Divorce causes pain and anxiety for both spouses. It often happens that one of the spouses is unhappy in the marriage. Let's consider this situation from the husband's side. It often happens that the feelings have long passed, the relationship has reached a dead end. My husband has been in love with someone else for a long time. Or he just wants to be alone. Or realized that he was not living the way he wanted. At the same time, he is afraid or does not want to hurt his wife. Leaving someone who loves you is not easy. Even if you stopped loving him a long time ago. Unless, of course, you are an unscrupulous and emotionless robot. But we only live once. If a man made a mistake, chose the wrong wife... this is not a reason to suffer all his life. Especially if there are no children. Or you won’t have to divide a lot of property. Divorce, if there are children, will be much more difficult. But even if there is both, then it is not necessary to suffer for the rest of your life. The main thing is to leave with minimal “losses” for both spouses.
Why do husbands leave their wives?
This is the main question. Many women are left alone with questions after their spouse leaves. They are tormented by them. Husbands are also tormented: “Did I do the right thing?” Much depends on the reason. A man can leave for many reasons:
- Tired
. As sad as it is, in those families where there is a seriously ill child, husbands are the first to fail. Due to psychological characteristics, it is always easier for a person to leave and not see. Instead of living with a problem, spending time and energy on solving it. What if there is no solution? - I found another one
. The husband sees his wife in slippers, with dirty hair, unshaven legs, in a robe, at the stove. The mistress is always well-groomed, affectionate, sexy. Most often younger than the legal spouse. This is a common situation - The husband cheated, the mistress became pregnant
. He is forced to leave his current wife - Tired of it
. This word can mean anything. I'm tired of my wife being demanding. I'm tired of spending the whole summer at the dacha. I'm tired of my restrictions. The list goes on - The spouses are too different
. During the period of falling in love, they did not notice this. Time has shown that people really were “from different worlds.” With different tastes, different priorities, different views - One of the spouses cannot or does not want to have children
. The wife cannot get pregnant, and the husband wants an heir. Or the wife wants children, the husband does not. In order not to deprive the opportunity of motherhood, he leaves the family (so that she can find someone else) - My wife cheated.
Her husband found out about this and cannot forgive her - The spouse is a burden
. The husband provides for the family. The woman sits at home, does not work. At the same time, he still does not do anything useful around the house. Doesn't strive to become a good housewife. My husband is tired of carrying everything on his shoulders - Lack of attention.
The spouse is too passionate about herself, spends a lot of time at work, plays a lot of games. There are many reasons, but the essence is the same - little attention is paid to the husband, he feels superfluous, unnecessary
Ignoring
Numerous conversations do not always help to convey to a woman the fact that family ties have been destroyed once and for all. Reviews from professionals and men themselves who have gone through this thorny path prove that ignoring is one of the best ways for those who do not know how to get rid of their wife.
- Firstly, do not react to the latest scandals and behave as naturally as possible.
- Secondly, your wife will provoke and manipulate you, so the best way is to leave the common home for a while in order to calmly complete the divorce process. Well, if this is not possible, then it is important to limit the living space and warn that there is now a huge wall between you. This means that from now on everyone solves their problems themselves, as well as taking care of themselves. However, this method also has pitfalls: women quickly cool down and can start pestering, which will only cause hatred from their husband.
When should you leave?
Be sure to think things through. Never leave with passion or emotion. Everything should be done with a cool and sober mind. There is no “perfect time to leave.” But you can choose the most favorable moment for this.
First, understand yourself. What do you want to escape from? What exactly doesn't suit you about this relationship? Try talking to your wife about these topics. Perhaps there is a chance to save the family. Or after such a conversation something will change. For example, your wife will take better care of herself, and you will spend more time at home rather than with friends. It often seems that it is easier to get away from a problem than to solve it. But we forget that the solution sometimes lies on the surface.
If you value relationships, then it makes sense to see a family psychologist. It will help you sort out deadlocked relationships. There is nothing shameful or awkward about trusting a professional and receiving qualified help.
A conversation with your spouse or a psychologist is suitable for those who doubt the decision. Or he can’t decide. If your decision is firm, then act. Delays can only make the situation worse. Over time, your emotional state will not improve, and keeping your wife in ignorance and deception is not fair.
Be consistent
The worst thing that can happen in the process of breaking up is constant tossing and turning. First the husband leaves, then returns, begs on his knees for forgiveness from his wife, and then again remembers what pushed him to take this step. These tossing slowly but surely burns love out of a woman’s heart, tormenting her and making her nervous and irritable.
So be consistent. If you decide to leave, then first think carefully about all the circumstances, how you will live, how you will arrange your life and other little things. And only then announce your departure.
Talk to yourself first and make these decisions. If you are sure that it is necessary to leave or that it is impossible to stay together, then leave and do not torture either yourself or her.
How to build a conversation?
Choose a time when no one is in a hurry. Let this be the start of the weekend. Or a time when no important events are planned in the near future. Invite your spouse to a conversation. Start the conversation with a neutral phrase: “we need to talk about one thing,” or “let’s sit down and discuss one important issue.”
Give reasons
Think through all your phrases in advance.
Next, clearly and clearly state WHY you came to the decision. Do not resort to allegories, comparisons or metaphors, such as “the family boat crashed into everyday life.” Formulate all the phrases in your head in advance, prepare arguments and counterarguments. If you fall out of love, say so. Everything is direct, everything is honest. But if you are leaving for someone else, it is better to keep silent about the reason. In order not to cause unnecessary anger, not to provoke your spouse to take revenge. But if you are bad at lying, or don’t want to do it, it’s up to you.
In a conversation, it is better to focus on third forces, using “this is how the circumstances developed” instead of “I decided so.” Or instead of “I’m tired of it” – “it so happened that...”
Listen to your wife
She listened to you, now you listen to her. She will probably be in shock. Or it will cause a scandal. Don't argue, don't prove anything. After all, you decided everything for yourself. Which means there is no point in ranting. Ignore her arguments. That “we’ve been together for 7 years”, “how could you?”, “we loved each other”, “you promised”, etc. In any case, let the person speak out and cry. Do not take insults (if any) seriously. The wife is now emotional and may not control herself.
Come to a conclusion
After discharge, you can return to the conversation. As before, stick to your position clearly. YOU decide, YOU act, YOU do not hesitate. Therefore, go to topics like: “until when can I live here?”, “When will we go file for divorce?” and so on. The main thing is that she clearly reflected that you were not joking, did not hesitate, did not doubt. Decision is made. And it has been accepted for a long time, nothing can be changed. And now you just voiced it in words.
Discuss the division of property
If the wife is in adequate condition, we can discuss the division of property in detail. If your spouse is in shock, angry or too upset, it is better not to do this. It hardly reflects reality now. The property can be dealt with later. If disagreements arise, go to court.
Consequences of the conspiracy
Strong conspiracies read at home can quite effectively realize your desire. However, you should always remember to pay back if you make a mistake. If you don’t believe in magic, have doubts, twisted words, mixed up something in the process, or pursued a terrible goal, then punishment will follow: illness, problems in all areas of life, poverty, suicidal thoughts.
Do not try to harm someone with magic, because, first of all, you will suffer yourself. Moreover, we do not recommend that you turn to black conspiracies, because even if you follow all the rules, they will still charge you a large fee.
What should you not do when leaving your wife?
Even if you never see each other after the divorce, you need to separate as a human being. Without losing control, without causing unnecessary pain, without creating unnecessary destruction. To do this, remember what you should not do when leaving:
- To humiliate or insult
. Even if she is really wrong about something. Stooping to insults is not worthy of a real (let alone a proud) man. - Make a silent exit
. Leaving without words will create a lot of questions that a woman will want to get an answer to by any means. Besides, it will look like running away - Be subject to blackmail and threats
. In this situation, a woman can do strange things. Verbal threats may be made. But the most undesirable thing is manipulation and blackmail. For example: “I will commit suicide if you leave,” or “I will set your car on fire at night.” 99% of the time it's just words - Doubt.
Any doubt, a trembling voice or a thoughtful look can give a woman false hope. If you are definitely going to leave, be firm (but without becoming rude) and confident in your every action, in every word. - Come back.
If you decide to leave, don’t come back. All your returns will not lead to anything good, believe me - Show joy.
You have already caused a person suffering. And if you post photos online, make statuses and publications about how good your life is now... you can embitter or upset your ex-wife even more. It is your right to live your life. But mocking the “defeated” does not do you any honor
Connect a lawyer
Nowadays, this is an effective method that will tell you how to get rid of your wife. You must clearly understand how you will lead your future life after the divorce. The most important problem remains children and common property, which is why the other half begins to blackmail and does not allow them to leave quietly.
A competent lawyer will tell you how to get rid of your wife using only legal means. For example, it will help to divide an apartment and a car, arrange custody of children or establish parenting rights, and also designate alimony payments.
Safety precautions when talking
Even if you think that you know your spouse well and what she is capable of, you may be mistaken. The news that her husband wants to leave her can cause the most unpredictable reaction. Especially if you decide to admit that you love someone else, that you cheated, that she is pregnant, etc. Therefore, before you start a conversation, make sure of the following?
- The spouse is in an “even” state. She had no other grief the other day. The sum of these two events (grief and your departure) can cause the most undesirable reactions
An angry person may not be aware of his actions - You are at home . Restaurants, bars, parks, streets, etc. are not suitable for talking about divorce.
- You are not in the kitchen. There are a lot of breakable and cutting objects in the kitchen. Impulsive women may start breaking dishes or grabbing a knife. All this is dangerous
- Are you ready to leave immediately? You are the initiator. Therefore, if you are immediately asked to leave (and have a moral right to do so), then be prepared to leave
- to a lot of offensive phrases, insults, and unflattering expressions in your address This can be heard even from the most modest and silent women in anger.
How to survive a divorce with your wife and children: 5 tips
There is a wonderful saying “they don’t divorce children,” so if you are a father, then after separating from your wife, it is important for you to take care not only of your mental well-being, but also of your children. Here's what you should do.
Calm and listen to them
Make sure your children know that your divorce is definitely not their fault. Listen carefully to them, be compassionate, honest and straightforward in your answers. Do not lie to them under any circumstances, and also do not be harsh with them: now they need your support, and you need theirs (even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself).
Maintain stability and routine
Try to keep your children's daily and weekly activities as routine and consistent as possible. A very big change has occurred in their life, therefore, the more familiar moments remain in their weekdays and weekends, the better.
Agree on the parenting process with your ex-wife
Now that you and your ex-wife are raising children separately, be sure to agree in advance with each other about when and how you will distribute time between each other (under no circumstances communicate about this through the children). And also what time they should be put to bed, what to feed them, how to reward and not reward them (and whether punishments are acceptable). Otherwise, one of you risks becoming a “bad” parent who behaves more strictly towards the child or children than the “good” one.
Let the children know that they can rely on you
Make only realistic promises to your children that you know you can keep. And don't trust them too much with your feelings about the divorce.
Let them know that this makes you very sad, but you will get through it and, no matter what, you still love your children as much as before.
What should you be prepared for after a divorce?
Firstly . Think in advance: where you will live. Hotels, hotels, hostels are always waiting for you. But this is a last resort. Because Accommodation in them is not cheap. If it is possible to live better with your parents, relatives or a good friend. Where you can live (without paying rent) for a month or two or more. If necessary. During this time, decide where you will live. Rent an apartment or live with a new lover. By the way, it’s not a fact that cohabitation with your mistress will be “sweet.” It is likely that behind the gorgeous sex, slender figure, and painted face there is a bitch, a brawler, or a person of limited intelligence. From which you yourself will then run away.
Secondly. Even before the conversation begins, think about your departure. In one evening you cannot take with you all your things, clothes, property. Take the minimum necessary for about a week. These are socks, underpants, shirts, jeans, hygiene products, charger, phone, laptop, non-perishable food, cutlery, bed linen. In general, what you can take with you at a time. Pay special attention to documents, money, and jewelry. It’s better to take them all with you at once. Then they may not be given to you, or they may be blackmailed with them, or they will fall under the hot hand. Accordingly, it is better to prepare all this in advance. Hide packages and bags out of sight until the conversation.
Don't go to extremes, control yourself
Third. After giving your wife a few days to “cool down” (or immediately, but depending on the circumstances), immediately agree on the removal of all your things. Hire a Gazelle or use your car to take out everything that belongs to you in one go. It is better to leave joint property to your spouse. In the future you will earn everything. And now these things can be not only an extra burden, but also a way for the ex-wife to manipulate. Remember that she does not want to see you, she is hurt. If you take things out in small parts every evening, it will be worse for both of you.
Fourthly. When dividing property, try not to go to extremes. It is much wiser to convince your ex to divide the property without going to trial. Otherwise, you will waste much more nerves, time, money, patience
Fifthly. Get out of sight. Move away from her house. Change jobs (if she knew the address), move away from mutual friends. Change your phone number and social media profiles. Your ex-spouse may be spying on you. Out of curiosity or for the purpose of revenge - it doesn’t matter. Do not give her the opportunity for revenge, curiosity, or testing the waters.
After leaving, do not remind yourself of yourself. NEVER EVER! NOT AT ALL! That's it, your paths have diverged. You don’t need to call her to find out how things are going. Don't stand guard outside her windows. She will notice this, which will give her false confidence that you will return. Do not go to her pages on social networks. What you see may cause negative emotions in you. Your ex can quickly find a new lover to “get revenge” on you. Or he will insult you on his wall. Or post tearful comments that are designed to get you to read them.
Stages of alcohol dependence in women
Alcohol addiction in women develops gradually: it all starts with taking small doses and, in rare cases, to a complete loss of control over what they drink, up to the collapse of personality and irreversible somatic pathologies.
First stage
A woman gets a psychological craving for drinking alcohol. A bad day, boredom, troubles at work, problems in the family, a birthday or an office party - whatever happens, everything is a reason for drinking. There are no mental disorders at this stage, but one can observe how control over the amount of drink is gradually lost, and any feast for her should end in severe intoxication. And although a woman is still able to be critical of herself, she is unlikely to admit even to herself that she is becoming dependent.
Second stage
Severe physical dependence. Characterized by severe withdrawal symptoms. The body has developed a tolerance to ethanol, so now, in order to achieve the desired intoxication, a woman needs to drink more. The higher the dose, the greater the concentration of acetaldehyde, so the effects of intoxication become more severe.
At the second stage, a woman develops a characteristic appearance: a puffy face, swollen lips, slitted eyes, loose skin, spider veins, and sudden weight loss.
Third stage
At this stage, alcohol becomes the meaning of existence for a woman. To get drunk, a small dose of alcohol is enough for her. True binges often occur; in this state, a woman experiences an unconscious and irresistible craving for drinking. Cognitive functions decrease, moral and mental degradation occurs. The situation is aggravated by serious, often irreversible damage to internal organs and systems. The third stage often ends in a painful fatal outcome.
What to do if a woman regularly drinks alcohol
If alcohol consumption has reached a systematic level, and the dose is constantly increasing, then the best choice is to go to a drug treatment clinic. We treat female alcohol addiction at any stage. After consultation and examination, the doctor will draw up an individual treatment plan. If the patient does not admit the fact of the disease, the psychologist will convince the woman to accept treatment using a motivational conversation, which is called an intervention.
Drug treatment
After removing the woman from the binge and carrying out the detoxification procedure, the doctor prescribes medication. Pharmacotherapy will restore sleep, stabilize the emotional background, and eliminate somatic diseases. Additionally, the doctor may prescribe physical therapy and massage to speed up the restoration of physiological functions.
Coding, which is carried out with medication, psychotherapy or hardware, stops the craving for drinking alcohol for a given time. After this, further treatment can be continued.
Psychotherapy
Most often, the basis of alcohol dependence in women is psychological; identifying them is the beginning of successful psychotherapeutic treatment. According to the experience of doctors, women are more willing to share their experiences and problems with doctors due to their emotional nature and general suggestibility. Thanks to this, a psychotherapist can quickly identify the root cause of addiction and eliminate its impact on the psyche.
If alcoholism has not reached the stage of personality degradation, when a woman is still not indifferent to moral, ethical and family values, group and individual psychotherapeutic sessions will help. The presence of loved ones and people with similar problems will make it possible to speed up the process of returning to normal life.
Rehabilitation
A rehabilitation course must be completed - this will consolidate the success of the previous treatment. At the first stage of alcoholism, outpatient rehabilitation is possible, but for women with the second and third stages of addiction, inpatient rehabilitation in conditions of complete isolation will be required.
Why is rehabilitation so important for women alcoholics? Firstly, the risk of failure is eliminated. Secondly, access to alcohol is excluded. Thirdly, the clinic’s specialists monitor the patient’s health status around the clock.
Our clinic offers patients almost sanatorium-like conditions: four meals a day, walks, a swimming pool, and physical education classes. None of the women refuses art therapy, because here you can choose a hobby to your liking and spend time profitably.
Group psychotherapy sessions are an opportunity to make new acquaintances and share your own experience of recovery.
The result of the course of treatment is that our patients leave the clinic as practically healthy people.
12 steps
This program, which is successfully used in the best drug treatment clinics in the world, is also used in our clinic. The essence of the 12 Steps program is that an addicted person will not be able to cope with the problem on their own; only qualified medical care and assistance from people with the same problems will help them get on the path to recovery and getting rid of their addiction.
During collective sessions, a psychologist helps women recognize the fact of addiction, find defects that impede recovery, and identify internal resources for positive changes.
The 12 Steps program can be attended not only by women alcoholics, but also by their loved ones. This will help them better understand themselves and the psychological background of a woman’s addiction.
Traditional methods
In an attempt to cure a woman of alcoholism, many seek salvation in folk methods. How many similar cases have there been in the practice of doctors at our clinic! Meanwhile, many folk methods are not only harmful, but also dangerous.
We understand that this comes from a sincere desire to help, but the result of traditional methods of treatment will either bring a short-term effect or will not give a result at all.
Turning to witch doctors, healers and other psychics is a waste of money and precious time.
No one has yet been cured of alcoholism by spells, prayers and magical rituals. This also takes away precious time from the sick woman. If faith helps you to persevere through a problem, then pray about it. But prayer will not cure addiction.
The main signs of fear of betrayal
It is important to understand the difference between fears of betrayal that are caused by real facts and those that are based on one’s own internal problems. If betrayal does happen, then it should become an experience, but not a reason to then be afraid of betrayal in a new relationship.
Let's look at the main reasons for fear:
- Constant control of the beloved . Losing power over another person is the main fear of betrayal. The young man believes that if he controls every step of his significant other, then betrayal will definitely be avoided. However, such excessive control looks extremely oppressive. The husband can even limit the freedom of his wife, establish possible rules that are acceptable only to him. It seems to him that these tyrannical methods can save him from his wife’s infidelity.
- Hysterics . A person can no longer cope with his fear and emotions, aggression becomes more and more obvious and constant. A woman can easily fall into hysterics, shed tears, scream, break dishes, and use blackmail. It is doubly difficult if the man in a couple loses control over his fear. After all, this literally creates a threat to the entire family.
Can a woman stop drinking forever?
A very pressing question for husbands whose wives suffer from alcoholism. Our answer: yes, if you undergo complex treatment consisting of several stages.
- Detoxification cleanses the body of ethanol, eliminates binge drinking, and improves physical condition. However, the drip itself will not make you stop drinking forever; moreover, as soon as the woman feels better, she will want to drink again.
- Encoding is the next stage in treatment. This is a procedure that, for a given period of time, creates a barrier between alcohol and the alcoholic’s desire to drink it. Cases when a woman starts drinking after coding occur very often; accordingly, coding is not a way to quit drinking forever.
- Rehabilitation. As we said above, the root of addiction is buried in psychological problems. Identifying them and creating conditions under which the craving for alcohol decreases is the task of the rehabilitation course. Only rehabilitation in isolation will give a lasting result and consolidate the success of the previous stages of treatment.
