We are sure that all your adult life you have dreamed of increased female attention. I imagined myself as a kind of brutal macho, at the sight of whom girls lose consciousness and literally hang themselves on your neck. Well, some dreams tend to come true. But what to do if your desires are somewhat inconsistent with reality? And, for example, the one who turned her fiery gaze on you does not at all correspond to your ideals. In this material we will tell you how to politely refuse to meet a girl without getting hurt.
Meanwhile, girls are vengeful people. Moreover, they react more painfully than men to being ignored. Therefore, before you decide on such a risky undertaking, carefully consider your plan of action. Otherwise, not only your psyche, but also your vital organs may suffer.
Be honest
Trivial advice that, oddly enough, works flawlessly! Ridiculous excuses are greatly inferior to frank arguments. Therefore, take courage and honestly admit to the girl (and at the same time to yourself) why you cannot be together. Try to formulate the main idea as clearly as possible, take a deep breath and simply voice it out loud. Most often, the main reason is a complete lack of interest. Didn’t hook you, didn’t inspire, didn’t turn you on... So tell her straight about it. Yes, by the way, be careful: the method is quite traumatic and dangerous, but very effective.
Treat others the way you want them to treat you
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This golden rule of morality makes it clear that being polite will make saying “no” less harsh. Opening up to a potential partner takes courage and courage. Therefore, maintaining a calm and gentle tone when declining an invitation is a sign of respect.
Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, suggests showing them the same respect you would if things were different. Always be aware of your tone, remain calm and gentle, and make sure you still speak with confidence.
If there is no reason to be offended, then expressing gratitude and keeping the situation secret among mutual friends will be a beautiful ending to the conversation. We do not take into account cases of deliberate aggression and resentment - that’s another story. In any case, politeness is your armor.
No “sudden movements”3
Some girls have such a fine mental organization that the first method described above absolutely does not work with them. They need to be prepared in advance for important information that will bring them emotional wounds. So start actively ignoring her. During the next conversation, demonstrate your indifference in every possible way. And to be more convincing, yawn more often and look around. Show her with all your appearance that you are bored in her company. And, of course, no initiative in her direction! Girls, for the most part, are not as stupid as they might seem at first glance. This means that there is hope that your behavior will be interpreted correctly.
What should you not do if you refuse?
You have to be able to refuse
. It’s not easy to refuse, you have to be able to do it. If you cross the line, it could end badly for both her and you - hysteria, nerves, etc. What should not be done in case of refusal? Here are some tips:
- Be straightforward and don’t “spread butter on the tree” (someday, maybe) - the exceptions are cases when you also like the girl. You’re just not ready to date her yet (you don’t know her well enough, etc.).
- Do not use rude meanings and wording - “I would date you, but you are too ugly for me”, “You should lose weight, and then maybe I will agree” - this is strictly prohibited.
- You shouldn’t give vain hope - “You know, I actually have a girlfriend. But things are not so good with us now. In general, if we suddenly break up in a couple of days, I’ll call you,” sounds optimistic. But often such words remain just words and unfulfilled promises.
- Behave with dignity and don’t make fun of a girl for her feelings - this simply wouldn’t occur to an adult.
- There is no need to praise yourself at the same time - “It’s not surprising that you liked me. I'm so cool! All the girls are crazy about me .
- Do not humiliate the girl with wording - “Who should I date? With you, or what? Look at yourself, etc.” —it’s strictly forbidden to say that!
One way or another, the bitter truth is always better than a sweet lie. You should speak and write in response to expressions of sympathy seriously and tactfully, without pretense or mockery. Any refusal is unpleasant - but, at the same time, the girl will appreciate your sincerity and honesty. Good luck!
Focus on its shortcomings4
And constantly repeat this to her. Quite a cruel method, but one of the most effective. It would be nice, when meeting a girl, to casually utter one of the following phrases:
- “Wow, what a pity that these jeans became too small for you too quickly”;
- “Oh, was that huge pimple on your nose yesterday?”;
- “Don't be upset, few girls have an innate sense of style. Perhaps someday you will start dressing fashionably”;
- “Yes, with your character it will be difficult for you. I definitely wouldn’t be able to fall in love with someone like that.”
It is unlikely that any girl will tolerate such behavior, much less continue to seek reciprocity.
Some guys use the opposite tactics to push a girl away. They begin to underestimate their positive qualities in every possible way and tirelessly repeat that they simply are not worthy of the love of such a delightful girl. However, remember that representatives of the fairer sex are known for their compassion and uncontrollable desire to idealize the chosen one. Therefore, do not hope that after listing all your shortcomings to her, the girl will immediately run away.
How not to refuse a girl: prohibited and ineffective techniques
Now let's talk about how to refuse to date a girl and remain in history as an asshole, a scoundrel or a man without balls. There are many such ways. Let's take, for example, this technique - telling a girl off by correspondence. Firstly, he will read between the lines and understand what you wrote is not what you wrote, my friend Onegin. Secondly, there will be an aftertaste - “what a woman.” And the material proof of this is a snotty letter. Convenient, of course, but are you a man, anyway?
Feed illusions
Stop flirting. Leave all these long glances, ambiguous conversations and random touches for your beloved, and not for a girl who is unrequitedly in love. Direct maximum efforts towards creating a stable sense of confidence - there can be no relationship. She will diligently nurture the frailest sprout of hope. To turn a girl off, phrases with the right words can be found even with the meager IQ.
I'm problematic
Sometimes guys try to throw a girl off by intimidating her. “I’m not worthy of you - I’m a bastard and a beast”, “You can’t even imagine what a terrible person I am”, “I have a lot of problems now - a mortgage, alimony.” Believe me, there are no shortcomings that a woman in love cannot accept. There are no difficulties that a woman in love would not be ready to endure. Evaluate girls in love adequately - they are ready for anything. Through fire and water.
Let's be friends
“Let’s remain friends” is also not an option. Don’t even doubt that he will become your best friend. Will surround you with care and tenderness. He will lend a helping hand in difficult and other times. Will regularly offer friendly sex, friendly shopping and an equally friendly weekend with the parents. In general, your offer to be friends will be accepted and used against you.
Through the bed
It’s nice, of course, when sex is just a stone’s throw away. And it’s a shame to miss this opportunity. But we have to. Resist this insidious thought - just once. It is forbidden. You can't sleep with people you're going to blow off. This is sex without commitment. She will be filled with obligations for ten years to come. Even in our emancipated times, sex for a woman is more than for health. And there are rarely exceptions.
Argue and conflict5
For each of her arguments on any issue, have your own point of view. Well, naturally, it’s radically opposite. And it doesn’t matter that in fact you don’t think so and deep down you completely agree with what was said. It is possible that at first the girl will even be amused by this situation. But rest assured, over time, her passion to prove something to you will be replaced by aggression and irritability. Anger will crowd out all tender feelings for the heartless boor from her heart.
How to blow off a girl in an environmentally friendly way: every man has the right to refuse
He denied a girl love or sex - at the very least, he insulted her self-esteem. Historically, the right to agree or reject rests with the woman. And when she, a woman, becomes an active party, she has to step over not only traditions. Reputation and honor are at stake.
The resulting refusal turns her, an unbridled predator, into a naive girl whose virginity has just been violated. In light of this, the task of refusing a girl and not offending her is almost impossible. But if you have definitely decided for yourself that you don’t like it, don’t need it, and don’t want it, then you shouldn’t and don’t have to.
I decided to refuse. I’ll tell you how to politely turn a girl off. Remember the international ethical principle - “treat people the way you want to be treated” (“don’t do to others what you don’t want to do to yourself”). There is no need to tell the girl that fat women are not worth it. Think about it, if they shoot you in the forehead - “you’re small.” Psychotrauma. In general, slandering the truth is not the best idea. Turn on the scoundrel in the hope that the young lady will self-destruct - too. Yeah, it's not like that. It will start more. “It’s not interesting to love a good person,” Dovlatov wrote.
Turn on the fool
If you include anyone, then it’s a fool. Talk nonsense about all her body movements on her blue eye. She invites you to her place - tell me, I need to help my mother tidy up her closet; after all, she is not a young woman, but at one time she could even stop a galloping horse, not like now, she is completely helpless. Invites you for a walk - say that walks are cool, that you like to walk with friends in the park and that you regret that you spend little time with them. We should meet more often, or better yet, not break up. After about the fifth sentence, the girl will come unstuck. Unpretentious. Maybe he’ll twirl his finger at his temple.
White lie
Or as in Transmetropolitan - “Married, not hungry, infected with seven unknown diseases, lesbian, pregnant with lizards and clinically dead.” Say it's a mortgage or two. Alimony for three children. In love with someone else. Or to another. That's why you drink constantly. And if it’s worth it, then only for fat women (Asians, older women). It is better to be known as an eccentric than to offend or give vain hope. Lying is one of the best ways to turn a girl off without offending her.
Intimate talk
Enough eggs - it can be clear and to the point. “I don’t love, I don’t want, I won’t. Thank you, Orevoir!” Possible side effects (common) are drool, tears and snot. Potential complications (rare): blackmail and threats. So the girls say, “Cut from the shoulder. Don't torture us." Her world will end in three days. And, remember, yes, a heart-to-heart conversation is not a conversation about her small breasts.
Ignore as a last resort
If he doesn’t understand the hints, isn’t afraid of a mortgage, in response to your “I don’t love, I don’t want”, he puts forward a reinforced concrete “will endure, fall in love” - ready to attack and besiege in spite of everything - turn on ignore. Disappear and dissolve. Don't answer or pick up. The excitement will pass, and the active domina will switch to the next one. Ignoring, in principle, is a humane and effective initiative. By turning on ignore, you give the girl the opportunity to cool down, think, think through and formulate everything conveniently for herself.
Lose your memory8
During the conversation, call her by other people's names every now and then. And try to do this with a calm expression on your face. As if nothing bad had happened. And in general, with all your appearance, show your complete indifference and disinterest in the continuation of the evening, and indeed any relationship. Constantly ask her again for details that she mentioned a few seconds ago.
The habit of saying “yes”: why it’s bad to be trouble-free at work
One of the most common difficulties is having to turn people down. And although situations often arise at work in which, due to your professional responsibilities, you simply cannot say “no,” other circumstances will arise from day to day that provide you with a certain freedom of choice. How to exercise your right to say “no” and correctly formulate a refusal?
Think about it this way: by not saying “no” at the right time, you will put the other person's needs before your own. Is this what you really want? There are many situations at work when your needs are no less important, and in some circumstances even more important than the needs of your colleagues. Remember how often your colleagues refused you. And you calmly and without irritation accepted this answer. So why worry about someone being upset if you behave in the same way?
The real problem is that saying “yes” all the time can easily become a habit, and changing a ingrained behavior pattern is really difficult. Remember your colleagues. Can you guess what to expect from each of them? Probably yes. Similarly, your colleagues, having become accustomed to your dependability, will most likely begin to turn to you with so many requests that you simply cannot fulfill them. Thus, the habit of constantly agreeing to requests at work will lead you to overwhelm, because you take on more than you can do or what you really should do. This leads to stress, frustration, hostility, conflict and mistakes, and it only gets worse over time.
So, the ability to say no when you feel like it is necessary is an important skill to master. You will probably have situations where you want to help someone, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Remember: assertiveness means respecting your needs and rights as much as the rights of others, and agreeing to compromise when necessary.
Many people don’t like to say “no,” believing that the only way to do it is outright refusal. This “no” may seem rude and aggressive. And this is usually not the impression you want to make at work. You strive to establish good relationships with colleagues, but you will inevitably have to refuse someone for your own sake - your health and well-being. This means you must be able to say no, but in a way that shows respect for the other person's needs. There are different ways to refuse, depending on the situation. Here are three main options.
Outright refusal is the most uncompromising method and is rarely suitable for use at work. It is most often resorted to when someone's rights are violated. In such cases, you can loudly and firmly add: “Can’t you hear, I said no.”
A request for additional information or a promise of “some other time” is an opportunity for discussion, while refusal remains an option.
A thoughtful “no” is the most sensitive way because you show that you have listened to the other person.
Below I will explain in detail what each of these options is, but the choice will depend on the situation, your attitude towards it and who is making the request, because this could be your mentor, your direct manager, a colleague or a team member who you really care about. want to help.
Don’t try to radically and suddenly change your behavior. This is especially true for refusals, as you may shock colleagues who were not expecting the leopard to suddenly change its color. It is much better to start small, train hard and change gradually.
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Outline prospects10
Girls simply love to make plans for the future. Especially if you mean your future together. It's simple - disappoint her. At the time of your next conversation with an unwanted passion, sigh dramatically and say the following with a serious face:
- You know, you are certainly very good, but I have firmly decided to avoid serious relationships in the next 10 years. Therefore, if you still hope for something, then in vain.
- Well, naturally, I am not against the sacred bonds of marriage. Moreover, soon I intend to marry 3-4 beauties. But what, temperament and religion allow me. By the way, how are you? Agree?
"She's going to get hurt"
As a rule, delicate and subtle people fantasize a lot about the reactions of other people. It seems to us that any “no” will definitely offend the other. For example, because we ourselves experience rejection painfully.
But the truth is that everyone is different. Remember the joke about Lieutenant Rzhevsky? Nine slapped her, but one agreed. Perhaps the girl is simply trying a new strategy for communicating with men and does not at all expect that you are guaranteed to agree. There are many options.
Recommendation. Try to sketch out a dozen possible reactions of the girl to your “no”. Let them be very different - from universal sadness to a sigh of relief.
