A love triangle is a common story and a good plot for melodrama. Women are divided into two camps – conventionally “wives” and “mistresses”. Wives are angry at the insidious homewreckers; they believe that if all women were decent, then the problem of infidelity would not exist.
Photo by Ylanite Koppens: Pexels
Mistresses are stigmatized and condemned, as one character in the famous TV series “Brigade” said: “Women who sleep with other people’s men have problems with their ovaries.” In the wives’ camp, everyone is “good”, homely and faithful, they are even credited with the archetype of Eve - the keeper of the hearth, giving birth to offspring and helping her husband.
The second camp – lovers – is more diverse. Someone condemns wives who “cut down” their poor husbands, neglected themselves, and in general if it weren’t for children, cats and ficus trees... Someone is afraid of the wives’ camp, but guiltily admits that there is no escape from love, c’est la vie.
Many explain the presence of triangles by simple statistics, they say, there are fewer men, and even more good ones, so what now, why bother?
And there is no right or wrong here, each of the beautiful women is happy in her own way and suffers in her own way. And in triangles there are many different processes.
In this article:
The habit of spying on others A skillful ladies' man Your fears Competition and self-esteem
Why does a married man seem more attractive?
If we analyze what exactly attracts a woman to a married man, we can identify several reasons:
- He knows how to build relationships. If he has made his choice, then it means that the man is capable of making a decision and is ready to take responsibility for the family. Agree, this is a very attractive feature.
- Another woman considered him a suitable match, which means he has certain merits . That is, the choice made by another woman also influences the opinion of the one who is interested in this “married man.”
- Commitment to caring . This factor most often manifests itself among young girls, who see a wise and caring father in a married man. This is especially true for those girls who felt a lack of parental love and affection.
- Lack of emotions is another reason for this phenomenon. In monotonous and monotonous everyday life, you want to make an emotional splash, and an affair with a married man promises a lot of excitement associated with forbidden meetings and fears. In a word - the desire for fatal passions.
- A married man, thanks to the efforts of a good wife, looks well-groomed and attractive. This is how the image of a handsome prince on a white horse is created, which attracts women's attention.
- The idea that all the “good” men have already been dealt with. Thinking this way, a woman stops believing that she will be lucky to meet a worthy single man, and therefore looks for a partner among those who have already been in a relationship.
The foreign and inaccessible often seems tempting
Stereotypes2
But common sense will work. The friends she talks about will remind her, “He’s married.” Concerned family members will ask, “Is he still with his wife?” When she begins to come out of the dreamy state he has placed her in, she will go in one of two directions. For many women, it's out the door. For others, the game continues - based on these widely held opinions:
- When a man is "out," he's probably not happy at home.
- The divorce rate is about 50 percent. Marriages end and men remarry.
- The infidelity rate is somewhere around 50 percent for men. Maybe lifelong monogamy isn't the best plan.
For some women who are unattached but may be willing to commit to men, these known facts are enough to make the dream of withdrawal a reality, even if it means taking more and more minor emotional risks.
If such women are very lucky, they will learn more about the behavioral statistics of men who cheat before they decide to deepen their emotional risk.
- The vast majority of men report that the reason they cheated was primarily sex.
- Only a small minority of men who stray fall in love with their partners.
- Most men who cheat report that they do so with multiple partners over many years.
At the same time, women who are deceived report that they do it because they are in love.
Why does a woman want a married man?
Of course, not all married men are wanted by women. This interest requires several conditions:
- His partner must have an attractive appearance. Women are designed in such a way that they evaluate the appearance of their potential rivals much more closely. The beauty of a competitor is more important to them than the appearance of the man himself. Perhaps the desire to “punish” a more beautiful and successful rival is triggered subconsciously. Be that as it may, the fact is this: the prettier a man’s partner is, the more people want to attract his attention. And vice versa, an unattractive woman has much fewer rivals, and her man is not an object of close interest to her competitors.
- The relationship in which a man lives should not be too stable and formalized. A woman is very oriented towards other people’s opinions and it is important to her that other women have confirmed that this particular man is worthy of attention. And at the same time, it is no less important to understand that his choice of a companion is not yet final.
Practice shows that the greatest interest is generated by a guy who simply has a girlfriend, and their relationship is not formalized. The more he is in love with his girlfriend, the less female attention he attracts. And the least likely to attract female interest is an officially married man, especially if he has a wedding ring on his finger.
- Usually attraction to an unfree man is a fantasy . A woman just likes to imagine him as her partner, but in most cases she does not take any steps to win him. The exceptions are predominantly exalted, emotionally unbalanced individuals.
- The more male attention a woman has experienced, the more partners she has been in relationships with, the less able to attract her attention is an unfree man who has already made his choice. This is explained by the independence and confidence of an experienced woman.
- A woman experiences financial difficulties and tries to solve them at the expense of a wealthy man, who, as a rule, have been unfree for a long time.
Skillful ladies' man
A married man knows what a woman needs. A free man may not be so guessing and pleasing. It is more difficult for him to understand your desires, your preferences. It’s more difficult for him not even at the dating stage. Firstly, because he is “hungry” for female communication, attention, and maybe for relationships, love and care. This makes men worry, speak out of place and can do stupid things and rush.
Secondly, it may be due to lack of experience. Perhaps he has been single for a long time, or he has had few relationships and is still young. For him, you are a creature from another planet. Much needs to be explained and told. And he doesn’t know how to choose words so accurately and beautifully.
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A married man interacts with a woman every day. He already knows his pros and cons at the stage of acquaintance, at the stage of rapprochement. If he has lived with his wife for a sufficient number of years, he has a well-developed sense of appropriateness and instinct. He feels the moment well - when to give a compliment, and when to hug, when to take your hand, and when to close the distance. He knows more than the banal set of compliments.
He taught his woman the art of caring, being close, building a shared space. He knows how to be good for a woman, how to surprise her. Married people sometimes know how to give inexpensive, but very memorable gifts. This is because he has a lot of experience. And also, he is not particularly hungry in every sense and therefore is careful about your boundaries, does not rush too much, is quite patient and gallant.
What kind of women are attracted to married men?
Most often, women who are interested in already married men belong to the following types:
- A woman is a hunter who sets herself the goal of either getting a successful partner and, accordingly, all the components of his success.
- A woman-sufferer , subconsciously repeating one bad experience after another.
- The butterfly woman is carefree, fluttering through life, not wanting to burden herself with obligations, for whom such non-binding meetings are the most acceptable.
- A homewrecker woman who, simply by virtue of her character, seeks to conquer an unfree man. This is a kind of sporting interest and increasing one’s self-esteem.
“Good males are taken apart as puppies”i
Yes, there is such a saying and there is a considerable amount of truth in it. In fact, charismatic, charming, handsome and interesting men are identified in their early youth. How does this work? Very simple. The handsome ones, the lucky ones and the darlings of fate are forgiven a lot, they can do anything. Who doesn’t know that girls only give them their first kisses, only go on their first dates with them, and only they have the right to the first night.
And after the first night there are second, third... and then the guy has nowhere to go. As a rule, a pregnant girl is simply obliged to preserve the father of the future child. In fact, she doesn't mind. And the handsome guy simply has no choice.
This is one of the options. In most cases, the handsome guy himself does not understand how he ends up ringed. But his charisma, charm, beauty, wit - they have not gone away. And they attract not only the wife, but also other connoisseurs of beauty.
What to do if a woman likes a married man?
Psychologists cannot give a definite answer to this question. After all, just as the truth is true that you cannot build your happiness on someone else’s misfortune, so it is undeniable that if this is fate, then it will overtake you in any case.
- Be that as it may, if you nevertheless decide to take radical action, taking a man away from the family, be mentally prepared for the fact that a similar situation may happen to you. Here, both the karmic program and the moral character of the man himself can work, who at any moment is capable of repeating the once-perfect step of breaking with his family.
- In addition, psychologists advise in this case to analyze what exactly attracts you to this man. Perhaps the problem is that he has the qualities that your partner lacks? And then you could not get involved in a new, most often unpromising relationship, but talk to your boyfriend, telling him what you expect from him. You can try going together to see a family psychologist and solve the problem together.
Analyze your attraction to an unfree man
- If a single woman feels sympathy for a married man, then she should pay attention to those unemployed representatives of the stronger sex who are in her environment. Perhaps, upon closer acquaintance, they will turn out to be no worse than a handsome married prince.
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- Why can't we end failed, unnecessary relationships?
Competition and self-esteem
Another motive is to fuel self-esteem. After all, “even a married man could not resist.” Such women do not feel victory if it comes easy. Everything must be won with a fight, there is a lot of pleasure in this war. If you manage to defeat your opponent, you will be able to love yourself, accept yourself and consider yourself worthy of the best. But a free man is not interesting. It doesn't say enough about how incredible and special you are.
But this path ultimately leads to emptiness and pain. Firstly, you lose friendships in the female world, which is warm and accepting, not masculine. Secondly, your self-esteem rests on too fragile a foundation. And love for war does not give happiness. War is always destruction, pain and loss. You can learn to love yourself in a safer way.
Changes for the good
A woman needs to change so that single men who are ready for a serious relationship will be attracted to her. You should think about your style of behavior and manner of communication with the opposite sex in order to stop attracting married people.
If it is difficult to understand what is the reason for such attraction, then you should ask the man what exactly attracted him, why he paid attention to the lady. It is quite possible that the truth will open your eyes to your shortcomings and force you to change. Well, soon a bachelor will finally appear on the horizon, who will be independent and wealthy, and most importantly, single!
Understanding female psychology
Since married men have already had quite a lot of experience in their personal lives, moreover, their family life has gone through deep depressions that forced men to become masters of female psychology, they understand what women want and need. Therefore, it is dangerous to talk to a married man when he intends to “set up a network.” It can be difficult not to fall in love.
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Why did people rejoice in the old days when the sun came out on Forgiveness Sunday?
Not only words, polite gestures, gallantry or small signs of attention, but also the peculiarities of the female psyche are something that young guys often do not understand. With mature men everything is different.
Male despair
A woman instantly shows with all her appearance that she needs a permanent relationship and is looking for a man. She dresses beautifully, takes good care of herself, smiles and flirts with pleasure. As a result, a married man who is looking for a one-night love affair will immediately approach such a person. He understands perfectly well that a girl doesn’t mind meeting and having a good time with the opposite sex, but then she becomes uncomfortable when the man quickly gets dressed after sex and hurries to retreat to his legal wife.
It is also worth thinking about your own complexes. If a girl has low self-esteem, then this is immediately noticeable. Men immediately understand that such a lady can easily be dragged into bed for one night, and then even humiliated and elevated in her own eyes.
Am I the cutest in the world?4
Yes, there is no escape from this, but women cannot do without proving to everyone (and themselves first of all) that they are the most beautiful, the sexiest, the smartest, the most fatal, the most, the most, the most... And how is this prove? Only with the help of a man. Especially a married man. I was able to take my husband away from his wife - you are super! Oh, no need to talk about conscience! In the end, the wife herself is to blame. But because there was no point in walking around the house in a robe and without a hairstyle from Zverev! I couldn’t take her away... But, at least for the night!
And the man... well, yes, indeed, why is he in a robe? This one, what a sweetie!
Psychology of attraction for married people
You should always remember that like attracts like. The Universe always guarantees this; this statement cannot be changed. A person strives to reliably hide all negative qualities and not show it to strangers, but they still remain noticeable to others. You shouldn’t deceive yourself, because everything in the Universe returns not even through the person himself, but through other people. If a woman is selfish and mercilessly hurts the opposite sex, then soon it will come back to her like a boomerang.
If a woman is a mercantile creature and thinks only about money, then soon a tight-fisted and greedy man will appear next to her, who will force her to count every penny. If she is ready at any moment to sacrifice herself for the sake of others, then she will soon find her executioner, sadist and domestic tyrant.
It’s easier and easier to communicate with a married person6
An unmarried woman and a single man (especially if they are both already aged) are usually positioned as a potential bride and groom. Well, imagine - at a party of thirty-year-old friends, there are three married couples and one girl. And then suddenly (oh, happiness!) a guy wanders in who is not married. It is clear that the lonely girl and this guy will now only be looked at as a potential couple. Every glance of a guy towards a girl will be examined almost under a magnifying glass, every turn of his head is the same story. Needless to say, how difficult it will be for these two to establish at least some kind of communication.
But if a married guy came in, there won’t be any difficulties. And communication can develop very quickly. And the tightest.
Here are just a few reasons that show why women love married men.
The main rule of a woman
All women should know the basic rule that a man cannot be changed! Naturally, he may enjoy spending time with his mistress, he feels young and happy, and is aware of his own attractiveness. However, he will never leave his girlfriend or legal wife.
In the case when a man says that he wants to leave his wife, but cannot yet do this, he finds many excuses, then he will not do this. In this case, the mistress should leave and not waste time.
Naturally, if a permanent girlfriend or wife does not satisfy a man too much in bed, then he will begin to look elsewhere. However, if he tells his mistress that he does not sleep with his wife at all, then this does not mean the truth. You should not blindly trust a cheater, because his behavior speaks for itself.
Everyone usually looks for mistresses according to a certain standard. This should be a gentle girl who is always ready for sex, pretty and cheerful, with whom it is very easy to communicate, she helps to take your mind off problems. While the wife constantly drinks alcohol and does not take care of herself and the house, the man does not have sex with her. Everything is bad, he is so unhappy, even if she has five children in her arms. However, any girl should put herself in her wife’s place and leave the cheater as quickly as possible. Even if a man leaves his legal wife and goes to his mistress, then after a while he can betray her in the same way.
2. The “good ones have already been taken apart” syndrome
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Admit it, have you ever said that yourself? It is customary for us to “pick up” promising suitors as early as possible.
As the famous actress and TV presenter Larisa Guzeeva said, “Good men are taken apart as puppies.”
From here the conclusion seems to suggest itself: if you want to get a good man, look for someone who has already been “tested”, grab him and beat him off!
What are the prospects for such a relationship? As a rule, nothing good comes out of this. In addition to ugly "woman's" showdowns with his wife and petty revenge on a cowardly lover. Men, with some sixth sense, understand that they are being beaten off not because of unearthly love, but out of self-interest, and they quickly backtrack.
