The process of official divorce, regardless of who initiated the breakup, is unpleasant. However, it is most difficult for a man in a situation when he is abandoned, and he is unable to do anything to save his family. “How to survive a divorce from your wife?” - this question worries representatives of the stronger sex who find themselves in a situation of family breakdown, no less than the fair half of humanity.
Do husbands regret separation?
Divorced men are a heterogeneous category, so the feelings they experience are determined by the circumstances of the breakup.
If divorce is initiated by the spouse
The reaction in this case is the most painful. Even despite the outward emotional restraint characteristic of most men, it is noticeable that such an outcome is unpleasant for them.
But whether the abandoned husband will have regrets will depend on the strength of love. If feelings have long cooled down, and only habit remains, supported by everyday comfort, then such an individual will not regret the separation for a long time.
If, having lost a woman, a man realizes that he loved her very much, and despite everything, his feelings remained, then the pain of separation will affect his life for a long time even after the official dissolution of the marriage.
If they break up due to their own fault
If the relationship is terminated on the initiative of the spouse, then most often there are no regrets about what was done. However, there are exceptions.
For example, having gone to their mistress, some expect that the love “euphoria” will never end, but in practice they discover that the other woman has her own shortcomings. Then a feeling of regret for what was lost arises.
Even if such a man does not (or cannot make) an attempt to renew his relationship with his ex, he begins to believe that his first wife was better, and he made a mistake by breaking up a completely successful marriage.
When should you leave?
Be sure to think things through. Never leave with passion or emotion. Everything should be done with a cool and sober mind. There is no “perfect time to leave.” But you can choose the most favorable moment for this.
First, understand yourself. What do you want to escape from? What exactly doesn't suit you about this relationship? Try talking to your wife about these topics. Perhaps there is a chance to save the family. Or after such a conversation something will change. For example, your wife will take better care of herself, and you will spend more time at home rather than with friends. It often seems that it is easier to get away from a problem than to solve it. But we forget that the solution sometimes lies on the surface.
If you value relationships, then it makes sense to see a family psychologist. It will help you sort out deadlocked relationships. There is nothing shameful or awkward about trusting a professional and receiving qualified help.
A conversation with your spouse or a psychologist is suitable for those who doubt the decision. Or he can’t decide. If your decision is firm, then act. Delays can only make the situation worse. Over time, your emotional state will not improve, and keeping your wife in ignorance and deception is not fair.
How to painlessly survive a divorce from your wife if you still love?
The old truth says that love not only warms, but also burns.
Therefore, men for whom divorce means separation from their beloved suffer especially severe psychological trauma. Some bring themselves to such a state that they will no longer recover without the help of specialists. At an early stage, you should pull yourself together and listen to at least some recommendations from psychologists:
- you should occupy all your free time with work, sports and other hobbies, interesting events, travel and meetings;
- during the recovery period it is better to give up alcohol so as not to do anything stupid;
- do not try to knock things out with wedges (i.e. do not start a new novel);
- analyze the reason for the breakup;
- pull yourself together and get rid of feelings of resentment and anger, forgive the offender.
If previous attempts to return your wife were unsuccessful, then a pause is necessary, which will give both parties time to think and weigh everything.
Who is the initiator of the divorce?
Both spouses can take responsibility equally. It is impossible to end a relationship in one minute - you will need to explain yourself and perform certain actions. At the same time, there is no guarantee that people will show delicacy and try to understand each other. A civilized divorce that preserves trust and respect is becoming very rare. Much more often people disagree due to mutual misunderstanding. Few people try to look for the reasons for what is happening.
Husband
If a husband admits to himself that he wants to divorce his wife as quickly as possible, it means that he is deeply disappointed in her. A man is capable of abandoning a woman if he meets another or understands that he absolutely cannot remain with his former partner. For a divorce, serious grounds are needed: betrayal on the part of the girl or her inappropriate behavior. Some husbands show absolute intolerance to a woman’s mistakes and bad habits. Then the decision to break up begins to seem something understandable and natural.
READ
How to decide to divorce your husband: practical tips, secrets and exercises
Wife
When a girl initiates a divorce, it means that she has tried other ways to influence the situation. Often women endure for a long time and only then make attempts to fix something. Divorce is too difficult for both. This decision is made after much thought. It’s unlikely that it comes easy to anyone. In most cases, before taking the final step, you have to suffer for a long time, rethink many points, and give up important aspirations.
Mutual agreement
There are times when people make difficult decisions together. Relationships become obsolete much faster than you might imagine. Trust is gradually lost, more claims, grievances and misunderstandings appear. It becomes easier to give up exhausting self-sacrifice than to continue living in illusions.
If people are used to being honest with themselves, they will want to maintain self-respect. Mutual consent implies acceptance of responsibility.
How to behave in case of divorce if there is a child?
If a family with children breaks up, this is the most difficult case. In this case, the man also has to worry about the problem of maintaining paternal closeness, because custody of minors is often given to the mother.
Living separately after a divorce is inevitable, so the first priority is to establish a “truce” for the sake of the psychological state of children, especially young ones. You should also immediately agree with your ex-wife on a schedule of visits with your children, and also urgently discuss the new realities of raising and providing for children.
Both parties should remember that it is unacceptable to involve children in situations involving a showdown . You also shouldn’t go to extremes and shower them with gifts or over-indulge them.
It is better to preserve the father’s presence in their lives as much as possible and constantly organize interesting joint leisure activities that evoke positive emotions.
And most importantly, do not forget to talk to the child that it is not his fault that the parents separated, and tirelessly explain that they love him equally much even after the divorce and will never leave him.
If the wife immediately begins to oppose meetings with the children, one should be prepared for the fact that the right to see the children will have to be defended in court.
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How to build a conversation?
Choose a time when no one is in a hurry. Let this be the start of the weekend. Or a time when no important events are planned in the near future. Invite your spouse to a conversation. Start the conversation with a neutral phrase: “we need to talk about one thing,” or “let’s sit down and discuss one important issue.”
Give reasons
Think through all your phrases in advance.
Next, clearly and clearly state WHY you came to the decision. Do not resort to allegories, comparisons or metaphors, such as “the family boat crashed into everyday life.” Formulate all the phrases in your head in advance, prepare arguments and counterarguments. If you fall out of love, say so. Everything is direct, everything is honest. But if you are leaving for someone else, it is better to keep silent about the reason. In order not to cause unnecessary anger, not to provoke your spouse to take revenge. But if you are bad at lying, or don’t want to do it, it’s up to you.
In a conversation, it is better to focus on third forces, using “this is how the circumstances developed” instead of “I decided so.” Or instead of “I’m tired of it” – “it so happened that...”
Listen to your wife
She listened to you, now you listen to her. She will probably be in shock. Or it will cause a scandal. Don't argue, don't prove anything. After all, you decided everything for yourself. Which means there is no point in ranting. Ignore her arguments. That “we’ve been together for 7 years”, “how could you?”, “we loved each other”, “you promised”, etc. In any case, let the person speak out and cry. Do not take insults (if any) seriously. The wife is now emotional and may not control herself.
Come to a conclusion
After discharge, you can return to the conversation. As before, stick to your position clearly. YOU decide, YOU act, YOU do not hesitate. Therefore, go to topics like: “until when can I live here?”, “When will we go file for divorce?” and so on. The main thing is that she clearly reflected that you were not joking, did not hesitate, did not doubt. Decision is made. And it has been accepted for a long time, nothing can be changed. And now you just voiced it in words.
Discuss the division of property
If the wife is in adequate condition, we can discuss the division of property in detail. If your spouse is in shock, angry or too upset, it is better not to do this. It hardly reflects reality now. The property can be dealt with later. If disagreements arise, go to court.
How to come to your senses and forget the woman you love who left for another man?
If the wife left not for her mother, but for her lover, then we can almost definitely talk about a final breakup. For the abandoned husband in this situation, it is important not to fall into despair and maintain self-esteem. Of course, a feeling of resentment and wounded pride can interfere with a correct assessment of the situation, but it is still necessary to try.
Psychologists recommend not to impose attempts at reconciliation and:
- accept divorce as a fact and do not deny what happened;
- analyze the situation and look at your ex-partner from a critical perspective;
- give yourself some time to suffer, and then start solving some “global” problems (you can “conclude” a written agreement with yourself);
- remove from your home all things that remind you of the past and avoid visiting places that evoke memories.
It is advisable to change your environment for a while and go on a short trip.
Divorce process
The separation must be made official. Without this action it cannot be called completed. We must admit that doing this is not as easy as it might seem. You need to go through certain steps to achieve results. However, the actions themselves can bring little joy. Consistency is needed here. The moment of divorce cannot be called easy, since a lot of moral strength will be required.
Required documents
The list of papers includes a marriage certificate, ID cards of partners. In addition, you will need to pay a state fee. It is 650 rubles for each spouse. The husband and wife must fill out a statement indicating the reason for the dissolution of the marriage. It is advisable to submit all documents at once. In this case, complications will be avoided. It is not beneficial for anyone to drag out the process over time.
Termination by court order
This method is appropriate if one of the spouses does not give his consent or is missing. A prerequisite is that the plaintiff must confirm the fact that there has been no marital relationship for a long period. For the court, two years of separation is enough for the divorce to take place without obstacles. This approach allows you to get rid of the past, which has become an unbearable burden.
At the registry office
The dissolution of the union of two people through the registry office must occur by mutual consent. This case is considered easy. Partners, as a rule, do not have mutual claims; they just want to start a new life. The main condition is the absence of common minor children. This concept also includes adopted children. If there are any problems, then you will have to go to court.
Nuances of property division
As for the distribution of things, much depends on the conscientiousness of the former partners. According to the law, everything acquired jointly during marriage is subject to division in half. The property that each partner previously owned cannot be taken away under any circumstances. For example, if a wife inherited an apartment from her parents, then the husband has no right to claim it.
Spouses often resort to litigation and argue over every little thing. Such behavior is unworthy of adult, civilized people. It is better to agree on everything voluntarily than to divide property with the involvement of the court. This way you can avoid a lot of negativity and save your nerves.
Do women return after cheating: statistics
Statistics show that 56% of women who left for someone else do not regret what happened. However, 44% regret the divorce. The last category is inclined to consider the option of restoring the family if the ex is ready to accept and forgive.
And the last thing is the most difficult, because you need to find the strength and wisdom in yourself to accept a woman after cheating and not stop wanting to be one with this person.
If a decision is made and the prodigal wife is given a second chance, one should forget about the betrayal and not even remember this incident in a joking manner.
Measure seven times - cut once or what do you lose3
We will not analyze crisis situations. It’s already clear there that you need to get out as quickly as possible.
Before you decide to proudly leave the quiet, family haven, think carefully about how bad everything is in your marriage. Just don't do it emotionally. According to statistics, 70% of couples separate after a major quarrel. As a result, many regret what happened, but for some reason they are ashamed of the rapprochement and prefer to leave everything as it is.
Imagine that you are free. What feelings come to you? Most likely, intoxicating delight: finally, you are free to do whatever you want and live the way you want. But at the same time, consider what you will lose:
- children - definitely, there will definitely not be normal communication with them,
- clean and comfortable house with delicious dinner,
- loneliness will overtake you in the evenings,
- free access to the female body: you will have to look for and seduce young ladies who can no longer be seduced with flowers.
Yes, a lot of negativity will go away, but how ready are you to just burn all your bridges? It will be much more productive to work on relationships, and any idiot can break them completely. And this is not an ode in defense of family and marriage, and not pretentious statements. That's life!
What can help you find the strength to move on after a breakup?
Divorced people, taught by bitter experience, continue to feel the consequences of divorce for a long time. Those who suffer especially are those who did not initiate the breakup and hoped until the very end for a favorable outcome. Both men and women feel a lot of negative emotions: anger, fear, pain, resentment.
However, they need to live on, and for this they need to find a new meaning in life. In any case, it should be remembered that the source of strength is in each of us, it just weakens a little in certain situations.
What will help you find and open internal reserves:
- environment (relatives and friends);
- motivational literature, cinema and other forms of art (just not tearful love stories);
- spiritual and physical self-development (will help you become stronger in every sense of the word);
- career (success will help you become more self-sufficient and distract you from worries);
- caring for other people (for example, volunteering);
- religion (just don’t join dubious sects).
If you want to start a new life, do not under any circumstances forget about your common children, because, despite the divorce, a normal father not only pays alimony, but also participates in the upbringing of his children.
Reasons for divorce2
The decision to divorce is not spontaneous. It develops gradually. Psychologists have tried to identify the main points preceding divorce. And they are:
- Treason that is known, but has been forgiven. In 90% of cases, it is very difficult to survive such a candybober. And after some time, the victim of betrayal cannot stand it and files for divorce.
- Topics of conversation boil down to children and money. It turns out that there is nothing more to talk about. It used to be possible to chat endlessly on various topics. And it was always interesting. Now everything revolves around diapers or twos, or the tenth birth of a cat is discussed.
- Sex was completely blown away. He obeys the regime, it happens no more than twice a week, or even less often. And couples over 35 generally see each other naked only in the bathroom, when they bring a towel.
- Tenderness. A routine kiss on the cheek on the threshold and that’s all. All other “veal tenderness” disappeared into oblivion. Sadly…
- Both of them can easily go to another harbor. It's not about the other partner, but about the den. When a person knows that he has nothing in common with Nif-Nif and Naf-Naf, and he has a strong and reliable house, he can easily change his location without any curtseys.
- Distances are no longer a burden. People who are close to divorce can easily spend their holidays separately from each other. Business trips do not unsettle them. They even enjoy breaking away from the family circle.
- Single-parent family. One child or the absence of children makes a marriage vulnerable. After all, there is practically nothing connecting people. Of course, the presence of offspring is not an indicator at all, but at least some kind of anchor.
- Adult children. Often, couples divorce when their children grow up and become independent. During this period, many feel the heady spirit of freedom, which demolishes the tower so much that they indulge in all serious things. About this age they say “gray hair in the beard, a devil in the rib.” But only a complete idiot would change horses midstream.
I can’t love anyone: psychological help for divorced men
After a breakup, many men find that they cannot love anyone. It seems that time has passed, and feelings have rested, and worthy contenders for the heart have appeared, but... The complex of emotions that poets call love does not arise.
This problem may even make me happy for a while (like, now no one will hurt me). But over time, a feeling of emptiness still appears, which weighs no less than unrequited feelings.
First you need to realize the problem and stop being afraid to love. Of great importance is the acceptance of the fact that feelings for a woman are not synonymous with pain and suffering, loss and the collapse of all plans. However, you shouldn’t dwell on the problem of lack of love.
Perhaps the time has simply not come, because until the emotional wounds heal, it will not be possible to establish a full-fledged personal life. Always be yourself and enjoy life. Only then will everything naturally fall into place.
Don't compare all women to your ex.
The right to receive more property, taking into account the interests of children
Base. RF IC Art. 38, art. 39
How it works. In a divorce, community property without a prenuptial agreement is divided equally. But the court may deviate from this rule and give more to the parent with whom the children remain. The mere fact that a child lives with his mother or father is not enough for an unequal division. Some other circumstances are needed, for example, that the child has a disability and needs a separate room. Or that the spouse spent money on personal needs and not on the family, lost it in a casino and did not work.
If the ex-husband has a different family, the children stayed with the mother and she has a small salary, this is not enough for an unequal division. But since there is no specific list, everything is decided by the court - the right to demand more than half still remains, you can use it.
Features of a man's emotional state
Immediately after a divorce, few people can boast of a stable emotional background. Depending on temperament and how exactly the divorce occurred, representatives of the stronger sex develop three types of emotional reactions to a painful separation:
- Detachment. The man does not want to talk about the problem, because he hides everything within himself. There is passivity, refusal to communicate, inaction. Alcohol and other addictions are often used to help you forget for a moment. Others often think that such behavior indicates the man’s indifference to the situation. But in fact, his experiences are much stronger than they seem.
- Showing off. Another type of man deliberately shows everyone around him almost the joy of parting with his wife. Such behavior reveals complexes: a person is afraid of appearing weak and susceptible to the influence of emotions. Such a guy can throw himself into the whirlpool of passions, changing his lovers every day and posting photos from fun parties on social networks. All these actions are mainly aimed at the reaction of the environment and his ex-wife: “Look, I don’t care, life has become even better than before.” And in the soul there is emptiness and pain that cannot be drowned out by imaginary prosperity.
- Trying to get the relationship back. Such men cannot accept the fact of divorce. They believe that this is another manipulation of the wife, and not a real break in the relationship. Various methods of influence are used: blackmail, threats, persecution, entreaties. Sometimes spouses do reunite, but not every such couple has a chance for a happy future.
The most difficult thing for a man is to accept the fact of divorce. It's hard to get over someone you've been with for so long. The usual way of life and attachment to his ex-wife, like a stone, pull him into the abyss of depression. It is important to take action in time so as not to completely lose your peace of mind.
