A person by nature is inclined to look for a soul mate similar to himself: the same principles, understanding, outlook on life and other principles become the criterion for selecting a partner.
Rarely do girls manage to meet that one guy, although other male representatives constantly offer to meet.
In this situation, a difficulty arises: how to politely refuse a meeting with a man so that he remains calm.
Maintaining friendly relations is important at any stage of dating; there is no point in maintaining unpleasant connections from the very beginning.
To refuse a guy gracefully without offending him, we offer some effective and simple tips.
Why is it difficult for us to refuse?
Let's figure out why rejections are sometimes so difficult for us. I will list the main reasons and give recommendations on how to deal with them.
- Bad boundaries
Personal boundaries for most people are a vague and uncertain concept. To explain it in simple terms, the boundaries go where a person’s sphere of influence ends. Anything outside of your control is not your territory.
How does this relate to refusals, you ask? I'll explain. You can freely manage your body, your time and attention, so refusing a man you don’t like is entirely within your boundaries. But his reaction to refusal is outside your boundaries - he may be offended, angry and stop communicating with you if you were friends, and you cannot do anything about it.
Many girls are so afraid of being in opposition with someone that they try in every possible way to soften their refusal, which only worsens the situation. The man gets the impression that he is simply being fooled, and he quite naturally begins to get angry.
The good news is that it is through refusals that you can train your boundaries to an ideal state. The next time you have to refuse someone, do it firmly and confidently and allow the person to respond however they want.
- Hyperresponsibility
Hyperresponsibility is one of the main symptoms of neuroticism. It mainly affects infantile, self-centered individuals. This property manifests itself in the fact that a person takes on too much and ascribes to himself opportunities and abilities that he does not have.
If, during a proposal from someone you don't like, you start to feel guilty, you are prone to hyper-responsibility.
At a key moment, thoughts begin to flash in your head that you somehow looked at the man wrong, did something wrong, and gave him false hope. You start fawning over something, making excuses, obscuring things. It looks, to put it mildly, ugly.
What to do about it? Realize that the other person is the same subject as you, who has his own will and is responsible for his actions. His feelings are not the result of any of your actions, and you should not be held responsible for them. At first it can be difficult to give up the idea that you control the universe, but then life becomes much more pleasant and easier.
- Fear of his reaction
Are there any cowards here, admit it? You should not be ashamed of this feeling, it is responsible for safety and is the basis of the instinct of self-preservation. Women, with rare exceptions, are physically weaker than men, so the fear of possible aggression from a rejected admirer is in some cases completely justified. Learn to recognize these cases and you will no longer have to be afraid.
If a man himself is hot and impulsive, you should be careful with him. Do not refuse him in a rude and humiliating manner. Try not to be alone with such a person, especially if you do not intend to enter into any relationship with him. The same recommendations apply to tipsy young people.
Many women are afraid that a man will not survive their refusal - he will drink himself in grief or commit suicide. Such fears are definitely unfounded. If you catch yourself thinking such thoughts, urgently turn on self-irony and stop considering yourself a fairy-tale princess.
Don't keep people on the hook, be able to put an end to it
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If there are intentions to remain friends, then there must be reasons and endurance for this. There is no need to call, write on social networks, show affection or flirt. After already being rejected, such steps will appear to the other person as hope for a future relationship, and the result will be disastrous. You need to confidently free your failed partner from illusions - this is a manifestation of respect and honesty.
In her blog, author Marcella Purnama explains that there is no need to be overly sympathetic or friendly after you've rejected someone or broken up:
Many people who have been rejected may believe that the door sometimes does not close completely yet and opens at the slightest friendly action. Don't let him/her think there is still hope when there isn't.
How to refuse a stranger
If you are often pestered with offers to get acquainted, rejoice, everything is in order with your appearance. But if unfamiliar men immediately offer you sex, you urgently need to reconsider your image. Perhaps your clothes are too provocative and your makeup is vulgar. In this case, polite refusals will not help.
I still hope that your case is not so hopeless, so I will share tips on how to refuse to meet a guy without offending him or losing face.
You always need to refuse firmly and categorically, unless, of course, your refusal is not coquetry or a desire to increase your worth. Having voiced your decisive “no,” you should not then engage in discussions and include an excuse. If a man asks leading questions and tries with all his might to engage you in conversation, just don’t answer. Don’t be afraid to seem too harsh - he’s not afraid to be intrusive, storming your personal space.
Never apologize for refusing an acquaintance - you have done nothing wrong.
Some girls are not able to withstand the onslaught of very persistent guys. They can leave the wrong phone number or, leaving theirs, then not answer calls. Honestly, it’s not the best way, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up too much for it. After all, the man himself is to blame for invading your borders with such disrespect.
To make it easier for you, I will give examples of ready-made phrases for refusing strangers.
- “I’m in a hurry and can’t talk.”
- “I would love to meet you, but I’m afraid my husband won’t like it.”
- “I’m not in the mood for dating.”
- “I don’t like meeting people on the street.”
If you received an offer to meet someone on the Internet, on VK, for example, or another social network, the best way to refuse is silence. Don’t answer the guy, and if he continues to bombard your DM with messages, feel free to blacklist him.
Methods
For many girls, the difficulty is choosing the right words that will be normally perceived by a young man and reach him in an undistorted form.
Think over softer expressions, but it’s worth remembering rude refusals as well. They can also come in handy in cases where a man is too annoying and does not accept your soft “no”.
Softly and politely
It is worth starting with a polite refusal that will not offend the young man. Use the following phrase options for correspondence and personal meetings in order to refuse carefully and competently:
- I had time to think. I see that you are not ready for a serious relationship with me. We are completely different. I only want a serious relationship.
- I'm not in the mood to communicate with the opposite sex right now. Sorry. I'll write it myself if I'm ready.
- Sorry, but I need privacy now, I need to be in the company of myself.
- My interests and needs are constantly evolving and changing. But I don’t notice the same about you, your values remain unchanged. Therefore, we cannot develop together, we cannot be a couple. You should look for a more suitable girl.
- I need a man who will be tolerant of my tantrums and mood swings. Therefore, keep your distance from me, take care of your nervous system.
The main thing is to pronounce phrases clearly and with confidence. The guy should not take them for a joke and then continue his obsessive advances. And a second attempt will produce no more effect than the first. Therefore, try to convey the meaning and seriousness of what was said right away.
Rough and tough
If a guy is thoroughly overwhelmed by his stupid messages, you can send him off beautifully, but impudently. To do this, use sufficiently rude phrases, but do not become personal or insulting.
- “I’m ready to run to the ends of the earth for you!” - Run and don’t come back!
- Shouldn't you go to X, Y and the 11th letter of the alphabet?
- - I would give myself to you. – I’m not used to cheap gifts.
- - You look good. What are you doing for this? - Completely the opposite of what you do.
- I guess I'll go. I want to be far away from here.
How to refuse a friend or acquaintance
If you can’t stand on ceremony with strangers, then when refusing a friend, you need to weigh every word. His sympathy is much deeper and is based not only on your external attractiveness, so rejection can hurt him more. Be prepared for the fact that after such a delicate situation he decides to stop communicating with you. In this case, you will have to respect his decision and step aside.
If a guy asks you to start dating, it's best to say that your heart is occupied by another man. Such an answer, as a rule, does not raise questions and leaves no chance for false hope.
You can thank the person and say that you are very pleased with his attention. Still, someone else's sympathy, even non-reciprocal, greatly raises self-esteem.
You should not point out to the applicant for your sympathy his shortcomings, weaknesses, or flaws in behavior. By doing this you will humiliate him and cause mental trauma. And especially gifted comrades may begin to argue, prove and try to adapt to your tastes.
Remember that pity is disrespect for a person, so do not try to console or cheer up your friend. Give him the opportunity to get out of this awkward situation gracefully. It’s best to laugh it off and move the conversation in a neutral direction.
Knowing the characteristics of a person, you can choose the best strategy for refusal.
- Romantic young man
If a dreamy and sensitive guy decides to ask you out on a date, be sure that his feelings are serious. He probably dreamed about you before and couldn’t make up his mind for a long time. Be delicate, polite and cultured with him. Use one of the following phrases if you can’t think of one yourself.
- “I’m very flattered by your proposal, but I’m already in love with someone else.”
- “I love you as a friend, but nothing more can happen between us.”
- “This is very unexpected... But, unfortunately, I cannot reciprocate your feelings, I already have a boyfriend.”
Provided that you refuse gently and the guy’s sympathy for you has not yet turned into a serious feeling, you have a chance to maintain your friendship and continue to communicate as if nothing had happened.
- Womanizer
It's easiest to turn off a womanizer. They make proposals to girls on a regular basis, so it’s difficult to offend them with a refusal. You can limit yourself to a laconic “no,” but if he asks for an explanation, you can laugh it off as follows.
- “Thank you for the offer, but I have to refuse. I don’t want to be another trophy in your collection.”
- “Are you offering this to all your friends? How sweet, at least I’m not last on the list?”
Womanizers are cheerful and easy-going guys, so he is unlikely to be offended by you.
- Clumsy stuck
There is a category of men who are not stopped by the second, tenth, or fiftieth refusal. Obsession is their second nature. Such types can seriously spoil the mood, so you need to refuse them firmly and categorically. Don’t be afraid of ruining your relationship; sooner or later he’ll get you so bad that you’ll have to give up your friendship.
To the verbal refusal it is worth adding complete ignorance and avoidance of the sticky man. This way he will quickly come unstuck from you and stick to someone else.
And even if this does not help, you will have to use heavy artillery. Ask a large and muscular acquaintance to portray your boyfriend in front of an obsessive gentleman. You can even arrange a serious man-to-man conversation with them face to face.
For more ways to refuse, watch this video.
What to do if he doesn't take no for an answer
A polite “no” is suitable if the young man is quite adequate and is able to understand that his persistence will not bring the desired result. But how can a girl refuse to date a guy who is not affected by any admonitions?
One of the effective methods in such a situation is the opposite method. It's obvious that he doesn't want to take no for an answer because in his mind you're the perfect creature. So disappoint him, show him the “other side of the moon”, demonstrate your exaggerated negative qualities. You can start with the least “evils”, for example, such as talkativeness and silence.
Guys don't like overly talkative girls. They bore them with endless empty chatter and seem stupid. Discuss with him new trends in cosmetology, nail design ideas, hair care products, the latest clothing collections of famous couturiers - everything that you usually chat about with your girlfriend. Don't let him get a word in edgewise. Don't shut up for a minute. A few days of such attacks, and he will certainly begin to doubt the correctness of his choice.
The game of silence is familiar to everyone from childhood. Completely ignoring him can cause irritation, anger and even aggression. Therefore, citing fatigue, poor health or a bad mood, tell him that you cannot maintain a dialogue. Answer questions sparingly, with standard “yes”, “no”, “I don’t know”. If you act purposefully and methodically, then your eternally dissatisfied face and lack of desire to maintain communication will soon do their job, and he will retreat.
Cheeky, boorish behavior and a scandalous character will help destroy the ideal image of a passion in his imagination. Order yourself a couple of glasses of beer in a cafe and tell everyone present a vulgar joke. Greet his friends with pushes on the shoulder, laugh loudly at stupid jokes. If he feels embarrassed in front of his friends and acquaintances for your behavior, he will cool down faster.
Another role that you can try on is the position of a caring mother. Be interested in what exactly he ate, how many times, whether he put on warm socks and a hat, or tied a scarf. Continue tirelessly to fulfill your task in the company of mutual acquaintances. No laughter, smirks or winks. In all seriousness. Don't be shy about comical situations. Your overprotectiveness will definitely irritate him.
If these methods turn out to be ineffective, heavy artillery can be used. From meeting to meeting, start a conversation about his material wealth. Emphasize your commercialism. Belittle his achievements. If an apartment is available, you can express dissatisfaction with its size, layout, location. Tell him about your high demands on a man’s income, your desire to wear jewelry, natural fur coats, and relax at star resorts. Criticize his character, behavior, actions. Harass with nagging, be annoying. In general, do everything that you shouldn’t do if you were afraid of losing him.
Trying to evoke his negativity, do not go too far. Imaginary humiliation by refusal, the inability to achieve one’s goal can provoke aggressive behavior of the gentleman. In such a situation, he needs to be informed that any rudeness on his part will lead to you contacting the police.
If, after an explanation in which you openly told him that you do not want to date, he still continues to pursue you, tell your mutual friends that you do not have any feelings for him. Such news will definitely be conveyed to him. Perhaps in this case he will take them seriously.
There is another way to turn a guy off - become his matchmaker, find him another girl. At a party, ask him to escort home his friend, who is not averse to meeting him. Perhaps, in the end, they will both be grateful to you for the role you play in their destinies.
How to refuse intimacy from a guy
Every girl should be able to beautifully and gracefully deny men access to her body. Sex with you should be the prerogative of a man who loves and loves you; you should not waste your time on casual relationships.
If a man directly and unequivocally persuades you to have an intimate relationship, think about whether you have gone too far with flirting. In the future, be more restrained in communicating with him, but for now refuse in a polite and gentle manner, apologize if you gave him a reason to think that his desire is mutual. But only if there really were signals of this kind on your part.
If a married man pesters you with obscene proposals, your “no” should be categorical and laconic. Under no circumstances should you lecture him, appeal to morality, or smile sarcastically. When refusing, there is no need to mention your wife and children, this can provoke aggression.
Tactfulness i
For most men, a woman’s refusal is a severe blow to their pride. Not everyone is ready to adequately accept the situation. Sympathy can give way to anger. It is for this reason that it is important to discuss the relationship as early as possible in order to have time to settle everything peacefully. Tactfully refusing a man is not as easy as it might seem at first glance.
Be patient. Start the conversation carefully and calmly. Don't start a long emotional monologue. Look at the man's reaction. Let him speak, answer any questions politely, but without a hint of flirting.
How to refuse a man so that he wants it even more
At the initial stage of a relationship, many girls want to postpone sex and do the right thing. A man is a hunter by nature, and the more effort he spends on conquering his “prey,” the more value it will acquire in his eyes.
But how can you refuse intimacy to a guy without offending him or discouraging him from continuing his relationship with you? Here you need to act very cunningly and subtly.
It's rare that a guy invites his new lover to make love directly. Usually this is veiled and ambiguous. He may invite you to visit after a walk, for example, with a hint of a pleasant time in bed.
If you are not ready for this yet, it is better to refuse, even if you are terribly interested in seeing how the guy lives. Refer to important matters, an unfed kitten, pain in the leg, etc.
The most elegant way to refuse an invitation to visit is to say that you already have too many impressions for today, and you are afraid to completely lose your head. If there were kisses and caresses before this, your words will greatly warm up the man.
The main rule is to refuse only what is offered to you. If a guy invites you to his home, there is no need to squeal that you are “not like that” and don’t have sex on first dates. He will naturally say that he didn’t think of anything like that, and he will also jokingly notice how preoccupied you are and think about only one thing.
And remember - a man must see your sympathy and passion and understand that you are refusing because you don’t know him well and are not yet sure of him. He should not get the impression that you are a frostbitten, frigid herring who is only interested in someone else's wallet. Take care of this, and then success is guaranteed to you.
Gross mistakes of girls
Anyone can make a mistake. But when telling a guy off, a girl should remember that at this moment she is in the role of a sapper, defusing a mine. At the very least, we do not recommend making the following mistakes:
- be openly rude;
- say one thing and do another;
- Don't throw water in the conversation.
He treats you with all his heart, and you are rude? An offended man is dangerous. At best, revenge will be in the form of gossip behind your back. So that the young man is not offended, send him away with compliments.
If a guy hears you say, “We can only be friends,” while you playfully wink at him, your words will not be taken seriously. And the search for the right beautiful phrase to send him off can last forever for you. Be consistent in your words and actions.
“Loneliness inspires me. I can be absolutely free. This fuels and inspires me! To be independent from anyone - I adhere to this life principle. This is my way. I will continue on this road." You shouldn’t “pull the cat by the tail” when trying to get out of an awkward situation. Speak to the point.
You're glad that you're in demand. Thank the guy in the same way. Boost his self-esteem the same way he raised yours when he showed you attention or affection.
For fans of virtual: do not answer or formulate answers briefly
If most of your dating takes place online, then it may be more difficult for you to get rid of an obsessive admirer. Internet users have no idea who you are and tend to meet as many people as possible. Therefore, unless a potential partner wrote something personal based on studying your profile, you can safely ignore him. By even responding to someone you know you don't like, you're again giving false hope and dragging yourself into a conversation that will only waste your time.
If you still want to respond so as not to seem rude, then online dating experts (there are some!) advise wording the phrases as follows:
