Why do women cheat - how to recognize a cheating wife?

In romantic films, the newlyweds at the wedding read the “oath of fidelity,” which includes promises to love each other and be there for each other no matter what. But life sometimes brings surprises in the form of betrayal by one of the spouses.

The consciousness of society is structured in such a way that men walking “to the left” are taken for granted. This behavior is often justified by natural data, the inner essence of the male character - the “conqueror”. Therefore, a husband’s infidelity is rarely condemned by society.

But women’s campaigns “to the left” are considered something out of the ordinary and are condemned. Statistics show that the number of married girls who cheat on their loved ones begins to grow from year to year. What is the reason for female infidelity, how to deal with it?

If you study the behavior of lovers in a family, an extraordinary connection can be traced - the reasons for such actions in men and women contain different approaches.

The main essence of female infidelity

Some psychologists believe that for men, cheating is a natural process. Simply put, they follow nature, often striving to conquer as many representatives of the opposite sex as possible. A woman by nature does not have such a desire. They have another desire - to choose the best man. Simply put, in men's adventures the decisive factor is quantity, for women it is quality that matters.

If a woman meets a man on her way who is superior to her current lover, then she will give her heart to the successful representative.

Moreover, her husband can be a worthy person - he provides for the family, devotes time to her, takes care of the children. But the female sex is missing something, she is looking for this unknown something on the side, among other men.

Situations often occur when a wife cheats on a decent man, but does not leave him. What motivates her, why does she choose this path? What are the motives for female infidelity? Let's look into this rhetorical question.

How else can you check the fidelity of your significant other?

You can guess about a girl’s hidden betrayal by other “symptoms”:

Reasons for female infidelity in marriage

Having studied the features and differences between male and female infidelity, we will move on to listing the motives that push a woman to take this step. Taking into account the mentality of society, female infidelity is perceived aggressively by people. Therefore, in order to decide to take a step into the abyss, a woman needs clear arguments.

So what leads a woman to cheat:

revenge. Married life rarely runs smoothly. Housekeeping is accompanied by quarrels and scandals. But if for many couples issues are resolved mutually, then for some families, after a quarrel, there comes a moment when the spouse takes sides. Either the husband simply behaves ugly, humiliates the woman, drinks or gets loose. It will seem strange that the wife does not divorce and continues to live with such a person. Cheating can be an act of protest against a tyrant husband, an abuser;
disappointment. Relationships change, especially compared to the courtship period. A man who has won a girl calms down and stops paying attention to her. Instead of spending time together, the spouse simply immerses himself in the world of virtual reality or spends time watching TV. A girl who is accustomed to receiving attention from her beloved may find it difficult to tolerate such a change in behavior. It’s hard to pull many young men out of the usual quiet swamp even for a walk together, keeping silent about visiting entertainment places. Cheating is a way to add bright colors to a gray everyday life;
bed relationships. Over time, sex among married people becomes something commonplace. Yes, and people's temperaments differ. My husband, coming home from work, wants to rest and be left alone. A woman, especially a sensual one, has a hard time withstanding such changes in her loved one, so she thinks about cheating;
Men don't often show emotions. Especially after marriage, when the wife is at your side, already your own. Many men forget to compliment their partner, admire her beauty and other qualities. Most husbands take for granted all the household chores that their beloved bears - cooking, cleaning, ironing. It is rare that any husband is ready to simply say “thank you” for what his wife does for him. In contrast here is a man who is ready to admire every step, her action, he likes everything - isn’t this a reason to change?
early marriage. In Russia and other Slavic countries, girls still strive to get married as quickly as possible. Often such marriages are carried out hastily, the partners have no time to get to know each other. Because of this, disappointments subsequently begin in family life. If a young girl is not satisfied with her husband emotionally, morally or physically, then she takes an example from her unmarried friends - she begins to go out;
Whatever one may say, the saying about the forbidden fruit is still relevant. Over time in a relationship or marriage, many women reconsider their principles. But if earlier betrayal was not even thought of, then with the coming of time it becomes a desired action;
"Herd instinct" No matter how rude it may sound, such feelings often push a woman into infidelity. Various factors lead to this - statements, actions of friends, mass propaganda of unhealthy behavior through media channels, or something else. The result is the same - the wife takes a lover.

Psychology. Why do women cheat on men?

Women's psychology is designed in such a way that betrayal occurs as a result of the emergence of feelings. As it happens, the one who is nearby becomes annoying, seems unpleasant, annoying. The forbidden man becomes a real treasure for her, which makes her inaccessible. If he still shows truly masculine qualities, the woman begins to fall in love. Such loves pass over time and bring disappointment. But for some time the woman is sure that this man is her only destiny.

What is the difference between male and female infidelity:

feelings. For men, cheating is a physiological process; they do not need feelings to cheat. It’s different with women, the fact of physical contact is not so important to them, they cheat on their husbands only because they feel a feeling of falling in love;
choice of partner. Male infidelities are characterized by less picky choices. Simply put, it is enough for them that their mistress is beautiful in appearance. Women don't cheat with just anyone. They take lovers from a list of worthy gentlemen;
story after action. Men who take a mistress do not get divorced. This is not profitable for them - life at home is organized, there are bright emotions and new impressions on the side. Why change everything if everything is great? For women, a different approach is typical. If they are in love, then they try to break off the relationship with their already unloved husband and build new ones with their lover.

How to prevent female infidelity in the family?

Women's adventures occur when a new feeling arises. Therefore, if adultery has already occurred, it will be difficult for the spouse to return everything back and achieve the former idyll.

The woman will most likely be ready to break off the relationship and plunge headlong into new feelings. To be honest, few men are ready to forgive their beloved for betrayal.

The opinions of psychologists on this issue converge; it is better not to bring the situation to the extreme boiling point, and mutually start working on the relationship. There are different methods. But all psychologists agree on one aspect - if you leave family life as it is, with mutual claims and grievances, it is unlikely that you will be able to save the relationship.

Here are some basic tips for men that will help you establish contact with your beloved and significantly improve family ties without any visible effort:

take time for your loved one. Undoubtedly, work is exhausting, and when you come home you want only one thing - to rest, so that no one will bother you. But if you spend a few minutes with your spouse - ask how she is doing, what new happened during the day - it will take a little time, but it will restore contact and soften the heart of your beloved;
be more to her than a passport spouse. In order for a married woman to be as attached to her husband as possible - become her friend, father, lover - in general, she should receive all types of male help from you. If you can listen to her, give practical advice, nail a shelf, give affection and tenderness, she will not want to look for another gentleman on the side;
quarrel. A family in which all claims are hushed up and swallowed by the parties will not live long. It is impossible to accumulate grievances without exploding one fine day. Therefore, all psychologists unanimously say: there is a problem - it needs to be solved. Speak out your grievances, try to find a solution through joint efforts. And remember that you also need to be able to quarrel. Ugly shouts, insults and obscene language will not lead to a solution to the issue;
talk openly about the intimate side of life. Many couples are embarrassed to discuss their sexual problems with each other and what they like in bed. General dissatisfaction has a negative impact on relationships. Against this background, it seems quite strange that cheating with a stranger seems to many people to be a normal way out of the situation. Despite the fact that there were no attempts to talk to my other half. In practice, couples who dared to discuss intimate life discovered their partner in a new way, breathed bright colors into the relationship;
Respect is the basis of relationships. Remember this, try to pay maximum attention to respect. If a person does not respect his loved one, then the marriage is doomed to failure. Listen to your wife, tell her that you expect the same from her;
Do not plunge into the abyss of everyday problems. An established lifestyle sucks you in and deprives you of any desire to embark on adventures - that’s the problem. This reason leads, according to statistics, to a lot of divorces. Arranging a small surprise just like that is not difficult, but it’s so nice. Such moments are remembered best and improve the atmosphere between spouses;
Don't be overly jealous. Unfounded suspicions, constant nagging and total control are not helpful for healthy family relationships. The woman will get tired of receiving accusations of non-existent treason, and will actually commit it.

Note! Female infidelity is an action that is preceded by a long preparatory period. Women’s move to the “left” is not made out of fleeting emotions; it is realized after a thorough analysis of the situation and many hours of painful thoughts.

Why do wives like to cheat?

Much has been said about the causes of infidelity, the components and differences in approaches to infidelity between men and women. It is worth noting that all ladies can be divided into two large categories:

those who cheated once by accident and are tormented by it;
those who see treason as everyday life and constantly have lovers.

Why do women love to cheat so much? The answer here is the same as to all questions about betrayal. For a woman, the most important thing is the emotional component of life. If a lady does not experience bright emotions - love, desire, passion, interest, then life loses color.

One key difference emerges here. There are women who receive all these feelings without violating personal boundaries. But there is also a category that is not capable of diversifying life without going to lovers. Every day their need for variety is increasing.

Relationships with a lover as a way to achieve goals

If everything is fine in your family, you need to look for an external reason why a woman is cheating. The psychology of many representatives of the fair sex is such that, thanks to the beauty and art of a mistress, she can get what she wants without making significant efforts. It could be about career growth or some expensive gift. In this case, a man should not blame himself. Even if you give such a woman everything, she will constantly have new needs.

Why does the wife want to cheat?

Among women there are also many who commit adultery not only because of feelings or cooled family relationships. Among the fairer sex there are ladies who are ready for infidelity, for the sake of:

careers. There are many examples when a big boss gets girls who are ready to do anything for a promotion as his mistresses;
wealth. The desire of beauties of the 21st century to live on a grand scale is not always realized in reality. The average man cannot provide a monthly flight abroad, vacation at resorts, shopping and other delights of life. When a rich lover is an all-time classic;
simply because she likes to feel the adrenaline and change men. Such women also exist. At the same time, she feels comfortable living with her husband, who belongs to the spineless class.

What methods of self-justification does an unfaithful spouse resort to?

There are many ways to justify yourself:

a husband is unworthy of a woman. Often, a representative of the fair sex tries to instill in herself the idea that her husband deserves a negative attitude towards himself. As a result, she sets out with a clear conscience in search of her lover;
leading a double life. Some women choose this method of self-justification to suppress feelings of guilt before their husband. They devote one part of their life to their husband, in the second “hypostasis” their thoughts are dominated by their lover.

IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you should consult a specialist.

Consequences of female infidelity in marriage

All people know that cheating is bad. Few people are prepared for such a development of events. But you can never promise. A difficult relationship with your husband, a business trip, at a meeting with classmates or on vacation alone at a resort - there are a lot of options, but the result is the same. A woman is left alone with betrayal and does not know what will happen next or how to deal with it.

Let's consider the consequences of female infidelity from the point of view of two sides - the state of a woman and a man.

What are the consequences of infidelity for a woman?

It doesn’t matter for what reasons this happened, after cheating there are many questions left: should I tell my husband or not? How to behave and what to do next? What should I say if he asks? Psychologists agree that it is under no circumstances worth talking about this, especially if the betrayal happened once, in other words, “by accident.”

You are not interested in continuing a relationship with someone else’s man, you don’t want this experience anymore, then you can’t tell your husband unequivocally. This will hurt his feelings and will lead to a change in the relationship between the spouses.

The husband will most likely show uncontrollable jealousy and constant suspicion. This is how everything will happen - he will torment you with questions - how it all happened, with whom and most importantly who is better, he will begin to constantly control you, find fault with little things.

The unfaithful woman herself does not feel happy. On the contrary, she begins to suffer and suffer. She is overcome by a whole range of emotions - shame, remorse, fear of being discovered. After the moment of betrayal, a woman begins to think about how and what to talk about, she introduces total control into her life. This exhausts her psychologically, emotionally and can lead to depression, neuroses, and nervous breakdowns.

For most women, cheating is an action that radically changes their life. But in order not to torment yourself with needless torment, it is better to carry out mental work on mistakes.

Think about why this happened? What emotions led to such an unpleasant act? What was the last straw? By reasoning logically, without unnecessary emotions, you can get to the bottom of the truth and try to solve the problem found in a loyal way.

To understand the accompanying emotions in more detail, let’s consider them using the example of the most common reasons for infidelity:

new impressions. Everyday life becomes boring over time, as do relationships between spouses, including sexual ones. There is no longer that ardor, passion, hot sighs as between the young. The spouse has already been studied inside and out. If the betrayal occurred from the desire to receive new emotions, then women are subsequently very disappointed. Taking into account the fact that all the intricacies of physical contact have already been studied with a loved one, a woman often experiences satisfaction in marriage with a familiar partner. This may not happen to a lover. And in general, does a woman have confidence that after several years of life the same thing will not happen to her lover? In general, some disorders;
male impotence. This problem is one of the most serious. Sexual impotence under stress is increasingly common in young men aged 30. Marriage, no matter how strong, must include sexual relations. What if the man you love next to you doesn’t want or can’t carry out such actions? Cheating with another will also not bring relief to a woman’s soul. If the relationship with your husband is good, then betrayal will cause a feeling of shame and self-deprecation about deceiving a good person. Is it worth changing - definitely not. It’s worth running to the doctor with your husband and trying in every way to solve the problem;
curiosity. No matter how strange it may sound, but interest in the unknown pushes women into bed with unfamiliar men. Frankly speaking, a woman can get real pleasure in combination with an emotional component. If you cheat just like that, then the woman will not receive any pleasure, much less happiness. In return, there will be remorse, a silent question - what was all this for?
revenge. Your husband cheated, and you decided to repay him in kind? Let's say right away that the path is fundamentally wrong. Afterwards, the woman will feel like a traitor, a deceiver in front of her husband. Will this analogy be pleasant? Not many will be happy with such prospects. If you want to take revenge, please, but outside of marriage. Otherwise, a woman’s action will be no different from her partner’s action.

What are the consequences of infidelity for a man?

If a man finds out about his wife’s infidelity, this deals a blow to his pride. A man’s self-esteem drops, jealousy and a decadent attitude develop. The very fact of betrayal tells a man that his companion does not respect his partner. Even if outwardly he is ready to forgive his wife and give her another chance, internally he will continue to be indignant, constantly remembering the betrayal.

As a result of dissonance, psychological disorders arise, aggression, inferiority complexes appear, and even sexual inability occurs. Such manifestations can be explained simply. By forgiving the betrayal, a man signs his insolvency. Because in the aspect of infidelity, a man pays attention only to physical contact. What is a fact of insufficient masculine strength if a girl chooses another man. He doesn’t pay attention to the romantic component at all.

Every man is an owner and perceives his wife (companion, girlfriend) as a trophy that was won in a fair fight. Therefore, the woman who cheated is no longer his prey, and this is insulting. The very attitude towards the traitor is expressed in complete contempt. Treason is nothing more than betrayal. If even in a relationship the wife could not resist, then how can we continue to hope for such a person?

To tell or not to tell?

If a woman tells her husband, then she should prepare for two outcomes: he will either forgive her or leave.

Is a woman ready for her husband to leave her? Most often, men do not forgive cheating. Even if they try to understand women, the relationship still changes a lot. A man grows cold towards his wife; he does not want to sleep with her. Sometimes men themselves begin to go out, despite the fact that they have supposedly forgiven their wives. The man realizes that he is disappointed in his wife, so he leaves her. Are you ready for this outcome?
A man can forgive. A woman will be pleased with this option. But the problem may arise elsewhere. Wouldn't a woman consider forgiving her husband as weak-willed? If a woman receives forgiveness, she may at some point relax and forget about how she suffered, which is why she will cheat again.

If a woman does not tell her husband, then she will avoid all previous scenarios. If you have already cheated, then keep your mouth shut. If you cheated once, then try to forget about what happened. And if you start cheating systematically, then you should think about how much you need family relationships. Maybe you don’t really need a husband to get on your nerves and constantly be afraid that he will find out about everything? Maybe become a free woman to sleep with different men and not cheat on anyone?

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Should we forgive a woman's infidelity?

This question arises among men who love their wife, but are tormented by the fact of betrayal. It is difficult to find a single answer for every situation. But let's consider it from the point of view of the psychological state of a man.

The husband is confused, embittered, depressed. If the infidelity is forgotten and the family tries to return to their usual way of life, it is unlikely that everything will be the same as before. Forgiveness for betrayal is difficult to achieve. In most cases, a man who has forgiven his wife becomes weak and pliable in the woman’s eyes. Such men are not respected, they wipe their feet on them and continue to cheat on them.

Thus, to the question of whether it is worth forgiving, the answer is unequivocal - it is impossible. Why to preserve your inner peace and dignity.

How to take her by surprise

Suspicions alone are not enough. There must be facts of treason. You can catch your wife cheating and not give her a chance to justify herself in the following ways:

Unexpectedly returning from a business trip.
Find direct evidence. For example, this could be correspondence on the phone or on social networks.
You can set up location transfer on your phone. This way you can control its location.
Caught talking on the phone. For example, a wife may wake up at night to talk to her lover.

Why do you dream that your wife is cheating?

Dreams are a mysterious thing. Sometimes a man may dream that his wife is cheating. He is ready to transfer this situation to real life. But here's the problem. Dreams are a reflection of our hidden thoughts and experiences. Therefore, if in a dream you witnessed infidelity, most likely it’s all about increased jealousy and suspicion.

Analyze how worried you are about the possible fact of betrayal. Are there any prerequisites for this or do you only have your own speculation? If a man has such a dream and it is disturbing, pay attention to your wife, try to devote more time to her. This way you will find out about the absence or presence of infidelity, strengthen the relationship so that infidelity does not occur.

The topic of female infidelity is vast. It is difficult to draw one line under all situations. Each family has its own rules and characteristics, so not a single story of infidelity is like the others. But in this whole story there are important points that are worth summarizing:

Treason is a voluntary action. Despite the reasons that could lead to the commission of the act, the final decision is still made by the person himself. That's why you shouldn't blame circumstances. There is another way out of any situation;
men and women see betrayal differently. If for a man it is more important that a woman physically belonged to another, then for the fair half feelings come first;
to admit infidelity or not is a rhetorical question. You can’t give unambiguous advice without knowing the people and the details. But the old rule still applies: “the less you know, the better you sleep”;
What should spouses do after cheating? Should I forgive my wife or not? A question that haunts deceived husbands. If you decide to forgive and restore family relationships, the topic of betrayal should be forgotten once and for all. You cannot reproach her and, in the heat of a quarrel, try to inject your spouse more painfully with this information.

Attitudes towards infidelity are formed not only through public opinion. One’s own point of view is developed over the years, wisdom and understanding come. Therefore, the older people are, the easier it is to forgive betrayal. But it’s still better to avoid such a situation and try to correct it even at the moment the first alarm bells appear.

We also recommend reading - Why married men have mistresses: the psychology of a married man

Advice from psychologists

Female infidelity through the eyes of a psychologist is a phenomenon in which there is nothing vulgar or shameful. This is simply the behavior of a woman who is not satisfied with her life and wants to change something, a kind of defensive reaction to an unpleasant situation. The main thing is not to hush up this problem, but to actively address it.

If such a nuisance as female infidelity occurs in the family, psychological experts give the following advice:

Do not create scandals for a frequent cheater with shouting and breaking dishes, even if you really want to do this. This will get you nowhere. Most likely, the offended woman will again go looking for solace on the side;
Do not “cut from the shoulder” and do not threaten a married lady with immediate divorce. A step such as separation must be carefully considered so as not to regret what you have done;
Do not humiliate her lover in front of a woman, otherwise, out of a sense of contradiction, she will certainly come to his defense;
Do not arrange a “showdown” with the person who broke up the family. It is better to meet with your partner’s “beloved” alone in a calm atmosphere, discuss the real state of affairs and calmly talk “like a man,” without fights or insults.

If the girl already feels real remorse for her actions, but the gentleman does not want to forgive her, it is better to live separately for some time. During this time, the lady will think about her behavior, and her partner will calmly decide whether he wants to continue this relationship and whether he will allow the girl to behave this way in the future. If you can’t forgive the unfaithful woman, it is better to directly inform her about this, so that the cheater does not harbor unnecessary illusions and does not hope for the resumption of the old relationship. The decision made can no longer be changed.

Psychologists recommend not to hush up family problems, but to actively discuss them as they arise.

If a wife or partner has cheated, a man must look within himself for the reason. Having found out why the lady does this, you should not rush to make accusations. Perhaps the woman has long felt dissatisfied with the relationship, she just didn’t dare to cheat for a long time. Contacting a psychologist will help you regain love or at least give up your dignity while remaining good friends.