your lover.
3. Don't ask the person to make an instant decision. You respect his opinion and feelings, and are ready to wait as long as necessary.
4. If he does not want to communicate and ignores you, do not involve strangers in the showdown: your friends and girlfriends, your mutual acquaintances with the man, especially relatives. This will only push the person away.
5. Under no circumstances seek meetings with your loved one’s wife, do not invite her to a frank conversation and do not gain her trust. A man definitely won’t appreciate such resourcefulness.
6. Remember that very often life gives us surprises. When we stop wanting something, the universe, as if on purpose, provides it for us. Therefore, the best thing you can do is to mentally let the man go and come to terms with the fact that he may never return to you again. You will be surprised, but most likely, after some time, your sweetheart will again appear on the threshold of your home.

Sometimes you just need to let a person go. This is a strange man, not destined for you by fate. Now it seems that you will never be able to forget him or become happy with someone else. But in fact, after a while, emotions will let go, attention will switch to other things, and other men will begin to attract you.

Don't hold on to something that never belonged to you.

The main reasons why lovers leave

First of all, the abandoned girl must analyze the reasons why she wants to return to her lover. It is worth taking action to return a young man if the woman’s feelings have not yet cooled down and she still feels attracted to her partner.

The return of a loved one makes sense if the girl is driven by a real feeling, and not by wounded pride. Sometimes a woman confuses possessiveness with a sincere desire to make peace with her partner. First you need to prioritize: do you really want to renew the relationship or do you just need to prove to yourself that this is possible.

If a woman’s feelings have not cooled down, then before tormented by questions about whether it is possible to return her lover and how, it is more reasonable to find out why he broke off the relationship. As a rule, a married man disappears from the horizon for the following reasons:

• the lover behaves obsessively;
• monotony reigns in bed;
• ease disappears from relationships, they are more like family life;
• the mistress wants the man to make a choice between her and his wife;
• a married boyfriend finds a new passion that suits him better;
• the legal spouse reveals the deception;
• the beloved wants to give birth to a child;
• sexual dissatisfaction;
• the mistress does not want to hide the affair, behaves carelessly and demands a greater presence of her partner in her life;
• the woman begins to grow old;
• long-term illness of a loved one;
• the man does not want to help his mistress financially;
• constant jealousy of the family;
• the lover is tired of frequent showdowns;
• the beloved starts talking about his wife too often, constantly calls at inconvenient times;
• classic of the genre - blackmail through false pregnancy;
• excessive romanticism on the part of the mistress.

For these or some other reasons, a man ends a secret affair. This will not happen if the mistress is wise and reasonable.

Sometimes a partner simply runs away from his own feelings. He is not ready to rush into the whirlpool of love experiences and remains in a reliable, albeit boring, marriage.

Is it possible to return a lover and how if there was a banal quarrel? Reconciliation is possible, but it will be more difficult to implement due to the sensitivity of the situation.

When you shouldn't return your lover

As they say, in love, as in war, all means are fair. But there are situations when it is better not to remember this principle and not renew relations with a lover:

1. If a person tormented you with jealousy, offended you, humiliated you, beat you, made you feel like crap. Even if many months and even years have passed since the breakup, it is unlikely that the person has changed and turned from a tyrant into a good girl. It's better not to step on the same old rake.
2. Speaking of the past months and years. The more time passes after a breakup, the more difficult it is to get the relationship back. Yes, sometimes a couple gets back together, but in most cases this happens because people simply could not find suitable candidates to replace each other. People are driven more by fear of loneliness and a sense of uselessness than by love. Think about it: if you couldn't find reasons to stay together before, are you sure you'll find those reasons now?
3. You have no peace, you are almost climbing the wall from resentment, because you were cruelly betrayed by your loved one. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and think, is it worth it to kill yourself so much for a person who so easily abandoned you? Why do you need a man who doesn't want to be with you? And where are the guarantees that if a man returns, he will not leave you again?
4. Do not return to a person if your union resembles the relationship of a cat and a dog rather than people loving each other. Quarrels with or without reason will sooner or later lead anyone out; you can’t even dream of a calm, measured life. If this seems like a small thing to you, think about the environment in which your future children will live if you plan to have them. And you yourself will soon get tired of life with a man who starts a scandal out of any nonsense.
5. Think a thousand times whether you want to renew your relationship with your lover who cheated on you with other girls (your wife doesn’t count). Cheating on his part is possible not only in terms of meeting other people's women. For example, you asked him to stay with you during an illness, but he preferred to spend the evening with friends. Or he could have helped you in some difficult moment, but did nothing. This behavior does not make a man look good and certainly does not indicate his deep feelings for you.

There may not be many real reasons not to renew a relationship with a man, but even this is enough for a woman to seriously think about her future with this man and want to start life from scratch.

If you still can’t imagine your life without your beloved man, you spend all day long thinking about how to get your ex-lover back and are ready to overcome any obstacles for the sake of happiness with him, act, but do it carefully and with self-esteem. A man should not become the meaning of your existence. No matter how you treat a person, you must be prepared for the fact that he will never return to you again.

Wise behavior

If you have found out the reasons for your partner’s infidelity, build the right line of behavior. A man takes a mistress because he feels bad. So make him feel good:

1. Going to his mistress, a man dreams of getting into the bright, unusual world of relationships. Tired of everyday problems and monotonous family relationships. The soul asks for a holiday. The task of the beloved woman is to ensure such a state.
2. Meetings with a married man should be different from each other. You will have to show your imagination and use your imagination so that the hours spent together are romantic and unusual.
3. A well-groomed appearance is of great importance. A loved one hates disheveled hair, dressing gowns and slippers. Don’t make someone feel irritated and annoyed by looking at you. The appearance of a woman should evoke admiration and a sense of pride.
4. No reproaches, comments or criticism. There are enough such delights in family life. You will want to hear unobtrusive compliments, words of approval and sympathy again and again.
5. The romance of a relationship does not exclude comfort and coziness. You will have to develop culinary skills and surprise your chosen one with delicious dishes. Dumplings for lunch or scrambled eggs for breakfast, dirty dishes in the sink will make a man think about the right choice of a partner.
6. You cannot bother with calls and messages, advertise relationships and look for meetings, blackmail and set conditions, make you jealous.
7. You can and should be sexy, relaxed, sincere and attentive.

If, despite all your efforts, a man decides to break off the relationship, arm yourself with patience and follow the recommendations of experienced psychologists.