There is a lot of talk about friendship, but not all people know how to be a good friend. Some people can't even define friendship. Let's start with this. Friendship is a close relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Friendship arises between people with common interests and mutual sympathy. We want to be friends with the person whose worldview is close to us. And also sympathy arises for the person whose personal qualities attract us. Let's take a closer look at what friendship is.
What is the difference between a real friend and a fake one
Before you think about how to become a good friend, define what true friendship is.
Signs of sincere friendship:
- A friend is always ready to support and help.
- A friend rejoices at your successes and supports you in your endeavors. However, at the same time, a friend will express constructive criticism if you ask, and will not deceive you and himself.
- You have your own jokes and your own topics for discussion. Everything you talk about stays between you. Especially when it comes to secrets.
- At meetings, you are charged with energy from each other, your mood improves.
- In the company of this person you do not feel disadvantaged, superfluous, or offended.
- You can be yourself and know that you are accepted and loved with all your strengths and weaknesses.
How to become best friends? Keep in touch, try to understand and accept each other, constantly get closer. In general, I think this happens naturally if a person is really close to you in spirit.
Note! Any relationship is an exchange of energies. It is important not only to choose good friends, but also to be a good friend yourself. That is, the energy exchange should be approximately equal.
“Don’t get hung up on your relationship with him, it’s better to party to the fullest.”
Every conflict must be resolved at the moment it arises. And if you are worried about this and try to meet with your significant other to discuss it, then this is completely normal.
Of course, many friends will try to drag you somewhere to take your mind off all these thoughts. However, it is better not to do this. Even if you get drunk, you will not get rid of the problem.
Once I sober up, it will be very difficult again. If an unpleasant situation arises and you feel you need to apologize, then do so. Trust only your heart.
Who do people gravitate towards?
People are drawn to open and friendly personalities. Don't forget about such a simple and valuable thing as a smile. If you want to win someone over, then give the person a few psychological strokes: a smile, a compliment, praise. Every person has a need for recognition and acceptance. With this behavior you satisfy these needs.
Who else are people drawn to? To strong, mature and independent individuals. People who attract attention and win over those who know how to set goals and achieve them, know what they want, accept themselves and know how to competently use all the features of their character. They are also attracted to those who know how to laugh at themselves and are free from complexes and other psychological problems.
Essential Qualities for a Good Friendship
Let's look in a little more detail at the qualities that a person needs for a good friendship.
Goodwill
Kindness is the ability to see the good in a person. A friendly person is open to new acquaintances, knows how to support and help, and emphasizes the advantages of his opponent. Also, benevolence implies the ability and desire to selflessly help others.
Peacefulness
This is the opposite of conflict. Please note that this is not about hushing up contradictions, but about the ability to compromise, listen and hear the other person. Some people conflict for the sake of conflict and look for a reason to “get into trouble” with someone. A peace-loving person does everything to prevent conflicts, for example, defuses a tense atmosphere with a joke, behaves tactfully and chooses expressions, and looks for a unique approach to each person.
Note! Peace-loving people reserve the right for themselves and other people to make mistakes, and know how to forgive and apologize.
Lack of selfishness
Nobody wants to be a tool in the wrong hands. But egoists are friends only for this purpose: they use other people to satisfy their personal needs and interests. In order to be a good friend, you need to be able to care and think not only about yourself, but also about others. It is important to take into account the interests, needs, desires, and experiences of another person.
Devotion
This is what makes friendship different from other relationships. Loyalty is the ability to be faithful even in difficult periods of life. A good friend does not refuse help, even when he himself is feeling bad. He does not refuse a person if he has done a bad thing or said something rashly. A good friend understands everything and stays with his friend until the very end.
Give advice only as a last resort and with reservations 5
If you are still determined to give advice, then you should first make sure that the person is really interested in it. It is also worth stipulating in advance that you are not responsible for the consequences, but are only providing your vision of the situation. And the person has the right to make his own decision - follow this advice, or develop his own strategy. “Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you are not in their position after all. And you can’t fully understand his feelings,” recommends psychologist Marie Land.
“And finally, don’t try to turn yourself into a priest or a free therapist. Approach the discussion with curiosity, not as an expert. After all, it’s unlikely that you yourself would want your friend to strive to manage your personal life, would you? Therefore, the best thing you can do for a friend is to listen more and advise less.”
What to do to become a good friend - recommendations
How to become a good friend? We have decided on the main qualities necessary for good friendship. Let's look at a few more basic behavior patterns of a good friend.
Learn to listen
Master active listening techniques. Its essence is that you don’t just listen to what the other person tells you, but live it with him. You try to stand in his place, understand his way of thinking, see the world through his eyes. If he asks you something, answer. However, if you are not asked, then do not bother with advice and assessments. Sometimes a person just needs to talk it out.
In addition, when meeting, it is important not only to talk about yourself, but also to be interested in your friend’s affairs. It is also important to maintain dialogue.
Keep your promise
If you don't keep your promises, then there's no point in asking you for help at all. And soon your friends will understand this. Moreover, not only any requests and appeals will disappear, but also trust in you in general. And at the same time, you will no longer be valued and respected.
If you are not sure that you can keep your promise, then don't make it. Therefore, it is important not only to be efficient, but also to learn to soberly assess your capabilities.
Admit your mistakes
To be a good friend, you need to be able to talk about everything, always. You cannot hush up problems, pretend that nothing happened or blame others. This causes negativity to accumulate in relationships, which affects not only the relationship itself, but also the physical and psychological well-being of each participant.
Learn not only to admit your mistakes, but also to apologize. Moreover, make sure that your apology does not sound like an accusation. Don't transfer your responsibility to another person.
Don't impose your opinion
If you are not asked for advice or assessment, then it is better to remain silent. If a person is ready to hear your opinion, then express everything as it is, but do not impose anything. If the opponent is ready to discuss and consider alternatives, then you can describe the arguments, but you cannot manipulate, put pressure on emotions or “push” with facts. Would you like it if someone persistently violated your personal boundaries and imposed something on you? No. So the other person doesn’t like it either.
Remember that common interests and mutual sympathy do not imply complete unity of opinions, interests, hobbies and views. You and your friend may be completely different in some ways, and that’s okay. Be tolerant, do not be jealous of the person, do not demand that he give up those hobbies that do not coincide with yours.
Important! Think about what behavior of another person you consider acceptable in relation to yourself. Behave the same way towards him. This is the only way you can become a good friend to your friends.
Know how to keep secrets
This is the core of friendship. Sometimes you want to share something intimate in order to ease internal tension. Who else should you tell about your secret, if not a friend? The main thing is that the friend does not turn out to be a traitor and does not spread the secret to everyone. Remember that telling other people's secrets is mean, low and undignified. If a person shares something secret with you, it means that he trusts you as himself. Appreciate it.
Don't ask for anything in return
Friendship, like any relationship, is an exchange of energies, goods and services. However, this does not mean that it is necessary to record in writing who spent how much time, money or other resource on whom. Friends help each other sincerely. Yes, by helping, a person is sure that it will come back to him, that in difficult times he can also turn to a friend, but he does not take it for granted.
This situation is best reflected in gifts. You cannot give something to a friend in the hope of a gift in return or to ask for something later. It’s not nice, having accepted a gift, to go online and look for its value in order to pick up a gift in return at the same price (in no case more expensive). Give what you want, what comes from your heart. And give when you want, and not when you “need”.
Silence is gold i
However, often in friendships there is a burning desire to express what we really think about the behavior of our friend. “If you don’t like your boyfriend’s new passion, it’s better to keep your opinion to yourself. Even if you and your friend are used to discussing all issues honestly and openly. Unnecessary criticism of his or her new lover will only damage your friendship,” advises New York-based psychotherapist Alena Gerst.
“Better wait until they break up. And then you can tell your friend that this new guy of hers is an irresponsible clown who is not cut out for a relationship.”
My experience
I have a friend with whom we have been communicating since kindergarten, that is, for about 23 years. During this time, everything happened. During our school years, we even separated for some time and went to different companies, and then we started communicating again. I note that at this time no one said unpleasant things about the other, did not give away secrets. On the contrary, we continued to say good things about each other and defend the other’s name if necessary. By the way, this separation happened somehow smoothly, that is, without a scandal, as did the further reunion. And I no longer remember why this happened.
In middle and high school we communicated very closely. Then we entered different universities and moved to different cities, but continued to keep in touch. Now we rarely meet, but it happens - either she comes to me, then I come to her. And you know what, during these rare meetings there is no impression that we have become strangers. Although each has someone closer, each has changed, we still understand each other, turn to each other for support or advice.
I think, despite everything, we remained best friends. And this is based on those childhood and teenage memories, shared secrets, mysteries and discoveries. After all, new friends, no matter how close in spirit we are, do not know or remember the old us, but we have known each other all our lives, we have seen each other in all sorts of “aggregate states.”
