Why do men cheat? Psychologist Yana Kataeva tells.

What is treason?

How does a person feel when he hears this word? Negative emotions:

Experiences;
Despair;
Hopelessness;
Shame;
Anger and much more.

And what is it? What can you forgive your partner and what can’t you? Here you should figure out what betrayal is for you.

For some, cheating means having sex with another person. It hurts? Certainly. The imagination paints terrible pictures that hurt the soul.
For others, it's intimacy. He is close to her, not to me. And this is not pleasant, this feeling destroys.
Some say that betrayal is tender thoughts about that beauty or correspondence on social networks with a colleague.
And someone will even say: once while intoxicated is not cheating, but being a constant lover is already a yes.

When you look at it, cheating is a violation of agreements between both partners. That is why any couple needs to discuss such things in advance. You need to tell the man in advance: I have lines that you cannot cross, if you go through them, then I will consider it a betrayal. By the way, if you replace “betrayal” with “violation of contract”, then it will be much less painful. And yet the main criterion in a relationship is the inner feeling of the partners.

Cheating is always a stressful event in which both find themselves. The path to recovery is not easy, but it is possible.

Is it possible to save a relationship after my husband cheats?

It is possible to maintain a normal relationship after your husband’s betrayal only if he is able to convince you that this will not happen again and you forgive him.

How to behave after you decide to stay in a relationship

If you have forgiven your husband for cheating, it is important for you to save your family, then try to adhere to some conditions:

The husband must understand that the wife will not tolerate a second betrayal;
There is no need to take revenge on him. It will not be possible to save the relationship in this way; most likely, it will completely destroy the family;
You should not seek solace in alcohol;
You have forgiven your husband and there is no need to remember the betrayal.

After cheating, a woman needs to take care of her psycho-emotional state:

Forget the grudge;
Don’t complain about your husband to your family and friends, this will only remind you of what happened;
Try to understand what prompted your husband to cheat and try to compensate for what the husband lacked in the relationship;
Don't make scandals.

Reasons for male infidelity.

The reasons for betrayal can be divided into two types:

Psychological;
Biological.

We can highlight:

Abuse - a man doesn’t like the fact that his wife constantly sleeps and does nothing, so he comes to find himself another woman.
Lack of ease - the husband misses the sea and his friends, he is tired of constant obligations and just wants to take a break from worries and affairs.
Monotony - every day is dull and monotonous, a person wants changes and bright impressions.
Loving nature - a man is used to changing girls like gloves, and even having a wife and children, he never stops looking at other tanned beauties.
Obsession with children - the wife pays more attention to the children than to her beloved husband. He begins to get jealous and leaves for another lover.
Dissatisfaction in bed - the wife is a simple hardworking girl, this is her first relationship, before that she had no one, due to this and the new order, she is constrained and does not make this a priority at all. And for a man, intimacy is extremely important; without getting experiments from a girl, he looks for another one.
A feeling of superiority - realizing that everything is allowed to you, but not to your partner, as, for example, some men consider it permissible to cheat on themselves, and if their companion does this, they will immediately break up with her. Flynn Ryder is a freedom-loving man and sees nothing wrong with walking to the left, but cannot imagine life if Rapunzel cheated on him.

And:

Revenge or calling out jealousy - a brave woman wants to assert herself at the expense of her other half, which is why she does everything to make a man jealous.
Family ties are just an excuse; if one of your parents quietly cheated throughout their lives, it doesn’t mean you should too. Cinderella's stepmother does not limit herself in her desires, and her father endures everything, meanwhile Cinderella can accept fate and do the same.
Selfishness is not an imaginary boyfriend, perhaps he would always like to assert himself and show his coolness in the eyes of a beauty. Also, if your partner's friends are single and often brag about their casual relationships, he may also have a desire.
Alcohol - often people may not control themselves in this state, and in the morning they may not even remember about the betrayal. So, if you are dating someone who abuses alcohol, it is worth considering.
Untidy - a partner can “let himself go,” especially when you have been together for a very long time. The only way out here is to always look after yourself. Pocahontas, despite her adventures, is always neat and washed, and therefore deserves the attention of men.

Are all men really polygamous?

It just so happened, but for some reason men began to be considered polygamous, and women monogamous. Phrases like “All men go to the left”, “They all need sex” and “He likes everyone” no longer surprise anyone and have become quite commonplace. Such opinions can be found anywhere today - on the Internet, newspapers, television and even the most decent society. And sometimes such stereotypes are so persistent that it is almost impossible to resist them. However, scientists have their own opinion on this matter. According to the research of some scientists, they were able to confirm the fact that all people are polygamous by nature. The only difference is that men in this case pursue the goal of impregnating as many women as possible. But women have their own purpose. They strive to have offspring from the most powerful and high-status male representative. Accordingly, based on this principle, men will change women much more often.

More details about womanizing men will be discussed in the video.

Why do men cheat on the women they love? Psychologist's opinion.

Your man most likely will not tell you the reason, because he himself does not understand how this happened. But the experience of a psychologist helps shed light on the real common reasons for betrayal.

The first is the inability to sort things out.

In a couple there is a pursuer and a distancer. The pursuer expresses dissatisfaction, tries to clarify the situation, come to an agreement, and that’s it on the street. The person leaving, on the contrary, accumulates everything inside, does not know how and is afraid to express his unsatisfied needs. And when a lot of dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction accumulates, he finds nothing better than leaving the relationship or finding someone on the side. Then the hostess becomes a lightning rod to reduce the tension in this couple. The logic is this: “It’s hard for me with you, but I can’t solve this with you, I’m going to the side.” Of course, this is destructive to relationships.

If you are right now in the thick of it, experiencing betrayal, then we sympathize with you. This is one of the most difficult moments to overcome. How to do this, read our article “Betrayal: how to survive? Advice from psychologist Yulia Makarova."

The second is exit from the merger.

From the state you and I are one, “I am you, you are me.” Very typical and normal for the stage of falling in love. But there are couples who get stuck in this state for years. Then at some point one of the couple becomes stuffy, too cramped. During a merger, some parts of our personality are always cut off. They are not included in this merger. These parts want to be realized. Then someone appears on the side, someone with whom you can realize that unrealized part of yourself, with whom it is not so stuffy.

It may seem difficult now. If you need to improve your relationship towards intimacy rather than fusion, we recommend watching the video.

The video shows a very simple way to improve your relationship with your husband or wife. It doesn’t even require any effort or time, and yet it exists. It sounds too simple, but it works great. These are proven recommendations from a family psychologist, thanks to which thousands of couples have improved their relationships.

The third reason is an identity crisis.

For example, a person got married early, children appeared, he tried for the family, did everything right. At some point he realizes that he missed something important. It’s like everything is for the family, everything is right. But there is no self. Or a person has difficulty coping with aging. That is, he understands that old age is approaching, that something is changing in the body and it is painful. It begins to seem that if you find a younger partner, then you yourself will become younger. This is a way to cope with the fear of old age. Of course, also destructive for the family.

And such things, for example, it seems that you haven’t had enough time or that everything is in vain, you want a new stage, a new page. A person finds nothing else but to start with a new partner.

Fourth – installations.

This is the famous “Men are polygamous” “They are supposed to” or “I occupy such a position, I am supposed to have a mistress.” And in general an objective attitude towards women. This is when a man looks at a woman as a being, a person who, by definition, is obliged to a man. Which is why it exists. “If my needs are not sufficiently satisfied here, then I have every right to satisfy them somewhere else,” such a man argues.

Of course, it is best to stay away from men who treat a woman as an object and not start a family.

The fifth reason is dissatisfaction with the relationship.

This reason is mentioned almost always when they hear about cheating. A common reason why men cheat. The feeling that your family doesn’t love you, don’t value you, consider you bad and don’t want you there. It really hurts a man when he realizes that he is not physically attracted to his wife. For him, this is the same thing as not being loved, being rejected.

Too early marriage4

Early registration of relationships is one of the most common causes of infidelity among both men and women in Russia. Due to the fact that marriage can solve many financial, housing and other problems, people use it to make their lives easier. Or young people were too carried away by new feelings for them that they mistook falling in love as a reason to tie their lives into a real family as soon as possible.

As it is not difficult to guess, such relationships cannot last long enough, and sooner or later one of the spouses will definitely think that he has limited his freedom too early, because he has not yet tried all the “interesting” things. Didn't get enough, as they say.

There is nothing surprising in such betrayals. It is rare to find relationships in our time that began at school or college and continue for at least 10-15 years.

Artyom went through such a relationship and shared his experience during a sociological survey:

“Many relationships are formed over time. But few of them last long. But I thought I was special. And my girl is special. And everything with us will be strong and durable. But in the end, after two years, I realized that we had changed. It’s not that feelings have cooled down. But she became a different person. And I loved the one I met two years ago. Gradually we moved away from each other, and because I met a new friend, I decided to cheat on her.

My wife found out about this after a couple of months of our constant meetings with my mistress, and reacted to it rather coldly. As it turned out later, she also cheated on me. I grew older and realized that this is a completely natural outcome for such relationships. There was no need to follow the lead of youthful love.”

Video tips: why men cheat.

How to understand that your husband is cheating? Is it even possible to determine betrayal by behavior? If something is bothering you, trusting your intuition may be justified. In this video, a family psychologist names signs that can serve as an indicator that a man is cheating, if such behavior was not characteristic of him before. Important note: if you find one or another sign separately in your relationship, you should not panic, but if there are several of them, you need to think and observe. At the end of the video, we find out why men cheat, but don’t leave, and lie about cheating.

Conclusion

Even if you don’t know what betrayal of a loved one is and you are completely confident in the fidelity of your chosen one, it will not hurt to know what can push you towards it. With the necessary knowledge, you can maintain peace of mind and peace in your family. Remembering the reasons why loving men cheat, you can use women's wisdom, resourcefulness and prevent the possibility of betrayal, making sure that it never even occurs to your husband to look elsewhere. After all, almost any affair is a consequence of male dissatisfaction, and your task is to understand why it arose, and only in this way will harmony and mutual understanding reign in your family.

A little from personal experience: 30 years of loyalty

“Listen, can I tell my sister about you?” — a colleague suddenly asked me over a cup of coffee at lunch. I just shared with her my impressions of a romantic weekend with my husband in the Czech Republic.

In response to my surprised look, she explained: “You see, I need to restore my Katya’s faith in men. She is going to get a divorce for the second time and is convinced that all men cheat, she is completely desperate. And you have 30 years of marriage, and everything is like the first time.”

I thought, trying to assess the usual state of things from the outside. Yes, my colleague was right. My husband and I noticed each other back in school: he in the sixth grade, I later, closer to graduation. We got married immediately after graduating from high school, went to a distant country by assignment, and a year later “brought” twin sons from there. Now they are already 30 years old.

I won’t say that we are a textbook happy couple. For so many years there were quarrels and resentments. But somehow these moments are lost against the background of a feeling of reliability and... one’s chosenness, or something. After all, I was the only one for my husband all my life. And this is what I am 100% sure of - he has never cheated on me. Although he, a tall, green-eyed, handsome brunette, I think he had every chance of it. And I... in general, an ordinary woman with my own charm and my own cockroach troubles.

So what is the secret secret of such husbandly fidelity? Or did I just “get” a rare man? Let's try to figure it out.

How do I know if my husband is cheating on me?

Having dealt with all the reasons, it’s time to think: what to do if the fact of infidelity has not been proven, but “all men cheat!”? How can you tell if your husband is really cheating?

There are a number of signs that may indicate the fact of marital dishonesty. However, do not rush to immediately rush to your man with claims! Unproven accusations can not only offend and offend your man, but also push him to commit a similar act.

Why should you be careful? The fact is that a man can think like this: Okay, she thinks that I’m cheating on her and causing scandals. Let this at least be true. And then they go to change for real.

So, signs when a man has found someone else:

Sudden emergency situations at work, overtime and additional working days,
New phone contacts who need to communicate late at night
The phone, computer, tablet and other equipment acquired passwords, becoming controlled no worse than classified objects,
Many telephone conversations began to require an urgent exit “for air” or to the farthest room, and when reading some messages, facial expressions change unpredictably,
Business trips, meetings with friends, trips to bars, matches or fishing trips have appeared or become more frequent,
Too much time has become devoted to the choice of clothes, shoes, perfume, as well as appearance in general,
Other people's hair on clothes/in the car interior,
Traces of cosmetics, the smell of someone else's perfume,
New coldness towards you, irritability, aloofness,
There was a sudden desire to take care of your figure and health,
Less frequent sex or less attention to you.

Remember that all of these points can have a logical, and most importantly, truthful explanation. Don't go overboard looking for something that's not there, but also be alert to obvious changes in behavior. After all, sometimes scenes of jealousy based on unverified facts spoil some unusual surprises and relationships. So weigh everything carefully before making claims.