Contrary to widespread misconception, representatives of the fair sex cheat on their spouses no less often than husbands cheat on their wives. It’s just that husbands are more often ashamed to admit it, so they are less likely to turn to a professional psychologist. And it’s completely in vain - in 90% of cases, betrayal could have been prevented by timely contact with a specialist.
Adultery is always unpleasant
Reasons for female infidelity
There are several answers to the question “why do women cheat”. Most often the reasons are as follows:
- The relationship has exhausted itself, spouses or partners no longer understand each other;
- The lady wants new impressions and thrills, she is tired of a quiet, calm life with a familiar man;
- A woman is an adventurer by nature and cannot live without seeking adventure;
- A lady who has never thought about infidelity before wants to try to cheat just out of curiosity, to find out what it is.
There is a common misconception that only spouses (partners) who have lived together for many years face this problem. However, modern psychologists argue that the tendency to have adventures on the side does not depend on the age and duration of the relationship. If a lady feels dissatisfied with herself, the man and the world around her, she can go in search of adventure after the first wedding night.
The main thing is to find out why the girl is cheating on the guy. Cases when a woman is pushed into adultery by new passionate love are very rare. Most often, the lady continues to remain attached to her old partner, but periodically, if time and situation permit, she is happy to meet with her new chosen one. Cases when a woman’s betrayal ends in her new marriage are rare. Much more often, a woman remains with her former husband, or the husband leaves the lady, convicting her of infidelity.
Women seek adventure on the side for various reasons
Attention! After 35 years, when ladies gradually approach a midlife crisis, the frequency of cases of adultery increases significantly. Even the most exemplary spouses at this age can unexpectedly “go to the left.” The reason is age-related hormonal changes and the search for new sensations that a woman cannot get in her husband’s boring bed.
Increased risks
A person’s tendency to be unfaithful is primarily influenced by upbringing and attitudes that are instilled in childhood by parents, teachers and other authoritative adults. Attitudes towards sex “on the side” are also formed from the books they read and the films they saw - children and teenagers try on the behavior patterns of the characters and form an opinion about them. An approximate life scenario is built up in a person in childhood, Denisov-Melnikov noted. It can be changed, but in most cases this requires working with a psychologist.
The good financial situation of the family can also increase the risk of infidelity. It allows you to satisfy all the basic needs of partners and they have more time for entertainment, as well as a desire to get new sensations, the expert says.
Is it always the man's fault?
Bad mood - what to do and why it happens
Situations when a woman unexpectedly declares “I want to cheat on my husband solely out of a craving for novelty and thrills” do occur, but are quite rare. There are not so many professional cheaters - hunters for other people's men. Much more often, a lady thinks and doubts for a long time before deciding on this very risky act.
It happens that a man is to blame for his partner’s indecent behavior: by showing a woman his bad qualities, he thereby pushes her away from him and forces her to decide on adultery. More often, circumstances are to blame for the problem: an unsettled life, everyday problems, a midlife crisis (37-40 years old), long-term separation (for example, a partner’s service in the army). Quite often, women who have complexes about their own appearance cheat on their husbands - in this non-standard way, they just want to assert themselves in their own eyes and prove their attractiveness.
In conclusion
She liked someone else, she became bored, she was angry or offended by the man, she was depressed, she had too much alcohol, she met her first love, she is an opportunist or inadequate, the man lost his job and is depressed or broke, he is constantly on business trips, he let her go alone on vacation or to visit her mother in another city for two weeks... Does it matter why the woman cheated?
Whatever the reason for female infidelity, in no less than 95% of cases the woman will say that the man is to blame for everything. What can you do, it’s easier and more convenient for her.
But even if you objectively, COMPLETELY OBJECTIVELY, understand that the reason for a woman’s infidelity was your behavior, you should not torture yourself with such a conclusion.
Every stage of life is a series of mistakes, and the faster you learn from them, the faster you will move on.
How to prevent female infidelity
Mood swings in women and men - what is it called, why does it happen
Female infidelity is a rather unpleasant phenomenon, but “going to the left” can be prevented. The main thing is to know why girls cheat, and to avoid situations that push them to do so.
In order to never encounter such an unpleasant situation, a man must:
- To set a good example for a lady is to always remain faithful to your significant other and not give her any reason to be suspicious;
- Try, as necessary, to revive fading relationships by introducing elements of romance into them (flowers, going to a restaurant, dinner by candlelight - it all depends on the tastes of the chosen one);
- Give your loved one compliments more often and never criticize the girl, especially in the presence of other people;
- Never tell your significant other about other women cheating on their spouses. After listening to such stories, a girl may draw the wrong conclusions and also want “diversity.”
The material aspect is also of great importance. If a spouse or lover successfully provides for the family, the lady feels a reliable rear and is unlikely to “go to the left.” On the contrary, if the family constantly lacks money and life is not organized, the spouse or partner may decide to commit adultery out of a sense of hopelessness. She feels that life is passing by, no joyful events are happening in her, because of this she begins to look for consolation on the side. The one who seeks, as we know, finds easily.
A gentleman should know how to prevent his partner from being unfaithful
Some final statistics
According to a survey by the sociological organization Levada Center conducted in 2015, 63% of Russians have a negative attitude towards infidelity. Moreover, 70% of women and only 55% of men have a negative attitude towards the idea of having a lover or mistress.
In addition, it turned out that for most Russians, getting married means the “end of the game” on the love front, but many do not mind having sex on the side before going to the altar.
Sociologists also found that for half of Russians, intimacy without love is considered unacceptable, while a third of the population accepts intimacy without a romantic connection.
- Author: Dmitry Petrosyants
Is it possible to avoid
Yellow color in psychology - what it means for a woman, man, child
To avoid a girl cheating, a man must give her what she wants and expects. It happens that an “adventurer,” even when getting married, is set up for adultery from the very beginning (perhaps influenced by the negative example of her parents or her own experience from the past). Even in these events, adultery can be prevented, the main thing is to take action in time. To do this, a man must:
- Avoid situations where a girl, under any pretext, is left alone with other gentlemen;
- Demonstrate your trust to your chosen one in every possible way and never show suspicion, even if there are reasons for this;
- Show the chosen one that he loves, appreciates, respects her and does not try to change her;
- Under no circumstances should you remind your lover about her past or ask about previous relationships. As practice shows, memories of stories from the past, of turbulent youth, often provoke women to “search for adventure.”
Also, a gentleman should pay his beloved as much attention as possible, never deprive her of sex and respond to any requests. If a woman wants to discuss something together, she must be listened to (even if the problem seems trivial to the man). Trusting and warm relationships are the best prevention of adultery.
Adultery can be avoided by paying more attention to your other half
How often does cheating happen?
A woman’s betrayal can be an isolated incident or repeated periodically. It all depends on whether the woman wants to cheat on her husband. If a lady does this consciously, out of a thirst for thrills, she is unlikely to stop at one act of adultery. If the girl was forced to do such an act, it is quite possible that the intervention of a psychologist and the improvement of relationships will help to avoid a repetition of the unpleasant situation in the future.
Statistics say that 70% of female infidelities are adultery committed repeatedly. Psychologists say that for some women, acts of adultery are like a drug. Such “drug addicts” develop a feeling of dependence on thrills, they constantly want extreme sports, the easiest way to get it is to end up in bed with a strange man. Such addiction can be successfully treated using family psychotherapy methods, but both spouses must take part in the sessions.
If a person is financially dependent on their partner, they are more likely to cheat
According to a 2015 study published in the American Sociological Review, a person who is completely financially dependent on their partner is more likely to cheat on them than if they were economically independent. Moreover, this is more typical of men who rely on their wives for financial matters.
It is also noteworthy that men are less likely to cheat on their wives if they earn more than them. However, not by much: if their income begins to amount to more than 70% of the family budget, they are again close to treason.
How does a girl behave after
Knowing why a girl cheats on her guy is, of course, important. It is even more important to know how a representative of the fairer sex behaves when she is unfaithful to her other half. Most often, a cheater demonstrates the following behavior:
- becomes secretive and silent;
- begins to take better care of himself, changes in appearance, changes his usual hairstyle, clothes and makeup;
- often locks himself in his room, loses interest in his family;
- often smiles inappropriately and, lost in thought, can utter strange phrases.
There are other signs. If the cheater is tormented by remorse, this can be expressed in causeless tears and depression. Girls looking for extremes in relationships on the side, on the contrary, experience a pronounced moral uplift after each adultery. This is due to the rush of adrenaline. The consequences of such addiction can have a bad effect on the female psyche.
Attention! Sometimes, feeling a sense of guilt, the cheating girl begins to treat her regular partner with exaggerated tenderness: speaking in an unusually affectionate tone, actively demonstrating her love, showering her other half with expensive gifts. An unexpected warming in a relationship may be a sign of infidelity.
After adultery, a girl's behavior may unexpectedly change
Why don't married women leave?
The answer to the question “why does a woman cheat on her husband” is not difficult to find. The main thing is to find out what the lady was dissatisfied with in her marriage or permanent relationship. It is much more difficult to answer the question “why married ladies do not divorce their legal spouses, but continue to “go to the left,” putting their own reputation at risk.”
Cheating women do not leave their lawful husbands and regular partners because they want stability. They are afraid to leave a quiet family haven, believing that they should not destroy strong ties, and at the same time they cannot give up forbidden relationships. Such a vicious circle can last for years, especially if the lady has an indecisive character and is prone to doubts.
If a man knows about the fact of betrayal, he has two options: either silently put up with this state of affairs, trampling his pride and risking his reputation, or harshly ask his partner to make a choice. The second option seems more painful, but at the same time more suitable for both partners, because breaking up an outdated relationship can lead to the development of new, more successful ones. There are many cases where spouses who separated after their wife’s first infidelity find happiness by creating new families.
If a breakup for some reason is not possible (for example, the cheater is ill or the couple has young children), the man must inform his partner that he knows about her action. You should also directly express to the lady your attitude towards such behavior, calling a spade a spade. This will probably “sober up” the adventurer, and the betrayal will not happen again.
Even after “going left,” married ladies are in no hurry to destroy their marriage; old habits are dear to them; the unknown, on the contrary, frightens
Treason
What is treason? Everyone understands this word differently. For some, infidelity is sexual intercourse with an acquaintance, for others it is an ordinary kiss. If we think logically, then even the feelings that one of the spouses experiences for someone else’s can be considered adultery, especially if sympathy for one’s legal spouse has disappeared.
Example: the wife began to devote a lot of time to someone else. Communicates with him, shares secrets and experiences. There is no physical contact between them (they didn’t even walk hand in hand), but all the girl’s thoughts are focused on this person, and her moral principles do not allow her to indulge in adultery. But don’t the facts already listed hint at some frivolity? How to treat this is up to each person to decide for themselves.
Advice from psychologists
Female infidelity through the eyes of a psychologist is a phenomenon in which there is nothing vulgar or shameful. This is simply the behavior of a woman who is not satisfied with her life and wants to change something, a kind of defensive reaction to an unpleasant situation. The main thing is not to hush up this problem, but to actively address it.
If such a nuisance as female infidelity occurs in the family, psychological experts give the following advice:
- Do not create scandals for a frequent cheater with shouting and breaking dishes, even if you really want to do this. This will get you nowhere. Most likely, the offended woman will again go looking for solace on the side;
- Do not “cut from the shoulder” and do not threaten a married lady with immediate divorce. A step such as separation must be carefully considered so as not to regret what you have done;
- Do not humiliate her lover in front of a woman, otherwise, out of a sense of contradiction, she will certainly come to his defense;
- Do not arrange a “showdown” with the person who broke up the family. It is better to meet with your partner’s “beloved” alone in a calm atmosphere, discuss the real state of affairs and calmly talk “like a man,” without fights or insults.
If the girl already feels real remorse for her actions, but the gentleman does not want to forgive her, it is better to live separately for some time. During this time, the lady will think about her behavior, and her partner will calmly decide whether he wants to continue this relationship and whether he will allow the girl to behave this way in the future. If you can’t forgive the unfaithful woman, it is better to directly inform her about this, so that the cheater does not harbor unnecessary illusions and does not hope for the resumption of the old relationship. The decision made can no longer be changed.
Psychologists recommend not to hush up family problems, but to actively discuss them as they arise.
If a wife or partner has cheated, a man must look within himself for the reason. Having found out why the lady does this, you should not rush to make accusations. Perhaps the woman has long felt dissatisfied with the relationship, she just didn’t dare to cheat for a long time. Contacting a psychologist will help you regain love or at least give up your dignity while remaining good friends.
What does watching porn lead to? Doctors and psychologists give shocking answers
What surprises await porn fans and how does this affect their health?
Emotionally jealous manipulator
Restricts freedom and monitors every step under the guise of guardianship. At first glance, such a man looks caring. At the beginning of a relationship, women even like their partner’s increased attention to their life, but over time it turns into total control.
- If there is too much attention or it is too intense, a man tries to command, explain what she should wear, where it is better for her to travel or what languages to study, this often provokes a woman to run away from home. Another man may appear in her life who will not format her life and will give her “air”, a sense of inner freedom and a sense of herself as an individual , warns Natalya Panfilova.
According to the expert, the more organized a woman is, the more educated she is and the more ambitions she has, the more difficult and worse she tolerates pressure from a man.
To die is not to rise. What are the dangers of insomnia?
Somnologists and neurobiologists told Life how lack of sleep affects the occurrence of incurable diseases.
Psychologists also note that many men, like women, are often led by emotions. With increased emotionality and feelings of jealousy, a strong belief about betrayal is formed, even if it did not happen. People prone to “emotional thinking” are sincerely confident that if they feel this way, then this is how it is in reality.
Indifferent phlegmatic
One who is inattentive to a woman may not be able to distinguish his own children from others. When there is too little man in a woman's life, she eventually gets one who gives her the attention she needs.
— The most important thing that pushes a woman to cheat is inattention to her. For example, when a man does not devote any time to her or the children, and does not hear her. “He is absolutely indifferent to her simple needs ,” continues Polyanova.
This behavior can simply kill the affection for this man, even if the woman never planned to cheat. This may end with her packing up her things and children and leaving for someone else. A man can buy her expensive clothes, give her money, but at the same time not ask how she feels, whether the children are studying well, or whether she needs help with something. And this shows your indifference.
Launched
The most hopeless option is when a man is physically or sexually unattractive to this woman.
“ If the husband is even physiologically unpleasant, the woman will definitely want a man who is closer on a physiological level nearby ,” explains Natalya Panfilova.
Freelover experimenter and provocateur
Men who want bold sexual experiments (group sex) risk completely alienating their wife. Most women, when choosing a partner for family life, are not inclined to share him with someone.
- If a man cheats on a woman, this is from the same series as inattention, only further intensified by the fact that it is physiologically unpleasant for the woman, it hits her self-esteem and pride. Out of strong emotions, she can strike back and cheat on a man, not because she fell in love with someone, but because she wants him to also experience the same pain that she experiences ,” Natalya Panfilova clarifies.
If a man proposes an open relationship in advance, he must also be prepared for the fact that excess freedom will not lead to good things.
